"Murderhobo pick-up lines."

What I do you for?

Hey sweetie, wanna go with me into the white van?

>I'm going to pick you up.

"You have a body, and I've killed people... so, uh... I know my way around a body."

The PC in question received a d8 penalty to that roll, and he still aced it. He got laid that night.

>Levitation Verbal Components

Eyy beb, want sum fuk?

"Hey, wanna go kill some elves with me? I'll even give you first dibs on any magical loot we get."

I'd like to slay your dragon.

"wanna kill some time?"

Does killing time give XP?

Murderhobo pickup lines user, not pickup lines tailored to grognards.

What's so grognardy about that? It's typically the later generation, 3.PF/5e ones, that go on about hating elves.

"Good day to you my voluptuous Nymph, today I'll be your good knight.
May I do my duty and delve your dungeon ?
Usually I ask for a reward, but I'm sure this quest has more booty then I can ever desire"

...

Rolled 3 (1d20)

Kelemvor has given me leave to break my vow of chastity! Come, and let us be married.

I rolled 19 on my strength check.

>"uhh.. I ask the barmaid to suck my dick. HAHA nat 20!! SHE HAS TO DO IT HAHA"

Rolled 5 (1d20)

I put the STD in "stud"

So all I need is U.
- Any bard worth his salt.

I'll skin you like that cat I had for dinner

I always make sure to let new players know that 20s only mean shit in combat. I'm doing my part to reduce the impact of the "nat 20" menace.

"How does grappling work in this system?"

"WOLOLO"

GIVE ME FLESH

"I just picked up Improved Disrobe during my last promotion. Let's test it out. Together."

Why do you hate fun? Where did the fun touch you?

You wanna see my wand of wonder?

"You know what they say to me every night? "You dwarves delve too deep!"."

OP left in tears of shame, nice

"I can cast Enlarge at Seventh level. Wanna Fuck?

Baby Come Back!! I'll use Grease first!"

>this

you must be tired.
cos you've been running through my mind all night, screaming

someone better call heaven
because a hottie is going to show up there tonight

...

>I roll to seduce the the ancient red dragon who despises our party for killing his mate.
>8 in charisma
>HAHA NAT 20 it works!1! ebic xDDD

kys

Satan is right. If we're going to go with the "Nat 20 = I can do what I want", then we might as well make "Nat 20 = You get to be the GM".

This could actually be pretty funny, given the right kind of co-dependant That Group that would implement such a rule. Every session is filled with bouts of Powergaming and Mary Sue behavior only to be toppled by someone else becoming the GM and taking a Shit on the previous GM'S character.

Like playing king of the hill with being the GM.

Look either way I'm going to leave here satisfied. So are we going to do this the bard's way or the barbarian's way?

Bunch of games already do this.

I too enjoy totally breaking immersion in order to create epic greentext moments for reddit thumbs-ups

Let's be fair - games where those things happen never had immersion to begin with.

>not having the entire bar lusting after them - men AND women
>massive yandere love riot

The best part is that when they roll a 1, and you pull some reverse-Nat-20 shit (turns out you didn't just insult the dragon with your pickup line, but you also agitated your entire party, the dragon and YOUR WHOLE PARTY ready themselves to collectively draw and quarter you) they'd come crying on Veeky Forums on how mean their GM is.

"Want to crawl in my dungeon?"

"May I transverse your wizard tower?"

My love for you is like a truck! BERZERKER!
Would you like some making fuck? BERZERKER!

BERZERKER?!

Did he just say making fuck?

Well, Satan, just have the dragon try to have violent sex with the PC right there. If he fails enough grapple checks, he's dead.

>Roll over for initiative

Roses are red
Violets are blue
When I murdern and loot
I do it fo you

8? Go for Charisma

"I have like, a lot of gold"

>"On your period? I don't mind a little blood"

My goddess demands I produce as many offspring as possible, and rewards those who comply with a portion of divine power, long life, and incredible beauty.

It's for the greater good that you accept my shaft.

Babe, I can buy you a mansion with the smallest portion of the wealth I found in my last expedition.

See this?
>flexes right arm
Strength 18
>flexes left arm
Double zero

I've memorized Emhance Orgasm, Enlengthen Limb, and Protection.
I've a slot leftover, any suggestions?

...

Ah, the wonderful thing that is Wisher, Theurgist, Fatalist

i like those
>>flexes right arm
>Strength 18
>>flexes left arm
>Double zero
kehehe

I fucking hate this gif with every fiber of my being

>kehehe
That is the one I felt strongest about.

>Excuse me ma'am are you an angel? Because I could have swore I woke up in Elysium again.

Ha.

>*duct tape being unrolled*

>"hey baby, you the lady of pain, because I'm lost in your ey-" MAZED

"Humanoid porno mag names."

>Immovable Rods

>pswingin' pseudos

...

>murdo hobos
>giving enough of a shit about NPC's to actually try flirting

>Barely Centennial
>Dungeonbait
>Chicks in Chainmail

>Big Green

>Lithe-ears

>Tiny Riders

>Stumpenis

>Large Load 'Ores.

>XXX Harpies

And of course you can't forget the Orcish Hentai greats:

>GreendoL
>HaMieow
>Akira Biggu Cocku

>Dungeonbait

Is that a porn mag about goblins? Like, people after that are horny enough about dungeon monsters that they enter dungeons?

>Nothing Under the Beard [homo, about dwarves mostly]

>Confusticate and Bethother [actually mostly stories, about mind control]

>Got Wood? [nymphs, fairies, whatever city people think happens innawoods]

Playdoughy.

It's for Halflings, by Halflings. Half Heffner, to be specific.

I got Shindol and Akira Shinden, but not the second one.

>orcs aren't hentai artists tough: those are gnomes. At most there is Orked as a "channel" on the crystal ball of that lonely wizard...

It was a Jailbait joke, but I could see that.

Also gives me another idea
>Orcs Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition
>Yuan-Ti Cuties
>ASSimar(Originally started as an Aasimer modeling thing but expanded into showing off plantouched in general)

No. No. Gnomes draw Ogres fucking women, not Orcs.

Mieow is a particularly famous loli mangaka.

And ever since I made the Orcs my japanese expy in one of my homebrews, purely for the sake of bucking their usual stereotype, I've found it more and more attractive an idea for me. It gives their culture a lot more depth than just "MAIM SLASH BURN" which I always found to be kind of unimmersive.

So how is orc sushi?

If there was a similar channel, but about golems, would it be called "Bricked"

Erm... Generally the same as usual sushi, unless you're eating a magic fish or a Blue Dragon.

In the Blue Dragon's case it's super expensive and is basically there to be packaged and given as a gift to show how affluent you are, like square watermelons. Tastes decent enough though, like most dragon.

>Mailed Fist

>Wizard's last words

>Seeya fuckers I made my own plane

>"Mind Swap...."

The key is to be clever and make nat 20s you didn't want turn against the player in fun ways, make it karmic instead of a veto

>I cast mage hand on your balls

I've got two words for you: MEANWHILE, THE TIME WIZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS

>"It'll be fine, since when do I ever not prepare Feather Fall?"
Alternatively
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH~"

"I cast fireball on the nearest drow."

>"What, what's Magic Cancellation?"
>"I cast Chimera on myself."
>"I cast a fireball at the Empress."
>"I'll use this chaotic Node to cast Divine Magic"

totalfratmove.com/21-ridiculous-tinder-pickup-lines/

Part 1 of 137

Reddit please go and stay go

"What, you really think I'm going to blow myself up with a fireball at point blank range as soon as a kobold shows up?"