Field Kit Inspection: Praetorian Peaks Edition

Feet straight and eyes front, Men!

Men, as you are all very well aware of. Yesterday, there was an incident on deck 7, which wiped out half of deck 7, a and killed nearly two-thousand crew members. Our Tech-Priests, have ever since then, been working tirelessly, to repair what damage they can. But it seems we may be stranded out here unti-...

...Hold on a moment, Lads. The bridge is calling me.

... Uh-huh... Mhm... Yes, that is quite bad, now isn't it... Very well. I'll tell them immediately!

*AHEM!* Well, good news everyone. I was about to say, that due to lack of power, we were stranded in the middle of nowhere. But it seems that's not the case, and I won't have to tell you all to begin choosing who you're going to eat first when the food eventually runs out!

Instead, it seems that an Imperial battlefleet has begun towing us, towards a planet known as "Praetoria"

So! While we await our rescuers to board and check us over. I suggest that we keep ourselves busy, with a suprise Field Kit Inspection! So present arms and equipment, for inspection!

>Welcome to '''Field Kit Inspection!', home of the 'Unknown Regiment". Feel free to join in! Remember though, we tend to use spoilers for OOC chat, while greentexts for are used for describing a character's actions. D20s are for combat checks and d100s for other things you wish to roll, with higher being better.

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m.youtube.com/watch?v=lXhU9zacjzw
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>There would be a rather horrified look, to the young Captain's face, at the mentioning of the word "Praetoria"...

C-Commissar. D-did you just say... Praetoria?

*presenting what is obviously a fake plasma shotgun*
TECHHIE GAME ME SO CAN I KILL RATLING WHERE ON PREY TORI AH IS THE RATLING EMPRA TOLD ME GLAND

>My uniform would be exemplary, you would be able to see your own reflection on my boots
>My buttons, perfect, all in place.
>My rifle would be in excellent condition, no jams would ever grace this baby
>My frag grenades would be in the right place, along with the rest of my equipment
>I'd hold my back up straight. I looked more muscular, as if I had recently worked out. My eyes were as sharp as my bayonet which I recently honed.

Private Adrian Uylesses here!

My equipment is doing alright. But I think someone stole all my morphine. That, or I used it all up yesterday...

Fun fact! Punching the generators while praying did in fact created enough power for a distress signal

DIDDI FIX THE THANG CAN I HUNY GLAND EMPRA TOLD

>having rested and doing simple, if involved work has revitalised the Techpriest
>robes changed into the white of the Machine Cult priesthood and mechadendrite freshly oiled
>...and currently on a short break, holding a dataslate and mug of recaf
Hmm.. hoping we can take a look at the gellar emitters while in orbit, but otherwise we're on schedule for repairs!
Not sure what Praetoria is like, might be interesting.

Indeed I did, Captain Wyvern. Is there a problem with that?

>The Commissar would simply nod his head, and the mish mash, of words that had just forced their way out, of the Ogyrn's dead raccoon, and rotten ketchup water, smelling breath. Entirely unsure as to what he had even said.

Uhm, yes... V-very good, trooper....

>The man would find the red lense of the Commissar's bionic eye looking him over. His eyes steadily looking over him, for anything out of place.

... Good work trooper. But your helmet is out of place by EXACTLY 1 inch to the left!

Well, you'll have to work without it then trooper! Use the good old "Mallet to the head" trick. Or, should a mallet not be in the area for some strange reason. Have them drink the pain away. That is also acceptable.

I never once doubted you!

Sergeant van Kleez, present - w-well, physically at least - and correct!
Just finished an inspection of the troop's medical supplies, and I must say I am v-very impressed with t-the quality, although the *cough* quantity leaves something to be desired. Well, it does now.
>he's swaying slightly as he stands

Praetoria. Ork's drift. The Praetorian guard are alright.

ANDSWERMTHE I THE PROPH ESEE WAS FORTALEZ. THE CROSSED WORD WAS GLAND AND THE GLAND SAID DUL AND GLAND WAS A RAT AND I WAS NOT SO WHERE I ASK IS GLAND RATLING

>On the outside, Matthias would look rather calm and collected, as usual.
>The inside however... Would be an entirely different story.
>On the inside, he could she a tiny version of himself in his mind's eye. Freaking the fuck out, like there was no tomorrow.
>A million different excuses would run through his mind, as he tries to figure out a way to avoid having to go Praetoria.
>The following video is but a taste of what is going on, inside his brain.
m.youtube.com/watch?v=lXhU9zacjzw

>"This is bad! This is REALLY bad! She's going to find out we're here! She's going to show up!"
>"OH GOD-EMPEROR! MY PARENTS!"

You look like you're having cold, hard sweat sir. Are you alright?

Commissar I'd like to request leave for myself and several others when we arrive!
>she salutes

>She whispers
Pay up.

I-
>His voice would have been rather high pitched for a moment there.

*AHEM!"* -I'm fine, Private. Absolutely... F-fine... Nothing to worry about!

>"OH GOD-EMPEROR! THEY'RE NOTICING! ITS ALREADY FALLING APART!"

I just haven't slept well since yesterday Is all...

I'll go to keep them ruining

>He would whisper back to her.
"Your family, had nothing to do with us getting here... Therefore, YOU have to pay up! And I expect payment tonight.

A guardsman, no matter their rank, should get a good night's sleep to ensure 100% combat effectiveness.

PRAY TOR EEE AH IS WHERE GLAND MHUST BEH, YOU MUST ASSIST IN THE MURDER KILLIN OF GLAND RATLIJG FOR THE EMORA HAS TOLD ME TO AND EMPRA IS STRONK

>The Commissar, would be busy on the Vox. Unable to hear her, let alone answer her request.
>When he was done on the Vox. He would turn to the rest of the assembled regiment.

Gentlemen! There has been a slight change of plans. Instead of a suprise Field Kit Inspection. You are all to go, and get dressed in your parade arms. It seems we're having a rather special guest come aboard...

>Matthias would silently be praying to the Emperor.
"Please lord Emperor. I pray to you, that it isn't who I think it is...

PARADE ARMHS?
I ONLY HAVE MUH REGULAR ARMHS
WHEN DO I GET NEW ARMS
MY ARMS ARE STRONK AND BIG
WHAT IS A PARADA

Yes sir Commissar sir!
>I'd immediately rush to my quarters, unrolling my parade gear from my wardrobe.
>I'd brush it up, put some finishing touches before putting it on
>I would look fantastic
>I'd head back to where the commissar was, and I'd get in place

>a temple ship drops out of warp travel near Praetoria with a Canoness on the bridge
Good they arrived on schedule... We'll meet them on the surface. To the landing craft girls.
>she turns with a devilish smirk
Today will be fun.

Don't underestimate them...
>she stays at attention, making sure her gasmask is on tightly

It seems that we will be having the Commanding Officer, of the Praetorian XXXXIX Mechanised Infantry Regiment coming aboard for an inspection.

A man by the name of "General Garret 'The Spear' Wyvern"!

>parade arms
Ooh, the robes with higher thread count, I haven't worn those since.. er..
Well it wasn't even a month ago actually at my initiation! Strange how it seems longer.
I'll set the servitors to passive for now, if we're to have guests and shipyard crew around the.. impact site? The hull breach.

P-Parade arms? Shit, uh, gimme a second...
>he leaves, and returns shortly later wearing the same clothes
>however, this time they're actually clean
>his boots also appear to have been polished
Yeah, this *cough* is the best it's gonna get.

Just make sure you're buttons are polished, big man.
Do Ogryns even get dress uniforms? I figure they wouldn't bother, you can't exactly make an Ogryn presentable in any case.

>His body is calm, and collected, as he stands at attention.
>His mind however, is now officially broken. With all hope having faded from his body.
"We're doomed..."

>Kicks him to the front of the line up

HOW DO POLISH

>I'd wait in line with my uniform looking pristine
>I'd watch as the other guardsmen just continued to talk to eachother

SCREEECH?

>he pulls a worn-looking rag from his coat and hands it to the Ogryn
Well trooper, ya rub it with this until the Commissar stops shouting at you. Then it's polished!

WHO ISS THAT DO I GETTA UNIFORMA
IS HE RATLING

...Maybe we should get you somewhere out of the way, if we're to be inspected.

OAK AY CAN DO
*furious rubbing intensifies*

>It wouldn't take long, for the Eagle's Fury, to be towed into orbit around Praetoria.
>It would take even less time, for a shuttle to approach it, coming directly from the Hive world's surface.
>It would soon land inside the hanger that the regiment was currently gathered in for their Field Kit Inspection.
>A Thunderhawk off all things...
>After a few short minutes, a full squad of finely dressed Praetorians, wearing their trademark red uniforms and hats, would stride down the exit ramp. Followed a moment later, by a rather scarred looking, man with blonde hair, with streaks of grey thrown in. His lips formed into a small frown, as he examines the ranks of Imperial guardsmen around him.

SCREEECH?

ELLO THERE I RUBBED THE BUTTON WHO ARE YOU ARE WHERE IS RATLING FOR EMPRA

Rolled 8 + 10 (1d100 + 10)

>does some quick "make up work" on the trooper
Stay in the back

>My back would straighten as I planted my foot in the ground
>I'd salute the general, keeping my body firm

>She only has time to put on fake eyelashes on all of his eyes before the ramp drops and she needs to get back in line

SCREECH
>Nods

>Matthias had already been at the front of the line-up. As was required of him by his station.
>Her kick would only force him to move further out, before he quickly gets back into line, and glares angerly at her.

>Matthias would pray, that the General hadn't seen the incident just now. Nor would he take notice of the various xeno, and heretic infiltrators, that the regiment continued to allow.
>"Please don't let him see me. But more importantly Emperor... PLEASE DON'T LET HIM SEE THE HERESY!"

Look, just.. stay behind me, maybe I can bluff you're a Genetor experiment or something.
>Robe in priestly white, vacuum mask on from working on the breach, he's actually looking like a proper cogboy for once
>and it only took a noble to inspect the ship for him to clean up

>Nods
SCREECH
>Puts on a tie

>he stands in line, twitching slightly and trying to avoid looking at the newcomers

>panicked whispers
What the f-fuck is this guy doing here? This the galaxy's fanciest border force or somethin'?

>The man would keep his mouth shut, at the Abhuman's babbling. Having long ago learned to ignore them, lest they actually have something important to say.

>The General would spend no less than half a second upon the trooper, before carrying on.
>Thankfully, the General wouldn't notice the foul Chaos spawn at the far back of the company line-up. Almost as if he were more interested in finding something else....

>Eventually, he would take notice of the Third Company Commander, and would approach him.
>Before Matthias could even say a word to the man. His would speak up.

You and me... In private, Son....

>she whispers back
These guys live with a spear up their asses. pretty sure their born with it
They like their flashyness... and fuck... I'll go save him...

>Matthias would know better than to even aattempt to argue with a Superior Officer.
>Especially when said Officer was your own father...

Understood, General!
>He would begin to follow along the General. Leaving everyone else behind in the hanger.

*rubbing has intensified to the point that the button on his cuff has begun to glow red and the rag the ogryn was using is starting to smoke*
OI WHY U IGNORE MEH ITS NOT NOICE IF I RUB BUTTON ON YOU SHIRT YOU WANT CLEAN BUTTON LIKE MEH

>I'd walk in through the door, looking at the general
How disgusting. A General. The definition of Lions lead by Donkeys.
>I'd simply brush past him

>Once the two men had left the hanger, and the door had closed behind them. The soldiers the General had brought with him, would begin guarding the lone access route. Not allowing anyone to leave until the General had returned.

>This would include stubborn future spouses.

>the priest quietly slips into line, trying not to draw any attention to himself, before whispering to whoever is stood next to him
I'm not late am I?

...
>Pawn let's out a sound resembling "whew"

Your name is gone

>It would be roughly half an hour, before the General, and Matthias returned. With Matthias heading back to his spot at the head of his Company, and the General walking towards the Commissar.
>A few moments would pass, as the General silently speaks with the Commissar, before both of them nod their heads, and the General begins to walk towards his shuttle, accompanied by his men.

>Another several moments, and the shuttle would leave the hanger. Matthias still standing at attention, silently. A rather disturbed look upon his face.

>she touches his shoulder, petting it gently
Shhh... He's so proud he's speechless. He has to go yell at dumdum over there... just calm down

... Well, that was a little anticlimactic.
>unhooking his vacuum mask, he looks around at the regular irregulars
So do we have to remain on parade until he comes back, or...?

A little bit? Some angry looking noble walked past, grabbed the captain and left.
Nice cape, though.

Dammit why do I keep forgetting it

Oh. So can we like, leave now? My feet hurt

*approaches the general and begins furiously and clumsily rubbing his buttons with the charred remains of an old rag*
ME GONNA GETS PRAHMOATED

>looking around the space marine shouts at the greater area

WHERE THE EMPRA DAMNED COMMISAR?

SCREEECH
>Goes to the lounge

Well, no one got head surgery performed with a bolter shell. Good ending, everyone.

Fuckin' regiment.
>I'd make my way back to my quarters, shutting my door after.

>After a few silent minutes of him simply standing in place. The man would let out a breath of air. Apparently having been holding it in, the entire time since he'd returned.

>having stood up straight for longer that he has for the entire past week, he begins to whine
Captain, with all due respect we've been standing 'ere for fuckin' ages, and my legs are hurtin'. You got somethin' to say, or can we fall out?

I IS RUBBIN HIS BOTTONS ALL GUD LOIK
ME BESTEST AND E WILL HELP ME FIND GLAND SO KILL CAN I

I IS HELPEN IS BUTTONS NOW CUS I AM IM AM BESTED BUDDERS

>once the General had left, the Commissar would look amongst the gathered troops, and would begin talking.

Well, it appears we have some good news for you all!

It seems that, while our ship is being repaired. The General has kindly offered us use of his estate!

As such, you may all consider yourselves on Shore leave.

Transports will be arriving to pick us up, in one hour! If you miss the ride, you won't be joining us!

(I am now phone yping, forgive the delay. My computer decided todie)

ANYONE AWARE OF WHERE WE ARE AND WHERE THE FUCKING COMMISAR IS?

... so what it means is we are actually going to the beach?
No tyranids this time?

SCREEEECH
>Slowly goes to the transport, trying not to get attention

>I'd return from my quarters just in time to hear the Commissar speak
Well, I suppose that's alright.

ME SHIRTS ON FIRE AND ME BUTTONS MELTEHD

I call shotgun

M-ny fat-...
>He would take a deep breath, before a moment later, exhaling. Looking somewhat more calm than before.

It is as the Commissar as said. We're being granted shore leave, and use of the General's manor.

It's hard to believe I'm going home...

MY SHOTGAN BOHT YOURS ROBOT

>stumbles into view, reeking of cheap liquor and blood.

It's always a surprise where I'll be when I wake up from a drug induced coma.

Who is this genral?
I doubt that this will be going smothly hmph. Fine RIGHT IF ANYONE IS STILL ON HIS SHIP AFTERHE SHUTTLES LEAVE YOUR DOING INTENSIVE SCOUT TRAINING AND HAVING A MEDICAL CHEAK UP. MOVE IT

If you consider Hive towers, and toxic sand, on a planet with laws and rationing so strict, that even the air itself is rationed, to be a beach, than sure. We're all going to the beach Sergeant!

Rolled 1 (1d20)

XENOS!
>I'd pick up my Las-gun, aiming at it's head
>I'd fire a shot, hoping to hit it

You're the bestest. Now lets get some good food. Now find one of the cogboys and stick with them

>Rias would walk next to him and smirks
V for victory

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>My gun would break on the spot because of my cancer rolls
>I'd take out my las-pistol, aiming it at the Xenos head
>I'd fire a shot into it's head!

Rolled 9 (1d20)

OI DON DO THAT YAH CANT KELL YER OWN MEHN TAKE THAS TRAYTOR

>a noble
>giving a regiment use of the estate
>giving THIS regiment use of the estate
...I feel something is off about this.
Last time I felt like this, my homeworld was invaded.

>Astartes training
>Bad
>Medical check up
>VERY Bad
On the other mechadendrite, the planet is probably safer than this ship!
>Rho picks up a pack of tools and supplies, hopping aboard a transport and settling by a viewport

Aww
>The tech priest picks up his beach chair and umbrella, placing them back into his quarters

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>Spotting the foul xenos, I'd attempt to smite it on sight
>50+ to cast

>It would be exactly as the Commissar had stated earlier.
>About an after after the General had left. Several dozen shuttles would land inside the hanger. And several Praetorians would stand guard at each one, as they await the regiment to board them in an ORDERLY fashion.
>Anyone failing to do so, would be severely beaten, and thrown into a pile next to each shuttle.

Eh, as close at it gets in the guard. Now I'd better pack up all the perimetral defenses before we lieave... mhh, I hope one hour will be enough.

>Upon spotting the xeno, the tech priest slowly backs towards the transport and slips aboard, placing his luggage under his seat.

SCREEECH
>Stands behind Rho

MEH MEH LEHT ME OHN

RO I TOLD WAS THAT I GO FOLLOW YOU DO I FOLLOW YOH WHERE GO

It appears our ride has shown up...
>He would begin instructing his company to board the ship's, in an orderly fashion. Warning them that they will likely be beaten should they try and break formation.

Don't count on it just yet, Darling.

Glancing at the patorian guard next to my shuttle, Itap him out of the way and begin to cheak over my weapons while the guard trys to fix his broken arm

I got a bad feeling about this.

I then shoot a servitor, just to test my machine spirits eagernes.

GET IN GUARDSMEN. Fby sanguiouses wings HURRY UP

Lead the way... Mother is waiting...
>she follows him closely, a smirk behind her gasmask