Modern Magical News Thread

>This is what the church of Sun actually believes

LOVE IS THE PERVUE OF THE GODS! HOW DARE YOU SPREAD SUCH BLASPHEMIES!

...tell me more and be erotically descriptive

How do you collect the dragon shit? Seems like a dangerous profession.

>quality controlled love potions to couples
Yeah, sure, "love potions". Have you seen how much praise the alchemical companies are getting from said couples?

It's just another way to keep the high up populace happy and compliant.

The church of Sune has arrived, abandon thread

Prunes, sheep, and waiting

Not much to tell. He made a Wand of Polymorph. It blew up which detonated his potion still, and "he" was never quite right again.

You can't blame female vanity on pedophiles.

>Trying to cottage craft a wand for a 5th circle spell

Lmao red necks

I said he was "the Jovial," not "the Startlingly Bright."

I can do that... for money!

The vanity, no, but it's unreasonable to expect taxpayers to foot the bill for Lenses of Truesight for all our police force to tell actual child abuse from consenting adult relations.

God damn it, I told you not to 'work' in here!

>not using milsurp staves cut down to wand size
>not pressing your own core from milled unicorn horn
>not using handmade ethereal bits to etch incantations into the spirit wood.
Fucking city boys think that just because something can be done quickly with a machine that it can't be done by hand.

I'm gonna need lenses of true seeing and a new hip after I'm done pounding the shit out of this sweet thang.

Sawing down a milsurp staff is illegal Cletus - assuming you aren't an ATM Honeypot fishing for idiots - and unicorns are endangered

Scrolls of Summoning are cheap. Get a punt gun, mount it to something, cast the spell inside a trap, and BOOM!

Unicorn horn.

>killing unicorns

Enjoy your visit from the gentry

Except that isn't an issue because you don't detect child abuse by having police patrol the inside of peoples houses looking to catch molesters in the act and someone can just show a cop their drivers license. You're just a faggot who wants to police behavior you personally find distasteful.

Hey, fuck you! It's reprehensible! How can you defend it!? People who hook up with the age displaced have a screw loose. Or they're hobbit-holers.

I sent my paperwork to the alchemical, transmutable, and fantastical agency. My short hafted staff is legal. I have the paperwork. The unicorn horn is surplus from wizard war 2. SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED.

Freedom is people doing things you don't like.

Didn't you hear? It's illegal to even OWN anything with genuine unicorn horn these days.

>Not liking Hobbit chicks

You don't have the freedom to break the law, dumbass!

It's grandfathered in. Didn't you know that? Anything enchanted before 882 is legally transferable. If it's more than 1,000 years old it's not even legally a wand, you can have it shipped to your door. It's great.

My father made a living ranching unicorns and so did his father before him and his father before him.
These blessings are my property and I'll do with them what I want. The people relie on little ol' me to to bring them their unicorn foie gras and I'll give it to them come hell or high water.
So let them fae bastids come, I'll be waiting for them with my varmint popper.

>implying Roosevelt signed the Unicorn Herd Expansion Act so you could jerk off to the Second Amendment

We didn't make the Artefactorum of Democracy so you could walk around with your magical bling, Hank. People died fighting Gargamort the Vile, man. Think of their sacrifice before you use that shit to go squirrel transmuting or whatever it is you hicks do out in Appalachia.

Hobbits are fine... GREAT food. I wouldn't want my son bringing one home.

When I LEGALLY kill an owlbear during hunting season I am doing more to conserve our magical forests than you hippy Druids have done in your entire lives! If it weren't for law abiding hunters like me, invasive predators like dragons and shogoth would have driven the majestic unicorn to extinction decades ago! Now people like me try to protect them, to give them a carefully balanced life so their numbers can flourish and THIS is the thanks we get.

>owning a sawed-off and claiming it's legal

What's next, enchanted rifles? Next you'll be telling us private citizens should be allowed to own their own golem forge.

If this was the case law enforcement wouldn't exist.

Also laws which violate the personal freedoms of individuals for no good reason (your personal outrage is not a good reason) are unjust and unjust laws should not exist and should not be obeyed when they do.

>Unjust
>Laws keeping people from taking advantage of the age displaced and might lead to people actually pushing for the normalization of it
>Unjust

Disintegrate yourself, degenerate.

If all you did was go kill your one owlbear a season, I might be willing to give you a pass. But it's hunters like you who scare off large parts of the ecosystem with your Illusory Calls, and that's not even talking about the idiot who decided to go hunting with a homemade Wand of Flaming Buckshot. We still haven't put out all of the fires from that, and I mean that literally!

>Hating on Scatterbrand wands

You're from up north, ain't ya.

>People who are age displaced are that way on purpose and with full knowledge of what it entails
>muh consent!
You're one of those "drunk sex is rape" people I see.

All you need to solve this problem is to get all of the population to agree to undergo some very basic curses: No larceny, no murder, no adultery, no pedophilia. It gets real easy to figure out who's done what if they get warts or boils on doing it.

It is, but that's beside the point. I'm saying that their consent and ability to not withstanding, law enforcement has to investigate it, and that wastes taxpayer money!

It's not the buckshot spells so much as the elemental attunements. Nobody needs to inflict an ice spell on wild game, let alone home defense. That shit's cruel and unusual and you know it.

>Minor disfigurements

Make their skin flash neon and their hair scream.

i know my rights.AM I BEING DETAINED?

Look, when I'm hunting salamanders, you're god damn right I'm using an ice attunement. I mean, why shouldn't I take whatever advantage I can? Next you'll tell me using illusory lures or hiring rangers is bad.

That's a state-by-state issue, in my opinion. But the curse program has led to vastly decreased recidivism in the 12 states that have implemented it. I never thought I'd see Chicago brought back from the brink, but here we are in Umbra 72, 4th Turning.

Investigate what, exactly?

If two consenting adults have sex, no crime is reported. If no crime is reported there's nothing to investigate.

I'll defend my home with what ever I deem necessary, "cruel and unusual " is a restriction placed on the prison system, not on a free citizen. You ever hear the story about the guy who had to defend his home with the anti-golem ballista he was cleaning when two orcs broke into his house? You tell me that he could have made it all the way inside, opened his politically correct magical safe, pulled out a "safe" 9manamemter wand and warded off two raged up orc berserkers and I'll tell you where to shove your lies.

How often do a pair of Orc Zerkers show up to loot and pillage? They're what, 8 percent of the population? And the number who can go berserk is less than 1% of that number?

Fucking Fudd up in this bitch, I see. What's next, a deer blind? If you're hunting Salamanders just go Adamantian-tipped; you already outed yourself as having the money to hire a Ranger, at least this way you can own your kill

>How often do a pair of Orc Zerkers show up to loot and pillage?
I live in Atlanta. I use Acid Arrow.

We don't all live in floating, ivory towers with guard simulacrums posted on every floor, court wizard.

Anons, I need some help with counterspelling a wish. After a recent storm, I found a frog stuck in my backyard swimming pool. I netted it out and it turned out to be a magic wish granting frog, possibly some kind of fae I guess? Anyways I wished for immortality and it turned me into a fucking elf and I can't stop craving dicks now. I need this shit to end, elves aren't even allowed my my neighborhood, if my neighbors find out I'm fucked.

Also does anyone know where I can get in touch with a kobold with specifically red dragon blood, any other type will not do, it's a long story and my archeo-halo projector is broken and apparently this is the only way to fix this particular issue it has.

Maybe if you cracked open a magical tome or two, visited your local Hall of Secrets to do something other than hit on the librarian, you might be able to change that situation and move out of the sticks

Are you really such a dumbass? It's a shield law. People start fucking actual kids and saying 'I had no idea she wasn't 18!' An investigation HAS TO HAPPEN. A lot of abuse doesn't get reported till later.

And you'd better believe if I see somebody walking around with what looks like a 13 to 14 year old, I'm calling the cops.

>Also does anyone know where I can get in touch with a kobold with specifically red dragon blood, any other type will not do, it's a long story and my archeo-halo projector is broken and apparently this is the only way to fix this particular issue it has.

Post a listing on Sageslist and hope you get lucky?

Again "No I definitely am 18 here's my state ID" and there's no investigation.

It was hypothetical, you feeblemimded cunt. And you're giving me shit about hiring a ranger when you casually throw out "Just use adamantine hurr hurr hurr"? What do I look like, William of the Gates?

Please every sensible alchemist knows that selling buff potions to adventurers is where the real money is.

You don't even know how to properly and legally handle unicorn horn, don't condescend to me because you sold out to some hoity college that has forgotten that magic comes from the earth and not from a book.

And certainly kids never get forged IDs for anything like access to a Potion Shop or anything. And what about the opposite? Here's a hypothetical for you: a 14 year old gets hold of a Draught of Aging because the kids are teasing her about being a late bloomer. She drinks it and bam, she's suddenly physically 25.

This.

>Sagelist

My fucking sides, man!

>And you'd better believe if I see somebody walking around with what looks like a 13 to 14 year old, I'm calling the cops.
I'm pretty sure they'll start fining you after the second time you call them just because you saw a parent taking his kid somewhere. If you're lucky.

>Adventurers
>Not athletes

Athletes are all about the enchanted enhancements nowadays. An athlete breaks his leg badly, has to get a titanium splint put in, but what they don't tell anyone is that shit's inscribed. Runes, man. Runes are where the money's at.

>tfw elf wizard at academy
>not concerned too much with dating
>roommate is a human valor bard
>finds out I'm a virgin over shots
>makes it his goal to get me laid this semester
Part of me wonders if it's worth it. I'm pretty sure he has Barbarian levels too.

Every cop car in every first world country can verify an ID by its ID number in 30 seconds.

It's better to be fined if I stop even ONE of you perverts! I'd take a shillelagh to you myself if I didn't have a backbiter curse on me!

>bard with barbarian levels at an academy

Is he someone's son? How'd he get in?

No argument. I ALMOST apprenticed to a runecaster, but my dad beat my ass. "We're a MILLITARY family, amd you're gonna be a soldier!"

>be me, at the shopping mall open dating my youth potion addicted girlfriend
>in the build-a-werebear workshop and some soccer mom sees my "13" year old GF
>starts screaming in my face about abuse and pedophilia.
>we try to slip away but the hag grabs my arm and far casts to the town guard
>a centaur comes galloping up and when he sees some vile witch screaming at the top of her longs he instantly brings out his wand of lesser lightning bolt
>soccer mom is screaming at the coptaur that I'm abusing an innocent, defenseless girl
>GF show the cop her ID, he tells us we are free to go
>soccer mom loses her shit, shoves the cop and tries to take a swing at me
>cop blasts her with a spark, she falls to the floor twitching
>everyone in the store starts applauding
>coptaur and I trade girlfriends that night, I got to taste horsepussy, he stretched my GF more than she's ever been stretched before
>we still go to the magicanium to try out new wands together

Don't give in to emotion, Do Your Research.
There are some spells that ONLY virgins can cast
and vice versa, spells that ONLY people that have been laid can cast. Once given, virginity can never be taken back short of a divine intervention. So make sure you're not cutting yourself off from the spellcrafting that you want to do.

His dad's rich, I figure. I don't know how smart he actually is, but he's lined up for a decent degree, so maybe I'm just judging him because he's really raucous.

Awful idea. They tried it in the town next to mine and juvenile delinquents started doing fairy dust in front of the goddamn cops just to get the "cool glowing skin". Astral displacement-induced meltdowns tripled in six months.

>Letting your GF fuck a halfling
Ew.

>Reincarnation isn't a thing

If his dad's someone, might be good to network with him if it doesn't interfere with your studies.

I think centaurs would be more like a six fourths-ling

That sounds really, really funny, ngl.

Yeah good luck coming back as a fucking dwarf or lizardman and losing all your practical magic and getting disowned.

Half a human, they're a halfling.

That's not how it works and you know it.

Maybe not in more "PC" places, but it's the truth. If you ain't human, you ain't shit.

Free association, bitch. People can fuck who they like and their kids ain't earned any sort of hate for who their parents were.

You found a magic wish granting frog and actually asked it for something? Holy shit user, you were asking for it. When was the last time you watched the news? There's a reason the fuckers are arrested on sight, ever since the Nine Year Rain they've got a massive chip on their shoulder against anything bipedal.

As for the kobold thing, it'd be expensive (lots of demand for the little buggers), but if you're really strapped for cash the ear fetishists are gonna get you loaded for a few hours of work. In more than one way, hur hur.

mfw my cutie girlfriend admitted that she's really a silver dragon. You faggots have fun with your shortstacks you'll never manage to pierce, I'm going spelunking.

What color is the sky in your world?

A lovely taupe, usually.

>human
>no strength
>no intellect
>short life span
>you all hate each other
Even the orcs are better than you, at least they take care of their families. I used to work in a human "nursing" home, it's disgusting what humans will do to their own parents.

>not living in the Astral Plane
Feel sorry for you.

How old, though? You might need a scuba suit. youtu.be/--tFqSFgF-k

I know mages aren't supposed to bitch when vengeance goes helter-skelter, but I need to get this off my chest.

>Asshole in evocation keeps setting me on fire.
>Parents spending $200 on healing potions a week
>Several girls say they remember him approaching and saying something, then waking up in bathroom with clothes undone.
>Graduate, and plot revenge.
>Takes so much favors, cash, and snoping around I can't type it all out without needing another drink
>Develop spell to:
>1. Give him a neverending bladder full of bullet ants.
>2. Cause hallucinations of being trapped in hell.
>3. Randomly scramble his motor functions.
>Call it, "Fuck You, Chad."
>Prepare for my revenge
>I find out, just three days prior to my finishing the spell, he went and groped the archmage's daughter
>Not even ash left of him or his lab.

Anyway... I have a book of said spell, transcribed. There's no one else I can justify using this shit on.

$50k or best offer. I don't believe this shit.

Greened cuck.