Mages Guild: Healers on Strike Edition

I mean, I don't generally hurt myself enough to need healing, but I suppose it's still worth it to at least see...

Perhaps ask the medicasters.
>Inigo unrolls it.
Wait. You get paid?

>The Redrobe takes the scroll
Dang, really? Seems a little harsh.
I mean, I've only been hospitalized sixteen times in the last week, that can't be that unreasonable.
Well that kinda happens during strikes doesn't it?

>The list reads as follows:
>overtime pay for the past month due to the excessive number of incidents.
>a 10% year-over-year funding increase in the next two budgets.
>a written guarantee that healers earn the same percentage of treasure and loot as "combat" party members.
>a written promise to upgrade the department's facilities to current age standards.
>a moratorium of entrants to the necromancy department for a minimum of six months.
>And finally, a formal apology from Antruthius himself.

Woooooooo! Vacation!

...These seem extremely reasonable. Not going to lie.
Necromancy fucking sucks anyway, thats why the Archwizard abandoned it to Lazarus.

Nice! Wait shit, your vacation is my suffering.

I mean normally, but demands makes it sound...I don't know. Organized.

...you cannot be serious.

No seriously, you get paid? First, maybe, second, maybe, third, maybe, fourth, maybe, fifth, maybe, sixth, not a chance in any existence you can imagine.

Um... I have no actual input on any of those things.

Suuuuuck it bitch boy, I'm off the clock!

Yeah, that's a good point. I don't think anyone who can actually sign off on those is around right now.

>Diana sighs as she takes a seat and starts drawing.

Well the healers are probably the most organised people in the guild outside of the conspiromancers.
Hey asshole, does the strike mean you can't heal yourself?

Uhhhhhh
>she runs for the exit

Really? They seem like they're running around all the time! Doesn't exactly scream organization.

It's called triage, and it's crucial.
>he catches her by the scruff of her shirt.
No running. You might trip.

Pfft. HA! That's stupid. You're all stupid. That's like putting an embargo on your own school of magic.
Okay, then think of it like this, how come they haven't all broken down mentally?
It's probably the hardest job in the guild, all the running around is because the guild churns out accident victims faster than a barbarian training school.

I mean sure, but what the hell are WE supposed to do about it? At least when ritualists screw up, they either have nothing happen or are swallowed into the abyss between timelines.

To the seven screaming hells of y'qarth with the healers! For too long we have been beholden to those poltice-peddleing ne'er-do-wells. I say it's time we elected our own, schooled in the arts of transmutation and simply did away with the outdated concept of healers completely.

There will always be a conflict of interest when outsiders are allowed to dictate terms. Need I remind my learned brothers of the druids and their quabbles?

Can you guys just go back to gaia online already

I don't think you are trustworthy for some reason.

...You stupid or something?
Transmutation? Isn't that fifty times more complex than healing?
Though you have a point, druids suck and they never agree on anything.

I mean the druids are jerks, but that's not an apt comparison is it?

...I just had a strange idea.

How strange of an idea?

Enjoy when you're reduced to a fleshy lump of tissue. Transmuters don't know the difference between a heart and a hand.

I had *ALMOST* nothing to do with it.

Bah! We don't need 'em, lads! Just fire up those alchemy sets and start mass brewing Potions of Healing. I've been working on an automated injection system to administer such Potions when the system detects severe wounds, saves us the time of having to stop casting and rummaging through our stuff for a drink. Plus, we don't even need to be conscious for the thing to work! We could be in the middle of a coma and *woosh*, 25 CCs of delicious healy goo straight into our veins.

Now if I could just work out that nasty bug where the recipient ODs on good health....

What's the difference between sewing fabric and sewing flesh?

Do... Potions really work like that?

They will when I'm done with them.

Okay, first, ew.

But... Why?

I'm just going to mention that geomancers rarely need the medicasters, because we can learn magic that lets us heal ourselves.

Applications are on the table.

The heck are you making those things with if the people drinking them can OD?
That's stupid, and I don't believe you.
Unless you secretly have rocks for flesh.

BEGONE, THOT!

This wizard's power is tied directly to the only way other then being the seventh son of a seventh son! I DO NOT NEED THIS TEMPTATION!

Really? Oh? Then why didn't this boys club kick me out when I joined?

It is not without some risk I agree. However we are magi and should not shy from the complexities of the Art. Let the chaos of life bend and conform to our will! A hundred years from now a man should have a choice- does he pay some backwater "healer" to chant and smear their substances. Or pay well in coin and esteem for one of YOUR hand-crafted hearts

We could improve the human condition, elevate and enhance it. Surely this is a noble goal for the esteemed guild of mages

Whatever. You'll make your choices. I can't stop you.

...Thot?

Carmina, everything okay?

No seriously, how in the hell's does that even work at all? Explain.

Why would you ask a silly question like that?

I think that just because it's old doesn't mean it's bad. It's worked well in the past, and it'll work well in the future, and if you want to transmute yourself into a couple of tentacles and some teeth, feel free, but most people would prefer to be whole and healthy again. Which is a healer's business.

and if your kind where willing to cease this absurd strike I might not be pushing for the advancement of modern transfigurative magics

So that's where the rhetoric is coming from. You in charge of the budget? Keep us on the salves and basic remedies, then blame us for not advancing, then give our jobs to your buddies in transfiguration. That's what I'm thinking.

A fire may burn down a forest. The forest grows back. Similar principle.

Small talk?

I... Suppose so?

I am doing alright, at the moment.

That's some of the vaguest and ostentatious shit I've heard all week. You've explained a grand total of absolutely nothing.

Fair enough.

I am a mage, not a doctor. It just works for us. We can heal, but only ourselves.

>Nods
She's the one who's in charge of a department, just roll with it.

So now it's our fault you're next to worthless without magic or divine intervention? There's no Big Alchemy keeping you down with cut-rate potions, just timeworn tradition and a fear of change

Ahaha. "It just works"
What a hack. I don't think Geomancy can heal, you've just learned some actual healing magic and put a mask over it.
That kind of attitude is what's leaving shitty department heads in their place because people believe them above questioning.
Citation, Lazarus.

And the guild budget department. You forgot about that. You want to make your...whatever it is you do, with bargain bin wands?

Does it matter what we call it?

Overtime pay my ass. We overcharge each other for literally every fucking service we provide in this guild. All of them. Are you kidding? I can't comment on the funding hike, I haven't seen the budget in several years. And the written agreement should be written into the guild's bylaws, sure, but if you ever worked with someone without first getting that agreed upon you are a stupid, spineless worm and I will deride you to your fucking face. If I'd EVER tried to take more loot than the designated healer I would've shortly ended up dead, and probably not because somebody outside the party wounded me. You need to define "current age standards", I'm pretty sure a stretcher is still a stretcher. As to the necromancy demand: Go fuck yourself with a rusty dagger.

Incidentally, I'm offering a 20% discount on goods to guild members already registered as necromancers. If you don't like competition, healers, leave.

Well, I don't run any departments, so however it works is none of my concern.

I still can't believe most of you people get an actual salary and I have to sell my work myself.

Yes! What kind of backpedaling is that? You just claimed Geomancy could heal, now you're acting like it doesn't matter.
Necromancers can go fuck themselves with rusty broadswords. There's a reason the Archwizard abandoned them and left them to stab and murder each other in peace.

Hah! Who needs healers when you can cast illusions of comfort?
>That's a sizeable blood trail he's leaving behind him

You wanna specify what your gripe is with what I've said? Incidentally, I didn't buy my equipment. I made everything currently on me besides a couple wands and rings.

Yeah I'm not fond of the undead problem but what's your issue other than that? They kill effectively. Which is useful.

"It just works" is pretty much what all divine magic works on. Same with sorcerers. I don't think you've made any point.

It's a temporary fix Pierre! Better for stomach aches than stab wounds! At least get a bandage on it!

....................................

You apparently. You're bringing along a rather interesting trail of crimson with you.
They're assholes. Potentially the edgiest department in the guild even going past those dark magic twats.

>Eeps
>Tugs herself away
Don't bleed on my, this coat is brand new!
No, I don't really want to comment all terribly much.

Absolutely not, my injuries are everyone's problem. They fix me or I get blood on their nice things.

I am a geomancer. I can heal myself with my magic. Others in the department can learn this, and no other elementalism department lats claim to anything similar - and if they can they've said nothing about it.

I'm not going to break my arm to prove a point I'd break yours, but since you're not a geomancer that wouldn't help either.

Not everyone is that good at illusions.

I never trusted those healers, and you shouldn't either. You never know for certain what's in those potions, BigHeals is tryin' to control everything nowadays. Back in 920 I remember them tryin' to steal my lab notes on the reproductive habits of lawn gnomes.

And also on your projects. Look at where you trailed from?

Whoops, just realized what you meant. And yet my point still stands because we sell our goods at a 100% markup to non-guild members and a 50% markup to guild members.And magical items are the fastest goods anyone could possibly produce in terms of value per work hour, the only limitation on profit is demand. You must be a helplessly compulsive spender to spew that garbage.

Okay, I guess.

My clothes are already red. It kinda happens, anything I wear eventually turns red.
I mean the fact you aren't even willing to make up some pseudo explanation is pretty damning. It's not Geomancy, it's regular healing and you've clearly lied to your students.
What, you mean the ingredients listed on the bottle might actually be lies?
I guess? Tell me it isn't true, just look at all the skulls they leave decorated around their department entrance.

of course they are boy, Demons are immune to poison. So why does this recipe call for "Demon Liver"? WAKE UP SHEEPEASENTS

OH SHIT, HE'S RIGHT!
What other wisdom can you impart on us?

Really, I think the look adds to Pierrebot's charm.
Not everyone can be as big of a headache for the healers either. Your point?
That's because you're lower class scum and are only here to round out the numbers, redrobe.
Can't promise anything.

They're only fast if you disregard quality.
Then maybe I should get out of here before you ruin it.

Lower class? How vary dare you, I'll have you know i'm a member of the underclass with little to no redeeming qualities other than existing in this meeting to complain about everything I can see or hear. In fact by the end of this meeting, I will probably be murdered horribly and never be seen again.

It's not like you'd believe any explanation I give.

I swear, it's worse than talking to a brick wall.

Just saying that it seems less than ideal.

...Or if you join a department and stop being a redrobe your life might possibly be spared. Just saying.

Listen up boy, you are a boy ain't ya? No matter, all these wizards want you to believe that healers and white mages are the best way to heal your injuries. Nothing could be further from the truth, the guild has been infiltrated by the shadow government. They're probably gonna kill me for saying this but the leeches they use are actually hosts for psychic parasites that control your brain and make you sterile. They're trying dwindle the amount of magic users over time so they can invade our dimension and sell us their disgusting food!

Banning an occupational group from entering the guild because they tend to be obnoxious is not an adult response. You aren't going to get rid of necromancers without somehow purging magic itself from this plane of existence. Which means that if you don't want to deal with obnoxious necromancers you need to socialize them so they aren't obnoxious anymore. Nobody else is going to accept them, except the sort of groups who are going to change them from obnoxious to mass murdering. I would rather actually solve the problem.

Nnnnnope. If I need to do a rush job I can buy a high quality piece of jewelry, sword, etc. from any of the shops, merchants, or guilds I've been working with for the past eleven months. The profit comes from the enchantment itself, even if I'm buying the most expensive thing they have, which I've done three times now, it only cuts my margin by 7.5 - 15%, depending on whether I'm selling it to a guild member or outsider. Otherwise I just fob the work off on my homunculus and it gets it done pretty quick that way too. So, I guess you aren't a compulsive spender, but rather, you have no idea how to do business.

I got dragged into this.
Has the dust blown over?

Look at this sorry excuse for a mage, selling his craft for coin, COIN of all things. Back in my day we didn't use such things, why for a black market murder I wouldn't go lower than 2 goats and a stuffed alligator. You shame us all with you "economics" if I didn't know better I'd say you were part of the conspiracy to sterilize the human race! Wait, do I know better? Hmmmmmmmmmmm..

Not even remotely, Sir. They're not negotiating.

Nope, it's still dusty over here. It's why I took to riding the rails in the first place. Speaking of, you need your knives sharpened?

I'm the brick wall here? You're the one refusing to explain yourself, hell's teeth it's like talking to a rock.
That's a little difficult to swallow, I mean, surely if they wanted to sell us food they could just introduce a subliminal marketing campaign to wither us down slowly until we accept that it exists.
The head of Necromancy, Lazarus, and his chump of a slave Veilhex have been trying that for quite a few years, safe to say Necromancers are far too stubborn to change. Young, impressionable teenagers hit their angst phase and go for the magic that matches their awful attitude, the fastest way to change them would probably to beat it out of them.
Not even close buster, this could go on for weeks.

...So are you always an asshole to people you just met?

Hello hannah. Nice to see you again.
>He scratches his head
What are our demands?

Knives?
I don't carry any knives on me.

I'm on board with writing the 'equal loot share' clause into the guild laws, but I haven't even seen the budget and you STILL have yet to explain what "current age standards" mean.

What do you even want me to explain!? I cast spell, wounds seal up, bones start to knit, pain starts to go away. I don't need to know the molecular intricacies of it, and neither do my students as long as they can replicate it.

You;d like to think that wouldn't you? No, I know what I've seen. Dang aliens are after my sperm. THEY AIN'T GONNA GET IT
What kinda medic don't carry knives?

Weeks?
>Groan
But I just wanted to get back to work!

current age standards?
>he scratches his head
I'm unsure myself.

What sort of medic needs a knife?

That was a silly answer. I guess most medics should have some sort of knife on them.

Gentlemen of the Guild, this humble wizard must speak!

Once more the Scientist Guild sends us yet more disparaging remarks and insultations!

As you know previous attempts at casting curses and sending monsters their way have failed, foiled by their precious quantum nuclear technology and 'psychokinetic aether nullifiers'. Truly what new ideas are there to get back at these metal clad insolents?

>She hands him the scroll
Well for starters we would like our beds to have metal frames instead of wood, offices and filing systems for patient records, a place to eat that isn't with the comatose, and would it KILL you to make a break room? I don't even need a Scry-V, just some chairs! Is that so much to ask?

So you're not even going to invent some crap like "Geomancers are naturally closer to the earth and so much like molding the shapes of rocks and boulders, they can influence their bodies to heal at a faster rate"?
Or maybe "As Geomancers are the closest field of Elementalism to other living beings with their manipulation of plant life and foliage, this can to an extend be applied to fauna"?
I swear magic's going down the pan. I've been a redrobe for only a year and already people can't be bothered to sell the great methods and madness of their craft anymore.
How are you protecting yourself from the parasites? I mean any good shadow government would have them in the drinking water as well.
I mean, if you pull this off you get more pay. We'll all probably suffer horrifically at the healer's selfish actions putting their own wallets before the lives of others, but who am I to judge. I'm just a redrobe who adds to the hospital waiting lists.

No, you just happened to complain about my salary because you're too incompetent to make a decent profit from your business and I happened to take offense to that. Literally speaking, you would not have said what you said if you were better at what you do.

I say we get them interested in the great depths and darkness of space travel, and then they leave the realm and we never see the obnoxious idiots again.
That, or fill their ventilation shafts with lesser demons who are immune to the touch of metal. That'll keep them confused for a few weeks.