Give me your best macguffin for a one-shot high fantasy heist...

how about my actual, unironic disgust

"This walking fortress may only be commanded by the person in possession of this deed of said same, until such time as this deed is transferred to another party. This deed's transfer is irrevocable, and the act of transfer implies the prior owner's complete and utter surrender of all rights and privileges pertaining hereto."

The phylactery of a lich who was once his good friend before turning against him. Its magic corrupts any land in which it rests, so the fortress that holds it must constantly move, but the king can't bring himself to destroy it because he hopes that his old friend might one day choose to join him again.

Or in a similar vein, it could be the last religious idol of a nature goddess. She can share her magic with the natural world if she remains in one place, so the fortress has to keep moving to prevent a her from forming a sacred space where she could gather allies to free her.

A book with the history of the world for the next hundred years written in it.

The friendships you made along the way of course
Alternatively an alchemical mecha

Monkey's Pawn.

A square thermal bag of daily pizza delivery.

Use 1x per day, inside has one hot fresh supreme pizza ina cardboard box. No cheese or peppers.

A magical orb that compels its owner to secure it in a vault.

The real mage king, obviously

This.

>No cheese
Wtf

>supreme
So it's a vault to store cursed items

His porn collection.
Bonus points: One of the party members is a family member.

a bowl of skub

Shit we're anti heroes then?

The heart of a dead god

His reason for being such a douche.

>Artefact that forces everyone who knows that it exists to personally kill one person per day who doesn’t know about the artefact. If they fail to do so the artefact kills 1000 random people. Can only be neutralised if nobody living knows it exists, shouldn’t have looted the vault

Better yet something that would seem weird to the characters but painfully familiar to the players.

>A small velvet sack containing seven knucklebone sized objects of strange material. They’re cut like gemstones but made of something much lighter and all the corners are bevelled, every side has a number inscribed on it. Whatever value it has they have been handled often, more of a keepsake than a treasure.

All his fucks to give

Underrated

A faerie biome that powers his walking castle

An inverted walking castle. It's hard to describe non-mathematically.

His childhood sled.

>metallic_ass.jpg

"Inside the vault, you find 10,000 fucks."
"Wait, I thought we were in this for the gp?"
"There was a miscommunication."

A once-holy cursed sword prophesied to bring about the kingdom's destruction. Forged for the true king of the land, it compels its wielder to slay all interlopers, sparing only pure-blooded natives. Precisely one millennia after the fall of the original royal family and the assimilation of the kingdom and its neighbors into one unified country, there is virtually no-one left who it wouldn't consider an interloper.

>he assumes it's some incredibly rare and expensive material
Well he's not wrong.

>forgery check DC35

Rate least to most cursed from the following.
>supreme
>pinapple
>alfredo sauce
>pickles

An item that gives the ability to be the most smug anyone can be. The smugness is reaching divine levels and anyone who opposes the smug wearer cant do anything than suffer under that smugness in anger and powerlessness.

Extra bonus points: It's porn of the party's members.

Continuing this thought, the sword bestows its wielder with absolute immortality, but a curse placed upon it by a rival kingdom causes them to age rapidly. (It's this curse that was the downfall of the original royal family.) Eventually the wielder's body is reduced to a skeletal husk, kept alive only by the sword's magic. Should they let go of the sword for even an instant, their body will crumble to dust.

It's known in legends as the Sword of the Immortal Kingdom, but the sword's curse and the prophecy aren't public knowledge.

The Amulet of Forgetfulness.
I don't remember what it does, but it must be important.

i sounds like you have shit taste in pizza. Probably order it from a shitty fast food site like a disgusting, unskilled pleb who cant even make their own pizza

Go ahead an be an hero and choke on your shitty pizza hut cardboard

A person of some sort

How about a sports almanac?

The vault is empty.

The real treausre was the camraderie you achieved along the way.

>not going on a quest to rescue the little girl you bought out of slavery because you feared what anyone else might do to her
the tables have turned, it is you who has disgusted me

A vial of blood, that if ingested grants immense boosts to all attributes, physical and mental, and cures any diseases afflicting the drinker. Say like a +5 or 10 boost to all stats. However, the blood slowly exsanguinates the drinker by leaking out of him, which can only be remedied by drinking more blood. This increases in severity until the wearer must constantly drink blood to replace the blood constantly spilling out of him

How would you guys handle the situation in which a pc want to drink op's pic to find out what it does?

What if they are immune to bleeding?

>The Gonne

A Dragon egg. They can lay dormant for centuries before hatching, and anyone who owns a dragon and raises it to adulthood essentially has a living WMD at their disposal. Even better if dragons are a rare thing in your setting.

Sword-shaped piss, of course.

Serious answer: As he uncorks the bottle, the liquid takes the shape of a sword.

Mirko Cro Cop's left leg.