Field Kit Inspection: Tables of Valor Edition

Very well, though the rudeness exudes]d from you at an unfettered rate. I reccomend Dr Ogrynoggerys medicinal amasec pills. They help ease stress.

Rolled 41 (1d100)

>rolling to matrix dodge the newspaper
>+5 for training

>he barely seems to notice the impact
>a second late he whips around to face the commissar, wielding a vaguely spoon-like implement
Sir, I haven't even SEEN this thing before! How in the Emprah's name am I meant to eat with it if I don't even know what it is?

>The Commissar's face, would become a mish-madh of pure, unadulterated "ANGER!", Not unlike the kind Fuklaw usually has.

>tfw your regular commisar is sick on penis inspection day, and the substitute is a girl commisar

>The newspaper would land with a loud "THWACK!", that would resounding throughout the spare dining room they were using.
And that is why we are here! To show you!

If you had simply taken the time to sit in on one of my many "etiquette for troopers" classes, between campaigns. We wouldn't all be in this situation!

what is wrong with your face? you seem to be pushing lots of blood up to your head giving the image of great rage.

>he puts on his helm

Ow.
>Rolling to evolve a thick skin on the back of my head
>60+

Rolled 32 (1d100)

>Matthias meanwhile, has been completely excused from the mock dinner. Having already passed the Commissar's "Etiquette for troopers" classes months ago.

Is cooking Grox Steak with flame throwers if it's too under cooked improper?

>The combat medic; dressed up in his fanciest set of plate armour. Would be seated next to Sergeant Van Kleez. Trying to help him where he can.

No, no. You've got to put it here... I think? L-lets try it the OTHER way...

>The young Scout would nod his head at this.

I believe so, Magos. I would suggest if such a thing happens, you politely ask for it to be taken back, and cooked longer.

Oh please, left to right it's small fork large fork plate large knife small knife and spoon. Only you peons could blunder so obviously.

Etiquette for troopers...
>memories of hearing muffled talk of 'politeness' and 'hygiene' from within the briefing tent he was doing coke behind
Uh, I think I was busy for those ones.

>he's got knives in a pile on one side of the plate and forks on the other
Aw come on, won't this do? I'll just use whichever one's on top.

>Pvt O'corn would stand at attention
WRAAAAAGH

>the brother-apocithary takes a seat and watches the surroundings and their struggling with the damnable manners thing

how goes it scout? keeping healthy? any problems with your physique? and if there is come ask me NOT THAT DAMNABLE SISTER HOSPITALER.

>The techpriest moves the cutlery in different positions surrounding his plate, each time getting more and more confused
AAAAAAA! This is why we got our cutlery built int our hands!

Have you tried not being an uneducated tech-peasant?

>The young Broken Shields Scout, would go somewhat wide eyed, for but a split second, before bowing before the marines before him.
>His eyes would take a moment to examine the larger marine's pauldrons for his chapter symbol.

Very well, Mi'lord.

>Speaking in an incredibly posh English accent
Why HELLO there my lovely acquaintances. How lovely to meet you. It seems I have been assigned to your regiment as of late.

Hey now, I'm not a tech peasant, more like a tech serf

Indeed, it is such a shame about all these uneducated weaklings loitering about in this most spacious and noble abode is it not? Don't you just hate the poor?

>The Commissar would smack the 'man' with his bundled up newspaper.

Lower your voice! We are in a dining room! Not the battlefield!

Of course it is! Why would it NOT be! We're eating well cooked steak! Not Catachan style Tyranid barbaque!

You have all the time in the world, Sergeant! Even Captain Wyvern made time to take my class. Passed it with flying colours even!

>Another smack to the head, resounds through the room.

LEARN!

Then tend to the rice fields you filthy leech.

WELL COOKED STEAK
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I liked you better when you were a simpleton

Ah, the intellect certainly does have a vast range among these people, but I am not judging. Sometimes the poor are better left poor.

And I liked you better when you were a toaster.
Now stop talking and assist the dirt in its standard growth cycle.

>the marine chuckles slightly

are you a scout? your not very observant, but we all have draw backs

>his white Pauldren has the design of a blood stained sword stuck in a old terran hieroglyph for xeno, his black holds a stylised I, evidence of his service in the death watch

I'm brother Vexus of the wrathful blade, well met brother

>he holds out a hand for a hand shake

And sometimes the unworthy have to be made poor. Such is the burden of the educated...

>The marine would hear from behind him, a voice he likely never wanted to hear.

Oh, ho~! Did I hear someone talking about me, just now?

>The Sergeant would feel a soft, silky texture upon his back, as something heavy presses up against it.
*half a second later, a pair of slender arms would reach around him, and would begin to help rearrange the utensils to their proper spot.

That's not how that goes, dear~... It's more like this... Understand?
You could always ask me for help, you know?

Yes yes perhaps the poor and uneducated ought to be made soldiers and not anything else. it is clear they have no other role
>I'd be thinking about the mindless droves of Necron warriors who are as dumb as rocks and only exist for war

>The priest shudders in fear
P-please d-d-don't come near me

>The Scout would stand up, and would shake his 'Brothers' hand.

Initiate Nathaniel Avalon, of the Broken Shield Chapter. It is an honour to be in the presence of a current member of the Death-Watch.

T'is truly the only service they can provide for their betters.

Tell me friend, you seem like someone of high intellect...
>I'd shuffle the Ogryn into a corner where nobody would pay attention to us
Do you seek more knowledge?

What seems to be the matter, honourable Enginseer? Do you perhaps need assistance with your utensils as well?

>the apocathery stops dead, and slowly turns to look at the wretched being

Greetings "Sister" how goes your defilement of the troopers? well I hope. because I am the one who has to help them when YOU cause them in nessacery PROBLEMS.

>his anger is very noticeable

>he releases his hand and searches his memory

I'm afraid I don't know of your chapter young one, but the honours mine. it is refreshing to see a respectful initiate especially among these well meaning but ...... unique regiment.
barring a few

>he glares at the sister hospitaler

Well I could never say no to more knowledge, I find it to be the blood of living itself!.

>The priest recoils in fear
Please don't touch my utensils... I don't want to have to go to a therapist like the others

>When nobody was looking, I'd activate a Necron artifact, instantly making the man more attracted towards it
>This would show a pale green light, with beams coming from it
>The beams would zap your temple area of your skull, turning your eyes a bright green and inputting knowledge of the War in Heaven
>You'd feel an urge to seek more from the Necrontyr
>Again to re-iterate to people, nobody notices this, we established we went to an area where nobody would notice us
youtube.com/watch?v=4q2e8lnqwwk

>grabbing the tech preist, I place him behind me and away from the sister

go back to the med bay, or the nearest equivalent and stop harassing this unit, "sister"

>I place my hand near my knife

you at being very unpleasant

Luckily I brought my fine dining mecadendrite and my nice robes
> he's wearing robes that aye extremely >black with a strange shimmer like the >night sky and a trim of very dark crimson >red.All of his various metal parts are >shined and sparkle
>He's looking styling

I suddenly have a crippling urge to kill eldar

Come with me, upstairs, disciple

you now have my respect, let me know when we can begin DEATH TO THE BLACK KNIFE EARS

Sounds good whoever you are.

I owe you my life and what's left of my sanity

And then loot their corpses?
Because while the wraithlord looks really nice as a decoration in my quarters a second one would be nice

>When we went upstairs into an empty room, I'd lock the door
>I'd engage you into a deep trance using my Necrontyr artifact
>You would now at this moment feel no consciousness
>It was time for my work to be started
>I'd begin replacing your natural organs with necron robotics
>Your right arm would be replaced by a tesla flayer
>You are now an ally to the Necrons
>Your body has been replaced with robots
youtube.com/watch?v=wGwGzR1ugT0

>he smiles at the tech priest

they are your own, but use them for the emperor and his divine will, not on I. go and get a drink, it will steady your nerves

Wow I am pretty sure that the old ones are tasty. Wouldnt it be great to enslave some solar radiation and make a necrodermis body for it?

Your title is, Lord Rogg

I've found mentioning the you know whos usually drives them off

Well I guess it is already that time of they day, and I did miss my morning recaf
>The priest procures a recaf cup from within his robes, and fills it with something that is definitely not recaf

This is the best day of my relative unlife. Can we go murder knife ears now?

what do you mean tech priest? explain.

>the marine takes a seat an knocks back what looks like rocket fuel with a mark SPACE WOLVES GRADE, DO NOT DRINK IN ONE" on the side.

go

You know those guys who show up to fight daemons and get it fights with the space wolf's
The uh big I space marines

the "grey" variety? they were rude arse holes make no mistake, they got along with the ultramarines well enough

First we must take down knife-ear collaborators
>I'd go in to whisper
The Imperium

WRAAAAAAGH
>When is dinner?

>my heresy sense is tingling

youtube.com/watch?v=XbGs_qK2PQA

there is a strange feeling from the vox, like a million heresies were whispered out in evil and were at once shushed by the mastermind

Sister? Can I have you check the skin around my implants? I want to make sure I'm taking proper care of it.

don't do it, shes going to cause more harm than good

>the marine warns, before he knocks back another bottle of "mead" his vision shaking slightly

Wow, the knife ears puppeteer the imperium? This must be stopped! Who do I murder?

But she's the only medical professional that we have. It's best to get it looked at while we have one

Rolled 84 (1d100)

Of course, Magos! It would be an honour.

>She would bring the Magos out of the room. Closing the doir behind them.
>Rolling for how thorough an examination it is.

>I'd whisper to the man
The commissar

I'm a me3dical professional, well at least a drunk one. but ive given my warning
>he puts down his drink and waits for the magos to come out, wondering what ill have to fix this time

Rolled 95 (1d100)

Thank you
>she gets lead in
>rolling for resistance

The commisar? Why is that? I was pretty sure he hated xenos!

You have been deeply lied to, my disciple. You know deep down it is what has to be done.

>for nearly an hour now, he has sat completely frozen
>his eyes are wide with fear and his breathing is shallow
>eventually there is the familiar LED and hissing sound, and he sags in his seat
Is... Is she g-gone?

[lets see if he has a conscious]

[could you two roll or is it like akin to mind control?]

Very well then, I shall see to it. You would not happen to own a teleporter and a large necrotic explosive would you?

For now, she took the magos out into the hall.

Rolled 21 (1d100)

>Rolling to counter this.

she is gone guardsman, she has gone to torture another. emprah preserve me, what do I have to fix now?

>he lets out a breath and shudders
Oh thank the Emprah. Quick, someone lock the door.

FOR FUCK'S SAKE I SAID LOCK IT!
>he dives under the table

something wrong "sister"? HAHAHAHAHA

>he looks around for the magos

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>There would be sounds of a scuffle breaking out from behind the doorway. Things being dropped, furniture being moved around.
>These sounds would go on for several moments, before another noise would be heard.
>I-... Is that moaning?
>Yeah... That's 100% moaning...
>This goes on for nearly ten minutes, before everything on the other side of the doorway goes quiet.
>It would be another full minute of silence, before the door the two had left through, would open up, and the Hospitaller would enter. A look of horror, yet bliss upon her face, as she goes to take her seat.

>Luciena follows, wiping some substance off her tendrils with a small cloth
Until next time my dear
>she giggles and grabs some mead

>The priest jams his fingers into his ears and begins mumbling prayers to the Omnissiah, begging his forgiveness for witnessing such heresies.

>His brow would be raised questioningly towards her, as she takes her seat.

What in the Eye of Terror happened in there?

magos, you earn this through acts even a space marine would fear

>I toss the large space marine level alcohol to the magos

DRINKS ARE ON ME HAHAHAHAHAHA

So about the equipment I'm going to use to save the imperium from eldar...

>a long straw protrudes from under the table
Be a b-brother and stick this in a bottle, wouldya?

>I'd give Lord rogga a single trachyon arrow, an extremely high explosive anti-matter necron device, and a personal teleporter

Allright, be back in a jiffy!

>a very large bottle of astares mead, enough to kill a regular man in one sitting is placed under the straws end and music plays from his speaker.

>its safe to say the good brother is very drunk and probably very quick to change temperament

MEAD FOR EVERYONE HAHAHAHA