Kommando Shepurt

should i continue?

>Implying drawfags can do better than this

warboss hakkit

Nihlus took it upon himself to explain.

"Your record speaks for itself. You led the defence during the Batarian attack on Elysium, then went on to serve with distinction during the retaliatory raid on Torfan."

"Hur hur, dat was fun. Smashin' squints is always a gud larf."

"The fact is that you have proven to be an exemplary combatant even for an Ork and unlike the rest of your species you have a basic grasp of subtlety. You are an excellent Spectre candidate on paper, I'm here to see if you really have what it ... takes ... Sheppurt?"

Part way through the Turian's speech, both Orks had lost interest, instead staring intently towards the bow of the ship.

"You feel dat, Kaptin?"

"Yeh. I feel it. Which kinda begz da queschun ... why the Zog is dere a Waaagh! on Edun Da Furst Wun?"

Nihlus glanced from one to the other, confused.

"Get ya gear on, Sheppurt. Tell da boyz to get dere bitz too. Dere's a fight happenin' on dat dere planet and I want to kno why da zog we wuzunt invited."

"Carm down Kommando. Dey's just gas bags. A gud larf to shoot but mostly 'armless."

Sheppurt silently thanked the Ork who had spoken up. He had been about to unload his kustom shoota into the nearest of the floating creatures.

Edun Da Furst Wun was a warzone. Across the colony, Orks clashed with an unknown enemy, hurling themselves into the fray with any improvised weapon they could find. A colossal dreadnought hung over the colony's spaceport, its menacingly insectoid appearance, apparently meant to intimidate observers, having the exact opposite effect on the Orks below.

"Uh, Kommando, dere's sum flyin fings shootin' at us."

"Well shoot bak, ya dum gitz!"

"We is! Dey're hard ta hit!"

Sighing, Sheppurt turned to the slightly smaller Ork beside him.

"Yer up, Kadun."

The weirdboy stepped past him, raising his weirdstikk and waving it in the general direction of the flying drones. The four light aerial units were abruptly shredded by a ball of roiling mass effect energy that appeared in midair and disappeared as soon as it was done. As the mangled wrecks fell to the ground Sheppurt walked up to the one boy they had managed to down, idly backhanding an Ork that failed to get out of his way and sending the unfortunate individual sailing into the wall of the canyon. The deceased was the same boy who had warned him about the gas bags.

"Squigbrain fergot 'is sparky bitz, boss."

If the boy was dumb enough to leave his kinetic barrier generator behind the crew was better off without him.

"Wot a tard. Anywun else ferget dere sparky bitz?"

Three more Orks sheepishly raised their hands.

"Fer zog's sake ... Jus' don' get shot up, kay?"

Without waiting for a reply, Sheppurt led them deeper into the battle. Soon enough the sound of gunfire drew their attention.

Pretty amusing but it's tedious to read due to being mostly dialog. I have to go off my memory of the game's cutscenes, since otherwise you can hardly tell who's talking to who. One of the biggest draws of the idea - seeing how differently Orks would fight compared to humans - is completely skipped over or ignored. It's such a bizarre choice to have almost no descriptions or transitions whatsoever, only dialog straight through. It looks like the chapters after the first couple address some of these points but I'm not sure if it's worth it to keep reading.

Nah, in later chapters they have orks in battle wagons deathrollin geth, and big ork croozers making a mockery out of the reapers.

But yeah, the first chapter is almost dialog only.

The best parts are the glossarys at the end

>CODEXY BITZ

>C-SEC Bulletin to All Officers (21st October 2179)

>Sender: Executor Pallin

>This time of year contains two Orkish festival days, both of which are collectively known as the Festival o' Dakka. On the night of October 31st, known as 'Ollow Point Een, Orks will go out in costume, usually themed around excessive firepower, and engage in an activity called Dakka or Deff, whereupon they knock upon doors and demand a donation of ammunition. If none is forthcoming they will attempt to kill the occupants of the home, usually with explosives. The second part is the night of November 5th, also known as Bomm Fire Nite. On this evening Orks will fire all manner of weapons into the air and at each other, as well as anyone who happens to be nearby.

>On the 31st, citizens may stay in Zakera Ward as long as they have a large stockpile of Ork firearms and ammunition to dispense to Dakka or Deffers. C-sec officers in Zakera precincts may take part in this tradition if they are so inclined but are warned that murder is against the law. In all other regions Dakka or Deff is strictly forbidden.

>On the 5th all C-SEC services are to be suspended in Zakera Ward and all air traffic is to be grounded. Non-Ork citizens are strongly advised to evacuate the ward at this time. In all other regions Bomm Fire Nite is strictly forbidden. Additional patrols will be implemented to ensure this is appropriately enforced.

>Although this department has a positive track record when it comes to policing this time, that is no excuse to get careless. All officers should bear in mind that Orks are inherently unpredictable, and that even the most affable seeming one may decide to gun you down on a whim.

>CODEXY BITZ

>Top Ten Orkish Language Extranet Series (listed by number of downloads) - Statistics courtesy of the Citadel Entertainment Board

>1. BREAKIN' BAD - Drama. A Salarian biology professor and an enterprising gretchin team up to sell cave mushrooms to the local Ork population.

>2. GAME OF BOSS CHAIRZ - Drama. Ork Warbosses bash each other for complicated reasons.

>3. I'M AN ASARI, GET ME OUT OF HERE - Reality. A group of Asari celebrities are sent to live on a jungle island populated by Feral Orks.

>4. 'ERE KUMS 'UNNY BOOM BOOM - Reality. A look into the underground world of snotling beauty contests.

>5. CSI - ZAKERA - Drama. A C-sec detective is forced to work with an Ork mek to solve crimes on Zakera Ward.

>6. DOK 'OO - Drama. An Ork Dok creates a time machine and uses it to go back in time and perform experimental surgeries on great historical figures.

>7. STRIKTLY KUM DAKKA - Reality. Celebrities are paired with Ork warriors and compete in all out gun battles.

>8. DA BIG BOMM FEORY - Comedy. A beautiful Asari maiden befriends her new neighbours, four oddball Ork mekboyz.

>9. GLEEZ - Comedy. Orks sing.

>10. TOTAL GROT DEFF - Comedy. Gretchin compete in lethal obstacle courses for the amusement of the spectating Orks.

Why is it funnier when the Asrai are thrown in?

dunno, this fic is weird

"Dat's an Orky shoota! Les go, lads!"

With assorted cries of glee, the Orkish mob ran off towards the sound. Cresting the hill, Sheppurt and Kadun observed a smaller Ork sprinting towards them, pursued by two more of the little drones.

"Hold it lads. Dis shud be dead funny."

To the surprise of the assembled mob, the smaller Ork drew a heavily customised pistol and spun mid-stride, sliding along the ground on his back and taking out both drones with pinpoint accurate shots. As they watched, the Ork slid behind a rock, drawing an impressive looking shoota from his back and preparing to leap out and open fire.

"Well, is you gunna fight or just leave dem all for me?"

With a roar, Sheppurt led his mob down to fall upon the enemies. These ones were slightly more Orkoid in shape, wielding fancy curved rifles that they used to blaze away at the approaching mob. Two of the Orks, both part of the group who lacked kinetic barriers, were cut down before a return volley shredded the hostile automatons.

In the aftermath of the short engagement, Sheppurt approached the Ork who had been firing from behind the rock.

"Wut's your name, git?"

The Flash Git shrugged, the motion making the massive pack containing his ammunition shift over his shoulders.

"Dey calls me Ash, mostly cuz I like burnin' stuff. Who's you?"

"I be Kommando Sheppurt. What's happenin' on dis dam kolony?"

"We's being attaked. I dunno but I fink dey be Geff."

"Geff ey?"

One of the Orks in the back spoke up.

"Er, Boss. Whut be a Geff?"

"Dey're robot boys da bukkits made, now shaddup."

"Yeh, Geff. Dey bring gud dakka but dey aren't gud wiv a choppa."

"Gud ta know. Okays Ash, takes us to where da Profean bitz are."

"Got it Boss."

Ash led the mob further into the dig site, the Orks tearing apart another fire team of Geth on the way. When they reached the location, Sheppurt turned to Ash.

"You sed it wuz here, ya git!"

"I sed it wuz here last I chekked. Da meks musta moved it ta da spessport. It be dis way."

"You betta be rite dis time."

"Yeh, I get da deal."

Just up the ramp, they came to a campsite, the Orky firepits and bedrolls in stark contrast to a pair of Council prefabs. Clearly this was where the Citadel research team were staying.

"Uh, Boss ..."

"Wot?"

"We's got a littul problum."

"Wot it it?"

"Dat."

Sheppurt's eyes followed the pointed finger all the way to the Orky bodies impaled on fifteen foot spikes.

"Oh. Dat."

The bodies were pulling themselves off the spikes, showcasing the blue-grey cybernetics running through their flesh. Empty eye sockets fixed upon the Orks and as one the reanimated corpses charged, choppas waving.

"Lay some dakka on dem!"

As one the Orks opened fire, a wall of hot lead flying from their guns and smashing into the onrushing corpses. They didn't go down easy however, taking out three more boys before the last one was downed. Kadun looked at a deceased Husk with what looked like admiration.

"Dem's dead killy."

"Boss! Dere be some gits hidin' in dis box!"

>CODEXY BITZ

>(Da followin' bit be from da Citadel Ejukayshun Board's approovd list o' histry test queschuns. If you's wanta answa, put it in da revoo sekshun an' da best answa gets ta pik 'oo Kommando Sheppurt windz up zoggin'.)

>Question 3: Analyse the following sources and conclude whether the amount of reparations demanded by the Orks was justified. (15 marks)

>SOURCE A: Introduction to The Ork Wars (from Encyclopedia of Turian History, Vol. 34)

>The onset of the Ork Wars was ultimately caused by one man - Rear Admiral Praius Arterius. The possible reasons behind his fateful decision to open fire on an Ork patrol will most likely never be determined. The only witnesses to the incident are Orks, since the Turian squadron was exterminated to the last man, and in the chaos of the following war many comm transcripts and archived communications were lost.

>What is more extensively documented, however, is the sudden Ork onslaught across Turian space. Macedyn and Tridend fell in days, with Edessan and Bostra subjected to brutal asteroid bombardment. The only location where Turian forces managed to halt the Ork advance was the heavily industrialised fortress world Nimines. The world-spanning cityscape was ravaged by pan-global urban warfare for almost two months, and had it fallen Palaven would have been left dangerously exposed.

>When the Asari diplomatic team from the nearby Asari world of Sanves arrived, primarily in response to the Ork invasion of the Citadel, Nimines was at breaking point. Already half a billion Turian soldiers had been ground beneath the treads of the Ork war machine and had the Orks not halted their war there is no doubt the homeworld would have seen conflict for the first time since before the Unification Wars.

>SOURCE B: Hakkit's speech to the Ork Empire of 1st November 2157 (transcript of audio recording in original Orkish)

>Alrite, lissen up boys. We's gonna stop fightin' da spikies.

>(A chorus of angry yells silenced by a burst of gunfire, most likely from Hakkit's kustom shoota. Somebody shouts for a dok.)

>Da bounsies 'ave kum and torked ta us. Dey sez da spikies wos wrong ta attak us an' dat we's gunna get ta giv da spiky bosses a proppa Orky yellin' at. Da best bit is dat da spikies will 'ave ta giv us lotsa bitz and teef every year an' if dey don't we kan go an' loot it from dem.

>I knows lotsa you boys will be kross about dis, but dis be da furst time anywun's tried ta tork to da Orks, an' da least we kan do is tork bak. We's got da advantij at da moment, so dis is da best time ta tork if we wanna skweez every last toof outta da spikies. Any queschuns?

>(An Ork mek shouts out a question)

>Wot kindsa bitz is we gonna get from da spikies, Boss? Dere shootas is useless and we got more weirdgubbinz dan we kan shake a choppa at.

>(Hakkit thinks for a moment.)

>I's not shore wot dey's gonna offa. But woteva it is, it betta be gud fer da Orks an' bad fer da spikies. Orks nevva lose a Waaagh! an' da spikies need ta learn dat rite kwik. Oddawise we gonna see how gud dat metully plannit burns.

Apprentice drawfag reporting in

OK to everyone who is confused about wth is going on here. Op linked to a story about Orkz replacing humans in the mass effect universe.

The story itself is pretty funny, with every human character being reimagined as an ork
(Warboss Hakkit, Kommando Sheppurt, Weirdboy Kaddun ect.) and every none orc character reacting to and slowly assimilating into the ways of the orcs.

The mako is replaced by an orc truck, which explains why it handles so shit.

Overall its a funny little story, and Veeky Forums should definitely read it.

>The mako is replaced by an orc truck, which explains why it handles perfectly.
Fiksd dat fer ya

The primary draw of the story is how the rest of the crew reacts, Wrex loves it, Liara and Tali hate it and Garus just seems perplexed through the whole thing.

One of the wards on the citadel has also been completly taken over by orks, with them constructing all their weird tekiology all over it.

thats some fine drawfaggotry

Will there be a Looted Reapa?

I like it. But don't Kommandos do shotguns and shit?

everything gets looted

no exeptions

I is new to both da orks and da drawings

I like it anyway.
Keep up da gud wurk

>kill kroozas facing off against the reapers

"Ay Dok. 'E's wakin' up."

Sheppurt slowly opened his eyes, growling at the pounding in his head.

"Wut da zog happent?"

Kadun, who had been sitting on the other side of the Dok's room, shrugged inasmuch as he could do so while the dok sewed his arm back on.

"Sum zogged up gubbinz, boss. Ow much does yous 'member?"

"Uh ... Lemme fink ... Oh yeah. Your arm jus' got blowed off by dat proppa big Geff. Dat was a larf."

"Fanks boss, I fort so too. Speschully since I made wun of da boys carry it for me da rest of da way. Afta we did dat, we found some Geff bomms and smashed 'um, den we found da Profean bitz and it did sumfink to ya 'ead. We 'ad ta drag ya all da way bak to da kroozer."

"Fanks for dat. Nex' time sumwun else can carry da Profean bitz. Oh 'ello Dok. Is I gud?"

The dok's cybork eye rolled around in his skull apparently independent of his other one, and the scanner beam only occasionally swept over him. In the end the dok plucked the entire assemblage out of his face, holding the eye still to complete the scan.

"Yeah, you's good Kommando. But you wus out fer five-teen owwers, and it looked like you wus finking in yer sleep. Torking a little bit too."

Sheppurt stood up, rubbing his head.

"I's 'member ... it wus like a Waaagh! but bigger ... like every Ork in da galaxy was all joined togevva in one massive Waaagh! against dose Geff bots. I fink it wus wut happent to da Profeans."

"Dat's dead wikked, Boss."

"It makes me 'ead 'urt."

"I can fix dat."

Just as Sheppurt realised he had made the catastrophic error of admitting he was hurt in front of a dok, the Kaptin walked into the dok's lair.

"I's need ta tork ta Sheppurt. Alone."

"You gottit, Kaptin."

Kadun and the dok left the room, leaving Andazon alone with Sheppurt.

"Dat boy you torked to at da spessport where da spiky got chopped. You's sure 'e said it wus anuvva spiky?"

"You mean dat one 'oo got 'is legs blowed off? Yeah, 'e said da Spectur got dakka in da 'ead from a spiky called Sarrun. Da boy sed da too of dem knew each uvva."

"Dat makes sense. Sarrun is a Spectur also, wun of da best, an' 'e 'ates Orks."

"So does all da spikies. Dey still mad about us kikking dem all da way bak to dere home plannit. 'Ow many of dere kolonys did we burn before da bounsies came and torked to Hakkit?"

"If I 'member gud, it wus five. But Sarrun 'ates us extra speshul."

"Woteva da zog for?"

"I don't give a zog wot for. We shud tell Hakkit about dis."

"Where's we headed now, boss?"

"Ter da Citadel."

"Ah zog. I 'ate the zoggin' Citadel. All dey evva do dere is tork about gubbinz."

"I know, but Hakkit wants us to give da Council a proppa Orky yellin' at, so dat's where we's goin'. Speakin' of yellin' ats, go tell Jokka to get a zoggin' move on."

GLOSSARY

Spiky: Turian.

Squishy: Salarian.

Bounsy: Asari.

Squint: Batarian.

Teef: 1. Teeth. (Always pik yer teef afta eatin' a grot.) 2. Slang term for currency (Dat trukk musta cost a ton of teef.) Originates from the ancient Orkish practice of using the teeth of slain enemies as currency, still practiced in the Ork-dominated Zakera ward and most Ork colonies.

Zog: 1. Common Orkish curse, meaning unknown. (Zog off!) 2. Orkish slang term for other species's courtship behaviours. (Look at dose spikeys zoggin' in da street.)

I was not expecting to see Mrs Doyle here.

yeah, wouldn't the orks in the story wipe the floor with the reapers?

Chapta Too - Meet da Kroo

"So dis is da Citadel? I fort it wud be bigga."

"It's plenty big fer me. I 'member fightin' on it durin' da First Kontakt Waaagh!"

"Gud times, ay boss?"

"Gud times."

Ash stuck his head into the kokpit, peering out the window at a large Asari ship off the port bow.

"Cor, dat's a shiny kroozer alrite. Can we's burn it?"

"Burnin' duzzent work in space, squigbrain."

"Okays den. Can we's smash it?"

"Maybe later."

Jokka tapped the talky-majik, eventually getting it to turn on in another blast of angry static.

"'Tenshun space kentrol. Dis be da Orky kroozer Normandy wantin' ta land, so you's best get us a landin' spot proppa quick."

"Oy, is dat you Jokka?"

"Yeh, now find me a landin' spot."

"Okay ... um ... dat one."

"Which one is dat one."

"Um ... 's got a numba."

"A numba? Ay zog. Get Addumz up 'ere, 'e can do numbas."

The Normandy, named after the famous Waagh!, eventually figured out which berth to use and came in to dock. After leaving the kroozer in the capable hands of Prezzly, Andazon led Sheppurt, Kadun and Ash to the Ambassadur's office.

"Oy! You lots were da wuns 'oo wanted to be friends, an' now you's sittin' dere wiv yer fingas up yer piss'oles while da Geff attak our kolonys! Us Orks got a word for dat - is Squigshit."

"Calm down Ambassadur. Ork-kind was well aware of the risks when you decided to found colonies in the Traverse."

"Furst of all, where the zog else wus we suppost ta put our kolonies? You greedy Council types wuddent let us have any of da gud plannits! Sekund, we was led to baleev da wurst fing in da Traverse wus pirates an' squints! Da Geff is SUMFINK TOT'LLY DIFF'RUNT!"

"Please, calm down Ambassadur. The Council is currently engaged in talks ..."

"Torks? TORKS? A Waaagh! of killy deffbots is barin' down on us, but is okays, da Council is torking about it. You's torking about it now, you's be torking about it wen da Geff is shootin' up da Citadel and you's still be torking about it five-teen minnits past da zoggin' apokkalipse! Torking ain't gonna kut it wiv me, why duzzent ya do sumfink about it!"

"We shall continue this discussion at the hearing."

The Council hung up a little too quickly to be polite.

"Zoggin' gits and squigbrains, da lot of 'em. An' why da zog you bring 'arf yer boys, Kaptin?"

"Watch yer mouf, Ambassadur. I just brung sum of da boys from da away mob in case you's 'ad any queschuns."

"Dis all in da reportz, as long as dey ain't total squigshit. I tell you dis much, da Council are zoggin' useless. Warboss Hakkit 'as been on da talky-majik wivout stoppin' since da 'ole mess started. Da spikies want to kno wot 'appened to dere Spectur, da Council want to kno why da zog we wants to smash Sarrun more dan ushul an' da presses want to kno what da zog is goin' on, an' all dis mess bekos you can't even pik up a Profean bit wivout startin' a Waaagh!"

"Ay! Dat's da Geff's folt, not da Kaptins!"

"Shaddup Ash. Let da Kaptin do da torking."

"Woteva. Get yer green buttz ter da hearin' and bring yer evv ... evvy ... proof wiv yer."

The Ambassadur stormed out of the room, his cybork leg sparking with every other step.

"Can we smash dat git?"

"Maybe later."

youtube.com/watch?v=PKTrrgMrmBc

You bet!

"Well dat was a waste of time."

The assembled Orks nodded their agreement. The Council had been next to useless as usual, all Saren had really done was expound darkly on his hatred of Orks and the Kaptin had stepped into the squigshit with both feet by smashing the petitioner's podium with his power klaw.

"Da fact is we's stukk until we can get da Council to stop protektin' Sarrun. We's need proofs, more dan just wun boy's say so."

Sheppurt idly scratched his ear with his choppa.

"We ran into dat spiky on da way 'ere who sounded like 'e mite 'ave sumfink on Sarrun. 'E mite be wurf a look."

Kadun added in his thoughts.

"Dere's dat slippury round git as well in da bank. I hurd 'e's workin' fer da Shadow Brokka."

"Da wot?"

Sheppurt cuffed Ash round the head.

"'E's a guy wot knows stuff, ya git. Now shaddup. Alrite, 'ow do we find dis spiky?"

"Harkum prolly knows, you's find 'im in da nearest bar."

The Ambassadur took charge.

"Okays den. Kaptin, you come wiv me, you's done enuff damage alreddy."

"Hur hur, dat wos funny."

"Shaddup. You free, go and find dat spiky. Don't bovva wiv da Shadow Brokka, I don't trust anywun I can't smash wiv me bare 'ands."

Without waiting for an answer the Ambassadur led the Kaptin off to his office for a good old fashioned Orky yellin' at.

"I really really wanna smash dat git."

"Maybe later."

"Wot you gits wont?"

Already Sheppurt was feeling the urge to smash Harkum. Despite being little more than a gretchen, the surly Ork was talking to the three hardened warriors as if they were beneath him.

"Mos'ly ta smash yer face in, but we's all gotta make sakrifises in dis life. I wanta kno where to find a spiky called Garruz."

"Wot you gits lookin' for Garruz fer?"

"Dat's a sekrit. Tells you wot, I's buy you a squig beer if you tells me where to find Garruz."

"Wot kind of squig beer?"

"Da extra 'splodey kind."

"Okays."

A bit rushed because i have to leave, but here's a sketch of the Normandi

What happens when an Asari finds herself an Ork husband?

CODEXY BITZ

>Excerpt from 'Memetic gene transfer of Orkoid DNA into Asari tissue cultures' (Solus and Heplorn, March 2181)

>... The first indication of this effect was seen in the initial generation of Ork/Asari children, who demonstrated significant physiological deviation from the Asari norm, including Orkoid skin tones and head shape, increased size, enhanced musculature and accelerated development. The only universal among these symptoms was that the offspring identified themselves as 'Orky' even if solely raised by Asari. Most notably, this effect is only observed if an aspect of intercourse was involved in the conception - offspring spawned purely by mind meld will function as normal Asari children.

>From a genetic perspective this effect has been shown to result from the fungal component of Ork physiology, universal to all Orkoid life forms, combined with several DNA altering enzymes present in Ork ejaculate and other substances derived from Ork biology such as certain foods and medical supplies.

>A cocktail of proteins and fungal DNA representing the active mixture, designated Ork TBG-Splicing Complex Alpha Residue (OSCAR for short) was prepared and cloned tissue samples of Asari cells were tested ...

>(Methodology section omitted)

>... as predicted, the adult Asari tissue had a strong immune reaction to OSCAR, resulting in very few splices occurring. In addition, all successfully spliced cells underwent necrosis as a result of cellular regulation mechanisms identifying the foreign nature of the Orkoid DNA. However the embryonic tissue samples successfully spliced their genetic code with OSCAR due to the lack of an immune response, and the rapid division of the cells combined with the Ork healing factor of the spliced cells ensured that the tissue sample stabilised into pure hybrid tissue.

Also nice quads

bump

It's an interesting read. Though the orkification of Tali seems to be prepping for future ork fucking scene.

Seeing as how orks have "koks"

Holy fuck thats epic!

Is that a chainblade on its leg?

Tali gets into it after she get's greened

They even looted the Bucket

Dear god!

Yes. Yes it is. And it's glorious

>Part way through the Turian's speech, both Orks had lost interest, instead staring intently towards the bow of the ship.
>"You feel dat, Kaptin?"
>"Yeh. I feel it. Which kinda begz da queschun ... why the Zog is dere a Waaagh! on Edun Da Furst Wun?"
oh this is beautiful

>Edun da first wun

I DEMAND MORE OF THIS!

Will do some more once i get home, what do you guys want next?

More looted reapers.
And perhaps some more character art.

Would love to see Warboss Hakk'it

I, for one want to see Tali getting GORKED (or was it MORKED)

ORKED?

Tali will soon learn that GREEN IZ BEST

what have you done?!

I have saved everyone!
But we don't have long. I can feel them coming back. The letters, the shapes, the words in the sky... here they come again, up from the depths. I'll burn with them. But you've done enough, and I thank you. Perhaps if I can finish the opera... Perhaps I can get them out. Throw the letters into the sky and be me again. I'll play. Even when I become him again, I'll play. I'll remember.

One squig beer later, Harkum was feeling much chattier.

"Da spiky haz been up to da dok shopp in da markets a lot. I's finking you look dere. You's parta Kaptin Andazon's mob, ain't yer?"

"Yeh. Wot about it?"

"Da Kaptin ever tell yer 'is big sekrit?"

"Da Kaptin 'as a sekrit?"

"Yeh. See, a wile ago da Kaptin wos being tested to be a Spectur, and Sarrun wos in charge of 'is test. Da Kaptin zogged da 'ole fing up and blamed Sarrun for it, but Sarrun blamed da Kaptin. Da Council baleeved Sarrun and dey didn't let da Kaptin be a Spectur."

"Why da zog you tells me dat?"

"Sekrits is like dakka. If yer got it, yer shud spray it everwhere."

"Fanks for da help, now zog off 'afore I smash ya."

Leaving the miserable grot to his squig beer, Sheppurt led his mob out of the bar and straight into a hail of gunfire.

"Wot da zog ... Get in covva!"

"Boss, 'oos shootin' at us?"

Sheppurt peeked up above his cover.

"Looks like too spikies. Kadun, do a weird fing."

"Gottit boss."

Waving his weirdstikk, Kadun sent a pulse of biotic energy through the eezo impregnated staff. The power was launched in a crackling blue ball that hit with the force of a squiggoth mounted rokkit launcha, blowing the two Turians off their feet. Ash rushed forward, setting them alight with his burna and then finishing them off with two swings of his chain-choppa.

"Gud werk. Les go find dis spiky."

"Wot da zog ..."

The dok shopp was a total mess. Equipment was strewn across the floor, suspicious looking fluids were spattered everywhere and a pair of baby squigs were chasing each other around the room. In the middle of the whole mess was a Turian in C-sec issue armour looking rather shellshocked and an Ork dok humming merrily as he compared two severed legs.

"Oi Spiky. Is you Garruz?"

>"Oi Spiky. Is you Garruz?"
Poor Garrus, He's probably completely bamboozled right now.

"Um ... Yes?"

"Gud. Wot da zog 'appened 'ere?"

The dok was the one who answered.

"Buncha spikies came in 'ere wiv shootas, wantin' ta kno wot I did wiv da bukkit. Do yer fink if I put wun leg bakward on dis git 'e'll turn in a cirkle when 'e tries to walk?"

"Worf a try, I rekken. Wot's dis about a bukkit?"

"Rite. Sum bukkit came in wiv sum dakka in 'er arm. She paid gud fer me ta fix 'er up, at me keep all yer limms rate too. Sed she 'ad infermayshun on some spiky Spectur who went nuts, and sumfink to do wiv da Geff too, I dunno I wosn't lissnen. Anyways, she went ta sum squint called Fist ta sell da infermayshun ta da Shadow Brokka."

Garrus interrupted.

"That's a problem then. Fist betrayed the Shadow Broker, he works for Saren now."

"Ah zog. Dat bukkit's walkin' inta a trap den, and bringin' our proof wiv 'er."

"Well den, we shud go smash dat squint right kwik."

Garrus shook his head.

"Even for you three, that's going to be hard. Fist has a small army of mercs protecting him. There's a Krogan bounty hunter after Fist as well though, he could be useful."

"Gud. Krog-boys are dead killy. You's comin' too Garruz, you spikeys bring gud dakka."

"Uh, okay ..."

"Gud lad. Les go get dat Krog-boy. Ay Dok, let me kno 'ow da bakward leg fing works out."

"Will do."

"Do you want me to arrest you?"

"I want you to try."

"You shud giv it a go, I cud use a gud larf."

Finding himself between an enormous Krogan and an equally enormous Ork, the C-sec officer wisely withdrew, leaving the two titans to stare each other down.

"'Ello Krog-boy."

"Ork."

"Wurd is you's got teef on Fist's 'ead."

"What's it to you?"

"I's got some queschuns to ask dat squint, and dere's a lot of boys between us and 'im. So I tells you wot. If you's help us get to dat squint, you's welcome to 'is 'ead wunce I's got all da answas I need outta it."

"You're asking for my help?"

"I'll even let ya borro me choppa ta take 'is 'ead off."

"My people have a saying. Seek the enemy of your enemy and you will find a friend."

"Hur hur. My people gots a sayin' too. Not dat I can rekall exactly wot, but we's deffinately got wun."

"Hah! Now I remember why I like Orks."

>"Hah! Now I remember why I like Orks."
Oh no.

Reminder that there's a reason Purple is ded sneaky.

>You suffer a minor stroke.

Wrex becoming orky

Yes plz

Yeah. Got 20 dates today

DICTIONARY

Spiky: Turian. ; Ork Turian relations have been sour ever since the "first kontakt Waaagh!", Orks usually regard Turians with respect and rivalry, since they recognize their ability to put up a good fight.

Squishy: Salarian. ; Salarians have always viewed Orks with interest and perplexity, Ork concepts such as "goodfink" and the way their tech somehow breaks the very laws of nature, has been a mystery ever since the races encountered each other.

Bounsy: Asari. ; Orks view Asari with confusion, seeing them as uptight and fragile. This is not surprising, seeing as Asari culture is almost an exact opposite to the Ork ways. Many scientists are fascinated with the way they interact, as it shows what happens when two mono-gendered species meet.

Squint: Batarian. ; Orks and Batarians have been at war since before Orks encountered the Citadel races. Even though hostilities have officially ended, because of council intervention, independent Ork warbands and freebootas regularly raid Batarian space. Orks hate Batarians with a passion, little is know about this hatred, other than the fact that Batarians supposedly resemble the mythological creatures " 'umies".

"Wot a wimp."

Ash's blunt analysis of the cowering Batarian was surprisingly accurate. Despite his expensive armour and rifle, he hadn't even attempted to fight, instead merely hiding behind his desk while a pair of auto turrets did the dirty work. Except a well placed stikkbomm and a hail of dakka took them out within ten seconds, leaving the Batarian surrendering loudly and repeatedly.

"'E prolly turns down evry owwa on da owwa in case sumwun invades while 'e isn't lookin'."

"Rite den squint. I'd got some queschuns for ya, and you's betta be a help oddawise I's gonna give da say so to sumfink unplezzent. I's lookin' fer a bukkit. Da bukkit who came 'ere lookin' fer da Shadow Brokka, ta be presise."

"You mean the Quarian? I don't know where she is."

"Suks ta be you. 'And me da choppa."

"Waitwaitwait! I don't know where she is but I know where you can find her!"

"Kum on, I's an Ork and I kno dat sentens was squigshit."

"Shaddup Ash. Kontinue."

"The Quarian came in looking to trade intel for sanctuary. I sent her to a meet with the Shadow Broker."

"Impossible. The Shadow Broker never meets anyone in person. Even I was hired through an agent."

"I know that, but the Quarian didn't. When she shows up she'll meet with Saren's men instead of the Broker's."

"Where."

"In the alley behind the Markets."

"Fanks for dat. Krog-boy, you wanna use me choppa?"

In response Wrex raised his shotgun and blasted a hole in the Batarian's chest.

"That'll do, I think."

"Alrite, les go save da bukkit."

"Who are you?"

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ME 2

The five of them faced down the barrel of a tiny holdout pistol. Sheppurt fought the urge to laugh, although he did admire the Quarian's gumption in pointing a shoota at an Ork easily twice her height.

"I's Kommando Sheppurt. I's been told you's got proof dat Sarrun wos involved in da attak on Edun Da Furst Wun."

"Then I have a way to repay you for saving my life. But not here, we should go somewhere safe."

"The Orkish Embassy should be secure enough."

"Gud finking spiky, altho it duz kontain da Ambassadur Zoggin' Squigbrain."

"I still want ta smash dat git."

The journey up to the Ambassadur's office was largely silent, apart from Ash grumbling about how much he wanted to smash the Ambassadur. The urge only deepened when the mob entered the office.

"WOT DA ZOG IS YOU DOIN' SHEPPURT!"

"Nise to see you too Ambassadur."

"Shootin' up da wards, startin' a zoggin' Waaagh! in dat titty bar ... 'Oo's dis den?"

"Dis bukkit's got da proof we's need."

"My name is Tali. Tali'Zorah nar Rayya."

"Yeh, dat."

"Okays. You betta start at da beginnin', bukkit."

Sighing inwardly, Tali started to recite her story.

"I was on my Pilgrimage when I heard reports of Geth activity. I figured it was worth a look. Any intelligence on the Geth would be of immense use to the Migrant Fleet."

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