Your character drops off their kid at school

"Remember the kid who took your lunch money? Here's a dagger, go nuts, cut his off if you want."

"Kill anyone you don't like"

"Remember, son, if you bluff well enough, your teacher will have to believe you did your homework and the mistake is hers."

I'll be back in a few hours to pick you up son. I love you, and I know I've got a lot of lost time to make up for. Since your mother found me we can finally make things right kiddo, now go on, make me proud.

Hey good lookin', one ticket to the Eastern Continent please. Say, don't suppose you have a break before the ship departs?
You see, I'm on a dangerous quest and I may never come back alive, I'd just appreciate a little company before-

They crumble into a crying heap as the image of their dead child appears before them

Stay cool little man, and please, I don't want to see any RED ink this week. Have fun!

"Don't mix up your lunch and your spell components, you'll get sick."

Have fun at the Academy, Son! I've packed you some snacks just like Gramma used to make. Grog and biscuits.

Urrrrk
Urrrrrrrk uuuurrrrrrk
Uuurrrk

"You're adopted, get out"

...

That is definitely not an appropriate mother/daughter relationship

On the other hand, ain't nobody bullying that kid without some serious shit going down.

"Remember, if you call /this/ number, the good guys will be there inside two minutes, just lay flat on the floor and wait for the noise to stop."

"Remember kiddo, while you're inside, if you take down the biggest guy you can see, nobody else will mess with you."

"Make sure you have fun. I love you."
i dont think saying "please dont kill everyone else" is good parenting

But how would they know, otherwise?

It's not obvious, you can't just expect people to understand that they aren't supposed to kill everybody else. Who do you think we are, some sort of non-murderhobo family?

"Kiddo remember if you see xenos. Kill them but be careful about it. Also call me. I am hunting Eldar and I suspect there gonna try something at your school. So be on guard. Don't trust propganda my son"

I should of mentioned my characters in the Death Watch.

"If they take your lunch money, take it back. With interest."

"Look, son. I'm not mad at you for protecting Sarah from the bully. But next time something like this happens, deal non-lethal damage."

"What do you mean this is the wrong school? The job said to rob the wizard academ- oh."

"Dont worry about bullies A.J., they all work for daddies... company.

C'ielfag, pls tell Klarium to stop trying to purge my wife and kid in the name of JUSTICE.

"Hey pick up some milk on your way home from school. Your whore of a mother can't be bothered to get it herself. Take care now."

*don't even look at him as my wagon teeters away*

I'm going for cigarettes.

"Remember son. If you get the same headache in the middle of class like the one you get when you sit near dad. Daddies near by. Don't look for me. I recommend opening the box and heading to that weird van outside. If someone stops you. Use whats in the box. Just trust me. Dad has contract work or is finalizing a deal."

>big brutish, boar beastmen drops off his kid at school
>parents and teachers fear him
>everyone moves away from the beastmen
>everyone is disgusted by his smell
>"he must be a murderer" the parents and teachers whisper amongst themselves
>parents hear some inhuman gutural sound comimg from beastmen
>"Urrrrk Urrrrrrrk uuuurrrrrrk Uuurrrk"
>"what fearful thing is this creature saying to it's child"
>translation
>Hey champ be nice with your classmates. I really hope that you can make some friends. I'm going to be on the butchery, so your mom is going to pick you up later, Bye!"

"Remember to slay pussy, son."

>Your character drops off their kid at school.
...never to return.

"Your first day of school will be your final test, boy."

Remember to say your prayer to the Emperor before you eat your lunch, and remember that throw that I taught you if Jeremius tries to pick on you again.

>Don't let the necromancers bully you. You can do what they do twice as good.

'Remember, if any of them make fun of your mechadendrites and robes, you just let me know and I'll have them all sentenced to servitorization, then you'll have LOADS of friends!'

"Alright sweetie, you've got the plan, right? Once you've slipped the laxatives into Craig's food you make sure your plate's the same,slip half a packet in your own food, then you're suddenly feeling woozy and "have a stomachache" yourself. The rest goes in the Harley douche's locker, and you're golden. That'll teach him to steal from the free lunch kids."

Remember when these threads were funny and not the present steaming piles of crap they resemble today?

That's an odd thing to ask your child when you drop them off for school.

Kyton kids are so hard to deal with...

Different setting/system, user.
>ywn kickstart a race of half-darkness dragons with your mile-long wifey
Just fucking kill me.

>And remember, you are alpharius

Sauce?

>Remember, just because your mother is the goddess of knowledge, doesn't mean you get to be a smartass.

Murcielago. Lesbian Alucard murders other murderers for the government, seduces every woman she meets except like two, and adopts a murderous loli.
Art's hit or miss, story's pretty good.

"Hey, kiddo, ya gonna be alright? ...that's my boy/girl. Just remember, if you're forced to defend yourself, everything within reach can be a weapon. The broom a makeshift spear or staff, a tray a shield and possible bludgeoning object. Be creative, and do what it takes to survive. Oh, and, er, I suppose I should mention NOT to kill whoever's trying to beat you up; it's generally frowned upon to kill on school grounds."

"...Hey. One more thing. You might not actually be my kid, but doesn't make me love you any less. C'mere an' give yer' pa a hug."

>daughter gives me a strong hug
>remind her to not attack any of the students or teachers as she slithers away
>leave to pay child support to my daughter's mother

"Now kiddo, you're going to be much bigger than the other kids, and they're probably going to be mean to you, but it's important to hold yourself high and do not let them get to you. You're strong, in so many ways, and doing what's right even when it hurts is the most important way. If something goes seriously wrong, your Auntie teaches in the class next to yours, and is watching out for you, you'll be fine."

Animu: Beyond Weebshit is pretty dope.

I'm glad at least someone in this thread understands boarspeech
That is exactly what I was trying to convey

"...the Codex Astartes names this manoeuvre Steel Rain."

"Follow your heart, it pumps dragon blood through your veins which will guide you towards your divine right as a leader, or as a powerful wizard's/sorceress' pet/guard animal. Dragons are kind of fucked up like that."

Make me proud kiddo, and burn the people who bully you. And everyone else too actually. Burn them all.

>...and please, no matter what, if they want you to start talking about your father, DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT mention the part where I am a skeleton. And definitely not the part where I am a lich either.
>Now that I got that out of the way, go make some new friends!

I have at least 5 more kids in that school...

"I choose you, my beloved first son, to lead your brothers around the school, to teach and help them in their need! Do not forget that you are just as human as any but born for majesty, humanity's brightest star! You are Sagittarius! Now go and lead my sons across the classrooms and school fields! In my name!
> :'(

Yeah, it's pretty fun.
The messed up part is my character's kid's gonna probably be going to the same school as the magic-child of a C'iel dragon and the WarSum.
I just hope they don't get into fights and accidentally half the school. Don't want the Crows to have to step in.

>Your character drops off their kid at school.
Well, have fun and don't get caught. If you are going in detention, you will have to escape on your own.

>but dad, I'm scared the other kids will bully me
>that's why on the first day, you have to beat up the biggest one in the yard
>dad that's prison
>only if you let it be, son

>"Alright sweets, have fun, and eh, you remember what I told you?"
>Throw from 10, count down to 1; cameras won't see neurostun?
>"Right on! And, if the other girls won't let you play, give them a dose of Läes. Now, I'm off to find you a new mommy! See ya at 4 sweets!"

>- That's not fencing, magic or tinkering school, remember.
>- Why should I bother then, dad?
>- Common sense and being socially able are vital for good mercenary, boy.
>- I don't...
>- Mom will be furious.