What are your worst horror stories of other players'/DMs' magical realm bullshit or unwanted ERPing?

This dish is obviously lacking some sauce.

Sauce, motherfucker. Also, what this nigga says:

100% your fault. She kept her magical realm off the table, you're the one who went digging on her blog. This is akin to peeping on someone in the shower, then accusing them of exposing themselves when you're caught.

Found the player.

Yeah, no. I wish I had a group... Also, I can draw about as good as I can fly.

I've told this story before, and to be honest, it's more "Mommy issues" than direct ERP/magical realm.

>Join roleplaying group.
>Told that my character needs to have a detailed background, everyone else does as well.
>Apparently got started by That Guy.
>He's a rogue
>Among other things, his mother was a whore, and raised him in the gutter, which is kind of how he grew up on the margins of society, blah blah blah.
>We wind up heading to the town that That Guy's character hails from.
>Says he wants to look up his mom.
>Has big bag of money with him.
>Aww, he's going to try to save her from her life of poverty and sexual exploitation.
>nnnope.
>Pays her a big chunk.
>States that he wants her to fuck his horse.
>She tries to back out.
>He gets the pimp.
>Pimp pimpsmacks her, and we get an awkwardly narrated sex scene (GM wanted to fade to black, but That Guy kept insisting that they play it out) between whore mom and horse.
>Eventually spits on her, and says he made that much in one random fight, and the only reason she never made it out of her life is because she's weak and stupid.

lol

SHARE THE ART YOU CUNT MUFFIN

just post the sauce you beardless garden gnome

Glorious.
Why can't YOU be this good of a role player?

I'm afraid, well never see a conclusion to this.

pic related had the best theme

t. literal whoreson in question

Unf

i'm pretty homo and like traps myself but that's annoying as shit. how do these people function?

also i haven't been playing tabletop long enough to come across any magical realm ERP shit. the only time it may have been close to magical realm I was DMing (let me explain)

>playing pathfinder, like i said i haven't been playing tabletop for long,
> played one or two sessions before but this group is the only ones i've managed to hold regular meetings with as everyone's willing to rework schedules for game night.
>be player at first, then ask if i can gm
>party arrives at enormous city.
>they're there to see one party member's mother who recently survived an assassination attempt.
>as the party is exploring the city they come across a bookstore attended by a qt.314 gnome.
>players ask what they see while she walks in the back to grab some scrolls.
>to the half orc rogue.
>"you peer around the humble little shop and your eyes come to rest on the large academic tome the gnome was reading, underneath is a slimmer pamphlet looking a bit saucier than what you'd find offered at the shop."
>investigate
>finds out she was reading half-orc erotica while at work
>party has a small laugh at the absurdity of it and we encourage him to ask her out.
>they go on a date later and while he's out scoring gnome pussy the party is jumped in an alley
>he gets back to her apartment carrying her home drunk, finds it's been broken into
>fights the guy inside, jumped by another he didn't see. has no choice but to kill them.
>gnome gf wakes up and walks in
>screamingwench.jpeg
>half-orc runs off before the city guard show up to ask questions.

>not sharing her art blog

Call it a hunch, but I'm starting to think you made this up for attention

>GM always bends the rules for their character and tries to make everyone like them
>Said character is a brown rabbitgirl who uses attacks clipped from fate, the series
>Any wrong that they do was a mistake
>They ignore things that make them sound bad
>Comes from a powerful family
>Can't take criticism of any sort, tries to make everything about the character

>Eventually after months of conflict, we discover that it's actually a GMPC because it's the gm's "Alter ego" or something, and has been for 10 years

Not mentioned here are the GM's fetishes, which we learned all about. But that's another story.

>being this butthurt over someone being a better roleplayer than you.

To be fair, the rogue isn't wrong, most people are practically complacent in their shitty lives.

...and?

I've seen a DM who turned everything to NTR, then had the gall to say "The signs were obvious, you just didn't see it." Like, I sent a girl who was specifically a sexy spy to go undercover and steal information from a Baron, but she ended up betraying the party and got my PC tossed into a dungeon.

HER ENTIRE JOB WAS TO BE AN INFILTRATOR. I literally sent her to do her job.

Here's a question. Where did you unintentionally cause the Magical Realm? Either GMing and unknowingly put in one or more PCs fetishes and make shit awkward. Or unwittingly roll up a fetishbait PC that due to either not being your own Magical Realm, or through sheer autism you play half a campaign with, only to look back 6 months in at pure horror and disgust at what you've done.
Not that I've ever done that of course. That would be retarded

From my fav character ever
>be me
>Dwarven Crusader of the Allfather
>going into town to procure bedding and furniture for my new watchtower
>go to seamstress
>she is fingering herself on the counter
>loudly moaning
>shouting my name
>ihaveneverbeenhereb4.jpg
>Realm Master gives me a test of will
>mywillisastheironoftheAllfather.png
>fail miserably
>dwarven erection
>"o hai dorfanon, i didnt see you there tee hee"
>fuckthishumanshitimout
>she grabs me by the shoulder
>try to push her off
>dwarven crusader of over 100 years of service is pinned by a human woman 1/10 my age and weighs less than I.
>raped
>forever shamed by clan
>tfw

>her entire job was to be an infiltrator
And clearly she succeeded.

>I literally sent her to do her job.
And so did he.

Not him, but I am pretty sure you aren't suppose to rat out your employer, especially before they pay you.

Story time user

You are if they were never your real employer, just someone your real employer hired you to infiltrate by posing as their employee.

>tfw the only magical realm story that happened to me was due to complete coincidence and mostly cute.

On one hand I feel like I'm missing out but on the other hand I feel happy that I have missed out.

I've told this story before, but here we go.

>Friend says he has a great idea for a campaign
>We'll all be were-creatures of various species. Our village's bloodline was cursed generations ago.
>Our were-forms wouldn't be like a typical werewolf from Thriller or whatever, we'd just be a nasty, giant version of the actual animal
>Someone chooses to be a were-snake, on the night of the waxing Gibbus he turns into a giant snake and we have to subdue him
>We all pick various animals, someone picks a frog, someone picks a pangolin
>I decide to create a cleric who worships the goddess of mishapen beasts and monsters, seems appropriate
>My godess' form is that of a hyena, so that's the were-beast I choose
>Sessions pass, we're travelling across the countryside, someone is transforming into were-animals every couple nights
>Everyone has good fun hiding our affliction from the farmers and guards
>After about 6 months in real life we earn favour with some mysterious god-thing who gives us the ability to control our transformation at will
>Cool!
>We also gain the ability to transform into a 'hybrid' form of our were-selves
>Uh oh.
>It was around this point that I realized that female hyenas have something very...unique about their physiology.
>Did I mention my character was a chick?
And then I realized I was playing an eight-foot-tall furry woman with a dick.

>tfw I would have been totally down for this if it was handled tastefully
>tfw it probably would not be

Thought you were going to say he was
trying to fuck his mother.
Is it bad that I'm disappointed he didn't?

Don't worry user, what you were wearing wasn't asking for it

You know that's only spotted hyenas right?
There are other kinds of hyena.

That lucky group

tell us what happened

Well basically it went down like this

>get an invitation to join an online group doing a fantasy roleplay
>am told I will be coming a bit late into the campaign so the other
>think long and hard about what kind of character to make and how they would meet the party
>Decide to go for the damsel in distress route, but invert it
>play an effete drow princeling kidnapped by the agents of a rival matron to be held hostage on the surface, so his mother couldn't get to him
>since he was tormented by his captors throughout the arduous journey, he would quickly bond with whoever rescued him, and opt to stay with them rather than return home, as his family wasn't much better than his kidnappers
>the party, not knowing any of this was going down, was fighting their way through the kidnappers hideout, unaware I would soon be joining them.
>I'm tied up in the trophy room with all the loot, starved and battered and generally looking like something the cat dragged in
>the door bursts open an in comes
>A
>FUCKING
>WOOD ELF
>mfw
>so my character ends up just sort of spazzing out because he's not sure if he's going to be rescued or murdered
>it could have gone either way honestly, but the rest of the party rushes in before things escalate.
>woodelf is basically a twin of my own character by the way, only more athletic and brown rather than my guy's light purple and frail body.
>anyway because the cleric was a huge moralfag who was all like "muh mercy, muh he might be good" they end up taking him in and nursing him back to health over a few days.
>just to clear things up, my drow is not some goody two-shoes, he's more or less lawful evil and only looks after himself, except that now after being rescued by these weird strangers he is feeling all these weird non-drow feelings like gratitude and humility (since he fully expected to just be killed)
>especially towards the woodelf, who was the first friendly face he had seen in months.

cont'd

OPs absence hints toward the fact that this is fake as fuck.

before we go further I just want to explain how he was able to stick with them on the surface. Basically they just wrapped him in bandages and said he was a victim of weird magical shit and since the party already had a good reputation no one thought anything of it.

>drow keeps trying to make nice with the wood elf (and be helpful to the party in general) but fails since he cannot into surface culture. Examples of fuckups and awkward moments include:
>offering to murder someone the wood elf didn't like
>almost getting the party killed when he heard them complain about being low on funds so he found his way into the black market and stole some drugs from the local dealers to sell at much higher prices, nearly starting a street war.
>greatly embarrassing the party by walking up to the consort of the lord they were meeting and completely snubbing the actual lord, because he thought the wife was the one in charge
>trying to solve a border dispute by suggesting tactics that only weren't a war crime because no one in the kingdom was evil enough to think of them until now.
>eventually most of the party is beginning to reconsider keeping him with them, but then during a fight against some orcs he saves the other elf by taking a near-lethal blow and almost dying himself.
>party realizes that he may be incredibly, incredibly fucked up but he is clearly capable of altruism so they decide to try and teach him how to people
>actually they draw straws because no one actually wanted to deal with all that
>the wood elf loses (I think the GM did that on purpose by the way, I got some fujo vibes off of her.)
>party member that distrusts my drow the most and also is liked the most by my drow ends up having to spend a lot of time deprogramming his fucked up psyche.
>they have a big scene where my drow just starts bawling because he realizes he's so far gone he doesn't even know how to properly express non-sadistic compassion
>pic semi-related

cont'd

>wood elf begins to stop hating him and just feel sorry for him
>my drow just follows him around like an abandoned puppy whenever he's not doing anything specific
>pretty much everyone else in the party knows my drow has got a thing for him, but the two elves actually haven't figured it out yet (wood elf because he's dense, drow because he doesn't know what normal, non-spidery love is)
>anyway after some time fighting the local criminal organizations we start to figure out that there was some big bad pulling the strings
>start digging deeper into it and learns that drow are controlling the kingdom's crime rings from the shadows
>shit gets real and we end up going against a full clan
>eventually the leader herself comes out to deal with us
>its my drow's mother
>she's pretty pissed at my character but promises to spare me if I help her kill the rest of the party
>my character does a really heartfelt speech that I forgot how it went, about how this is his new family, drow society is kinda fucked up, there's someone he couldn't bear to disappoint, ect ect
>ends up grabbing wood elf's hand near the end
>she gets mad
>wood elf, who has just figured out why my drow has been acting like he was the whole time, notices she got mad
>grabs my drow by the waist and gives him the frenching of a lifetime
>drow's mother gets so fucking apoplectic at seeing her son embraced by a filthy surface elf that her wards waver enough for the rest of the party to mount an attack and kill her
>drow and wood elf are now partners and don't leave one another's side

I know this all sounds pretty vanilla but this whole sort of scenario is like, ultimate boner fuel for me. I just intended for it to be a comedy thing, but it evolved into one of the most adorable romances I've seen and I definitely had fun with it.

That was fucking adorable user, thanks for sharing.

thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

That was pretty cute

>join an in-progress campaign
>one of the characters has a "rage" mode where the DM takes control of his character
>fight with drakes ensues
>legit dragon comes down
>player activates rage
>DM lies about him getting a crit in combat and proceeds to describe in detail the character cutting off the dragons head, pulling his pants down and masturbating to completion on top of the corpse
Setting was described to me as semi-realistic too.

Yeah it was definitely a fun campaign. We never got the chance to do it, but I can only imagine the chaos that will ensue when the two of them break it to wood elf's family. Maybe in the next campaign if its possible.

>I'm homo and like traps
>pathfinder

Checks out.

Found the artistically gifted harpy.

c u t e

someone should drawfag it

I'm happy to see that so many people are enjoying the story.

I have to sleep now but yeah, if people are reading this thanks for taking the time to listen to my shoddy attempts at storytelling. If the thread is still up in 8 or so hours and more people have replied I'll probably get back to you. Sorry if that sounds silly I just try to reply to everyone who replies to me because I think its polite. Anyway I think the sleep deprivation is getting to me so goodnight.

S-screencap?

Actually fuck it before I go to sleep here's a description of the two elves in case someone actually tries drawfagging. I'm not asking for it or anything, I just won't be around to answer questions for awhile and I'd feel bad if someone wanted to draw them but lacked the information to do so.

Drow:
>pale purple skin
>white hair (just above shoulder length, wavy, and extremely fluffy)
>red eyes
>feminine, body is slender
>normally wears a robe and enchanted round glasses that help him filter out sunlight until he can get used to it.
>wears dark leather armor and uses a hand crossbow/dagger combo in combat
>5'8

Wood elf
>brown skin
>straight, sandy blonde hair that's about chin length
>green eyes
>looks feminine, but has a toned gymnast body
>normally wears a tunic and boots
>wears normal leather armor and uses a spear in battle
>wears the pants in the relationship
>5'9

Ok now goodnight for reals

Nice.

It's not THAT bad, but it's something.
NOTE: DM specifically promised NO ERP at the beginning.
>a bit into our campaign
>recently found some magic fabric, REALLY nice shit, lots of interesting properties
>first thought is to get it made into a skintight suit, because why not?
>in a town, find a tailor
>note: tailor is a gryphon
>asks me to remove my baggy clothes to take measurements
>I say I strip down to my underwear, she's a professional and all, and not even human
>DM "lol, what underwear?'
>apparently the DM has decided I go commando
>mfw I didn't even know I wasn't wearing underwear, apparently
>she measures and gets real close
>he makes me roll not to get an erection, because apparently I'm into catbirds now
>succeed, no boner today
>she lets me dress

>come back to pick up spandex suit of magic
>she doesn't want money
>drags me across town to a secluded room
>has me preen her wings with my 'dainty hands'
>she gets off from wing stimulation
>DM spends a great deal of time describing the incredible musky catbird mating smell I now reek of
>I gather my friends and we leave town quickly
>they make fun of my smell

>later I shot down an airship and it crushed her office
>she was fine but mad and DM had an excuse for her to talk to me again
>whoops

There's more.

>I gather my friends and we leave town quickly
>they make fun of my smell

I like your friends

>much later, she and many others are kidnapped to power some sort of magic superweapon
>she was killed and had her soul stuck in a big crystal of wailing doom
>I'm not a dick, so I grab the sacrificial knife and through some absurd rolls pull her soul out of the spooky crystal
>DM said since I knew her, her soul was easiest to retrieve
>ran out of time, couldn't save others
>thankfully there were some soulless bodies wandering around, so I stuck her in one and we booked it
>with no house to go back to, since I dropped an airship on it, she just followed me home
>she now lives with me
>due to the eldritch abomination tier shit she went through, character is nice about it and doesn't boot her out

>much much later
>I had kept the soul sucking knife, we bodyswapper now
>I'm now in the body of a winged horse/unicorn thingy
>my character was a thief, so he thought body snatching was the next step up after safecracking
>also it had bitchin' magical powers, which are now mine
>we had to paralyze it with poison to do the swap, so I'm immobile
>get dropped on my bed by annoyed friends
>unwanted waifu appears and starts asking questions about what happened, emphasizing whether or not everything was 'intact and working properly'
>DM made a point of saying I was dropped on the bed on my back, legs spread, completely helpless, as she stalked around me
>end session because it's really late

>next week, I ask how my rape went
>DM gets super flustered, claims not to remember any shit like that, and keeps changing the subject
>says he was tired, that's why he suddenly wanted big horse cock ERP
>retcons and says I had a nice peaceful rest

>DM is also pissed I used the knife to start stealing stupidly overpowered NPC bodies
>unwanted waifu is now going on about how she misses the HUMAN me, and wants me to switch back
>implying I'll get some sweet ficki ficki if I do

This is where we're at now. I just wanted adventure, but DM keeps wanting me to fuck this thing.

>NOTE: DM specifically promised NO ERP at the beginning.
That should have been your red flag. It's like seeing a plate of brownies and having the guy who baked them promise, apropos of nothing, that he didn't shit in them.

>my character was a thief, so he thought body snatching was the next step up after safecracking

Well at least she's got good taste, if she even exists.

D'aw, thank you for sharing this, user.

The answer is obvious.
You need to use that magic knife and a series of body swap schemes to get her stuck in the body of a house plant.

That should shut her up for a bit.

This kind of shit gives me life, good work user

g
a
y

Gayshit done right.

Nah just gay

cute faggotry tho

Someone do a screencap of this shit and the replies right goddamn now.

/tg can be saved.

Also, archive maybe?

Definitely.

We must preserve this, to show the world /tg isn't just a degenerate boa-oh...right.

Seriously though, preserve this thing, its beautiful.

Do you just submit a request or?

Would you feel differently if these characters were male?

I've seen this copypadta.

user, what is a double agent?

I have absolutely no idea.

>says he was tired, that's why he suddenly wanted big horse cock ERP
This is why you fap BEFORE the roleplaying session, lads.

fuck me neither

I bet you're the kind of guy who would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around!

Wait I figured it out, am putting in request

wait if you archive it does suptg save it at the point in time in which you updated it or will it have the whole thread in there when it finally dies? Just wondering if I should hit submit now or later. Sorry if I'm being retarded, its late.

All right I did it. Sorry if I fucked it up.

I did cap them, but I'm too fucking stupid to figure out how to stitch them together like you see on greentext threads. I can post them individually, or a kind hearted user could teach me how to fish.

Sure smells like summer in here

In all fairness though, it's a cute story

Kind of mature depth i'd like for once in one of my games, instead of the typical swords and sorcery and the offensive jokes

bump

i saw someone say once that you can re-archive an already archived thread to update it.
no idea if that's true.

Yeah, I'm down for lithe catboys but "Here is an NPC I decided to make it your love interest and will railroad you into it" is shit completely regardless of what the specific NPC is.

>S-screencap?
Gotchu senpaitachi

The archive auto-updates the thread, don't worry.

thank

I spat out my drink, and I'm stealing this NPC.

Why did I lose it to this?

>next week, I ask how my rape went

Fucking christ user, that got me