Come forward, Veeky Forums, confess your tabletop sins

Same here.
Hell she'd even go if her off days were the same as mine, she's been there a few times and saw how much fun we had.

I'm here to tell you that its okay. The other players see what you are doing and think you are just excited to be there and immersed in the game.

A GMs job is to be entertaining, not original. Keep on keepin on.

Have they fought The Legend? The Wall?

I almost always end up with characters I despise on an aesthetic level, because I inherently optimize, but hate Dex-style builds, while almost every fucking system treats "Dex/Reflexes/Agility/Go fast and be accurate" as the godstat.
I hate meta, to the point where I actually lose almost all interest in the other party members when they reveal stuff about them OOC. I actively keep stuff from both them and the GM, not because it will be bad for them, but because I think it's super boring if they don't discover it both IC and OOC at the same time.

I'm playing a loli. Pretty sure my group thinks I'm a lolicon because of some dumb edgy jokes I cracked during the character creation, but if I deny it, it just makes me look more guilty. I just wanted to be cute.

It's not that complicated, I just want her to think I'm cool and D&D ain't cool. The strip club cover story makes me and my friends sound like cool guys going out to drink and discuss their weeks while watching titties, instead of a bunch of dorks going out to drink and discuss their weeks while prettending to be elves.

Lucky guys

Some strip clubs serve legit drinks and meals.

>my group hates the whole Dark Souls franchise on a meme-driven level
Same. I'm sure the franchise has plenty to love (& I've several times had people ask me if my campaigns, etc. were DS-inspired), but after four years of hearing people use "it's like Dark Souls" to describe any computer game they like, I just want to hear the end of it. The most recent (& probably most egregious) example was someone apparently unironically believing the best way to describe these so-called "check-points" in Mario Universe was "like the bonfires in Dark Souls" not, you know, like the checkpoints in basically every other Mario game.

Stop it then, you faggot. Go play.
Jesus. Whats wrong with you?

>It's not that complicated, I just want her to think I'm cool and D&D ain't cool.
Why not actually educate her on the subject instead?
They all do as far as I know as a matter of legal course.
Doesn't mean the food OR drinks are very good, and are always overpriced as fuck.

That's not hating Dark Souls, that's you getting tired of hearing things described a certain way over and over.
Pro tip for life; most people have a very limited set of experiences with a very limited set of things and therefore always draw connections between those things and new things they experience because they literally don't have the language or depth of references necessary to draw a better word-picture.

Basically it's something you're going to need to learn to deal with because it's something most human beings do to some degree or another: draw connections to things they are already familiar with rather then things they know nothing about because, shockingly enough, they can't draw connections to knowledge they don't have access to.

Has anyone ever tried to play a session of DnD at a strip club?

What this user said, it's just like the Inuits who have a bajillion different words for "snow" because in Alaska that shit is vital for staying alive.

But everything south of Alaska only has a single word for "snow" even the term "avalanche" can refer to an event that didn't have a single speck of snow in it. It can even be used in deserts to describe the collapse of a sand dune.

Basically, we are the Inuits. And we need to remember to not get pissed off at the people who only have one word in their vocabulary.

I do a lot of drugs during RPGs.

I'll reroll several times if I don't like the original outcome of the dice

All of my characters are fully aware, in an in-universe sense, of how shallow their backstories and motivations are.

I would genuinely, honestly play a magical girl campaign, and probably try to do the voice, during an in-person game.

I have no strong feelings about GURPS one way or the other.

I legitimately enjoy Pathfinder.

I am terrible at directing the flow of roleplay, even if and when I am the one initiating things.

My entire group, including the GM, are memelords supreme and I'm the worst of them all.

I collect PDF's of tabletop systems I will never ever have a chance to play on the off chance that they will come in handy later.

The only reason it's so easy for me to keep my magical realm out of games is that I'm never allowed to play a medusa/basilisk/cockatrice.

I am terrible at encounter balance.

I can't worldbuild to save my life.

I scroll through other tabs during combat when it's not my turn during online games and none of them know yet.

Countless other sins have I committed which even I have forgotten. Surely there can be no forgiveness.

No, because there's no room and it smells awful and everything's got poor lighting and is extremely unclean and the folks inside get pissed if you aren't really paying attention to the tiddies or buying the drinks.

>All of my characters are fully aware, in an in-universe sense, of how shallow their backstories and motivations are.
That's not really a sin, it's just odd.
Sort of amusing too in one sense.
>I would genuinely, honestly play a magical girl campaign, and probably try to do the voice, during an in-person game.
Matter of taste, not a sin.
>I have no strong feelings about GURPS one way or the other.
Matter of taste, not a sin.
>I legitimately enjoy Pathfinder.
Matter of taste, not a sin.
>I am terrible at directing the flow of roleplay, even if and when I am the one initiating things.
That's a hard skill to learn. Keep working at it.
>My entire group, including the GM, are memelords supreme and I'm the worst of them all.
Annoying to some, not to others.
>I collect PDF's of tabletop systems I will never ever have a chance to play on the off chance that they will come in handy later.
It's called being prepared.
>The only reason it's so easy for me to keep my magical realm out of games is that I'm never allowed to play a medusa/basilisk/cockatrice.
Huh.
>I am terrible at encounter balance.
Some games need it a lot less.
>I can't worldbuild to save my life.
Neither can half of the board.
>I scroll through other tabs during combat when it's not my turn during online games and none of them know yet.
Sneaky git.

By legit I mean it's actually good value for your money, the strippers are just a bonus.

I guess, never really seemed that great when I worked there. Maybe the one I worked at was shit I guess, we used pretty normal ingredients to cook.

I also think the world looks overly oppressive and the gameplay looks mediocre at best (confirmed by playing a bit of Bloodborne), but I try not to load posts with qualifiers, blogposts and complete explanations of my every opinion. But thanks for the armchair psychology lesson.

Is that why weebs describe everything in terms of anime?

Well that other stuff is just a matter of taste which is totally understandable.
It's not actually psychology by the way, it's a linguistic thing and a knowledge thing; we have a really imperfect method of communicating with each other that often fails to convey what we really mean quite a lot and so usually we tend to draw lines between subjects that are fairly weak because we don't know how else to talk to each other.
It is EXACTLY why they they do that.
It's also why I insist on seeing as broad a variety of pop culture as I can, even stuff I'm not inclined to, just so I can have some kind of comparison I can use with people without resorting to drawing the flimsiest possible lines between wildly different subjects because that's all I know.

You worked as a stripper?

Drinks I get, but what kind of degenerate eats, while someone is shaking a naked ass in front of their face?

What? No.
I worked as a short-order cook at a strip club.

This user here.
Drunk people. Usually sad drunk people.
Often they're the sort that visit those places.

I draw an 8th card in hand from my deck at the beginning of the game. Always.

Get to know any of the girls?

I don't know, it just sounds very disgusting to me. I'm not someone who gets disgusted easily, but I can never e.g. eat and watch porn at the same time. Just doesn't mix.

Man wants some meat to go with his meat, nothing wrong with that.

There's a club in Portland that's pretty well known for having good steak if I remember right.

Women who think its cool to go to a strip club don't seem like high caliber women. Women who like you enough to learn about your weird hobbies seem more desirable

I guess? They worked there, I worked there, we said hey sometimes.
They don't really "work" at a strip club anymore then construction workers work at a single construction site, they just go there because that's where they where the money is for the service they provide, they're all individual independent contractors.

The A-Crop, yeah.
That was where I worked.

I didn't get it either, but whatever.

He means "did you sleep with any of them", user.

I'm starting to hate one of our party members (or just their character) because their character gets babied by the rest of the party pratically every moment of the session. They're all friends outside of it so I'm probably a jealous faggot but it gets annoying when the DM is trying to get the story going and we have the majority of the party trying to cheer up the snowflake because shits hitting the fan. Stuff happens during campaigns and it can hit the party hard, but it just gets tiring.

If that is indeed what he meant, then no I did not. That would be unprofessional as fuck.

Gay 100%

Bullshit user.
I needed the job and I couldn't waste time talking to girls who couldn't waste time trying to get guys in a room so they can get a lap dance and make real money since the club doesn't actually pay them or anything.
Besides that, I knew EXACTLY how interested the girls were in sex after selling their sexuality for hours on end; in a word, not very.
Strippers really just a more naked version of the person giving you your McDonalds meal of choice and they are approximately as happy to be working there in almost all cases as those person wearing the McDonald's uniforms are. At best it's just a job. At worst it's a job that they don't want to do and don't enjoy but have to because they don't have a lot of other options.

Some seemed okay I suppose, but a lot seemed like they had issues of one kind or another. One or two were serious cunts honestly but I figure they had some kinda backstory of unpleasantness leading up to explaining why they didn't have a less humiliating job that they enjoyed doing more.

>and make real money since the club doesn't actually pay them or anything.
What, what? Then what the hell are they getting paid?

I am terrible at acting out NPCs. I can write detailed notes about their backtories, motivations and mannerisms, but they usually end up coming out the same.

except when I DM and get drunk. Those characters are generally memorable to my players

The dollars you throw on stage or put in their g-strings or pay them to go into a private room for a solo dance are what they get paid. THEY pay the CLUB for the privilege of dancing there, not vice-versa.
I was an employee of the place where I worked, the girls were not.

Those are the excuses a cock thirsty fuccboi would make.

Get much action yourself user?

It actually kills my interest in a game when people outside of it, particularly family, know and ask about it. It's depressing in a weird way, like someone trying to desperately understand a TV show you're watching that they've never seen. And they've never watched TV in general. And they don't get the characters, or the episodic format, or the tone and setting. It throws the whole game into stark relief.

Definitely get more pussy, I probably suck less cock than you do fruitcake.

Is there something wrong about it? It seems like standard approach to me. At least you have the preparation in vivid memory.

>All of my characters are fully aware, (...) of how shallow their backstories and motivations are.
I think that is pretty realistic, frankly.

I started playing 3.pf again just so I could play rather than run something and although I am not having a lot of fun, it is still better than nothing.

Stop fucking cats you furry faggot.

My favorite character is unironically my half-elf cleric who had his face burned off right before his deity intervened and saved him, so now he has to wear mask that covers the burn marks that double as his holy focus.

My favorite moment was banishing shadows that came after the party by shining light from his burned face.

Would you describe him as having an impressive stature?

I haven't written down anything for any of the sessions I've ran for the last 6th months, or done any kind of planning.

I make up stats for enemies and don't keep track of hit points just having them die when it seems right. My players have no idea how much I improvise and I constantly tell them I'm preparing a lot.

On the bright side, they seem to be enjoying it, but I feel kinda bad cause I could probably have better sessions with some real prep.

Be nice to him, we don't know if it's illegal or not to fuck cats in his home state, he might not know any better.

He is rather large, for the party.

Maybe im "That guy" or maybe its just a problem most people have but
Whenever something really fucking convenient happens either against us or for us i sperg out especially if it just happens right in front of our fucking faces
For instance i was magically charmed to be sad by a magical item and the only wizard was a npc and before we had found the item that made me sad i had asked him if he could identify some stuff for us he said no
Then the next day we are getting a job from him and he says he found his identify ring and has a hypothesis about the item he saw me with yesterday
And then the dm had him identify the item, and the guy straight up told me it was cursed (identify cant identify curses)
and then he read me the history of the magical item from his book
That shit triggered the fuck out of me i just did not want to play after that shit

Not a tabletop sin but I like to drive in the fast lane at exactly the speed limit. I just flip on the cruise control. Nobody has any business passing me, since it's illegal to drive over the speed limit.

I like to get up in the middle of the session to go take a giant shit

get out.

I have still never ran with anyone who enjoys the roleplaying aspect of RPGs. You'd be suprised how many people in the Navy are open to it, but they all treat it like video games. I had a guy who described DnD as "Like Skyrim but..." and I still DMed for him, hoping I could get him to RP (I failed). At this point I've just accepted that I won't find a good game until my enlistment is up and consign myself to playing with newfags until then.

Untap, upkeep, draw 2.

Snapcaster mage, grab the spell from the graveyard, think, think, think, target the thing, put spell in yard.

If your feeling devious you can shuffle thier lands to the top of thier deck.
youtu.be/v0zYMAhp570

These are reasons I stopped going to tournaments. Too much cheating.

Try one offs.

I inject my fetish Giantesses into almost every single campaign I run.

My players have either not wised up to my scheme, or are polite enough to not point it out.

It's not your business to dictate other peoples driving habits.

You are holding up traffic and there are 5 cars behind you who want to pass. Just get the fuck over, man. Don't be a dick.

The speed limit isn't the only law on he road. If your so interested in upholding the rules, then stay in the right lane unless you intend to pass.

>not very.
That's two words.

I'm a DM, and I have sinned.

I overuse undead to populate my dungeons.
I fudge a little too often in the players' favor.
I rip too many little pieces form pop cultural works that only I have seen.
I save all my best descriptive writing for text based ERPs with my boyfriend.
When I get lazy I fall back a little too hard on mirroring real world historical places/factions.

I steal basically everything. Sometimes I tweak it slightly.

I really want to play a magical girl game but I also really don't want to run one.

Hi. Few things to start off with :]

First of all, checked.

Second of all, yes I'm commenting because you are a female DM. 'Tis a glorious thing to see.

Third of all...none of the stuff you listed is a sin except for the ERP thing.
>Undead are solid, and can have a lot of variety if played right.
>Fudging is fine too. This is basically a power fantasy for your players anyways.
>Ripping from pop culture and historical events is actually awesome. Most people don't recognize it and if they do, they will pat themselves on the back and feel good.

The ERP stuff is cringe tho.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the ERP is more cringe than you know.

I'm not female

>Second of all, yes I'm commenting because you are a female DM. 'Tis a glorious thing to see.

My first characters was a neutral "good" necromancer. He used both healing and necromantic magic in order to balance himself long enough to become Immortal without hurting anyone. He was a know it all and way too charismatic for what his job was.
If there was anything salvagable from the character, it's that he thought it was perfectly normal to perform tests on dead elves, whether they were enemies, innocent and dead from cross fire, or from grave robbing. He thought they're was some potential with using Elf's blood to become Immortal and saw Elves are greedy for not already experimenting on their dead kin to find Immortality.

this requires way more powerful fedora shitposting than that

Gary Gygax?! But I thought you were dead!

>In what way is it more acceptable for you to go to a strop club then D&D?
In the way that D&D is gay.

He's referencing a cringe post somebody made on Steam.

I am a serial bamboozler.

If someone was to ask me, I'd reply I don't know. But today I remembred, and thus Veeky Forums I ask you to absolve me of my sins
>I have allowed my friend to take on some edgy shadow-race
>I have allowed him to take a dragon as a "familliar"
>I have let him to be
oh god I cringe horribly now that I think of it
>I have let him learn swordsmanship under Drizzt
urrghhh
and I think the worst of all, competing with the one before
>instead of talking over things with him, I have nerfed him and his dragon to fucking shit when I realized most adventure modules I've had can't challange that kind of firepower

In my defense I was 12, but I was still a fag

I can appreciate the druggy who isn't constantly talking to his fellow players about how stoned he is, but I feel the need to tell you that even if you think you're actually keeping it a secret, the other players can probably still tell.

I think it's cute.

>I make up stats for enemies and don't keep track of hit points just having them die when it seems right.

Unpopular opinion right here, but you're doing god's work, user.

>I want to play X but don't want to run it.

This is understandable. But it's also the sin 95% of us commit.

Nobody listen to this guy. He's a satan.

For the past year, every enemy my players have fought has used the stats for ogres because I can't be arsed looking through the monster manual, so I just learned off the ogre stat block and fudge dice rolls to make it interesting,

i heavily, heavily rip off Stephen King. only one person has read any of his books, so nobody knows.

though they are starting to complain about all the spiders. three of four of them are arachnophobic.

I rip tons of shit off of spiderweb software games, because none of my players have played them.

When I coach new players on character creation I make them weak so I can feel strong with my optimized character.

I'm about to insert lots of dark stuff into the setting just to see how weak goody two-shoes players deal with it.

I steal from whatever piece of media I've been really into at the time of preparation and it can change between weeks. My players haven't noticed because they don't watch movies and they only play Halo, Runescape or Japanese games but they might get confused when the cyberpunk campaign suddenly turns into Twin Peaks
The rare times I'm a player my character is more or less directly stolen from whatever piece of media I've been interested in while making the character. My current character is basically all of Liam Neeson's roles from Seraphim Falls and onwards even though he was supposed to be a bootleg version of Viggo Mortensen in A History of Violence

It's a meme, you dip