Save me TG, save me with your stories

First part

second part

I'm not even sure if this is a story, just an extended weird observation.

So I like this old school system called Dragonquest that nobody else really plays. Got a group together, a few new people and a few veterans. One of the new guys plays a shape-shifter, which is a bit like Beorn from the Hobbit, they're basically lycanthropes with control over their ability to turn into animals.

Those animals they turn into are VERY powerful, immune to most weapons, enormous strength, etc. To balance this (among other things), they get a really nasty XP penalty, you essentially need twice as many XP as a standard human to level up.

Cue in Hilbert, the new guy. Who wanted to play a shape-shifter, and rolled up a were-boar. IN a thirteen session adventure arc, he actually used his power a grand total of once, in an initiation rite of adulthood in his were-boar tribe. It never seemed to occur to him to ever use it again, even in melee combat, where he'd probably be as powerful as the rest of the group combined if it occurred to him. I brought it up with him once or twice, and he never seemed to have either a good reason not to use is literally one superpower, or why he played a shapeshifter if he wasn't going to use it.

(I called the plant I drew eyes on Harold. This will make sense later.)

1. I am no longer allowed to vandalise copies of file names with useless information.

1b. 1. I am no longer allowed to vandalise copies of file names with useful information.

1c. I am only allowed to number repeated files in European languages.

2. You may not listen to music with headphones, this is unfair and distracting to your colleagues on the phone. However, you may sing out loud to your hearts content.

2b. Anything that you see which contradicts this rule is just your imagination.

3.Even if you know the answer to a senior's question, you don't know the answer to the senior's question.

4. The proper response to a colleague asking if a meeting room is free is to ask them to e-mail the room-booking account. It is not pointing in a vague direction and saying "I think that one might be, maybe."

5. I am to make an audible sound to alert my manager to my presence. Turning around to see a 6ft man towering silently over you is not a pleasant surprise.

6. After finishing the task, I am to tell my manager that I have finished sending the "A.T.E" letters to the customers, not " 'ate letters".

7. The proper response to being asked about a missing file is to apologise and say it's probably been moved to the deep archives. Shrugging your shoulders and saying "fuck knows" is considered a poor response.

8. You are not the "Seeker of the sacred files" regardless of the fact that you have taken up the task of the office postman until the new one works out the kinks.

9. If a prank or joke makes you laugh for more than a minute straight, it will probably end with you getting a file note.

10. Coffee breaks are for coffee, not for strategically placing Harold in areas where he can get the most eye contact.

11. Just because you are no longer on a strict time limit, does not mean your old colleagues are.

12. Regardless of the fact that you have got it down to "a fine art", we would appreciate it if you left your chair when called over.

13. When waiting for help from a manager, it is consider appropriate to do a jig.

13b. Even if it is the best way to relieve leg cramp.

14. Just like the Sun, the Moon and the stars. Mess does not vanish because you can no longer see it.

15. If there is ever a rubber-band war between the various departments it will be automatically assumed that I am involved.

15b. Even if I am not working at the time.

16. Changing my mind about whether I have coffee or tea in the morning just to upset the lead Elliot has over Sean is considered unsporting.

16b. If I decided to have the vegetarian option, I am to tell Elliot before he puts the meat dish on the plate.

17. The correct response to receiving spam is to calmly report it to information security and then delete it. The incorrect response is to laugh maniacally and show the rest of your colleagues.

17b. It is also considered unprofessional to chuckle uncontrollably when said colleagues read out the title of said spam out to the info.sec. guys over the phone.

Oops, 13 was supposed to be.

>"it is not considered appropriate"

how are you still employed

Where do you work ?

/k/'s great. Here's one from /x/.

and one from /int/

and what the hell, I'll even post one from /co/

A call centre in England.

I'm afraid I won't be going into more detail than that because, although it can be unbelievably tedious at times, I'd rather keep it and not end back up on the dole.

I... really fucking want to run a game like this now. Urban gangsters but using 18th century arms and tactics.

(This is the second time I'm writing this since capture had a fit. Apologies if I end up double posting)

Through the wonderful powers of autism my friend.

Because everyone thinks we're either Rain Man or Sheldon, we can get a way with a lot of shit.

Once people realise that autism is a spectrum, with Asperger's being pretty low on said spectrum, then I'm going to be in trouble.

It also helps that I work in the backrooms and not on the phones. As long as we get the work done within the set deadlines, we're pretty much left to our own devices.

Believe it or not, I'm not actually the worse one there.

Some people have backlogs stretching back weeks due to the enormous amount of pratting around they do.

>TG

>I thought I couldn't get any happier. Then her father exploded in rage. He didn't say anything. He was too furious to speak. He just ran over to the little shrine at the far end of the room.
>And grabbed the katana that was there.
>And ripped it free of its sheath.
>And pointed it at me.
>I almost had an orgasm.

That is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time holy fuck

It gets better, trust me.

You and me, man, but i want to set up car wars in the hood with cannons and musketmen.

Maybe a simple d6 system, Men and vehicles have a Body stat, which determines how many hits they can take... a Hustle stat that gives them movement speed on the ground... you need to simulate both gang wars in an urban project setting and 18th century militia and artillery tactics...

this is both comfy and spooky

10/10 would watch a slice of life animu about

anyone have the completed version?

Do it.

suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive.html?searchall=stone wall
links to the unarchived threads can be found in thread 19.

Does anyone have the tale of horse seppuku?

user is Krautrean, King of Magpies.

Already done, Senpai. It's here and here

Thanks guys, we've had some pretty good stories so far.

You've all been real legi/tg/ents, so let's see if we can keep the good times rolling.

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why am I tearing up?

Brilliant.

I sincerely hope that these are real.

Anyone have the human worshipper of Lolth? That one's great

Oh aye, they are.

Since I buy either a cup of coffee or tea + lunch everyday, the chefs and I started a scoreboard to make the day more interesting.

Elliot is really good at guessing what I'll be having and has only got it wrong about ten times. Unfortunately I'm quite fond of some of the vegetarian options, which throws him off.

I don't envy him, figuring out if a man will choose Hunter's Chicken or Nut Roast is a herculean task.

Until I get better at singing, everyone agrees I should stick to slower songs like...

youtube.com/watch?v=HlMzS502hQQ

...or...

youtube.com/watch?v=or6KGFuA7Zs

...otherwise I end up out of tune.

Did you know if you take three elastic bands, twist them together into one super band and stretch said band between your thumb and fingers, you end up with a pretty strong catapult?

This catapult is both easily dismantled and hidden, but is strong enough to launch another super band across the office at such speed that no one can see it fly across the office.

Sly experimenting has shown that with this set up, you can accurately hit a target at around 50 metres away.

I may have taught this to someone known for disruptive mischief.

My favourite place to stick Harold at the moment is on top of a cupboard in one of our stairways.

This is because people don't notice him when they start climbing up the stairs, but then they see this plant pot giving them "eegguuuuu" eyes through a crack in the stairs.

I used to keep him on top of our archive cupboard so he could gaze out onto literally half of our entire office; but people (or guilty sinners) started feeling uneasy under Harold's watchful stare, so I had to move him back to my desk for a while.

And in case anyone was wondering, the River Dance is the best way to relieve leg cramp; however it is really hard to do this either quietly, or subtlety.

Warning: Ends with Krieg porn, which is as unpleasant as it sounds.

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as a french it made me tear a little

Posting some random stories until captcha gets annoying.

Whilst I was ironing my anti-superhero uniform, as you do, it struck me that I should probably elaborate on number 2.

The first thing you need to realise is the ungodly amount of e-mails and redundant files a call centre receives. On average, I'm copying just under a thousand emails a week from our numerous accounts into the various claims.

Understandably, the people sending said e-mails aren't too inclined to make it easier on the poor bastard (e.g. me) who has to file all the messages away; so they often use the same title for every e-mail.

One company I've grown to hate because they will literally send streams of these e-mails in groups of five or more. I once had them send 19 fucking e-mails for one file in a single day.

Because I have to re-name every single file that shares a name, I started by just adding "." to the end of each e-mail.

Although efficient, this was exceptionally dull and turned my brain to cheese. Because of this, I started putting in the most corniest jokes and horrendous puns I could come up with; so that me and the file handler could have a bit more fun with the e-mails.

However, I will say that I am exceptionally proud for coming up with "Pride and WOP".

(WOP stands for With Out Prejudice. If you work in Motor Insurance, you'll understand.)

I thought it was harmless, since they re-name all of the files anyway once they're finished to make it easier to find the right one later.

But as it turns out, the third party, courts and our customers can ask at any time to see the files on record. For some reason, the higher-ups would rather not have these sheets be littered with MI related puns and jokes.

So after a very stern telling off, I started summarising what the letters were about, since the file handlers did that anyway and I wanted to make it easier for them.

I was again told to stop this, for the same reason above.

When I asked what I could do, they said I could use a single word to differentiate the files.

Part 1

Part 2

Cont...

Because I was only allowed a single word, I started numbering the files. Obviously I skipped the number one, since numbering the second file one is just silly.

At first, it was Roman Numerals (II, III, IV) German (zwei, drei, vier) and Spanish (dos, tres, quatro).

Then I pushed the boundaries with Phonetics (Bravo, Charlie, Delta) Latin (Bi, Tri, Quad) and, badly as it turns out, the Ancient Greek Alphabet (Beta, Theta, Gamma).

Those educated gentleman among you may notice that the Ancient Greek is out of order and I only realised how badly I had mangled the order when I had to look up the 8th letter of the Greek Alphabet.

Because of this, I have stopped using Ancient Greek and will be replacing it with Russian (adeen, dvah, tree). Because if you're going to do a gimmick, you have to do it properly.

Again, this was passed without comment, so I went a little bit further.

I used Swahili and Korean as my next test.

For those of you interested, one-ten in Swahili is:

Moja, mbili, tatu, nne, tano, sita, saba, nane, tisa, kumi

and Korean is:

Hana,Dul, Set, Net, Dasot, Yasot, Ilgup, Yodol, Ahop, Yeol.

Apparently, this is where the line is drawn.

Make of this what you will.

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I've been waiting for a thread like this all Day!

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Honestly this feels like non-hetereosexual playing of roles from someone trying to be BOFH

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