ITT: you are a lich. You have 1 phylactery. What is it, and how are you protecting it?

You don't have to be an honest man to look for one. In that case he could have ended his search by looking into a pool of water.

My phylactery is the LG little girl NPC who had a hard life

I will go the good ol' Koschei the Deathless route, and hide it in an island in the middle of nowhere.

It's about to get a bit harder

Something small and personal to me, that I have in a vault hidden deep away.

I protect it by not gaining enemies and just keeping to myself making things that entertain me, occasionally selling my PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWER when I need more pocket money or favors.
After all, who's going to bother killing the Immortal Hermit when all he's done in living memory is teleport the king's castle to the new capital on the king's own request. You can visit if you want but I'll just be a skeleton in pyjamas reading books and petting cats.

A large yacht constantly travelling the ocean manned by my undead minions.

>Is called Koschei the Deathless
>Dies
Really fires up your neurons

Make a demon pact with a Balor or a Pit Fiend. Tell them I'll send them souls in exchange for being my phalactery.

Players need to kill me, figure out which greater demon is my phalactery, go to the abyss or ring of he'll said demon/devil is on, and kill them before I manage to reform.

My phylactery is a song. When I die, my spirit possesses anyone who sings that song. You can only destroy it by making people forget it.
t. evil bard

Don't forget to hide it within an egg within a duck within a herring within a hare within a chest.

on this one I've always thought it was a dumb idea because couldn't the person with detect evil basically just scan detect evil constantly and when they find a stone that radiates pure evil they would find out that was it. Also wouldn't a phylactery radiate evil powerful enough that it would be detectable from long distances

Not just her life

Bind that shit to twinkle twinkle.

make it a watch or some other keepsake and keep it in the open in the desk that is in my second apartment. Absolutly no one looks for shit that is just left in the open

The legendary intelligent sword that negates my total DR is my Phylactery. It was also the Neutral Good half of my soul, and asks to be destroyed after vanquishing my Neutral Evil half. Think Terminator 2, "there's one more thing left to destroy"

my dick
condom

A simply coin.
Travel.
Use it as money.
Let the global market and economy do the rest.

A chunk of ice. That I threw into the ocean.

Go away Voldemort.

A gold coin dropped in the ocean. No problem in reforming there.

Or gate to the moon. But then it is better go full Power Ranger and make my base there.

...

Ill make it some sort of item without a ton of monetary value, just sentimental. Then I will leave a pube on it.

We've been over this, the solution is either to kill her, then you, then Res the LG little girl. Or make her into a Paladin that you cannot kill.

Another lich. I am also his phylactery. too.

If only there was a cursed crew of pirates looking for Aztec coins.

A cookie, they I'll proceed to cum on it every once in a while leaving a thick dry layer of my man juice.

Or they go the longer way and stab you in the gut and dig.

My estranged lich ex-wife whose phylactery I am.

I remember Veeky Forums writing a trashy romance novel based off of this concept.

Shows you the average intelligence of Veeky Forums wiz-fags, doesn't it.

It's a one by one meter block of Adamantine.

Is it inconspicuous? No.

Is it stupidly secure in some middle of nowhere plane? No.

Is it really really really hard and nigh indestructable and pretty fucking hard to move?

Yes.

Just spawn camp me, PCs, it'll be easier for you that way. or find something that can bypass my phylactery's hardness.

I explicitly chose this so player characters would have a legitimate chance to deal with it. But still boarders on absurd.

I make my phylactery the concept of concepts.
Sure, I only live once, but when I 'die' I reform in the realm of concepts, as a sentient concept.
I will control the world, as the greatest of all memes.

The whole song? I'd just make it a single chord

I don't know why, but this makes me think of the couple from baby driver

See, this guy knows what lichdom is all about.

It's about spending forever fucking about as a spooky skelemancer. It's not about infinite power, or eternal domination.

It's just achieving maximum comfy, style and spook.

I always wanted to play a chill lich, but no DM ever let me.

You people have forgotten the faces of your fathers.

You ALMOST Kill The Lich, then seal him in concrete until the little girl has a long, happy, life under your watchful guard, protectign and nurturing her.

Then, when she has passed easily into death, you destroy that bastard lich's phylactery and tell him about the lovely life that nice girl had before smiting the everdying shit out of that jerkoff.

Then the ice melts and you're done. Good job.

The Lich will almost certainly have contingencies planned that will ruin this attempt so fast.

To be fair, Liches are pretty fucking top tier in power. Dragons think twice about messing with people who were so autistically devoted to magic they told Death to fuck off.
So unless you're playing a high power level game it's not going to work so well.

Comfy undead though, totally doable.

Make phylactery from a small sphere of adamantine. Cast the sphere into the inner surface of a very large brass pot with a lid. Put the pot in an appropriately evil temple.

The blood red jewel set into the hilt of my sword.

A beautiful, exquisitely hand-crafted hairclip, given to the young daughter of a fisherman in a remote coastal village.

My phylactery is the iron core of the planet.

I put it in the heart of a small child, stop her aging process. To kill me would only cause immense suffering for the child until I burst out of their chest then transplant my precious phylactery to another helpless host.

You teleport back to where you want to be. is not like if you were a martial or something useless

A half eaten onion sandwich

>how are you protecting it?

Already half eaten, plus onion sandwich.

So you die, and reform at the planets core then die again. Then reform and die, then reform and die. I don't see the genius to this plan.

Fucking lazy artists passing off WiP's as finished drawings.

Suppose you don't die.

You've created, effectively, another immortal. An Immortal who will eventually have aged far beyond a regular human lifespan while remaining a small child. Life would be hell for them, and they would want nothing more than to die. So, supposing they find out that they're a phylactery while researching their immortality, they fucking stab their own heart out, and then your phylactery is gone.

That feel when you realise that Paul IS dead

I'd hide it in the ceiling. Nobody looks up there.

>and they would want nothing more than to die
Are you so absolutely sure about that? I would be pretty damn fucking grateful to the guy who gave me eternal life, AND eternal childhood.

A vial of blood in my graveyard tower you fags.

You can't do SHIT as a child, especially in medieval lich times. You'll never have enough physical strength, never have enough authority, you'll constantly have to deal with "adults" younger than you taking charge of you.

The air inside a vial
then break the vial so the air mixes with the normal air
now i will reform where the wind goes.
go on, try to destroy all the air

That's when you pass yourself off as a dwarf.

A wand of create "wand of create wand"

>A Dwarf
>Without beard nor muscles

>then break the vial so the air mixes with the normal air
I'm pretty sure that counts as the destruction of your phylactery.

Otherwise breaking apart or disintegrating other pylacteries doesn't count as destruction and instead is just.. spreading them?

So the party uses detect magic and sweeps the pile of Wands. They find the one that flows black instead of green and breaks it.

A halfling then.

I hate what Harry Potter did to liches. Your phylactery isn't supposed to be any randumb object you want. The lich is an arrogant undead wizard, centuries old, and he's not going to risk the chance some idiot peasant will find his phylactery (which isn't the size of a rock btw, it's an ceremonial object where he stores his soul and important organs. It's recognizable and fragile.) and destroy it.

And nobody wants to respawn stuck inside the belly of a fish.

A human dwarf, user.

>one day a drunken dwarf in a tavern thinks it's a good idea to fart on a torch
>meanwhile a superlich ceases to exist

So make it a qt3.14 and waifu her forever?

You don't die if they destroy your phylactery, you simply can't come back.

A single link in a chain holding a floating city to the ground.
Then I train a bunch of cunt birds to attack anyone climbing up and down the chain.
Break the chain and the city floats into orbit.
Try and get close enough to do something smart and the birds shit all over you.

Proceed to smoke skeleton weed and bone bitches until the civilization inevitably falls then turn the ruins into my floating dungeon and prestige class into dungeon lord.

The wedding ring of my deceased wife, who was buried in a simple grave in our town when I was still mortal. I will let her rest. I will cleanse the world of all who can disturb her. She will rest.

My phylactory is a large, fairly tacky costume crown sitting in a studio warehouse in Hollywood. While reforming I just look like a skeleton prop.
Every once in a while they bring it out for use in some cheesy B movie, and that gives me the opportunity to enthrall an actor or two. They make for good backup minions in the event I need to reestablish my power base.

The core is mostly nickel, though.

If the players heard that then I'm sure they'll mess up the grave even if they couldn't think of a good reason.

I never expose my belly, I always expose my butt

I spared no expense. I took vast sum of wealth I spent I spent my entire life and unlife amassing and purchased the largest mountain in the world. I then carved out that mountain into the world's largest fortress. At the very top is a room for my phylactery. The fortress is designed in a spiral pattern so you must take the longest possible route there. I have enough wards in place to make sure they can't just bypass the whole thing.

I then filled the fortress with the most vicious beasts and lethal traps I could find. Every wall, floor, and most ceilings have traps aplenty. In most rooms the floors are cunning beasts in disguise. And at the before the final one, stands my greatest triumph. A bone golem of a like never seen before. Crafted from the bones of the 4 most powerful adventurers I had done battle with, armor reinforced by ancient dwarves of legend, multiple wards and magical items that allow it to take even the most dangerous of my own spells without flinching. Purely invincible, and the door crafted from pure adamantium, is warded to only open on his death. It is perfect.

And then I dropped the fucking thing in the toilet before I had a chance to put it on the altar with the carefully arranged spotlights to fully show off it's majesty. Now I can't find a plumber that can get past all the deathtraps to get it out. It's going to take centuries to get this fixed!

What's stopping someone from linking to chains together with a longer chain? Cutting your chain from the process.

The birds, obviously.

>the lich's phylactery is his favorite laz-e boy, enchanted to be the most comfy chair in the multiverse.

>"We need to destroy the phylactery!"
"Okay, but have you TRIED sitting in this thing? It's amazing."
>"That's not the point, he's a foul immortal gong against the natural order!"
"Oh shit he's got a mini fridge here! And what's this remote control?"
>"Stop playing with the sound system and prepare the ritual to destroy this infernal device!"
"I don't know.. can't I keep it instead or something?"
>"I miss the days of dread thrones of bone and skulls..."

The phylactery bus the content, not the vial. Unless you make the vial your phylactery

Is, fucking autocorrect

>the players would do the one thing specifically designed to piss of the insane lich and send him on a vindictive rampage
That's exactly what I want them to do.

A gigalich, as I've come to call him, is one of the most powerful characters in my canon.
Basically I made a lv40 character as a joke for a campaign that was nowhere near that level. "Oh yeah you can do it but you'll not be playing." So I decided to expand on a few character ideas that I had for a long time and made Zaranth.

This spiraled out of control and I created a guy that can benchpress half the moon and toss pebbles at the mightiest dragons to turn them into paste. All thanks to stupid template shenanigans.

However, this isn't enough power for the ultimate goal so he meddles in lives of adventurers to get them to come after him so he can eat them to gain more power. He's the mastermind behind the horde of undead that wiped out the paladin's village, etc. All so he can get strong enough to stop the heat death of the multiverse by turning it into an undead.

Anyway, to have fingers in so many pies he makes clones of himself to do shit. Also obviously has fuckhueg amount of undead, including pic related. Phylactery is in a room in this castle giant skeleton thing. Have to fight through powerful undead to get to it.

Open the door and a bunch of clones playing poker turn to look at you.
"Finally, my hand was shit anyway."

There's nothing that explicitly states a phylactery has to be anything. There are examples given like the box with stuff in it, but I personally think it's more interesting to have players go on a quest to find clues as to what it is than killin the lich, walking into next room and smashing the box sitting on a pedestal.

Why would important organs be in the box anyway? It's not like destroying the phylactery kills the lich. You still have to kill the guy after breaking it.

I make it the 2016 Cubs WS trophy. It will be defended for the rest of time

>Your phylactery isn't supposed to be any randumb object you want. The lich is an arrogant undead wizard
Which is why Voldemort explicitly made all his phylacteries from the treasures of his rivals (such as heirlooms from the school's founding fathers), and then stuck each one in an extremely leathal trap. That's pretty fucking arrogant, if you ask me. Not saying HP is some masterwork of literature, but did you honestly even read the books?

That's cute. Bumbling undead masterminds give me unlife.

Then the Inevitables show up because "uguu no one is allowed to live past their natural time." Fucking hate those clockwork assholes.
Always ruining my skelenaps

A single book hidden within the petrified Library of Shadows, forever locked behind an enchanted door in the deepest reaches of Mar van Rook, The Demon City of the Mountains. Known to hold over a million million books, scrolls, and articles from the dawn of the cosmos, any foolhardy hero would die of age before finding the singular instrument of my doom, let alone the bibliographical monsters that roam the library itself.
It's One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, in the Kid's section.

I open a portal in time and fling THAT into the future. Fuck you, Samurai.

>Now your phylactery no longer exists in this time and he just cuts you down without any problems.

Suspended in low earth orbit in a sealed box made of aluminum and walls of force.

Inside is a spell book filled with good spells including teleport without error.

The whole thing is suspended with immovable rods, and lined with lead.

Every 500 years I descend to do some skeleton shenanigans, then die and return to my safe box in the sky

Some sort of goblet or gem or whatever, extremely valuable. I will then dedicate my utmost effort to meme a powerful religion into believing the item is a sacred relic of their faith. Then they will protect said relic and I'll throw in a few lines about how it is a blasphemy to enter the relic's chamber when it's not the sacred decennial celebration day, so that nobody interrupts me when I'm reforming.

...