You enter the inn

>You enter the inn
>It's full of adventurers with very large cloaks
>Your cloak is very small compared to theirs
>All eyes are on you

>Let the rest of the cloak fall off from my hands, now dragging the floor
I'm a grower, not a shower.

Clearly they're projecting.
I have nothing to demostrate to anyone: stare as they might, they're only aware of their own shame.
Bigger cloaks don't mean better adventurers!
After all, the important thing is how you use it.

>walk around the bar tearing down all the curtains and tapestries, and picking up all the rugs
>drape them all over my head
Your move, tavern.

>the curtains are magically enchanted to be jealous of one another, refusing to be worn by the same person

>But also too jealous to allow the person wear any other curtains
>So they fight about it

I cast peepers wind to blow up the skirts of everyone cloaks.

If they get to see my legs, I get to see theirs.

>trips on cloak, spaghetti falls out of pocket

How do you trip on a cloak that is too short?

this could be interesting

Natural 1

Roll diplomacy or bluff to not get laughed out of the inn

>I meant to do this!

"I've got two hundred gold for the first man, woman, or abomination to bring me the largest cloak in the Rivermark."

I roll to intimidate people into not laughing, then I roll to intimidate my cloak into never tripping me up again.

Rolled 15, 10 = 25 (2d20)

>I rip off my cloak and declare myself the head of the anti-cloak rebellion.
Who is with me?
Can you hear the people sing?

>nat 1
>result isn't "Your diplomatic attempt is so bad that the gods smite you with a huge thunderbolt that shatters the entire planet! LOL xD!"

Wow, unimaginative DM I guess.

What if I'm wearing a cape?

I take my cloak off, slowly saunter up next to the biggest cloak at the bar, and order a glass of milk.

Bring it, cloak-chads.

I'm literally half Gnome half Cloaker though. Freak Magical accident, don't ask, it's terrifying.

The cloak hipsters are not impressed by the reality of your heritage. They are clearly more interested in having the biggest most impressive cloak. It's enough to make a cloaker-kin retch from disgust and despair.

This, except narrow down the search area to just the tavern.

"what? is it that I'm the one NOT compensating for something?" rolling for diplomacy.

I take out two magical torches from under my cloak, light them up and scream "Time of reckoning bloodsucking bitches!" and start burning everything.

You joke, but I had a DM who would do stuff like that. "Oh, you want to do something that I didn't plan for and wouldn't go along with my ocdonutsteel storyline? Well, you can't because reality has decided to fuck with you."

I cast Enlarge/reduce on my cloak, shaming the patrons with the size of my now massive cloak