Renegade Troubles

>You would all be standing in line at attention in a dark metallic corridor. It would seem you are on a ship
>You don’t know how you got here, all you know is that you were born to kill
>You had recently woken up from cryogenic stasis, it is apparent your ship was taking a trip right across the galaxy
>Your destination, the depths of the Eye of Terror

“Listen up you piled up sacks of mutilated shit! You are going to be soon entering the Eye of god damn motherfucking terror! You will not like it! Your balls will stink of Daemonshit and rotten god damn apple cores! You will be so up to your fuckin’ knees in Daemon blood that you will eventually have to resort to drinking the damn shit!”

>The Commissar would walk to the end of the line, and eventually out of the room, to leave you all to your own devices

>This is a freeform roleplay. For combat it’s D20s, and for everything else it’s D100s. This thread isn’t a damn quest so Veeky Forums mods don’t move us to /qst/.

>The 40,000 year old guardsman would groan as the commissar left
Dammit, I'm hungry. I wonder what they serve on this metal load of shit.

Eh, why.
We're all just gunna fuckin die.
Can we not?

Hey fuck off. We're gonna fight, and we're gonna win!

No.
We're all gonna get raped by daemonettes.
Hmmmm.
Actually maybe this isn't so bad after all!

Rolled 10 (1d20)

Hey fuck you for having a negative attitude!
>I'd attempt to sock the man in the mouth

Rolled 3 (1d100)

I refuse to exist in this current time frame
*rolling to not exist*

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>I'd return by punching the man in the fucking jaw!

*the man would live up to his name, and swiftly become a corpse*
>ded

Shit...
>I'd pick up the man's corpse, frantically stuffing it in a locker in some random corner of the ship

Holy shit you killed Simon! That guy owed me 60 thrones you fucker!

What are you gonna do about it James?

Rolled 16 (1d20)

I am going to complain quite loudly
To your face
By which I mean your skull
With my gun
Now

You boys best settle down, else this'll be a long warp trip.

I fucked your mom last sanguinala don't tell me what to do.
I'm basically your dad now.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

>My cheek would rip into a pool of blood as the bullet lodged through it
Why you little!
>I'd aim my plasma gun at the man's balls
>I'd take the shot

My (Can't remember the name) kicks in and I fall unconciouss standing.

>his eye twitches a little
Now don't let's be petty, Private McCarthy. There's plenty of room in the airlock for troublemakers.

You always were a shut shot weren't you? Tell ya what, I will stop royally fucking you over if you promise to cover the debt. How's that sound?

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>I'd attempt to fire another shot into the man's precious testicles

You do not have a helmet. Did someone steal yours too?

>he slaps the man round the back of the head
Leave the poor bastard's bollocks alone, Emperor knows he might even need them some day.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

*skimming my inner thigh I shout out in pain*
Allright now you are asking for it! I gave you a way out, now we do this the hard way!
*roll for bayonet charge*

Suuure.
>I'd holster my plasma pistol, before a red-light would go off
>"ALL MEN AT BATTLE STATIONS. IMPERIAL SHIP ON STANDBY. REPEAT. IMPERIAL SHIP ON STANDBY. PREPARE TO BOARD
>The scene would be like the first scene from Star wars, where the imperial cruiser would gulp the rebel ship

Get the fuck off o me, moron. We're being boarded by those imperial fucks.

Fuck guess I have to do that now. Allright which way were the boarding tubes?

...

>what is /qst/?

>The Imperials would blast into our ship, guardsmen coming through the blast doors
>A lord commissar would walk through the door they blasted through, his body like an ominous shadow in the smoke
>He'd mutter to the crew of the Renegade ship as we were blasted back
"Well well, we have been on your take for a looooong time. Multiple counts of robbery, privateering, engaging on civilian ships. It looks like all of you are sentenced to capital punishment.
>The Guardmen would rush towards the renegade regiment now, taking you all prisoner
>After a long while, you'd find yourselves waking up in an iron cage at the bowels of the Imperial cruiser.

>what is a quest?
>sure isn't this

I still have my slanneshi supplements! They forgot ta check my arsehole! What about you guys.

I shoved a whole lockpick kit up my ass. Retards never noticed

>he groans
McCarthy, if you say one more Throne-damned word I'm gonna rip out one of these bars and beat you to death with it.
Now, how the fuck are we gonna get out of here?

Rolled 62 (1d100)

>I'd attempt to lockpick the cage without being noticed by the guards

See if you can get a finger up nickys ass. He says he has lockpicks. Or you could just slice the bars in Thani with your visible edginess. Your choice.

Rolled 11 (1d100)

>I'd say this in a whisper
Lads, subdue the guards!
>I'd pounce silently on one of the guards, in an attempt to knock him out

>the man goes down with a crash and a yell
Like a panther!

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>the guard notices and attempts to go into melee combat
>I'd strike the man with a paralyzing blow to the neck

Rolled 12 (1d20)

*roll to pounce on the guards*

>I'd break my hand in the process
fuck

Rolled 12 (1d20)

'Scuse me, lemme just...
>he punches the guard in the face

>My broken hand would suddenly start healing instantly, because perpetual and all
At least I tried

>he drags the guard back into the cell and shuts the door
Alright sarge, lead the way.

>I'd loot the guardsmen , wearing their armour and using their lasguns
Blend in lads

I swear he wasn't a Sargent a few seconds ago. I'm pretty sure he was never a Sargent.

Shut the fuck up and blend in before I shove a frag grenade up your rectum

He is now the man with the lasgun, you wanna argue with him about who's the sergeant or not?

Alright, you wanna pull the ol' 'transporting prisoners' trick on them?

Sounds like a god damn plan Private

I have a better plan. What we do is say that they are the prisoners that we are transporting. And then we lock them up.

I'm the one with the Lasgun, you listen to me. Now blend in and act like a prisoner, we are heading to the armoury.

Shit, this mean I gotta keep the shackles on? My poor wrists.

Damnit McCarthy, I told you to lay off the amasec before boarding ops!

I can't act like a prisoner sarge, I already am one you see. I'm a slave to my own desires. My own crippling atheistic retrospection on life. It traps me. Traps me in cycles of repeating loops.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

It's exactly what you have to do, now lets move it
>The unit would move down the corridor and towards the armoury. On the way they there they are stopped by another guard
"Hey you aren't supposed to move from your post, what are you doing with these guys?"
I uh... well you see.. uh I am transporting these uh... prisoners to uh...
>I'd smash the butt of my lasgun into the man's neck

>he'd smirk
Brilliant diplomacy as always, sarge.

You've got to be joking. People are literally *verbing.* If there's a lower form of autism or roleplay, I don't know what it is.

Quick, private, take his gear. You're gonna need it.

You're a prisoner either way, chump

Fair enough can I have a gun?

Fuck sort of name tag is that?

It's the drugs man

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>I'd power slap the man
Snap the fuck out of it

>he grabs his gun and plonks his helmet on
Yeah, this'll do. Alright, no sense stopping here of all places.

Yheah so about the gun

Let's move out
>We' move to the armoury, where there would surprisingly be nobody there
>In there would be a multitude of weapons. Grav-guns, plasma guns, and other things
Sweet.

I shotgun the auto pistol

>I'd put myself in heavy armour, and I'd grab myself a Grav-gun and a plasma pistol
Let's move out to our ship. We're gonna have to make an emergency exit

>he sticks a variety of pistols into his belt
These should see me until we get outta this shithole or die.