Best one liners

>"Stairs never killed anyone."
>Nat 1 in a ten story stair case for riding the frozen handguard.

What are your group best one liners ?

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"Any last words?"
It was said to an npc who had bitten off his own tongue to avoid giving the players information.

>It says I teleport, it doesn't say which direction I have to teleport
Dwarf, before his daring escape

Top fucking kek

Oh god that sounds good

Did he celebrate in the closest inn afterward ?

Seems that players got an obsession with cutting NPC's tongues.

He celebrated by not getting skewered by a dozen guards. Also he went home and fucked his wife, but that wasn't roleplayed out.

I since found out that he saw it somewhere else, but in response to an incredulous challenge to go two out of three rounds with an NPC, Harvey has his character step forward and grunt.

>One out of one will be enough.

"I can't fucking read."
>Khorne Berserker who until recently, was tasked with keeping our maps up to date and managing the Auspex.
>He kept jotting things down on a little dataslate he carried around, turns out he had been trying to figure out how to use it for a solid month.
>Nobody bothering to ask him about it until then, we just assumed he knew how.

youtube.com/watch?v=eJiUfnIzbVM

>Bard upon seeing the paladin
"Ah, you're a sight for sore eyes, and sore chest, and sore...well not in polite company."

...

I'll post a few of my favorites.

>Mute hireling passes out from exhaustion, the sorcerer barely catches him.
"You know, if he was tired, he should've just said something."

>Player has a bunch of characters from the same family line, a genealogy of warriors.
>This one, Leo Sampson, was a brawler. He'd just kicked the shit out of a lich.
Lich: I don't understand... How can this be?... You are just a man...!
Leo: No. I'm not. I'm a Sampson. *flatfoots lich back into coffin*

>Beginning of a two-person campaign.
"Since we're gonna be robbing graves and saving the world together, I figure we ought to introduce ourselves."

>Sorcerer comes up with a plan to cave in an underground enemy base.
"If they hear the picks on their roof and they evacuate, then it's a fair fight; if they call our bluff, then we dig the ceiling thin, put some force on it... *looks at DM* ... Rocks fall, everyone dies."

I'm sure there are a lot more but I can't remember them at the moment.

I don't get it. Where's the wit?

"Worst case I'll die". This is an all time classic from a certain player, it is like an invocation of bad luck, these have been the last words of his characters like 5 or so times. Now whenever there is something relatively dangerous to do, involved people traditionally declare "OH WELL, WORST CASE I'LL DIE".

>NPC: "I'd rather die than tell you anything."
>PC: "Alright."
>NPC dies to a serious case of sword-through-neck

>"WAIT A MINUTE, THAT SHIT'S REAL?!"
Right after slamming his guitar into the head of a nightmare creature.

When my group was playing Don't Rest Your Head, that character was just coming off of a week-long high, and thought the Mad World and all the nightmares were a drug induced hallucination.

Evil Campaign
The players, one of them the captain, abandoning a sinking pirate ship

Deckhand in Lifeboat : Sir the lifeboat won't hold any more!

Captain : Don't worry the captain always goes down with the ship.
Congratulations, you're promoted.

>puts hat on npcs and shoots him in the face with musket pistol

"IF I MISS 'SLAVES OF OUR LIVES' BECAUSE OF THIS, I'M SKINNING EVERYONE!"
Said frequently by the ship's 2nd in command to his crew during a hairy combat situation. Because, in the far future, none of the extraterrestrial races had apparently come up with DVR technology.

OP Here, in this case, none of his characters ever died, it was his first.

>Trying to persuade an NPC mage in Shadowrun to work with us
>my music-based mage face doing a good job
"Don't worry, you know, I cast magic spells."

I meant to say ''music'' failed the save anyway

Kek fucking nice one

"...Swabbie."
When asked our rank in the army.

The Imperial Army.

Turns out Star Destroyers don't have swabbies.

"This is going to be a delicate operation, and I don't have thumbs."

"Hey robot! Come join the conga line!"

"He was all like, 'I am king such and such of the shit and the fuck.' "

"You're a dragonborn, you don't have a penis. You have a colacca."

>nat 1
Get out.

I don't get it.

I don't get you.

I believe he's saying he is confident he will knock out or kill his opponent in the first round.

>"He doesn't have Improved Hug, I get an attack of opportunity"