Why are dwarves so much better than elves?

Furthermore, why is the only answer these eternally butthurt dwarffags have to questions like these a variation of >t. elf? There is no effort put into this, it's not even a proper insult.

Bolli Bloodbeard

edgy but i like it

>Bolgan Goldgold

Hmmm....

Urist Spikebattle

I will name my firstborn son after this.

Bolgan Beardshield

When you plait your beard with literal metal plate.

>Durin Doomsmith

Don't sound like no sissy Elven basketweaver, that's for damn sure.

>Bolgar GoodHand
I'm-a use my 'strong' hand

>Gimnar Beardhand
beard hand
I'm not sure how I feel about this

>Reinhardt Runebrew
nice. dwarf diviner n shit

My guess is that dwarves epitomize work, gruffness, fighting, and facial hair. Aside from permanent manlet status, they exemplify a strong male archetype. Stereotypical elves are more effeminate, which is counter to the dwarven idea of what a man should be.

>inb4 "not muh tolkein elves, they wuz murderous n' shiiiet"
>inb4 "those are only D&D elves"

Also, I find it fun to be overtly racist and correct at the same time in D&D. Shit's less complex than RL.

Ragin Beard-Battle

>Reinkarl Axeholme
I can live with this.

I like them for, in the Tolkien-verse, the dwarves were the first to be made on the planet and the original seven witnessed the gods. That and they have a belief of reincarnation of the originals and all dwarves will help from the afterlife to rebuild the world after the final battle.

>obligatory
Raggar Goodbattle

>Balkarl Axebrew

This sucks.

If you've ever read any Terry Pratchet this name makes total sense for dwarves.

>Thornar Bloodshield

notbad.jpg

doxing's against the rules user

>Reinkarl Underbattle

The fuck is an under battle?

>people only have four letters in their name

Hey my name is Jacob as well.

battle in the underdark, duh

>Gimhelm Goldhelm
Sounds like a fucking con-artsit.

Elves:
>typically high-and-mighty, aloof, prone to brooding/arrogance by canon
>stereotypically beautiful
>waifufags are more prone to creating female characters, which elves are suited well for, see above
>even males are typically masculine in a metrosexual way
>barely relatable, allows for some nasty wish-fulfillment
>drow

Dwarves:
>down to earth (heh)

>typically short-tempered jolly drunkards, but also fierce fighters when need be
>typically represented by male characters, thus theoretically lowering waifufaggotry around the table
>often played by people who RP as stalwart comrades

>Wilgar Hammerhelm

Wut

>Urgan Hammershield
I like it.

tfw not named Dwarfur Beardbeard

>Urgan Hammerbrew

>Ragist Axebeard

Thats a proper dorf name if I ever saw one.

>Bigeye Forjü

>Hagin Doomsmith

It's good to see you brother

>Bomgar Beardbattle
>Bomgar Goodbattle
>Bomgar Beardhand

So confusing having two last names.

>Reinin Spikehand

That's it. I'm sick of all this "-2 Con, +2 Dex" bullshit that's going on in the d20 system right now. Elves deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.

I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine Elf in the Undying Lands for 20,000 silmarils (that's about $20) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my Elf.

Valar smiths spend years working on a single Elf and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest species known to mankind.

Elfs are thrice as sharp as dwarves and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a dwarf can cut through, a Elf can cut through better. I'm pretty sure an Elf could easily bisect a balrog wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.

Ever wonder why Melkor never bothered conquering the Undying Lands? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Valar and their Elves of destruction. Even in the War of Wrath, Orc soldiers targeted the Elves first because their killing power was feared and respected.

So what am I saying? Elves are simply the best race that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Elves:

+10 Str, +10 Dex, +10 Con, +10 Int, +10 wis, +10 Cha
Three bonus feats
Three extra skills per level, with 12 at level 1
Proficiency with all simple, martial and exotic weapons
+3 caster level for any arcane or divine casting class
Infinite Lifespan
Bonus Feats: Craft Wondrous Items, Craft Arms and Armour.
Craft, Knowledge and Perform are always class skills for elves.
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Elves in real life, don't you think?

tl;dr = Elves need better stats in d20, see my new stat block.

They aren't, but the demographic of fantasy will relate more to them than to elves.

>Bolin Hillhand

Eh

At least you tried.

>Durin Beardsmith

The mighty forger of the finest beards

>Urgan Hillstone
It sounds like I couldn't afford a nice proper mountain home, so I bought a hobbithole.

It's so old, it's new!

>Thorfan Hammerson
It's a life of forging axes and fighting goblins.
Then getting drunk and forging goblins just to mix things up.

>Wilgar Ironbattle
eh, it's alright

on a side note, love the fact that beard can be both the first and second half of the last name -
Ragist Beardbeard seems to be one of the best combinations here

>Hagin Bloodhelm

Eh. It's not terrible.

Dwarves allow basement-dwelling neckbeards to project their fantasies into an idealized version of themselves.

>facial hair, dubious hygiene
>live underground, uncomfortable in the open air
>weight 250 pounds but still very strong and manly
>limited social skills, always rude rude and grumpy but held in great respect by everyone
>live in a society where females are either absent or stay at home
>great loremasters and craftsmen who possess immense knowledge and do everything better than anyone else
>non-stop angst about being an ancient and noble people on the verge of being outbred by inferior races

Yeah, it's a wonder dwarves are so popular on the internet.

Doxgar vonDoxborn

does й count as i or y?

>Hankarl Goldshield
Terrible. First name sounds like ass, and gold is a woeful metal to make a shield out of.

It means that you already have a dwarf name.

I'm gonna chug me a tankard of delicious Beardbrew!

It's Moon Moon.
It's always Moon Moon.

>being too autistic to get the joke

damn, love me a dwarf but i kekd pretty good here

>Ragin Goldfoundersson
Here comes RIP-ROARING RAGIN' GOLDFOUNDERSSON, current title holder!

>Thorist Goldhelm
The first name sounds like some kind of cult, and the last name sounds like a euphemism.

>Wilfur Axemountain
That's so awesomely retarded, it's hilarious.

>Hanist Underbrew

thats the shittiest dwarf name ive ever seen

Wilnar Runesmith
Fuck, gonna use it next campaign

Thorin Axehand.

I like elves more than dwarves.
Is there a similar elf name generator?

>Durgar Beardbattle.
Pic related.

Eh Love dwarves AND elves personally. The only "wrong" fantsy race in my opinion is one twisted into a excessively sue like mess. Like drizzit of old, he is an example of "bad" dark elves, etc etc. Magical realm teir shit is bad too if it is not agreed upon at the game start.

Hanist Doombrew

Probably a barber.

It depends on the setting.

Go fuck a tree knife ears.

Reingar Spikeforge

TONIGHT WE HUNT

>Urgar Goldsmith

oh christ I'm a jewish dwarf

Urin Goodbeard.

Fuck this chart.

HANNAR GOLDBATTLE COMING IN HOT

YOU WORK HARD, GOTTA PARTY HARD

Durin Bloodfoundersson

Almost cool.

A family of sappy sappers, you'ses.

>Reinar Goldhand

I think i might be moneylender or a bank keeper in a dwarven keep?

Gimgan Hammerholme

>Ragist Firebrew
I guess I have to run a tavern now.

Raghelm Beardbeard

>Ragist
>Ragist
Hi Adam.

Urhardt Underbeard.

Not sure if want...

Urgar Beardsmith....am i a hairdresser?

>Raggar Bloodsmith
Damn that's metal

Bomin Hammerhand

pronounced "Bomb-in" im down as fuck

Ragin Bloodsmith, sounds cool.

Bolin Axeholme

My name is Bomin Beardbattle....

Is there an Elf version of this?

>Durgar Hillbrew

Thornar Underhelm

I feel like I got ripped off, unless this is some kind of Darmok and Jalad thing.

kek

Bolgar Beardstone. After losing the capacity to grow facial hair in a horrific magma trap accident, I now wear a stone wig on my face.

>Ragin Bloodbattle
Sounds metal

Haggan Hammersmith.

>>Gimist Hammerhand
legit stuff m8

>Thornar Runehand

Pretty awesome not gonna lie, might use this one at some point.

>Hagin Goldsmith

dude, same

Durfan Doomsmith

Okay, doomsmith is a pretty rad last name