Wife told me last week she wants a divorce

Keep us updated

Will Monero moon?

lul just say you bought crypto and sent ur funds to a wrong wallet, gg ez.

>mfw searching for buried usb sticks and old hard drives with crypto is the next gold mining/oil drilling boom

This is larp.

Attorneys will get bank records and see the drain. Even if they can't find your crypto,the judge will royally fuck you for doing this.

how does dog know what throttle control is

>I bought drugs

How did you "drain" the bank account.

Anything other than cash and her lawyer will just keep working on the case until she can prove you still have the money.

FYI you can still be sued even years after the divorce is over.

Keep the money safe for a while and spend it slowly.

gazette.com/teller-county-man-claims-he-dumped-gold-in-landfill-during-divorce-dispute/article/1508220

Lmfao this

ooh, a skim to satan

>the judge will royally fuck you for doing this.
for spending your own money? wow being married sucks

Good for you OP, excellent plan

user, unironically tell the judge you’re not going to pay her a dime and you spent it all on drugs

After a 5-7 year prison sentence; you will be the fucking KING of Hodl, and you will leave jail swole as fuck and a billionaire. Report back in half a decade and let us know how it went

>lying on the internet.

>until she can prove you still have the money
not with monero

...

>literally internet pirates searching for digi-treasure
Is life becoming steam punk?

>Bank account disappears
>You sitting slyly in the corner
>Coyly ask "WHERE'D IT GO??? LOL"

Pretty sure they know you have it hidden somewhere and will just jail your ass.

This isn't a bad idea though.

Why are people marrying again?

>getting jailed for hiding your own money
Can we all take a step back to reflect on how cucked we are?

Good, fuck that hoe trying to make off with all your cash. She wants to leave you, she can leave your money too. Pull a and claim you destroyed the keys under the stress of divorce.
That is assuming the courts ever know about those keys.
Admitting to a ficticious crime to avoid other charges is a terrible idea. Especially when you claim to spend $200k on drugs.
You need to prove that before jailing someone. Suspicion isn’t good enough

>i was trying to buy buttcoin with monero and i accidentally the wrong wallet

I'm assuming it's you and your wife who are the only people that can access your bank account. If she didn't drain it It's pretty obvious who did.

This is actually an amazing idea.

No one can repossess your private keys making crypto unforecloseable and unliquidatable.

Another good exploit is to take out a massive loan, dump it into crypto and then declare bankruptcy. They cant actually take your crypto back. Free money, fuck you bank.

This is the perfect excuse. Use VanityGen to create two similar wallets and say you typed the key in wrong. Incompetence is better than criminal intent in a court.

Keep one set of records with you, hidden somewhere not in the fucking woods. Man, if someone finds that shit you're fucked.

>you will be the fucking KING of Hodl
Hardest i've laughed in a long time, also some damn good advice. Looking forward to future updates.

God bless you user good luck.

>sees money leaving the bank account

Fucking brainlet

Can't panic sell if the warden doesn't let you

>Use VanityGen to create two similar wallets and say you typed the key in wrong.
no they will NEVER EVER get my wallet id or private key. i will be in jail for 5 years asking inmates who just got in "ayo you know the price of monero?"

This is probably one of the greatest posts of all time on here. Kudos user

>Man, if someone finds that shit you're fucked.
both drives are encrypted and i have the decryption key memorized. it's a long sentence that i will never forget

Is it 14 words?

Is the key:

Fuckdathoe, fuckdathoe, she ain't getting my money while getting fucked by Tyrone?

Divorce lawyer here. At least in Australia they'll give you proportionally less of your other assets, so unless that's all you have the scheme won't work.

Otherwise you'll be ordered to pay back her entitlement to the money and you'll be indebted.

el oh el, life is great when you are creative.

DELETE THIS FUCKING POST

>smart enough to hide money
>dumb enough to get married

Cool

actually the bank has records of the funds leaving. Now instead of half you will face prison or pay 100% back you stupid fuck.

she can have the shitty house that i never wanted to bnuy anyway as well as her nice piece of shit lexus. i'll keep my 2003 jetta thanks

yeah but he be holding in jail till that shit is like 50000 usd per monero.

prison.

Godspeed user

Listen here faggot. They only need to prove its highly likely you have it.
>asks for divorce
>same day money disappears
>oh? It must be gone? I don’t know where it is?
You are a stupid faggot. Learn to like buttsex because you going to prison pajeet

Good job user. BTFO the roastie

It’s not yours. It’s a joint account. In a divorce you are entitled to half. If you jump the gun and take it all you get 0

No but they can take a judgement against you and ruin your life. Take away your passport and your drivers license till you pay it back. Your best bet is a bus to Arizona and walking across the border.

they won't find shit. it's in monero transferred between monero wallets

>oh god what happen to my buttcoins i am not good wit computres

either way i'll go to jail if i have to. i'm 43 and work a shit job i hate with a bitch wife i hate. my money is secure i'll sit in jail until i'm 50 who gives a shit anymore

How the fuck is there criminal intent if you spend all your money on crypto before a divorce?
If you bet it all away at a casino, is that still criminal intent? It's gone away into nothing because you put it all into shit altcoins that bottom out right?

that 270k in XMR is going to be worth fucking fortune in a few years

The only other thing is you won't be (at least in Australia) financially severed from her if you're found to be hiding assets. So you'll need to be careful converting it into fiat/acquiring assets with it as she could come after you again.

Good luck user.

You will be in jail till you pay it back. That’s forever. Again. They don’t need to prove you have it you stupid fuck. They just need to prove you took it and that’s easy.

You needed to start a long time ago. Divorce lawyers know all the tricks.

>my money is secure i'll sit in jail until i'm 50 who gives a shit anymore
If this your literal unironic stance then you have already won.

Kudos and godspeed user

How about you invest some in some shit coin like ddigibyte or something. Say you lost a shit tonne speculating and just give her the digibyte. Literally make your wife a marine , its like reverse cucking.

fucking christ lmao

Jesus christ you mad man you're going to be a fucking millionare by the time you get out

It doesn’t matter.
>steals 270k
>uh oh I blew it on crypto kittehs
>muh bad luck. What you do?
You’ll have a judgement against yourself to pay the 270k plus interest so fast.

I can’t believe I take advice from you stupid fucks.

This.

Maybe. It's illegal to hide the money for the reason to avoid the divorce split. If you manage to convince the judge it was not therefore and instead because you were depressed lately so you gambled or spent it somewhere out of guilt or some shit story you may get away with it. But you know if you already have this on paper, jail time awaits

this is why privacy coins matter

ok then, how about you fuckingg kys you faggot jew,

you can just call people and ask them the price, even have them trade for you. did this during the summer

Is crypto the answer to defeating roasties milking betas during divorces?

Fucking 19th century laws still being applied to (((current year))) when roasties are supposed to be equally able to fend for themselves

Took his own money?
He wasted it all on gambling at shit altcoins.

So what should you do?

i gambled it all away. good luck extracting payment from a gambler, niggers

You're a fucking idiot. No one gets PD for alimony.

Based user, eternal hodler

Women force men into marriage

>also some damn good advice.

Great if he dies in prison and all us non-prisoner's monero increases in value because supply is reduced.

>wife told me last week she wants a divorce

You could flip the narrative here and say that she asked for a divorce after you lost everything on a wrong transaction

Try to bullshit the judge and if you fail at that and your life really is shit, gtfo of the country. 270k is enough to start anew and you'll have the satisfaction of not giving her money without going to jail.

>You could flip the narrative here and say that she asked for a divorce after you lost everything on a wrong transaction

It's not like he's gonna be able to use Monero in jail, so when he locks it up, technically the supply is already reduced.

I never understood divorce in European countries and the USA.

That was your money, right? You created the 270k, she didn't contribute to it. Why is the judge saying it's hers? I don't understand the logic here, not at all.

It's not her money that way, it's your common losses;) That bitch left you after you made an honest mistake, what a cunt

Beause (((she))) has a vagina and he doesn't. Simple.

Why not leave the country while you're at it?

If you have no children, sure. Different matter if you do have kids.

...

The presumption is that it's "common property", shared among the union of husband and wife. Thus, when that union splits, there are equal shares to the newly created independent entities.

Yes, that is similar to communism. Why do you ask?

USA is a conservative country, user.

If your wife can only make really good sugar cookies and sandwhiches wtf is she supposed to do when you get divorced? She'll be out on the street working at Target so she gets half of everything to start a new life.

Of course this is the ideal scenario. Most woman can take care of themselves now.

>only 2 copies
>neither on paper

You need to make more copies imo.

>went through all of that to hide money
>posts it all on this yak fetish forum
>her attorney asks judge to subpoena ISP for logs
>he agrees because judges always side with women in divorce cases
>they see this post
>you are forced to pay $130k or go to jail

Hope you used a VPN, m8

too late. i'm not digging that shit up

do you think i'm retarded?

i didn't even bring my phone with me when i drove/hiked into the mountains to hide the keys.

Good job OP, even if judge goldberg sends you to jail you'll come out a crpyto millionaire.

Godspeed. I hope you don't get jailed forever on contempt of court, you magnificent bastard.