ITT: LGS Stories

I'll start:

>Playing Khans-Theros Standard running a semi-janky whelming wave control deck
>Round one, go up against what seems like a fairly new player, about 15 years old
>He pulls out a 200 card deck
>Kind of amused but don't say anything
>He doesn't play anything too soon, I just start anticipating and fueling delve
>He drops Laboratory Maniac
>"Oh, um, dude, that's not really in standard"
>He asks me what that is
>Tell him cards rotate, and that he should probably go talk to a judge
>Most of his deck is from Innistrad or earlier
>He gets up to talk to a judge
>After a few minutes, this guy starts giving me shit from the next table over
>"Wow dude, that was really uncool"
>"Yeah, he just wanted to play the game, and you wouldn't let him"
>"It's FNM dude, who cares"
>Ask him what the fuck I was supposed to do
>He keeps trying to give me shit until the kid gets back
>He has a mono-white deck that's standard legal
>I didn't really care about getting the win at just an FNM, but I beat him easily
>The guy keeps giving me shit after the kid gets up to leave
>Next round, I get paired up with the guy from the other table
>He's a spike with a 100% competitive netdeck
>He's obviously extremely salty, and is barely saying anything
>Goes "Okay" sarcastically every time I counter or kill something
>Get him game 1 with Silumgar, the Drifting Death
>In the middle of game 2, his gf comes over and he wins
>heart is fucking pounding game 3, it's really close
>He drops thunderbreak regent and another creature
>Whelming Wave him
>Replays his hand, on my turn I hit him with the wave
>Does it again, at EOT I anticipate and hit him with another wave
>Use my fourth wave after his next turn
>Eventually get there with Silumgar
>He angrily picks up his cards, leaves the store with his gf, and hasn't been seen there in years

bump

>be me in OP's exact standard
>Decide to play janky mono-red dragons deck
>Play against Temur Dragons
>He plays thunderbreak regent
>I double Draconic Roar it because I don't give a fuck
>Next turn I sacrifice a Generator Servant to activate Monstrosity on my Stormbreath Dragon
>his turn he drops atarka the 8/8 and kills my Dragonlords Servants
>Tell him he has me, if my next draw isn't the exact card I need it to be
>topdeck Crucible of Fire, the exact card I needed it to be
>Play Crucible, swing with a 10/10 Stormbreath, who proceeds to gobble up Atarka like the pussy she is
>The guy said he liked my brew
I was so happy

That standard was actually pretty fun, aside from, you know.

>Guy at my LGS collects peregrin drakes for some reason
>Nice guy so what the fuck I dig through my bulk box and find 2-3 for him
>Show up when hes not around so I leave them with the store owner
>He comes in later that night and the owner hands them to him.
>He gets really excited and asks who they came from
>That girl raises her hand and says it was her
>Feel awkward correcting her
>He thanks her and she gets all the credit
>Senpai never noticed me

I love it when a plan comes together

>Girl also gave owner peregrine drakes for the guy
>Owner put rest into stock
Sure, it isn't worth all that much, but if he has a collector, all he has to do is sit on some to sell him later.

Its possible but she had a habit of trying really hard to get his attention. She would always feed him cards in draft and try and protect him in EDH. It was kinda cute but damn it those were my drakes

Romantic rivalries are harsh user

I fucking hate it when that happens. We're playing a game, if you want to flirt just go to a fucking bar, and if you absolutely have to do it there then you can at least keep it low-key.

>working at LGS
>playing magic cuz shitty fucking employee
>it's modern night
>tron, twin, jund, and affinity
>gangs all here
>be playing taking turns
>set timer for first round
>playing against out of town guy who has a tron deck
>he's really competitive
>I squeak by his early Karn and go off
>Game two, he wins, but not after I spend 10 minutes playing with myself trying to get lethal and running out of gas
>game three we hit time while I'm mid going off
>he gets frustrated because he thinks I'm going to win before turn one goes to him
>Correct him
>I get turn one
>I get turn two
>all the turns are mine
>Also I dump my hand to pack rat, tap your team down and take my final turn, turn 5, and swing for lethal

He dropped and gave the store a 1 star review

>Playing Scars / Innistrad standard
>Playing some stupid ass janky esper brew based around Venser the Sojourner
>Encounter a Zombies deck. Gravecrawler, Geralf's Messenger, etc
>Guy seems like an ass, but hasn't been mean to me yet so I try to play politely
>Game starts, he casts whatever black spell that lets him look at my hand, makes me discard an Elesh Norn, but not before giving me shit "OF COURSE YOUD HAVE THAT CARD"
>I cast lots of draw spells, midrange creatures, anything that squeezes out value or gives me some card selection. Also, Stonehorn Dignitary because it's hilarious with Venser
>he keeps casting discard on me, keeps bitching about how my "hand keeps on transforming" each time he casts another on me, somehow forgetting that I keep drawing a bunch of cards between each casting
>complains that I have cards like Blade Splicer, Phantasmal Image, Sun Titan, even though he has zero problems killing them all with removal spells
>board kinda stalls out after I accumulate a field of 3-or-so stonehorns, which as 1/4s aren't bad at blocking 2/1s and 3/2s.
>I did manage to hit him hard with Elesh Norn's anthem before she got killed, his health is low
>I know I'm actually out of most of my offensive tools, and I think he'll actually win the long game
>Fuck it, I'll just hit him with my 1/4s. Zombies can't fucking block. He's at like 6 life anyway.
>He immediately starts laughing in my face
>post-combat I play a phantasmal image on a Stonehorn, skip his crackback
>he seems annoyed
>Attack again, getting him to like 2-3
>his turn, he plays an image making his own Stonehorn, with a smirk like "Yeah whatchu got bitch"
>he forgot I had a Feeling of Dread in my graveyard, now I have a nice target for flashback
>When I can attack, I cast a Feeling of Dread, flashback the other one, tap/kill his board and finish him.
>He actually stands up and starts shouting at me, red in the face "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WIN THAT WAY"

I still smile thinking about it.

clarification: I skipped the part where I unburial rites Elesh but whatever. Yes this was a terrible solar flare deck

>>He actually stands up and starts shouting at me, red in the face "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WIN THAT WAY"
That's fantastic

Bump, this shit is entertaining

>AKH prerelease
>normal store shut down recently, but was hyped for set, so drove 40min to an unknown store
>sat next to some random guy, who bitches about his poor pulls for the entire draft
>gets shit like anointed procession, new perspectives, hazoret's favor for rares
>build own deck, go 1-1, get matched up against this dude in R3
>His deck is full of shit I know he didn't pull, it's now mono-B zombies with Lili + Bontu etc
>Don't really care enough to rat him out, despite the new deck he's a trash player and makes several mistakes letting me win game 1
>Midway through game 2, judge stops all games and announces someone has stolen a box of boosters from underneath the judge's station and asks that people empty their bags
>Guy I'm playing against spazzes out, grabs his cards and about half of my deck and runs out the door
>wat.jpg
>prerelease stops, store owner comes up and tells everyone to leave so he can report the theft
>lose half pre-release pack, no prizes

Never going to that fucking store again

Shit man, and I thought my pre-release was bullshit.

>show up for afternoon pre-release
>it's their only 2HG event of the weekend, almost don't get to play because of singles policy, find someone last minute.
>we open pretty badly, he builds UW tokens, I build BG hapatra sneks
>lose round 1 to abysmal mana flood and opponents having rhonas and bontu as their promos
>round 2 against WB cat zombies and RU cycling
>Giant board stall, time in round called
>opponent decides to open mouth, insert ass: "neither of us can win, let's just roll dice for it"

Now this is important to note, using any method outside of the game to determine who wins is against the rules, and the penalty is an automatic DQ, no exceptions ever. If someone offers and you don't immediately call a judge, you will BOTH be DQ'd. This is a zero-tolerance thing that judges are forced to be draconian about because not doing so gets dangerously close to unsanctioned/illegal gambling.

>I call a judge once I process "holy shit they actually did that dumb"
>opponents are wtf, partner is wtf
>while waiting I explain that what they did is illegal and they're going to get thrown out, and if I didn't instantly call judge then all 4 of us would get thrown out.
>Judge comes around, I explain to him what they did.
>judge: "dude, it's a prerelease, don't be a dick"
>point out that one of the opponents is 17, they are literally guilty of promoting underage gambling if they allow this.
>judge asks me to leave for "being a nuisance"

>two weeks later, hear store is closed due to violating gambling laws
>turns out one of the players two tables over was an off-duty cop who reported what I said to his boss.

Karma?

Correct line was to explain to them that you can't ask that kind of question seriously, or else it's illegal, and just ask them to play it out. Could have been a comment made in jest. Prereleases are inherently a casual environment, and to sperg like that definitely means you have some bad karma coming for being such an autist.

pile'o rhino was the msot fun meme deck i ever played in magic.( i am not sure how widespread and known this actually was, a deck based around casting rhino bouncing him making copies of him and stuff)

You're such an aspie. I mean, yeah, the dice roll thing is retarded, but how about not ruining other people's release and just have fun? Flat out tell them that's illegal and if they insist just inform a judge instead of trying to dq people from a casual event

Can't. The second they ask, in jest or not, for any way to determine the winner that isn't the current game, it's an instant DQ for the person who offered. And if their opponent doesn't immediately call a judge, it's an instant DQ for them as well. This is zero-tolerance at all REL levels.

As I said in my first post yes it sucks. Yes it's overly draconian. No we as judges cannot make any exceptions ever, because MTG is already dangerously close to underage gambling. In most of Europe it IS classified as gambling and any event not restricted to 18+ players cannot have any cash prize or entry fee.

>b-but in the rules

So what? That doesn't mean you have no choicem that just means you chose to be a sperg.

Noone would DQ you from a fuckin pre release for simply refusing and explaining that it's illegal. You are That Guy.

>You're such an aspie.
Play by the rules or go play somewhere else?

Nothing in Magic is terribly restrictive or hard to understand, so either don't show up to organized events or learn the rules. When I play with my friends we friendly mulligan, allow replays, and even peek at our 8th or 9th card so see if our hand is playable because we want to have fun. At a store or event these are against the rules, so why should you potentially benefit for breaking them?

>prerelease stops, store owner comes up and tells everyone to leave so he can report the theft
Why would he need everyone to leave? That makes zero sense.

>two weeks later, hear store is closed due to violating gambling laws
>turns out one of the players two tables over was an off-duty cop who reported what I said to his boss.
If you're going to make up a story, at least make it interesting. Aspie power fantasy stories are never entertaining for anyone other than the guy playing with himself.