YOU! YES, YOU, THE user WALKING THERE
WHY IN THE EMPEROR'S HOLY LIGHT AREN'T YOU ALREADY ENLISTED IN HIS GLORIOUS IMPERIAL NAVY?
ENLIST TODAY! WE HAVE KILOMETRES-LONG SHIPS, WITH CATHEDRALS ON TOP!
OUR MIGHTY FLEETS CARRY THE EMPEROR'S SACRED ARMIES FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER OF THE GALAXY!
NO FOE CAN BEST US IN SHIP-TO-SHIP COMBAT!
YOU WILL KILL XENOS! YOU WILL KILL HERETICS! AND BEST OF ALL, YOU WILL DIE IN THE EMPEROR'S LIGHT, FOR YOU HAVE SERVED HIM IN HIS MOST LOVED BRANCH!
ENLIST NOW!
Other urls found in this thread:
Would you quit all that yelling? Some of us are trying to actually do their job here.
UH. DAT SOUNDS ROIGHT OR--ER, FUN, HUMIE! WHERE'Z DO I SOIGN UP??
>Mild tan paint chips off of face
What? Learn how to address your betters. I am a Rogue Trader, the latest scion of an ancient line, whose Warrant of Trade was signed by the Emperor himself when he walked among men! I understand that you have a job to do for the Emperor's Navy as a recruiter, but know your place!
Now, I have business with the Lord-Admiral. Contact your commander so that an escort can be assigned to me.
YOU ARE ALREADY ENLISTED? FINE. CONTINUE YOUR JOB!
GREAT. THIS PAPER HERE, SIGN HERE, FOR THE EMPEROR!
CONTINUE WITH YOUR AFFAIRS, TRADER. BUT YOU WONT TALK LIKE THAT TO AN IMPERIAL NAVY OFFICER AGAIN! COMMISSAR! GET THIS MAN! COMMISSAR!
Where can I sign up to haul macro shells?
ROIGHT.
OI... JUST... SOIGN...
>Writes... legibly enough.
KOOL. WEN DO WE'Z GETZ TO BLOW STUFF UP?
*drowns in bear gas mask*
caaa~n join, SEEaaaar~?
RIGHT HERE. THE EMPEROR WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR SERVICE!
>The IN is not responsible for any harm you may suffer while hauling Macro Shells or any other ordnance
RIGHT NOW! BOARD THE EMPEROR'S FIST OF FURY AND PRESENT TO THE CAPTAIN!
CORPREL? DRUNK IN SERVICE? AGAIN!?
THIS IS HERESY! COMMISSAR, YOU HAVE MORE WORK HERE!
ROIGHT!
IZ GONNA BLOW STUFF UP!
(And nothing could possibly go wrong here.)
*BUURP*
wha....? buh i jesh gaugh *VOMITS PURE BURBAN* g-gaught oudda jaaeeee~eeeEAAA HEEE
...
THE IMPERIAL NAVY IS GRATEFUL FOR YOUR ENTHUSIASM!
COMMISSAR! WERE IS MY COMMISSAR??
aaaahhh shaddub uuuuuuzzzzz and habba BEAR
DAMN IT, I WILL DO IT MYSELF
*BLAM*
*BLAM*
*BLAM*
PROBLEM SOLVED
How is it a navy when it has nothing to do with water? Shouldn't it be Space Corps
BEEEEER
Oh god damn I hate phone posting
DO YOU KNOW WHAT A TRADITION IS? GET IN THE LINE, user!
THE HERETIC CAN'T DIE!
*BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*
I'd rather stay in IMPERIAL GUARD with real men and women and you can ferry me around and wait while I'm doing the real job if that's alright with you sir.
Felicitations! My name is Mr. John. Actually that's not my real name. My caste named me Fio'El Ksi'm'yen Nar'jorn but I prefer you to call me John. I'm a Tau Earth Caste citizen but I want to move to Terra to live with my hero, The Emperor! Everyday I practice my Gothic and I greet my Ethereals in Gothic though no one can reply. I wear Terran hats and great coat and practice using my chain sword everyday. Wish me luck in Terra!
HOPE THE INQUISITOR THAT FINDS YOU HAS NO MERCY, XENOS SCUM!
FINE THEN, CANNON FODDER! GO THAT OTHER LINE
ALTHOUGH I THOUGHT IT TWICE. YOU WANT TO SERVE THE EMPEROR?
ERM, BOSS? WHICH WAY TO DA SHIPYARD?
AN, UH, WULD YA KNOW IF DERE'S, SAY, A DAKKA STASH ON DA WAY? LOIK, DAT IZ T' SAY, AN ARMOURY?
STRAIGHT FORWARD, THROUGH THIS STREET. IS EASY TO FIND, LOOK FOR THE GIGANTIC VESSEL FLOATING OVER THE BUILDINGS. AND YES, THERE ARE ARMORIES, BUT STILL, IT'S FORBIDDEN TO BOARD THE VESSEL WITH WEAPONS. IF YOU NEED ONE, YOU WILL BE GIVEN ONE ON BOARD
YOU! MORTAL!
POINT ME TOWARDS THE NEAREST FORGE WORLD!
ME AND THE BROTHERS ARE GOING SHOPPING~!
WEAPONS? FORBIDDEN??? WUT KINDA LAW IS DAT? WUT IF A FOIGHT BREAKS OUT? DEN WUT?
GO SPEAK WITH FABRICATOR GENERAL 01110001 OF GFEN PRIMUS, ONE WEEK OF WARP TRAVEL FROM HERE, TO THE SOUTH!
>Imperial Navy
>Recruit
Sometimes I guess. Most often they just press-gang random fucko's when they make port.
THAT'S WHY WE GIVE YOU WEAPONS ON BOARD, RATING!
SOMETIMES, YES. WHO SAID THAT THESE FUCKERS ARE VOLUNTEERS?
wotz yer talkin about loot on legs?
THANK YOU MORTAL
MY RECORDS SAY THAT FABRICATOR GENERAL SPECIALISES IN OFFICIO ASSASINATORUM WARGEAR
...EXCELLENT
ORKS! WHERE IS THE CANNON FODDER? I HAVE WORK FOR YOU!
WELL DEY BETTA 'AVE A ROIGHT SHOOTY SLUGGA...
I'LL UH... BRING SOME O' ME MATES TO JOIN UP AZ WELL, DAT OKAY?
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, HE FIXES TOASTERS LIKE NOBODY ELSE! GLAD I HELPED, BON VOYAGE!
Sir, a warp storm is approaching.
>Two instances of Suffering the Xenos to live
>Two instances of failure to impart the Emperor's Peace, or alert a member of the Commissariat, or the Arbites.
BRING THEM HERE, THE IMPERIAL NAVY NEEDS ENTHUSIAST MEN TO MAN ITS SHIPS!
IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME, NOT TODAY!
OKAY! WE'Z JUST GONNA MAN DA SHIP NOW...
I FEEL THE WARP OVERTAKING ME BROTHERS
... it is a good pain
Da only work Iz gonna aksept is lootin your corpse and gubbinz
>Joining the Gayvy
Sorry lad, but mom didn't rise a faggot.
t. Cpt. Dutch Matrix, 45th Catachan
INQUISITOR, INQUISITOR. CALL THE BLACK SHIPS, WE HAVE A UNTRAINED PSYKER HERE
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I can hear the wispers of daemons... they are here now
>mom didn't rise a faggot.
Says the fucking Catachan.
Where are you from, sonny? The communist starving planet? The Kiss the king ass planet? The swim in toxic fecal matter planet? You would last exactly 15 secs in Catachan, you pencil pusher.
THIS MAN CAN'T DIE, JOIN MY CREW!
WE CAN'T LEAVE THE SPACE PORT NOW, THEN. CALL AN INQUISITOR AND PREPARE THE SHIP FOR WHEN THE STORM SUBSIDES
THE STORM IS ETERNAL
OUR SOULS HAVE ALREADY BEEN FORFEIT TO THE GODS
DESPAIR FOR THERE IS NO RETURN NOW
NO HOPE
NO SALVATION
Ohh okay okay, I see noa, wen I was drunk you want nothing with me, but now I'm sober you want great red rocket.
Typical, typical Imperial's
SURE ILL JOIN!
Yes, yes to all of those. Now tell me Komrad. Have you survived living on shit plannet made of shit, eating nothing but shit to full maturity? If no, den shad up
YOU HERETIC! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR SINS! CREW, GET HIM!
*BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM*
WELCOME ABOARD, CORPREL!
*force feeds the daemon engine Fenrisian Ale*
...
>Angery heretic astartes(TM) begin pouring through a tear in the warp
Want beer?
[cracking a cold one with the boys intensifies]
>Heavy wheezing
Brothers and sisters! Do not despair!
>Cough cough
We, the chosen of Papa Nurgle, have come to liberate you from the *cough cough* yoke of the Corpse Emperor!
We *wheeeeeze* have already infected your ship, with the blessed contagions, of Grandfather Nurgle. Embrace his glory, and join our ever loving family!
IT IS I, THE GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND
I AM HERE TO STOP THIS WARP STORM BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY
...teach you how to thin your paints
APPLY TWO THIN COATS WITH A FINE TIP ON YOUR BRUSH TO REALLY BATTLE THE FORCES OF CHAOS
Because I'm a medicae of the Flesh Eaters and GE has done jack diddly with our fluff.
EXCELLENT, WE NEED A GOOD ONE TO FIGHT AGAINST THE NUEGLITE PLAGUE ON BOARD.
But, my lord! That would be violating canon! GE hasn't given our chapter to do anything but sit here!
Er, GW. I mean.
WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE? THIS IS MY BOTE, SO I WRITE THE RULES, AND THE RULES SAY THAT YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE PLAGUE. NOW, TAKE THE FLAMER!
YES M'LORD! FOR THE EMPRAH!
>Takes flamer and revs saw on Narthecium
>Yelling over saw
M'LORD! NOT TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT, BUT WHY ARE THERE GREENSKIN ON BOARD? AND WHY ARE IS THERE A DRUNKEN DAEMON ENGINE? IS THIS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LEAVE FOR TOO LONG?
Why do you *wheeeze* fight on good officer? Do you not see that the corruption of Papa Nurgle already infects your vessel... Slowly it will spread, across the crewmen, and the corridors. The bloatflies and the maggots *cough cough*, do you hear them little officer? Chanting...
You think your little toys will stop us?
*Laughing leading to coughing*
None can stop the Plaguefather...
WE WILL FIGHT THEM TO DEATH!
THE GREENSKINS ARE FOR A GOOD OL' FIGHT, AND THEY WILL HAVE IT, AGAINST THE PLAGUEMEN ON BOARD!
THE DRUNKEN DAEMON ENGINE IS ANOTHER STORY, SO TAKE A MELTAGUN, AND DESTROY IT!
Sir, we intercepted the following pict feed from the Nurglite vessel. Be prepared sir, its pretty bad...
youtube.com
The meaning of this is so far unknown.
WHY IS IT PRONOUNCED MELTA, M'LORD!? THAT SOUNDS LIKE ORK SPEAK, AND I DON'T LIKE IT!
>
>Burns puss-balls' face off
For every one of us that falls, ten more will take his place!
EXCELLENT! MORE FOR ME TO FIGHT!
MY SPLEEEEN!
KEEP EXISTING! I DARE YOU!
FOR OUR LORD, WHAT IS THIS? HERESY! PURGE THE FILES!
THEN CALL IT AT RIFLE!
Very well... officer. I have not been a Navy... man. But ships are a known... quality to me. The hum of a navigation... cogitator. The crackle of the void... shields. And of course the... effervescence of the Gellar.... field.
It speaks of home, in a thousand voices.
Do you perhaps need... mechanae for... Augur arrays? I am no magi of the Mechanicus but... my clan have serviced.... such for generations. Aboard merchant.. trader vessels, admittedly.
I'll call it a cooker then. Sounds more human-y.
FINE! MY MAGI COULD USE SOME HELP.
>JUST KEEP AN EYE ON THIS MAN, COMMISSAR
YOU COOK TANKS FOR DINNER, RATING?
I'LL COOK ANYTHING FOR THE EMPEROR!
>Starts shooting at more chaos marines
A... speech impediment from... prolonged exposure to the... void, aside i... retain my sense of.... hearing rather well.
I... assure you, I am quite... sane. However, if the... commissar wishes to look, he.... will see nothing untoward.
The ritual is *wheeze* complete! Rise and serve!
BY THE EMPEROR'S HOLY BALLSACK!
>Burns shit
THAT'S HOW I LIKE IT!
SURE THING, COME WITH US!
BURN HERETICS!
Not again... ...er, that wasn't a vocal tic, that... was merely sighing in... exasperation.
Same shit...different ship.
[stubber noises]
I MUST BE AS POWERFUL AS A PRIMARCH! I'VE KILLED THIS MANY ALL BY MYSELF! COME YOU ROTTEN SAUSAGES! FACE THE FIERY FURY OF THE FLESH EATERS!
God freaking damnit...
Thought i was done with zombies...
Alright kids, stand back, i got this.
EXCUSE ME CITIZEN, BUT I AM NO CHILD! I AM WELL OVER 100 YEARS OLD!
First, the navy usually doesn't recruit at all. Ship crews are hereditary, many never leave the ship they were born on. When a new ship is built, it's crew usually is drawn from surplus population from it's port of origin.
Second, when they *do* need more ratings and spacers, the officers send down a few transports and some armsmen and force people into service via press gangs.
Finally, use of the caps lock key has been heresy since before the dawn of the Imperium. Report at once to your petty officer for excruciation.
I WAS NOT USING CAPS LOCK, BATTLE BROTHER! I WAS HOLDING DOWN SHIFT!
Haha! Loopholes have been used since before the dawn of the Imperium!
YOUR POINT BEING?!
WE WILL NEED MORE GUNS HERE, BRING YOUR FRIENDS TOO!
YOU WERE USING SHIFT AND NOT CAPS LOCK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE EXECUTED, THAT'S HIS WHOLE POINT, PINHEAD.
Are you really saying it's impossible, or even just improbable that the Navy sends down recruiters first, and then if their numbers still aren't sufficient they create press gangs?
I mean there have to be SOME people who legitimately want to serve on a giant fucking spaceship of the Emperor's own holy fleets.
Fuck off. I am a proud Gue'vesa in the service of the greater good in the Tau Navy. Custodian battle ships over emperor battleships anyday mate.
T. Gue'vesa'vre living on Taros..
Another thingis I enjoy a standard of living higher than that of most citizens in the Imperium. Also the Greater Good is the best.