That Girl

Do you live in the US by any chance?

>Be separated from majority of party, just my warlock and That Girl's rogue as we hide in the woods waiting for enemy soldiers to march through
>We're hiding in the trees, didn't have much time to plan a defense, but we still have the element of surprise
>Trying to suggest plans that can help us take out a big chunk of the army and distract them while the others prepare more defenses, using my AoE warlock spells while she picks off people getting away
>Army comes by
>They don't notice us, we still have plenty of time to figure this out
>She immediatly fires before we even finish planning
>Instead of me going first to effect the most people when the weren't expecting it
>The soldiers find us in the trees immediatly
>She bolts
>I'm left behind to deal with them
>Only able to get rid of a few before I need to escape too
>Need to waste my precious few spell slots to do anything of worth to them without her help
Why didn't you just waaaaaait.

Besides that though she's a fine player.

Can I get a youtube explains on this post? Seriously, fuck.

I wish I had a girlfriend in tabletop so badly

okay so she had really big tits and everybody got too distracted to play
grrr i hated her so much

I once ran a few campaigns for an all-girl group and with two exceptions they always ran all-male parties with the atmosphere rather steeped in homoeroticism.

So I guess all of them collectively, though I've had fun.

I'm pretty sure the girl in the group is into that whole "healslut" thing because every time she heals us she all of a sudden starts breathing hard into the mic. Sometimes she moans.

i have a woman encounter story and no-one will believe me, Crow. what do i do?

Why would that happen?

>not turning a subby twink into your girlfriend so you can LARP ERP after the session.

If fat neckbeards can do it, so can you.

>one of the creepy, greasy tits since I can't look at her hand and not have tits there
What did mean by this?

Most experiences I've had with women in tabletop were positive. In fact, almost all of them. Except ONE. She was THE that girl.
>Hysterical. Has severe troubles spotting the difference between OOC and IC.
>As a result, very fearful for her character - you could have got the impression that she was Blackleaf, and if her characters was to die, so would she.
>For example, once she was very close to dropping to 0 hp - not even dying - and it made her freak out for an entire hour, with tears and begging DM not to attack her anymore.
>Had crippling anxiety every time she had to make any sort of decisions. Choices paralyzed her, and she had to be actively forced to do something.
>Also had an extremely horrible, shirll voice and an annoying accent.

And you know the worst part? None of this was her fault, and me and the whole table pitied her. She had really troubled family, and her mother fucking hated her guts and would often abuse her for no reason. On numerous occasions she forgot to turn off her microphone, and we listened to her cry, as her mother screamed at her. If this is how she was raised, no wonder she came out screwed up.

Eventually, however, we had to realize her mental health is not our responsibility. We wanted to have fun, not listen to her cry for hours and hold therapy sessions. We let her go, and while we felt really shitty about ourselves, it was like a breath of fresh air.

...

Oz. I would say you're close, but you're nowhere near.

100 kg is about 220lbs and 1.5 meters is about 4ft 11 in. That's definitely obese right there.

In Australia, we also use kilos and meters. I was aware that 100kg is heavy.

You may have noticed me saying the girls I know are more muscular. Muscle weighs more than fat. Hence why I thought 100 was a chubby weight, not a ridiculously obese sausage fingers who can't attract even fat neckbears.

Fuck man, I know that feel. Used to have a player that had all sorts of mental and physical issues. He wasn't a bad person but was disruptive and just kind of depressing to be around. I hadn't seen him for a long time but I heard that he was prostituting himself for drugs. Every time I think about it I have to remind myself that there wasn't anything more that I could have done and that his life choices are not my responsibility.

Holy fuck, how ripped are these girls that you know? 4' 11" at 220 is pretty fucking massive. Are they fucking body builders?

>tfw this lucky user is surrounded by musclegirl shortstacks

I'm convinced he's fucking up a measurement somewhere, according to google at most the ideal weight is at most like 130ish pounds, or 54 kilos. If they weigh almost twice that they have to be fucking hueg someway or another.

I think this is some kind of horrible amalgamation of various that girl/guy stories

So either user thinks he's more clever than he is, or an AI is experimenting with communicating with us and is trying to fit in?

She may be 5 ft flat, I don't know your backwards american measurements. She's short AF. Also strong, and sitting on somewhere around F/G+ cups. I don't know her exact measurements (what with me not being close/suave enough to ask without it being weird) but I know she's somewhere around 90-100 kilos.

Much like ripped fat guys, she's got clear muscles under her chub.

Also she's taken by my tallest friend, which is hilarious when they try to kiss.

The latter wouldn't be the first time.

from your description she's proper muscular then, not some crazy body builder who focuses entirely on muscle definition. For your metric measurements 5ft flat is about 152cm. A normal weight for a woman at that height would be about 42-54 kilograms.

Underrated

>LARP ERP
this is one of the funniest things I've ever read and I don't know why

Haven't seen this pasta in a while. Nice.

>tfw no attractive That Girl to tease you with her in-character actions
>tfw you dont take up on it because it's sort of awkward(albeit flattering) she's being subtly sexual towards your character with hers
>tfw she doesn't up and just starts groping you after one of the sessions because she grown impatient waiting for you to pick up on her signals

porn tier writing, yes, but I want to feel love and one of my greatest turn-ons is assertiveness. Begone, you mumbling, "im okay with it if youre okay with it", indecisive women.

When was the first time?

>girl shows up every week at AL
>only time she isn't on her phone is when it's her turn in combat
>never rps
>always plays barbarian but doesn't even bother to rage
>always comes with bogusly high hp and ac and doesn't respond when you call her out on it

At least she's kinda attractive

I knew someone like that. It feels bad to cut them out of your life, but like you said it's not your responsibility to fix them.

>Playing Pathfinder with a meh GM to begin with
>Great fellow player has to quit due to frustrating work schedule
>GM looks for new player, makes GMPC in the interim
>Finally gets up the courage to ask us if it's okay if his gf plays
>We all agree we don't mind as long as she can actually make it to the sessions, we don't want another person flaking on us
>She agrees, we begin to discuss as an online group what the party has, and what our previous PC was, so that she can integrate easily into the mix
>She seems to understand, claims understanding of the game's rules, and the setting, we're ready to have her join
>She misses what was supposed to be her very first session
>And then the second, too.
>When she finally shows up for the third, I'm already angry because she did literally the one thing we all didn't want her to do, which was miss sessions
>She's about 5', pear shaped, sagging chest, stringy-haired, droopy face
>Not the worst possible looking hambeast gargoyle, but holy shit, she fucking acts like she's a golden goddess that mortal man is blessed to look upon
>Turns out she didn't make her character during the extra three weeks she had
>So our session becomes making her character for her, like literally for her, as in, she doesn't seem to know even the first fucking rule of the game
>She's too good for the normal character sheets, so she gets a special one that has a bunch of shit on it from a different system that doesn't even apply
>She decides on a Half-Elven Ranger that dual-wields Scimitars and has an Animal Companion
>Fuckingkillme.jpg
Cont.

>Her boyfriend, the GM, basically makes her character from scratch, and to his credit, doesn't make her OP or give her much special treatment besides a bit of extra gold because she's new and is bound to fuck up
>She doesn't know what to spend any of that gold on, so I literally do her shopping for her and buy all of her items, and then hand them to her on a piece of paper so that we can move on
>She's godawful to actually play with
>Doesn't know anything about the rules, won't even take the time to read her class or her own character sheet
>When asked her AC, she just shows her sheet to the other PC sitting next to her and they tell her what it is
>Every time she attacks, everyone else adds her modifiers up for her
>She thinks she's smart enough in life to be able to do things in the game, but doesn't grasp the concept that metagame knowledge can't be used to influence character actions
>Besides that, her 'metagame knowledge' can be summed up in any boy scout's first year
>"Hurr you can sharpen branches to make spears"
>"Hurr, you can double back over your trail to make yourself harder to track"
>GM won't explain that none of this out-of-game shit really applies because she's the alpha in their relationship
>But if any other PC explains it, she gets butthurt for people stepping on her ideas
>She forgets she even has an Animal Companion
>Her horrible decision making is draining our resources, causing other people to become more stressed during fights
>GM doesn't give her special treatment, to his credit, but fuck, she's bad enough on her own, and he won't step in because she has his balls in a bag

>Losing her character sheet and having to rewrite it from scratch
>Completely unaware of what's actually in the setting, citing cultures, races, religions, etc. that don't fucking exist.
>Getting mad at the rest of the party for spending time on things they like that she doesn't like
>Getting mad at the GM during fights where her awful character can't contribute
>Getting mad at me for shitting on her ideas by citing rules that contradict them
>Getting mad at other characters just for being good
>Finally turns up one session with another person in tow
>Turns out that's her boyfriend
>Turns out her relationship with GM is polyamorous
>So she sits in the middle of the two of them, and both her boyfriends know how to play, so they both make her decisions
>And they both vie for her attention romantically, in plain view of all of the rest of us
>She acts like a fucking god-queen deigning to grace the table with her presence
>All other PCs are visibly frustrated at the magnitude of attention-whoring that has replaced our actual decent campaign
>Due to reasons not made public, her and GM break up
>He's a little hurt, but everyone, I mean everyone, is happy that she's gone
>She plays with us for one more session, and it's not awkward or anything
>Actually, probably the best session we ever had with her
>Then she makes up some shit about her work and doesn't play with us anymore
>As soon as she's given up on us and we've gotten to relax without her, she starts to contact a fellow bro PC with clearly flirtatious intent
>She also does the same thing to GM, despite them having just broken up
>GM actually kind of goes for it
>Everyone just wants to fucking choke her

Our Cthulhu group actually used to have more girls than guys, and all three of them were pretty fuckin great. Good looking, even, if you can believe that shit.
I still GM two of them in a Pathfinder game, a game I actually made at the request of one of them, who has been my long term gf since then.
Honestly, there's no 'That Girl' story here. I just kinda wanted to brag. We're real fuckin happy together, and we love Veeky Forums. Pretty great.

Sounds more like the GM is at fault more than she is. Even the worst people can be fun to play with if they're made to follow the rules.

Almost believable up till
>polyamorous

This shit is more likely than you think. I literally met a poly girl at one point (not playing rpgs though).

Utah has three unlikely markets it supports.

Geek Culture, Polyamory, and an extreme BDSM community as a result of extreme sexual repression.

All three are a result of Mormonism.

I didn't think it was possible to be a good GM from the cuckshed.

>geek culture
>result of Mormonism
Explain.

Get ready for some feels
>be me
>DM
>girl is dating guy that is my friend in group
>let's call him C, her B
>best friend also in group
>he will be O
>she doesn't roleplay at all
>only ever plays the same dwarven warrior
>whatever, still a great game
>C goes on family vacation
>game stops for a month
>one day, B and O hang out
>they end banging after
>I find out through O
>whatthefuck.jpg
>force B to tell C what she has done
>B blames O for the whole deal
>she has cheated in relationships before
> want to burn bitch at the stake
>go on to game group chat and tell everyone what she has done
>tears group apart
>lost group and friends
>me and best bud have to go find a new group

I hate her so much

80% of the state is a religion that is passive aggressive towards anything related towards Sex, Alcohol, Drugs, Coffee, and Snapple Tea.

Your options are Binge Watching every anime on Netflix, going to the FLGS, Vidya, or being part of the whitest sports teams in the US.

Even Time Magazine aknowledes it:
time.com/78149/nerdiest-state/

>I literally met a poly girl at one point
is that phrasing supposed to convince me?

DESU it was O's fault. He should have said "nah bitch I don't fuck my friends girl." Women are emotional creatures and will often act on feels without thinking about consequences, O's should have kept his dick in his pants then called C immediate after. Also you really shouldn't have gotten involved

I've lived in Utah for a number of years, and I can safely say that Mormons are the most stereotypical upstanding white people you will ever meet. Plus the whole no drugs (caffeine counts as a drug to Mormons), no alcohol, no being friends with people outside the church, etc.

Magic the gathering and D&D are the only things you have left to socialize in that situation unless you're a dude-bro who does nothing but sports.

Well that certainly explains it. Sounds like it sucks to live there though.

Don't judge!

My current cleric character is basically in a d/s relationship with the party fighter as her healer and it's elating.

But we're not being that girls because the whole rest of the group is doing relationship stuff too.

It's honestly not that bad. You drive to Provo or Salt Lake to go to the bars, and Online Dating actually works to meet attractive chicks. Fetlife is Fucking Nuts though, and Polyamory/Swinging is pretty damn common.

It gets insane though... give me a minute and I'll give you guys a cuckoldry screencap of "It'll get passed around as a Filename for a couple weeks" proportions.

>Always interested in table top. Download 4e PDFs years ago and read from them once but seemed too complex at the time and know my other friends aren't committed enough.
>One year ago get new job, meet cool coworker who i'm best friends with now. Start talking about it and gets me into Pathfinder campaign that's only had 4 sessions so far at local game store
>DM is cool as shit, have lots of fun even though one player never plays again and the other is a troll who leaves battle to chase after fleeing noncombatants we saved for miles so he can set them on fire. He gets kicked out after the next week.
>Friend and I are only players for 5 weeks
>That Girl and her boyfriend show up. That Girl is coincidentally new hire at our workplace. My friend and her didn't even recognize each other but she recognized me. Pure coincidence that she showed up. Same week some super annoying guy also starts playing.
>DM's method of making characters for people is asking "how do you play skyrim?" and apparently she said she just hides and heals Lydia.
>DM helps her make a favored soul drow character, follower of Olidammara. Her boyfriend plays her human fighter loveslave or something, is some sort of cuck and won't shut up about how small his penis is every session.
Where it gets bad is when we actually start playing.
>Worst mistake. She is the last person in the world who should be playing a caster.
>She's hot in a very conventional sense. I prefer bigger thighs so i don't really care. She's has IRL intelligence score of 6 and has a trashy septum piercing.
>Literally incapable of playing game. When her turn comes up she always says she will hold action.
>Is our party's only healer. For some reason she can't be assed to go up and heal people, unless they're her boyfriend or we beg her to. Even then she can't even figure out how to roll 2d8 and add a number.
>Every session DM tells her she should write down her spells.

>Turns out her relationship with GM is polyamorous

BIG
FAT
FUCKING
RED
FLAG

Of the three things he listed, it's the geek culture bit that got you interested?
What steps do you intend to take to make this happen?
>"It'll get passed around as a Filename for a couple weeks" proportions.
Calm down, Wayne.

That's because he explained the last two and they make perfect sense. Sexual repression can lead to some horny motherfuckers. Religion causing nerds is a bit odd however.

>Be Mormon

>Literally have no friends within the church

>All friends met throughout the years are non members

>They have given far more love and understanding than any of my wards peers ever did

>Still meet up to play rpgs after all these years

Small mercies and blessings user. Small mercies and blessings...

OH HIGH, IT'S GNOSTICISM. HERE TO SAY HELLO.

Also, Monks.

I'm not that asshole, but alright, Whatever you say...

Wait... that's epic?

user... how long have you been on fetlife?

Alright, I named it in a hurry. Epic is a drastic exaggeration.

Why are you still Mormon?

cont.
>she does and then loses them.
>Her boyfriend loses his character sheet and has to reroll. The annoying guy does this twice, but ends up enlisting so he stops coming and it doesn't matter.
>Her boyfriend is frequently absent due to his job. We assume she comes because he wants to play, but it turns out to be the other way around. Can't figure out why when she doesn't pay attention to anything that happens and can't do anything in combat. This is their first tabletop game as well and for some reason she's already bought 5 different sets of dice.
>Our DM has ADD or something and can't go 30 minutes without telling an unrelated anecdote about some generic video game he played or an episode of Archer. That Girl only makes problem worse because she constantly distracts him.
>One week they just don't show up. Never told anyone. We're waiting around so my gf who just came to watch that week has DM help her make character just for fun. Eventually we realize they're not coming and DM insists she joins us. She has lots of fun and picks up game quickly.
>NExt week guess who's back.
>Still shitting up the game. Combat takes twice as long. One week I am on watch in wilderness and wake everyone up as basilisks approach our camp.
>Says she wants to just stay in her tent
Why the fuck is she even here??? I can't see because the grid mat is the other direction but apparently my gf and our friend are giving each other annoyed looks about her constantly
>My friend rolls a new charcter who is basically Half Orc Don Quixote. Most ridiculous character ever and DM thinks he's derailing the RP. DM doesnt' get it at first and tries to punish us for a couple sessions, but then he realizes we're all about getting by on crazy hijinx rather than being powergaming tryhards. Plays along and our party becomes famous and awesome.
>That Girl continues to be a detriment to our team, to point our other friend who joined as wizard has to reroll to someone who can heal.

>Be in game for a couple years
>Knew group for years prior, good people if a little power-gamey
>Suddenly girl
>Thirsty player politely asks everyone else to stay away from her because he really likes her
>Everyone agrees
>Gets cucked by the GM who swears "he never did anything, it just happened"
>Game quickly dies, group breaks up
>Haven't talked to anyone from it in the longest time after getting job
>Last thing I heard she ended up with another member of the group after the GM was done

>Thirsty player politely asks everyone else to stay away from her because he really likes her
What the hell kind of human beings call "dibs?" It's dating, not the last bottle of grape fanta. Girl has no agency at all, right?

>Join Roll 20 game
>DM is grill
>Openly talks about sex in to much detail. talks about her kinks
>Have one on one session to establish my character and get me to the party
>Has NPC Brazenly flirting with my character (I'm talking blunt as a metal baseball bat)
>One player has a "cursed gauntlet" forces him to roll will saves the first time a day when he see the female party members
>Won't tell me what it does, feels like a rape gauntlet.
>Confont player in private and ask him wtf it is because this feels off
>Explains it wasn.t his idea and that TLDR a demon woman thing has his obsession and if he fails the save he thinks the female is that person and he wants to protect/fuck them
>Ask him to keep this between us, he runs to DM. I get kicked after one session

>Our other friend who also started playing has to reroll and play caster so we can actually be healed
>Actually manage to get by pretty decently.
>Our group only has one core book. My friends and I all use PDFs or the SRD, so we don't have anything on hand to look shit up.
>That Girl insists on hoarding the book to use as her spell list, even though she never ever casts any spells.
>One time Druid asks to see so he can look at what he can turn into.
>Refuses to let go of book.
>One week we end right before boss because store is closing for the night. Her boyfriend was absent.
>Shows up next week with his 3rd character because he keeps losing his. Hear's we're gonna fight a kraken. "Oh this is Krunk's fault isn't it?"
>Constantly tries to hijack tone of the game and be tryhard even though we left behind any super serious tone to the game weeks ago in favor of having fun. He just hasn't been there.
>Every week Girl has gotten worse. She can't even make an ability check anymore even though you only add 2 numbers together. For some reason their dice collection has doubled, as well.
>Every week DM has tried to tell her to pay attention. One week he even confiscated her phone and it still didn't help. Tells her she really needs spell list.
>Everyone in party is exasperated but she's not actively trying to make the game shit and it's technically being run by the game store(DM is a co-founder) so he can't just boot someone for that.
>Final straw gets dropped. DM takes a serious scolding tone, but isn't even yelling at her or anything. Tells her if she doesn't write down a list of spells and bring it she won't have any spells anymore.
>That Girl is visibly shaken, completely taken by surprise. So unaware that she's done anything wrong at all.
>Boyfriend gets defensive. Next day is texting my friend about how he's pissed off about it.
>Thankfully they never show up again
It's just so hard to watch someone play for 4 fucking months and never learn a single thing.

>Blackleaf
I can't tell if this is true or just a Jack Chick reference

Barkley? Or Jon?

I still defend the fact I did nothing

Oh boy to I have a story for you.
>Be grill.
>Be desperate for game, wasn't using Roll20 because fuck Roll20.
>Go to LGS and join PF game. Group is pretty cool, like 12 players that rotate depending on who shows up, only 1 autist, nobody spills spaghetti. All around pretty fun.
>Queue "That Girl." This was at the era when the cringe Creepypasta fandom was a thing.
>She fucking loves Slenderman and Yaoi. She asks if I had seen Marble Hornets. I reply "I've heard of it, yeah."
>Jesus save me I know not what I did.png. I am now her best friend. I also must like Slenderman and Yaoi.
>Every time I go to the store she orbits me, despite her nearly having gravity of her own, and plays the loudest goddamn meme videos on her phone between showing off weird and sometimes furry porn.
>I lack the assholishness at this stage in my life to tell her to fuck off.
>Eventually store owner hears her blaring the fucking Torrets Guy video at top volume, has enough, tells her to fuck off, tell me to fuck off too for being the parasites host.
>FML.

>>I lack the assholishness at this stage in my life to tell her to fuck off.
Sometimes, you have to pay a tax. Your tax was getting kicked out of a game store in order to become less of a doormat.

Seems like a decent trade.

Do what us men do: constantly make up excuses for why you don't want to hang out, with things like work n' shit.

Eventually, over time, she'll get so bored of trying to get a hold of you when you're not "busy" that she'll give up and move on. I've done it before and it's easy.

Yellow was best

It was only at the store. But jesus trying to play PF when the avatar of DeviantArt was hovering around you.
I was retarded but I wasn't retarded enough to give her any contact info.

>Had a girl who was pretty cool playing with us for board game night
>She said she had played a decent deal of boardgames before
>Playing Cosmic Encounter
>Everyone talks to her like she's a complete newbie and explaining rules she already had a complete understanding of and constantly interrupting me who was the owner and normally the teacher of the game.
>Guys makes awful negotiations that benefited her more than anyone
>Cheering when she won as only me and one other person seemed to be playing to win throughout the whole thing

Bonus story, guy brings his girlfriend to boardgames when she shows little interest, yadda yadda, she ends up playing the game only to fuck everyone else up and help her boyfriend win, no one had fun that night. I wish I had more women in my group but they always go one way or the other on fucking us up.

I see Google is now using deep mind to try and make that guy stories.

You have to make your own.
Pro-tip, start small. Board games, maybe. Work your way up from there, bit by bit.

>Make your own
Nah man I know how this shit ends.

...

Personally I don't really care, things like that happen.

>give me a minute
>one hour and 40 minutes ago

My gf (female) decided to come to a game and was a really annoying player. She wanted to murderhobo in an investigation/horror game.

it took the guy 10 minutes, retard

Not unlikely as it seems, I met two poly girls in my small city. Huge fucking red flag, at least for me.
I was kinda hooking up with one of them when she mentioned it, I bailed so hard that if I had actually jumped out of the window no one would've even. batted an eye.

To her credit, she was aware enough that she felt she had to tell me before any serious involvement, so there's that.

B is a bitch, O is an asshole.

>you could have got the impression that she was Blackleaf

It's a reference for the purpose of comparison

>gf (female)

so fucking sick of transphobic people in this hobby. if you're not ready to date a beautiful woman (male) you need to go back to Alabama you fucking Nazi.

How was the first girl That Girl? It's your other players' fault for being stupidely desperate.

And that's why people should mind their own goddam business

I'm not into penis or anything that had a functional penis at any point. I also want kids, so a woman (male) is dealbreaker. A man will always genetically be a man no matter how much he mutilates himself to try to become a pale imitation of a woman.

Inb4 I identify as attack helicopter.

I used to have a polyamorous couple in my game. Only it wasn't the guy getting cucked, they were strictly looking for other chicks.

It was a little obnoxious when they'd whip out their phones and start loudly using tinder between combat rounds, but otherwise they seemed pretty normal.

user, a height of 1,5 meters and a weight of 100 kg gives you a BMI of fucking 47. That's not "moderate chub". That's "you're not going to live through the next five years" fat.

If you actually claim to know several people like this, there are two options: Either you don't understand the measurements, or you live in some kind of lard-infested hellscape.