The Custodians See the Emperor Stir on His Throne

>The corpse then falls over

too bad he actually looks like a raisin

Aroused snickering.

Machine Aztec music will start playing.

...

I think you know

youtube.com/watch?v=XUhVCoTsBaM

AWAKEN MY MASTER

I miss when TTS was just about retelling 40k lore

The Emperor fucking talked to Guilliman, albeit psychically. Custodes seemed to keep their cool.

They wait in anticipation at today's lunch.

False alarm, it was just his other arm finally falling off.

This. Now it's just super autistic headcanon.

the corpse emperor eat all their souls and go on a rampage because thats how things work in the 40k universe

I don't even dislike the original stuff, I just subbed because I wanted to learn more about 40k and it was easily digestible. Now I can't separate the inside jokes from the original stuff, and I still don't know what happened to half of the Primarchs.

Dead, missing (presumed dead), or daemon princes.

They are summarily executed for heresy.

The song "Cuban pete" plays on his ancient ipod. He then begins to dance a dance he calls the 'chick chicky boom'.

How am I supposed to take a man with angry knees seriously

I think that's what the podcast is for, iirc

>the ribbons say "get well soon"

The Loyalists:
>Lion El'Jonson
Taking a nap inside The Rock, possibly imprisoned
>Ferrus Manus
Decapitated by his bestie, Fulgrim
>Sanguinius
Murdered by Horus
>Leman Russ
Fucked off into the Eye of Terror
>Jaghatai Khan
Fucked off into the Webway
>Rogal Dorn
Missing, presumed dead
>Roboute Guilliman
Was mortally wounded, now he's back and trying to salvage the Imperium
>Vulkan
Missing
>Corvus Corax
Ran off into the Eye of Terror

The Traitors:
>Horus
Double Plus Mega Super Ultra Dead
>Angron
Kicking around as a Daemon Prince of Khorne
>Mortarion
Daemon Prince of Nurgle who just kind of mopes about for the most part
>Fulgrim
His soul was trapped in a painting and his body was possessed by a daemon for awhile, then he claims to have switched places with it and gained its powers, now he's running around as a Daemon Prince of Slaanesh
>Perturabo
Daemon Prince of Chaos Undivided who just kind of hangs around in the Immaterium, occasionally giving Abbaddon troops for his Black Crusades
>Lorgar
Daemon Prince of Chaos Undivided who spends most of his time hiding out in the Eye of Terror
>Magnus
Got his soul fragmented during his fight with Leman Russ, then most of the pieces eventually reformed into "The Crimson King," his Daemon Prince form
>Konrad Curze
Let an assassin infiltrate his lair and kill him
>Alpharius
Killed by Rogal Dorn, there is a (somewhat shaky) theory that it was just a body double
>Omegon
Took Alpharius' identity and seemingly got killed in a duel with Guilliman. Again, possibly a body double

Wait did Big Bob really come out of the Healing Tube? That's fucking awesome, I mean he's not my favorite Primarch RIP Daddy's Little Angel but if he takes the field again that would be fucking sick!

...

>Only 2-4 traitors got wiped
>All but one loyalist KIA
Doesn't really seem fair.

I don't know 40k lore, that's why I watched TTS!

Yup. Big Bobby G got The kiss of true love/killed-then-resurrected by some hot piece of Eldar ass named Yvraine.

......It's a long story.

Oh, and Cadia's gone now. Abaddon ragequit and smashed a Blackstone Fortress into it.

So does that mean I can get a Bob fig for my shelf that doesn't cost 200+ dollary-doos now?

Nope, I think Bobby boy's still over a $100. Then again, I'm an Orkfag. I don't keep track of shit like that too much.

I don't dislike Orks but Primarchs are so cool.

>planet broke before the guard did

CADIA STANDS!

>no one bothered to reattach the arm
>the stitching is so bad the wound is still leaking thousands of years later

Does the Imperium not have any surgeons or something?

Sooooo....still better then Black Library?

Stopping the flow of blood would be Heresy

The whole fucking point of the primarchs is that they're ancient history.
Nobody's coming to save you; only your dudes can hold the line. Otherwise, why even bother with armies of-

.....

Never fucking mind.

You know, thinking about it, if any of the Primarchs had to return, I'm glad it was Guilliman. I'd only have been fine with either him or Dorn, because they're the only ones I'd trust with the Imperium. Any of the other ones would have fucked shit up big time trying to rectify things. Maybe Vulkan as well.

I want Russ and Khan to come back too, just so there are three sons together again, whipping Chaos' shit covered ass and high fiving

"Oh god he's got an arm off. Do we need to keep the arm?"

"I don't think so. It's not like he's going to need it."

"Right, but I mean if one of his sons strole up and ask 'What happened to his arm,' and we have to tell them we chucked it in the bin, a few of them could get a bit pissed off."

"You mean that yellow guy? The slow one?"

"Or the one who's always talking about his dog. Maybe we should keep it."

"So what, we just... Wire it in?"

"Yeah, just sit it next to him and hook it up. Just in case."

Vulkan isn't much of a statesman. He's a good ass warrior and the best craftsman the Imperium can offer but he's a lot better at the helm of a relatively small group rather than an empire.

That sounds like Khorne worship

?
The same number of traitors and loyalists are still alive. For a given value of Alpharius, of course.

By bending over and being grateful for what happens next

...

>then he claims to have switched places with it and gained its powers,

He doesn't just claim it. Lorgar confirmed it.

>Perturabo
>Lorgar
>Undivided

Never ever.

Reminder that they do it for free

They run in shrieking girlishly while flailing about and getting their body oil all over Kitten

>Never ever
Three wikis disagree with you, boy-o.

Lurk moar