Meanwhile on elven Veeky Forums:

Ugh did Gnomoot really lower the bump limit to 350,000?

Really more with Japanese fantasy, but yeah. I can't believe I'm saying this but I've actually found a version of elves I hate more than mary sue elves, japanese fantasy elves.

So, I just discovered this thing those stupid humans do and I'm afraid I'm addicted.

Its just so. damn. good. Please send help.

At this point most pointy ears are just human.

Undoubtedly. My wife is similarly enamoured with the cherry blossoms growing on the hills by the local orc village. I was concerned initially because I feared the brutes would do her some harm, but she has since assured me that the beasts are quite friendly. She too likes to head out after dark, saying she greatly enjoys the impressive sights of the night, of reaching for and finding the great boughs in the dark, and climbing atop them beneath the shimmering starlight. She even has meetups with orc women to go on walks in the woods to search for tender glades, saying she enjoys exploring the rolling hills, humid valleys and secret delights.

Ey, drop those skinny girlymen and get with a real man, elf ladies! Have you ever seen someone this good looking? You tall bitches love the stout, bearded dick, don't even pretend.

Humans are like slightly saner goblins.
Slightly being the operative word.
>let's make a chemical that burns literally everything

Is that why all your women are fucking humans?

I didn't realise this would be a thread centering around cuckholding... I... I only popped in to say that elfs are purely for raping and murdering...

It's okay user. Everything that Japan makes or does is worthy of high levels of hate. Just look at stuff like Pearl Harbor or those Sony phones.

>"Stout"
>Isn't even long enough to hit your own women from behind.

This is why all your women turn to taller men Bjorn. That and hygiene.

I've noticed that. But have you tried these yet? They're like having little tiny bits of the light of eru in your mouth.

They're so salty and just melt in your mouth. Some of them even dip them in creamy white milky stuff.

Do not reply to ugly dwarfs.

You ever try to find a lady's breadbasket when the weave on the basket's the size of the whole bloody bakery? Let the humans have 'em! Drop those silver dresses and bun up those silky tresses, I'm coming for your women!

>enjoying a nightly stroll with other women is cuckoldry

>keep hearing lesser races are easy
>this brutal level of competition between orcs, goblins, ogres, trolls, giants, centaurs, werewolves, gnolls, dark elves, daemons, even some deities, just to get a bloody date with so much as a halfling
Fuck this, I'm staying with my tribe.

Worthless brutish orc. You would not understand the gentle connection with nature one experiences when frolicking in the woods. Of course such a base creature would immediately assume it had a concealed indecorous nature.

It's just...it's so hard user. Japanese fantasy is just such pure crap

their orcs are just fat, dumb pig rapists

their elves are just shitty forest dwellors made to be kicked around, enslaved, and raped

their humans are just various levels of stupid

and everything is either some kind of dragon or just an evolution of another monster instead of just being it's own thing.

The worst part is it's just always the same tired setting that uses the cheap shallow stereotypes that I just stated above.

have you considered reading actual japanese fantasy rather than reading porn and complaining that it's porn

They are as mayflies, none live long enough to truly appreciate the intricate subtleties of magic. The few who don't blow themselves up inevitably go insane. Some even twist themselves into unholy mockeries of life to study it longer.

Pic related for the true purpose of the human species, and why an elf mage would instruct them in the delicate arts

Sssssh, don't force him to think too hard.

But... that's obviously a cover up for lesbian sex...

Why else would your elven maidens hang around human villages at night when sex normally happens? Besides... orcs aren't always violent you racist...

Humans are weird. One of them asked me if the rumors about orc phalluses were true. It was weird...

>being a species traitor

To be fair, Japan itself is pretty fucking weird and perverted, at least to us westerners. They have shit like penis worshipping festivals and there are old Japanese paintings from like the 17th century about women getting fucked by octopuses.

Simple beast, I pity your diminished faculties. The connection between elves and the beauty of nature is far deeper than your crude mind could possibly comprehend, and none are more connected than pure elf maidens. It is highly common for such young women to be drawn to the deep forests despite the dangers posed by wretched beasts, such as orcs, lycanthropes, or grasping betentacled horrors. Such is their gentle, virginal nature and deep connection to the woods they can even espy shyer forest denizens such as centaurs or the large horned fae.

everything looks weird and perverted when you have no context. american horror movies independently invented the tentacle rape scene and reintroduced it to japan with the help of occupation-era censorship laws, and for all the phallus-worship of one shrine in their religion we have meetings of a literal vampire cult in every town in the country weekly.

dragging it back to topic, though, this can be a great source to mine for elfweirdness. i mean, we're talking a race that would see birthday parties as some sort of Americlap pasta made real.

I have, and while there are actual good japanese fantasy stories, there are also tons of japanese fantasies that just use the same dumb tropes over and over.
>have you considered reading actual japanese fantasy rather than reading porn and complaining that it's porn

>Complained about everything being part dragon

...jesus user, the fuck kind of shit do you read?

>muh elves fuck the human self-insert meme because they are sluts meme because their men are fags memes
And then the thread sprials down and down and Veeky Forums shows its ugly visage.

I was thinking you were baiting until you mentioned fae, those things are so afflicted with human fever that trying to get them to even look with interest at each other is hard and at others it's just fucking impossible.
I know because my sisters and brothers each tried for actual centuries and closest they got was platonic friendship.

Just shut up and eat Marcille.

Stupid fat-eared whore

O R C E D

user that cock is very visibly still in the picture, be careful.

Shut up, fat ears.

There is no way this thread won't be a shitshow because we let humans in.
>they are sluts to muh BBC... I mean BHC!
Nigger tier thread.

>american horror movies independently invented the tentacle rape scene and reintroduced it to japan with the help of occupation-era censorship laws
How did America ever create tentacle rape and introduce it into Japan? I don't know about any American cinema where this is prominent, meaning that is very fringe, while Japan a respected artist made a painting about tentacle rape.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dream_of_the_Fisherman's_Wife

>for all the phallus-worship of one shrine in their religion we have meetings of a literal vampire cult in every town in the country weekly.
Those are two completely different things. One is a religious festival that has hundreds of participants while the other the other are just a few teenagers going through a phase.

Daily reminder that humans are excellent allies made for canon fodder our auxiliary phalanx.

I guess you are right. I've never had a wandering eleven maiden come onto me before so the tales couldn't be anymore than fabrications.

I rather fill this thread to the brim with Marcille than have another thread of humans false-flagging as elves to fabricade stories that degarde them.

>tfw no elven maiden to ravage
>tfw will never stretch an elven slut's mouth open while fucking her from behind
>tfw will never turn the elven whore into a proper house wife

As a human I can rightly say that succubi is the preferred non-human partner followed by halflings, then orcs, then goblins, then centaurs, then trolls, then giants, then oni, then lamia, then like 8 harpy types, then giant worm monsters, point is elves are so far on the lust totempole that you only think it's a lot because you fuckers barely reproduce so the one elf maid/lad that marries a human every century or so is a big deal to you but here in human country it's so insignificant that it's not even really a statistic.

>this whole thread
Looks like /elfypol/ was right again. Humans have magically proven lower int and wis scores and should be kept out of the Eldar Heartlands.

>the other the other are just a few teenagers going through a phase.
Dude, he was talking about the eucharist

Exactly. Wait, what tales?

Indeed. And obviously the maidens bear similar friendships with all other creatures of the forest.

Poor dumb brute. Such a savage animal that it cannot understand the simple concept of chastity, as its own sordid mind is so beholden to the basest of urges it cannot conceive of the purity of young elven women, nor of platonic relationships. I pity you.

Indeed. Humans are the goblins of the good-aligned races. You are worse than even orcs when it comes to weaknesses of the flesh. I cannot fathom how human society survives when you have such short lives an waste so much of it rutting like animals in the gutter. I fear the industry of entire human settlements must grind to a halt daily because one human caught sight of another's posterior, an the entire metropolis falls like a row of dominoes as more and more humans stop work to tear off their clothes and leap into a vast mound of grunting naked monkeys.

But that's wrong you pretend human. As a human I can list our favorite non-human lovers in order.
1. Horses
2. Centaurs
3. Wolfs
4. Dogs
5. Wolf dogs
6. Elfs
7. Orcs
8. Lamias
9. Pigs
10. Cows
11. Goats
12. Sheep

The tales my bard friends tell me. They speak of elven maidens coming into their homes and laying with them under the dark of night.

>hick

As long as you stay in your woods and leave to my snake lady we are good Twiggy.

>hick
I'll have you know that our farmlands keep the cities fed you yuppy!

It's probably just an oversized fairy in the tales, only they are so crude.

Indeed. Humans are well known for their licentiousness. It is no great revelation that the Elder Ones would seek the mayflies for unconditional copulation. It is a miracle the troglodytes do not die of old age midway through the entanglement.

Bards tend to be full of shit.

Manlets, when will they learn?

Wife (male)

How about we just kill all the humans.

lel what's the Eucharist? Is it a pagan LARP festival or something.

Fear not brother, the mayflies will die on their own before you know it. If not by their microscopic lifespans then by their gargantuan hubris.

I really want to butt fuck a trappy elven man now. Just fuck her/him and listen to his squeaky moaning while I cum inside his/her butt. Then I want to cuddle with him/her afterwards.

Every time without fail this is tried everyone rushes in to save their bed warmers.
Even the shitting drow. At this point I've just given up and hope they're too busy humping each other to death to get any closer.

See, here's the thing I always thought was weird. In a lot of settings elves are supposed to be androgynous right? Yet people always think of that as they're all feminine at a certain level. But androgynous means you can't tell whether they're a guy or girl because they lack any real features of either. So wouldn't that mean Elves(the ones where the androgyny is in effect) are just supposed to be weird looking, skinny people? How is that attractive?

>Humans keep calling our women sluts
>Meanwhile human women fuck everything except other humans
Do humans really think those half-elves, half-orc, half-giants, half-dragons, half-celestials, half-infernals, half-minotaurs and even fucking half-slimes came out of thin air?

Well most people don't use those elves. I'll have fun butt-fucking my trappy elven partner and giving him tons of anal orgasms via prostate stimulation.

>implying we didn't just breed other race's women.

Baby half-air elementals do.

This.

This is unironically the most heterosexual thing I've read all day

It was both ways monkey, I've seen your kind. Too busy in centaur maid's behind to notice the young woman going off into a corner with the ogre.
How are there even still humans with all the marrying out they do?

>In a lot of settings elves are supposed to be androgynous right?
No, try to come up with a source on this. Yes, I've seen the ring movies, Tolkien would probably not agree with this depiction.

>You wanna know why women queef occasionally without meaning to?
>Air elemental impregnated them and they just went through labor.

LITERALLY HOW!? PLEASE TELL ME!

>He's a fag

>race-mixing
Disgusting, these male sluts have no pride in their race.

Look at how ambiguous this person is. You have no idea what kind of genitals they're packing. It could be one, it could be both! The possibilities are endless. Fucking an elf is like choosing a mystery box to put your dick in.

Hey. Everyone knows that horse pussy is absolutely irresistible no matter what race it's on! H-have you seen their donut shaped anuses, you racist elf scum?

>Implying those aren't the results of Human men sticking it in any hole or reasonably soft object they can find

Silly knife-ears, you underestimate the power of human males and the combined intelligence of their two heads.

It's only gay if you're not arrogant and ignorant enough to continue insisting it's straight no matter how much others tell you it's gay. Thus, it's completely straight.

because this site is full of faggots, in both meanings of the word.

So I can butt-fuck as many trappy elven guys as I want and it's straight if I think it's gay? YES! Time to fetch the oil!

Guess what, you prissy elven faggot? She's making ME, a human man, a flower wreath because, in case you haven't noticed you little fop, she's trying to help me recover from the post-war trauma that has alienated me from the rest of my village.
Sorry about the language, it's hard not to lash out.

>when you realize that all the problems with human men fucking other races and human women getting fucked by other races are due to deeply-ingrained marital problems
>tfw there's no race that can work as a marriage counselor

>goats
>sheep
>Not at the top

I'll grant that horses are more popular, but really.

What if minotaurs were actually the best marriage counselors and psychologists?

Well I'm not one of the humans from the sandy dessert regions that don't have superior horse pussy on hand.

kek

And now comes the part why the fuck you would think that.

It was just a thought. I think it would be very silly.

We all do, user. We all do.

>The bull being a marriage counselor
yikes

>Well okay, there have been a lot of virgins of both sexes sent into my labyrinth, but just because they'd never done the deed doesn't mean they didn't have problems. And it was easy for those problems to resurface when faced with a situation that they couldn't handle together, such as a labyrinth with seemingly no exit. But that's why I'm here, to help you solve your problems for good - and this time not by eating anyone, but by helping you figure out the source of those problems and to tackle them head on, without a ball of yarn to hold you back.

>The bull
That was a funny joke.

Because it's not gay if you say "no homo" first.