Field Kit Inspection: Cleaning House p2 Edition

YOH WHAT JOB I HAVE. WHAT IS ORDERS. WHERE BOSS IS. TELL.

Never mind him, my arm's fucked

I'm also a medicae if you'd rather have me doctor you

>She flashes the solar a warm smile.
I'll have one of the churigeons deal with it, alright?

The fuck is a churigeon?

>a giant cerimite being enters the bridge. his left pauldren holding a black sword dipped in read on a white apothecaries rank signifier. and on his right a stylized black =][= on a blood red power armour. his voice thunders from his helms vox caster

WHERE IS THE COMMANDING OFFICER?

"it another word for "healer". A professional doctor.

>A "creature" bursts through the door
SCREEEECH
>Places down two wounded crewmen
>Vomits another, he's a gibbering wreck
SCREEECH

Hey, what a shame, looks like you're gonna be too busy for that checkup. Maybe next time? Better yet, maybe never?

>he points to the bridge
He went thataway, big fella.

Rolled 48 (1d100)

>he's tired, but not about to let a poor little machine spirit go unserviced, and so carefully disassembles the weapon to service it
Hello there little one, oh there there.. it's okay now.. did something happen in the battle? ...that's alright, against those horrible things it's okay to make mistakes or get scared.. you didn't? You're such a brave little spirit, I'll bet you can you tell me where the problem is..
>Repair roll, with time and tools, 40+

I don't have any orders for you, er.. large one. The commissar should be on the bridge I believe, he's the leader for the regiment.

Rho, you're probably a better Hospitaller than this useless fuck. Tell me about cybernetic implants will you?

thank you guardsman

>the armoured being marches towards where the commander supposedly was.

[I wonder what I did to get this assignment]

> his black robes shimer in the artificial light
THE BRIDGE WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AND WHY ARE THE DEATHWATCH HERE

BRIDGE NO BRIDGE. BRIDGE GOES ON PLANET NOT SHIP. NO RIVER NO BRIDGE. WHERE IS BRIDGE. DONT LIE TO ME STUPID. I COUNT TO 3 THINS IN 3 SECONDRES.

Honestly, there's nothin' wrong with me. This Emprah-damned succubus just wants to molest me, is all.

No trouble, my man.

Say, that guy was awful tall for a guardsman.

Rolled 97 (1d100)

>She would grab the kan by his mask. Nd would pull him, into her office.

That's fine. This shouldn't take TOO long...
>Rolling for how through her examination of him is.

I am here for a assignment that you do not need to know of, mind your own emperor damned bussnes

and I am naturaly loud

>he immediately assumes the foetal position, clinging onto his clothes for dear life

EMPRAH WHERE IS EMPRAH. EMPOR TOLD ME BE HERE AND I AM WHERE IS A BRIDGE BRIDGES GO ON RIVERS NO RIVERS ONLY METAL SHOP

Hmm, gun should be alright now. Tell me if it malfunctions again.
As for cybernetics..
>Rho flexes his own mechanical hand
There's a few options available on board, nothing spectacular but superior to the flesh in any event. You may want to speak to a Magos about the procedure, I'm no Genetor though I believe Magos Gelt may have had some training in that.
You er, may want to get that looked at first, cybernetics can be installed later.

The bridge is.. ah.. the room where the ship is steered. I'm not sure why it's called the same as a means of crossing a river actually. It should be along the corridor and- well you can try asking someone at the end where to go next.
Oh, but I think that heavily armoured person in red is going to see the commissar as well.
>Rho blinks a few times, wait. That isn't carapace armor. Is that a fucking Astartes?

SCREEECH
>Gives a map

>By the time she is finally done with him. He would be a broken. Shaken mess.
>She had stuck things into places, he didn't know could have things inserted into.
>Once she was done with him. She would wipe her forehead of sweat, and would let him go on his way. A comically large lolipop in hand.

See? That's wasn't so hard. Now was it?

What are you doing here?

I'm in the right mind to kill that fucking Hospitaller. In fact...
>I'd make my way to her office, putting my aim of my Volkite charger to her head
You wanna explain why you're so fucked up, lady?

THIS MAP OF SHIP NO BRIDGE ON SHIP BRIDGE GOES ON RIVER WHY SO LOUD YOU ARE SLIMY GO AWAY WORDS ON MAP TOO SMALL

A arch traitor? I seek this regiments commander.

but what are you doing here?
>I grip my boltpistol

anything...hetetical?

>The moment he leveled a gun to her. Was the moment her churigeons chainsaw would activated.

I'm doing my damn job in here! What in the Emperor's name are you doing!?

>he lies quaking on the floor
Y-Yes... i-it... w-was...

Rolled 8 (1d20)

Killing you
>I'd blast my Volkite Charger into her head

In sorry I have no idea what your taking about. Id offer to duel you but if you have a task from father go ahead ill be sharpening the sword ferrus gave me

Rolled 56 (1d100)

SCREEECH
>Tries to restrain program
>50+

>Matthias... Utterly exhausted from the fighting, and the cleaning. Would be writing down casualty figures at this point in time.

Rolled 22, 52 = 74 (2d100)

>stopping my march, I run full sprint to the tortured guardsmen

WHERE ARE THE HERETICS, WHO TORTURED THIS MAN?

>I drag him away from the gun fight
[rolling for diagnostics and ideas on how to help him]

Ordos redactor means I can do about anything but I'm particularly good at genetor

Rolled 54 (1d100)

>Breaking out of the Spawns restraint
>50+ although my rolls will be shit

THAT STUPID YOU CHANGE NAME NOW. CHANGE NAME OF BRIDGE MAKE BRODGE TO AVID CONFUSION. I FOLLOW RED MANLET NOW BYE BYE ROBOT MAN

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>I'd re-send my aim towards the head of the Hospitaller
>I'd pump a shot into her head
>At point blank I dunno how I'd miss but my rolls are very bad today

Emperor damn it, they're in vents again! Damn Primarchs! Shoo! Shoo!
>Rho shoos away the Primarchs into the vents
Damned canon characters.. they'll infest the whole place if you're not careful.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>The young sister of battle, though just a hospitaller. Would still BE a sister of battle.
>As such, the moment the shot had been fired, she would have fucked under it, before swinging her chainsaw into the man's gut.

FOR THE EMPEROR!

SCREEECH
>Tries again
[maybe we should do with the one with higher roll to win]

Rolled 49 (1d100)

>50+

Please stop beating me with a broom

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>I'd fire my flechette blaster into her head in a last ditch attempt as I got shot in my shoulder

>the apocathery is unsure what horrible cultist tortured the guardsmen, but he removes the horrid devices and applys pain killers.

Rest guardsmen, do not meet the emperor yet

>an LED on his rebreather lights up, and the hiss of a stim canister emptying itself can be heard
>seconds later, he's on his feet
Whew, I owe you one there ma- oh shit, you're an Astartes.

Ya missed! One job, and ya fuckin' missed! Emprah's teeth, will someone rid us of this damned wench?

YOU MAN TAKE ME TO COMMISAR MAN
I TOLD WAS THAT YOU GO TO HIM TAKE ME TO SEE HIM WHERE IS?

...

>Rho jumps, not realising the Magos in question was nearby, terror adrenaline waking him up once more
Oh! M-magos! I didn't notice you there! I'm sorr- it's just the attack and everything. I'm a little out of sorts.

No.

Why are you beating a primarch with a broom?
And please relax you are very talented where I'm from you'd probably be almost if not already a magos

Rolled 93 (1d100)

yes I am an astartes. I am also a doctor, now stay still.

o wait, I have a patient to tend to.

[for how well I can fix your pykeo damage]

Haha, what a shot- I mean, oh no, how dare you assault a most holy agent of the Emperor. I'd come to her aid, if not for the fact that I can barely fuckin' walk after the probing she gave me.

Considering the number of times I've made a few.. slightly spectacular failures... while I appreciate the compliment, very much so I think I may still need more experience.
>what's that? There's a Magos on board who's younger than Rho? Stop being sensible and pointing out discrepancies

Also he's a canon character. Really shouldn't be here, maybe we can fumigate while at Praetoria. There might be an infestation of them.

finishing up my work, I manage to fix most of the damage but he will forever fear the femail doctor

are you alright?

Shit-uh hello there guys. Reporting for booty-ay-uh I mean duty
>Bob would be equipped with a standard lasgun, it appears he was recently inducted into the regiment

>The techpriest stumbles out from his quarters, making some last minute adjustments to his replacement eye, wincing every time he makes an adjustment
I swear if we're not steering this thing towards a planet that's nothing but warm sunny beaches I'm gonna be so pissed.

I saw horus the other day.....
Hmmm
I need to sleep on it good night "friend"

Hey uh Techpriest, your name tag is spelled wrong. You should prolly' fix that

Swear I saw Lucius the Eternal round here earlier. Damn things get everywhere, we need to stop leaving food scraps and lore out...

Eh, I can probably walk now, m'lord. Still, uh, might need some a' that morphine for, ya know... pain relief. Yeah.

Damn, ya shoulda showed up ten minutes ago, ya missed all the fun! 'Cept it wasn't fun. It was nightmarish.

Did I get it?

Does anyone have any Amasec? I'd appreciate a drink

It's uh, "priest" not "preist"
You'd think cog-boys would have gone to school

AMASEC NO WHERE IS BRIDGE NEED TO FIND COMMISAR EMPEROR ORDERS

>"friend"
>what did he mean by this
>+10 scared
Er, yes honourable Magos. Good bye.

>with that, Rho returns to his workbench
>maybe close his eyes for a second, just let his implants defragment for a bi-
>oh great he snores in his sleep

No amasec, but I have about 3 pots full of recaf, I can cut it with some, uh
>The tech priest looks through the many bottles in his toolbelt
Motor oil I guess.

>he passes him a pain relief drug and helps him to his feet

that's astartes grade, don't take it all at once.

>he wanders off to find the commissar

night guys, see you tomorrow

TAKE WITH YOU ME

Oh. Uh, thanks
Find a set of stairs and keep going up. When you find the room with lots of computers and people with big hats, you're in the bridge.

Motor oil? You tryin' to be funny Cog-boy? All I want is a fucking drink

YES OK HAT PEOPLE I GO BYE BYE WHITE MAN

Get on with the times, trooper, this is the guard. You ain't likely to see any amasec until we are on leave and well.
Good luck with that.

Alright big guy, good luck
What do you mean, motor oil is a drink
>the tech priest takes a sip from the bottle

Jesus christ, you're making it out to be hell. We are on a ship, not Vraks

How did you guess our destination trooper? My, you're a smart one.

Trying to be funny is that it?

Also now that I think about it, who the heck is this Jace Christ dude?

>he's already ingested the whole thing
Don't take it all at what?

You've got to be shitting me. I ain't going there, that place is full of Kriegers! Creepy bastards, the lot a' them.

Just once, can we go somewhere nice?

Chill, men, we ain't going to Vraks. I was trying to lighten up this grim fellow Shame he ain't a fun guy to be around...
>the corporal draws her flamer and carefully uses it to light up a lho
Between me and you, I have no idea where we are going right now, but i hope it has tanks.

You know, I don't have any reasons to be fuckin' happy. I got conscripted into the meatgrinder.

heyo you two! I come back from dinner, and get to see you two here!
If you haven't joined the discord channels I really do suggest you guys do. It'll save a lot of trouble down the road, being able to more easily communicate with eachother!
discord.gg/Qeazy

Ah-ah-ah, watch out fellow, i've seen commissars blow up heads for way less than that. "sowing discontent breeds dissension, and dissension is heresy" and all that.

I hope it has a beach

>The Corporal would feel a hand upon her shoulder.
>If she turned around to see whom it was. She would find it to be her favourite person. Commissar Senpai!

There will not be any smoking while you're on duty, Corporal. Am I understood?

CORPORAL VAN KLEEEEZ! FRINT AND CENTER!

>I'd grumble to myself, cursing under my breath
Well, for my conscription card and for reference purposes, I'm damn happy to die in the name of the emperor
I'd grumble again to myself, about how I'm just another pawn

>I'd grumble again to myself, about how I'm just another pawn*

Just smoke your lho sticks and keep it to yerself.

...pawn. Eh. That wasn't that bad of a-
>she spits her lho and burns it down mid-air with a burst of flames
Yes sir, commissar, sir!

...I'm all outta my Iho sticks pal

Suck on the exhaust ports. Trust me, its good.

>Seeing the Commissar approaching I'd spit out my toothpick, straightening myself up for him approaching