Times you broke your GM

You really think it's that unbelievable that someone would start a stupid joke that some autist spergs out over?

You still see people on this board that still piss blood with rage if someone mentions Sir Bearington or Old Man Henderson.

>Sir Bearington or Old Man Henderson.

jk

Well, that was a dickbag move, but I won't say the gm didn't deserve it.

Every time I brought tom to any form of game. Because of advanced anger enducing nolliage. Thanks for breaking all my campaigns.

Once I had my character kill the ocean (as in, the water body that constitues most of the world's surface). Just to get rid of a bunch of pirates you see

The sheer dispelief on my GM's face was something to behold.

My point exactly.

I could see most people on Veeky Forums reacting the way the DM did once they found that they weren't getting their way. Hell, I know a few DM's IRL that would do this kinda shit.

The fuck did you pull that one off?

...

Do tell.

>Invited to a 3.5 game
>Ask GM about the campaign
>"Your average fantasy setting"
>Refuses to give more than vague as fuck information
>Ask him about the group and what needs should I cover
>Conclude they need a perceptive, rogueish type character who can also into surviva
>Decide Scout (ranger meets rogue for those who don't know)
>Due goddamn awful rolls I have to go Dex archer
>Focus on Perception/Disabledevice/Precision damage
>Turns out the campaign is Eberron meets Ravenloft all enemies are Undead, Construct, Plant, Elementals or Oozes
>Basically I deal zero damage and bring zero to the group in combat
>All traps are magical traps with DC of 21 at lowest which means that with my 7 perception and my 9 disable device (even with feats) can't spot half and can't disable half of them
>Die first session
>Ressurected against my will with -2 Con
>Die 4th session
>Die in 7th session
>Every time ask the GM if this shit is going to continue, that I'm not having fun at fucking all
>GM literally either ignores me or trivializes my problems
And that's when I blew up
Retired my char even though my GM didn't want it
Rolled a wizard
Focused Specialist Cojurer with cloudy conjuration, abrubt jaunt, etc, you know the go to RAW and RAI character to destroy a game and so I did. I got kicked out the second session after I started with it because I basically ruled the game and GM had to come up with bullshit that I still counter to much of his anger

You can't just say that and leave, you slut. Give us more.

he rolled a nat20 KEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKEK

...

...

Fortitude

I'm going to be running a game soon where one character is deaf with clouded vision and another character has 3 str.

Nothing as amazing as it sounds I fear.
We were playing a one-shot game, very beers-and-pretzes mindless fun. The system was 3D&T and there's this spell called "Morte Estrelar" (Star Dead). Basically call big-ass lazor from the sky to destroy or kill something or someone. No save, no questions asked. Just begone. The price is losing a bunch of MP permanently and one less star in the sky.
Forbidden magic, piss off the gods yadda yadda.

I had that due to a rather bullshit backstory I made up on the spot when I saw the spell on the book and I wasted most of my points (it's a point buy system) to build a character who could cast it.

We started to rise hell in a coastal city controlled by a bunch of pirates and while we were beating them one of the pirates called in others using a spell. A lot of ships started to come from the ocean. I didn't know what to do, so I killed the ocean.

>deleted us from his friends list once someone asked "what's a facebook?"
This dense motherfucker got what he deserved. Ambushing players with instakill bullshit is for cargo cult retard DMs who think the original tomb of horrors is some pinnacle of DMing.

I have one:
>game starts by DM giving us literally a novella to read
>it's literally a fanfic about a hero
>hero who is actually his DMPC
>help.jpg
>game starts
>DMPC recruit us to go with him on a quest
>he leads us to talk to the king, keep talking with himself like he was two people
>'okay.jpg'
>several minutes later he tells us to go talk with the captain
>'okay.jpg'
>he starts talking with himself again
>bored as hell players, some start messing with their cellphones
>DMPC tells us next that we should go to the temple
>I finally say: "DM give us something to do"
>"Later."
>we go to the temple, he starts talking with himself but this time making a female voice
>even more boring dialogue
>I go again: "DM, just give us something to do"
>"Not now, I'm world building"
>having finished, he tell us to that he needed to go talk with the mage's guild
>mygodmakeitstop
>"DM please make something interesting happen"
>DM is clearly upset about it, tell me to shut up
>we go into the mage guild, he starts roleplaying as a wizard
>ask us something that we don't know, only to his DMPC to answer
>one of the guys isn't at the table anymore, he turned on the TV near it
>he tell us to that we should go talk with the sentries near the city
>nomorepls
>as we leave the city, he suddenly stops to talk with a nearby patrol
>I lose my patience and stab the DMPC
>DM looks shocked
>The party flared back
>DM points out that his hero is much higher levelled than mine
>suddenly the entire table join me in stabbing his DMPC
>the entire table of good guys start to chop his DMPC limb to limb
>DM tries to fight back but is overhelmed by the group
>DMPC is RIP
>the entire table starts commemorating
>DM gets pissed and leaves
He stood angry for like a week with us. Moral of story: some fun a session keeps the murderhobo away.

>I didn't know what to do, so I killed the ocean.
Seems reasonable.

What is 3D&T? I was half-afraid you were going to say Exalted, where killing an Ocean would actually be an impressive feat, but still in the realm of the (vaguely) plausible.

>some hero getting shivved to death in the middle of the street
wew

3D&T is a rules light Brazilian rpg system.
Mind you, it was supposed to be an impressive feat in the system, mind you. But it's also the kind of system where things can get silly (anime/herakles/indian epics)-tier very fast (given it was made to copy Mecha and Tokusatsu before becaming a generic but anime-flavoured game system, it's working as expected).

Let's be honest, if a DM tried to shove a small novel into my hand, I'd slap him with it.

You get a tourist pamphlet sized hand out to immerse me in, no more.

> A lot of ships started to come from the ocean. I didn't know what to do, so I killed the ocean.
>I didn't know what to do, so I killed the ocean.

Just an example, GM was pissed I retired my GM so he "kidnapped" my wizard from his wizard school and made the party rescue me
He put me in a cell on the 3rd floor of a building
I literally did this while talking to the guards once I woke up
>Move to window
>Abrubt jaunt outside
>Cast feather fall
>Cast phantom steed
>Leave
He didn't know I don't lose the spells I didn't spend from the last day if I don't prepare them in the morning and that they are somatic and verbal only so even though they stole my book, component pounch, and left me naked I was still able to escape
He was obviously angry when I did that to the point of retconning and adding an antimagic field, than then later backfired on the encounter with the party because my kindappers all used magic and the moment he "removed" the antimagic field to fight the party I escaped again

>He was obviously angry when I did that to the point of retconning and adding an antimagic field, than then later backfired on the encounter with the party because my kindappers all used magic and the moment he "removed" the antimagic field to fight the party I escaped again
Kudos mate.

See, if I was going to be a dick like this, I'd make the only major loot from that dungeon be the magic-dispelling manacles you were trapped in.

It'd be a fast, simple solution that the party could use for fun or profit later on.

That said, that GM sounds like a real dick. Why were you playing with him again?

I once played a game where we murderhoboed to the point that the DM turned the entire campaign into punishing us instead of just leaving, and it actually turned out to be one of the most awesome things I ever played. Does that count? Does anyone want to hear the story?

Sure, go for it.

Yeah, worst 9 sessions of my life. My problem is that I'm a very optimist and hopeful person, I thought that things were going to get better, but at the 7th session I only stayed to cause pain

About the manacles, I dunno which magic item you're talking about, but probably because he didn't expect that I could do shit without book and component pouch so he didn't prepare himself beforehanded

Also abrupt jaunt is a EX ability, antimagic field don't counter it, so I could still escape, I'd be eating 3 stories damage and would have to run naked through the city, but I can teleport inside a house without them noticing and hide there. I made this fella to ruin games, I had lots of backups

user, it's always storytime on Veeky Forums. Regale us with your tales.

>Storytelling VtM campaign
>That Guy makes his character an intelligent and charismatic Toreador
>talk to random NPC
>"I get my gun out and threaten him!"
>"O-okay?"
>"Yeah, I smack him in the head!"
>another player, who's playing ex-mobster Nosferatu asks him why
>"He's a dirty capitalist pig."
>what
>every encounter looks like this
>Toreador tries to beat everyone to death, other players try to get him out of fights and end up talking with people
>few sessions later
>they meet 8th gen vampire, high position in Camarilla
>"I punch him in the balls!"
>"What the fuck, man?" "Shut the fuck up!"
>Finally he stops
>a session later I made him to sweet talk a girl
>"Bitch, let me pass!"
>"You CAN'T do that"
>"Why the hell not?"
>"You're a freaking Toreador, now use your fucking speech!"
>"Alright!"
>"Ooh, girl, you wanna bang?"
>"It doesn't work. Try harder."
>"How?!"
>"Just say what you would say"
>"I don't know how"
>"Then why the fuck did you choose a Toreador?"
>"They are hot and everyone likes them"
>whatdididotodeservethis.gif

Here it is:

>Party is teifling alchemist, Orc bezerker, a naga rogue, a cleric and me, a Paladin
>So they walk down the stairs, and the lobby is right around the corner
>Rogue hears something
>someone creeping up the stairs behind them
>giant cultist cube out for our souls
>Run from the murder cube
>Nobody says shit about the cleric
>He also didn't get the hint
>Rogue just shrugs at me
>DM gives me a weird look
>NEar total party wipe, due to bad rolls. My Paladin is only one left, and on low health.
>Everyone else is bleeding out
>BBEG "Stand down, stop fighting me, and I shall let you live. Join with me, and serve me, and I shall bring back your beloved, gifted with life so she never has to leave you again."
>The rest of the players are silent
>Deal with glares
>Phew
>The dick-ass DM ain't having any of that
>I look at him
>I calmly point his "mistake"
>he becomes visibly upset, draws attention from everyone else
>Won't show it to anyone due to it being shiny.
>silence in the room
>spots the squishy members of the party
>Cleric puts up shields to defend them
>Mishap temporarily averted.
>HOWEVER, not the fallen will ragequit
>Cleric opens a door
>Call bullshit
>DM claims the cleric cast the spell
>Call bullshit on that
>DM's face is anus-red

>and then deleted us from his friends list once someone asked "what's a facebook?"

Fuck, I laffed

>Be 15
>Two buddies and myself are the trolls of our LGS DnD community, joining games as a unit, and usually wrecking them with either attacking people in the party not in our clique, or just murderhoboing the fuck out of everything we come across.
>New GM shows up and starts advertising for a game, does not realize not to include us.
>We join.
>He seemed to have a plot, he advertised that this would be a "serious game", but it got quickly derailed after I murdered the mayor of the town we started in and sodomized his corpse with a pinecone for randumb lulz.
>Become outlaws
>Eventually get caught by the old "infinite waves of guards" trick.
>Expecting a TPK and another campaign ruined, but our DM decides instead that we all get sent to this magical cave prison, which I later found out was modeled off of the Jeff Vogel Exile series.
>We have literally nothing but the clothes on our backs.
>No food, no source of light, no weapons, nothing.
>I'm certain that our GM was trying to just make playing as uncomfortable for us as he possibly could so we would be the one leaving instead of him walking away from the table.
>Everything is way stronger than we are (in part because neither of our spellcasters can cast anything, and we have no weapons or means to see away from some faintly glowing mushrooms), so we hide and run away from things a lot.
>I become the de facto party leader; I was playing a ranger, and was the only person who could reliably find food.
1/2

>EVENTUALLY gain a level
>Sink points into things like crafting for stone tools.
>Able to make a few crude weapons, and then kill a few of the local denizens, some armor.
>Around this time, GM starts offering us "not quite as good" spell components so that our wizard is something more than a jackass in a bathrobe, even if he is horribly underpowered.
>Have been too badly scared by the survival mode to randomly murderhobo anymore, and of course, most of the people we run into don't have anything worth looting if we killed them anyway.
>Start forming a bigger gang with a few of the more stable NPCs, and for the next year and a half until the group broke up for real life reasons, had an awesome time playing this survivalmode/nation builder in the underground hellhole, setting up permanent camps near some of the teleporter exit points, and giving new recruits a fighting chance, as well as setting up mushroom farms, patrolling our borders, etc.

I'm not even reading the second half. You're a total faggot.

I don't understand like half of this.

Am I retarded or does this make no goddamn sense? Is this even english?

I am confuse.

You were assholes, but it's nice to see the gm broke you into not playing like shitheads

Man, I read this like six times now and I have no idea what you're trying to say.

Let's start from the beginning:
>Nobody says shit about the cleric

What does this mean?

>>HOWEVER, not the fallen will ragequit
I had to stop here

Are you fucking illiterate?

What

Did you learn your lesson not to ruin other people's games after that, user?

I like how everyone just had to point out the same thing. lol

Are you new here?

was this written by a neural net

I feel like there's a good story in here somewhere.

Wat

>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
>>"Your character's not smart enough to know what a goblin is."
No INT or WIS score is capable of justifying this in any fantasty game ever written by mankind.

The very premise of this justification for your death is infuriating.

Played shadowrun once, spent all my points making a hardboiled ex-cop with a death-car and a nice handcannon. We investigated some shit and I think there was a senator buying drugs or something. It was a long time ago. Anyway, we were spotted but I figured I would see where things went so I stood my ground and pretended to be a PI working on an adultery case, claimed Id seen my mark enter and was just waiting for him to leave. They didnt buy it, so while I was fumbling for my non-existent PI license, I triggered the remote control on my death car and had it run my new friend/interrogator over. I was sure I was dead, but the GM apparently hadnt noticed the thing had like 28 armor or something, so basically all these thugs come out and waste a ton of ammo magdumping into what is basically a block of solid steel, during which time I slipped in to an alley, then remote piloted my car to an abandoned lot. The GM was one of those types who's really out to get his players, so he as royally pissed he missed the chance to kill me. Shadowrun is a bad system. Thats no the lesson or anything, just the capstone to my memory of that game.

>deep innadungeon
>DM's a guy at local store known for a lack of patience
>up to the point where you have 5 seconds to decide your actions in combat, or else you skip a turn
>anyway, rather than continuing along the main path we get sidetracked
>there's a hole, not deep enough to take damage, but deep enough to not be able to climb back up
>jump in solo, tell the party to throw me a rope when I call for it
>chamber is round, 2 corridors on the sides, 1 "contraption" between them
>portal at the end of a 10 meter corridor to the left
>and a wall described as "being possible to move"
>and the "contraption", which is just 8 levers
>try the portal first, throw an apple into it
>party members upstairs see an apple drop next to them
>get to the puzzle
>pull 2nd lever
>doesn't budge
>pull first
>drops a wall right at the start of the left hallway
>raises one at the start of right one
>third does the same, just the walls are further
>understand you need to pull levers 1 3 5 and 7
>fuck with the DM for 10 minutes, pulling the levers randomly, pretending to scribble shit in my notebook
>whenever another player tries to advise me, I just say "I almost got it, just gimme a minute"
>DM finally had enough
>starts yelling "this puzzle couldn't he any fucking easier, all you had to do is pull levers-"
>as the entire store watches him I interrupt and say "1 3 5 and 7? Yeah I got it, but I wanted to see if there are any secret combinations unlocking hidden chambers with more loot, or hidden passageways"
>he loses his shit and cans the whole campaign
>still loses his shit 2 years later at anyone mentioning 1357 near him
>his recent games start at 14:00 so I can always trigger him 3 minutes before them while around

This isn't even specially funny. I mean, he just has a lack of patience but your getting back at him was just kinda bland. Come on user, lie a little, make it interesting.

Meh, I'm a boring person
The furthest I usually go is put puns as my character names and use the dadjokenomicon at every occasion I get

on the other hand if the novella was slightly longer they could have skipped the boring bullshit cutscenes that led to murdering the dmpc

>falling for the chainmail meme
top lel

Shit, now I want to run a game like that. The second half, that is. Sounds fucking awesome.

I dunno - I thought it was clever and made me chuckle.

you see people on this board that piss blood with rage over literally anything, just think of a thing, like I have a yuengling can next to my keyboard and I guarantee you somebody will reply to me and say "OH MY GOD WHAT KIND OF A FUCKING HIPSTER FAGGOT DRINKS YUENGLING I WOULD KICK YOU OUT OF MY TABLE BITCH REEEE"

I feel like VtM is so fragile that even a normal sperg by D&D standards can still break it by just treating it as an arcade game but with dice instead of joysticks. You really just need pretentious clove-smoking goths to have a good game, and also none of them should be fucking each other otherwise it will still turn to shit.

What the hell is Yuengling?

>tfw the other guys call me a corinthian helmet tipper when I refer to myself as a peltast
>tfw born in the wrong generation

LMAO

American "beer"

It's an American Lager.

The GM didn't get pissed not sure if this counts but I'm posting anyways
>pathfinder
>level 3
>group of 5
>half-orc sorcerer but I end up playing like a barbarian cause it's my first time
>everyone is level 3
>rolled 18 charisma 20 with racial bonus
>put as many points as possible into intimidation and diplomacy this will be important later
>we're going to clear out a dungeon near a small town
>basic stuff just learning the mechanics of combat
>we go into a room with two levers and a pool of water
>our Druid casts purify water
>gelatinous cube comes out and fights us
>our paladin literally takes bites out of it instead of hitting it with his warhammer
>takes 3 acid damage every time he does this
>the DM is playing it cool but clearly starting to get annoyed
>slay the cube and I rush to pull a lever
>stone slab seals us in water begins flooding in
>paladin does a strength check to break down the door
>it works
>I cast mend to repair the slab so the water can't flood the rest of the chamber
>find the big bad of the dungeon
>a giant jackle-headed man around 8ft tall
>alter of loot behind him
>he shouts to us about how the alter is to the gods and he is to defend it
>I intimidate him into thinking I'm the god of war
>have to do a second check because he's doubting me
>net 20
>he accepts I'm a god we take the loot and never had to fight the dungeon boss
Sorry for being shit at greentext

Doesn't count. Sounds like good GM-ing, letting player skills affect the adventure in a major way.

Does it count as "breaking the GM" if you cause him to laugh so hard the entire game has to grind to a complete halt while he gets his shit together?

I think it does.

I snickered like a little bitch at the "Whats a facebook" heres a capture of the story for anyone who wants it.

Well you gotta tell us how

>mfw a greentext story I wrote actually got saved.
Thanks mate.

Not broke, but made him ask us for half an hour so he could try to figure what was to come next.

The thing is my character had pretty high base speed and a dot of celerity. But had never had need to run far enough for it to matter, and didn't know he HAD celerity (literally woke up from the embrace at the beginning of the first session)

Nobody else was particularly fast.

So the GM, he's made sure to talk to all of us in advance and had gotten to know what overlaps there were between everyone's likes, figured a pulse pounding chase through Chinatown would be a lot of fun. (Which it totally would have been)

In fortunately that ended up being the first time Ryan Torvald discovered he was supernaturally speedy and tackles the man to the ground before anyone really knew what was going on.

Silver Lining: we ended up getting stranded in the goblin market because the guy we captured was a changing and the whole goblin market thing was awesome.

Do tell

funny how no one screenshot that

>Once I had my character kill the ocean (as in, the water body that constitues most of the world's surface).

>Two buddies and myself are the trolls of our LGS DnD community, joining games as a unit, and usually wrecking them with either attacking people in the party not in our clique, or just murderhoboing the fuck out of everything we come across.
I hope there's a special circle in hell dedicated to people like you

This is why we don't let markov chains play d&d

oh boy, sounds like the time I bluffed a bunch of egyptians to think I was the god of law on my inquisitor

>>HOWEVER, not the fallen will ragequit

Weirdly my players got autistic for the exact opposite reason to this. Im very loose with knowledge ingame because I think the more information the players have the better position they're in to make informed decisions. Likewise nobody wants to be in a situation where they don't know what a bear is.
Yet my players joke/complained that their characters couldn't possibly know that constantly.

>For example players encounter a tribe who they save from a wild animal attack, they don't know the tribes language but they travel with them , I get them to do a few checks as they sit with the tribe over a period of days to pick up the language. They pass and so I inform them that in conversation they pick up that the tribe have been betrayed by a rival tribe. And the party go 'oh wow that's a complex word to pick up lol lol'

Fuckin neural nets fuckin with my threads.

I have dyslexia and this gives me the unique ability to read gibberish.
When I read words they already get mixed and mangled in my mind, so my subconscious mind has adapted to just shuffle words around until they make coherent sentences.
But even I cant read this unholy abomination.

Sooo... you mean the dm forget about a player (he is shy or something?) and incidently said player had a cleric charcters? So you you fucked up the BBEG evil blackmail scene?

...am i right?

>>gelatinous cube comes out and fights us
>>our paladin literally takes bites out of it instead of hitting it with his warhammer
>>takes 3 acid damage every time he does this
>>the DM is playing it cool but clearly starting to get annoyed

I put the 5e spell list into a Markov chain generator once, came up with some interesting stuff.

I'm not even mad, this is hilarious.

Was dming a game and the NPC helping the characters was a lvl 20 bard with the nickname of the "betrayer", Party likes him and hates him for obvious reasons, They are currently working together to save the world they are visiting, they needed to gather legendary weapons to fight these monsters. One player A evil wizards steal a legendary dagger and travels to his realm. I look at him and say "well damn, what do I do now", so we end the session and he takes over as DM he allows me to take over the bard character as my own. And I hand over my notes. Mind you this has been a long adventure and the characters where 11th level, they started at 5th. We eventually make our way to his realm to retrieve the stolen dagger and we go to his country a bizarre world where the peasantry and laborers are skeletons that where former citizens. He gave them personalities and emotions so I try to incite a revolt, "you cant do that their skeletons, they cant be charmed" , Point out we had lengthy conversations with multiple skeletons in multiple occasions, Makes me roll, high difficulty. Roll nat 20, They skeleton revolt begins and the party is now bringing down the town each with their small band of skeleton followers. DM ends the session because I turned it on his head. We are making it to the Fortress of the city government and We hear chanting and see a ritual sacrifice, Roll Knowledge, I know its a demon summoning ritual, I ask if their is a vocal element to the ritual Dm verifies. Start counter song. "DAMN I forgot about counter song!" Party rushes the cultists and create a wondrous bloody mess. Damn Ends session. Cant make it to the next campaign, party stormed the castle I was captured and my tongue was chopped off. I make it back and see what happened, all my Bard powers are oratory, don't get mad and smile. Follow party into the boss chamber where the ritual is happening again, Hand scroll to rough with use magic, rough casts make hole at my tongue and I cast counter song.XD

Good story and good job. Made me chuckle. That DM was a shitlord.