Meanwhile on Dragon Veeky Forums

Anyone got any suggestions on how to find a draconic employer in the first place?

The Crowns around these parts don't pay very well, what with the decades of war and pillage n'all that, but every time I put out a classified, the damn typesetters think I meant dragOOn. Now I have more mounted infantry (and some confused heavy cavalry) than I know what to do with.

P.S. I'd prefer if the dragon isn't a Calvinist, you'd think a sect of merchants would be less stingy with payment, but noooo.

I maintain a cult of humans who worship me as their God. It is quite profitable, and they are much better than Kobolds and the like.

Hi, I posted Its all luck, but to up your chances go for young ones that recently lost servants, they'll likely be as desperate as I was.

>tfw you get too drunk in your human form and get too close to the barmaid

Maybe once they put up him up for adoption, I'll try to give my half-human son a decent life

I wish you the best draganon.

>be me
>be red dragon
>be actually nice guy because raised by silver dragon
>no one trusts me though
>50 years ago some asshole gold dragon visits
>"Hey I'm gonna go fuck up that city in like a year or something, want in?"
>nowayfag.scroll
>"whatever"
>he flies away
>worry about city because I don't like watching people die
>decide to warn city

>get to city and ask to see the duke
>the duke refuses to see me
>whatever.partchment
>tell them anyways that a gold dragon is going to attack next year
>immediately get shot at with arrows
>doesn't really hurt, I pride my hide over all else
>tell them to stop
>"Or what?"
>didhereallyjustsaythat.scroll
>I won't help you when the golden fag comes a knocking
>"You can't fool us, vile wyrm!"
>whatever

>get back to lair and sleep
>wake up to find some adventurers in my place
>fuck off I'm sleeping
>"We come to slay you, beast!"
>don't really feel like fighting them, probably hired by town
>give them a some stupid enchanted shit that looks like shit
>as they leave I, hear the distinct sound of another dragon
>tell them to have fun
>watch as golden shit bag sacks town
>mercs are only survivors of note

The mercs came back later and apologized for being assholes, asked if I should help them kick goldfags ass. Should I do it? As much as I would like to say no, I want kick goldies sparkly ass.
Wat do?

Go with them and kill the guy, but give them the cold shoulder and refuse to speak much.

I'll take "things that never happened" for 50000 gp, Aelxeax

I was sent to kill a Dragon but I don't really have anything against worms and I have a fetish for shapeshifters.

What is thine supposed to do?

>Humans don't accept me because I am scaled as fuck with spikes around my head
>Dragonborn don't accept me because I can barely understand their draconic or deal with their clan bullshit
>Scared of meeting my dragon dad on how he will receive me

Why do I even exist

Because barmaids are hot, and even dragons can get drunk with enough booze.

Let him fuck your boipussy

Join them in killing sparkle fag, but make sure to give them new enchanted weapons and armor. If you win and they don't turn on you, congrats, you have some new allies. If they turn on you however, you know those enchanted items you gave them? Make those items turn on them and tear them apart.

Happy hunting.

We seem to discuss nothing but mortals. Look, I took a mortal for a fucking mate, but let's talk about something else for once.

How about we talk about some of our most prized treasures in our hordes or even things we're willing to trade for?

For me? I'm a bookwyrm, and probably my favorite tome is actually sort of a 'homemade' book I made. It's a collection of all the pages I've managed to collect on the Pnakotic Manuscripts into a single volume!

I'm still working on translation, this language is older than many of our own ancestors if you can believe it.

I'm afraid I have no parts nor pages of the Pnakotic Manuscripts, or I would perhaps offer them for trade as I have no interest. I could of course send out my servants to collect them, but seeing as I keep them illiterate as part of ensuring they remain beholden to me, I think they would probably screw it up. I may perhaps have other tomes that would interest you however. Are there any in particular you are looking for? I do have in my collection the entirety of the library of Astoth, taken by one of my former champions when he pillaged it's famed ebony towers 2 centuries past.

Stay out of my part of the forests.

And just where in the nine hells is that? Give us a frame of reference here!

Do not laugh, but arithmatic texts. I'm tired of using my own gold pieces to explain mathematics to my child and for them to try to steal the coins.

She gets too easily bored with stones.

Fuck off entfag, your forest still stands by our mercy alone. Give us any more lip and I'll burn down every tree and treefolk in a hundred mile radius of anywhere you've ever shit.

No.
I do not shit, but I do know that you're talking it.

Arithmetic texts I have aplenty. What offer you in trade? Have you perchance any fine mannish breeding stock? I could use some fresh blood for the herd.

Look, I'm asking because I live on a heavily forested mountain and I don't quite like setting fire to the woods because they keep my lair well concealed.

Look, are you in the Greenwall mountain range?

I have mostly kobolds. Carr to share specifics and I might be able to arrange something.

Or I could give you some alchemy textbooks.

Yes.
Any damage to rival Ent forests is okay.
Just don't hurt my part of the forest.

Hey /dragon/, /hu/ here

I'm the duchess of a small little city (About 300 humans) out in the middle of nowhere

I've recently found out that my vizier Jarls is actually the silver dragon that's been showing up demanding tribute

What do?

Nice to see some more Dragons around here.

Well how much is he demanding and how much can you afford?

I just said I have little interesting tion of trashing the woodlands. I might. Ot be a Green Dragon but I respect the obscurity the woods provide.

Not to mention the food.

So how goes your conquests of the multiverse?

This guy has a good idea, I like it

Yes.
I too devour the dead.
This green dragon.
I will make him dead.

i may have fucked up

>want a new place to crash, previous was getting cramped and all the people had left anyways
>find nice ruined city
>turns out theres some cult worshipping demons or some shit
>big nigger balor says its his
>merc the shit
>now the humans worship me as their new go

how do i make them leave?

Statement: You don't.
Query: Why not roll with it? After all, humans will go to extreme lengths with their religious fervor.

statement: because i have things to do, and i would rather do them without observation or commentary- which is the precise reason i chose a remote ruined city for my new lair
query: how easy is it to train humans? are they intelligent enough to learn to obey basic commands?

This Having a cult on standby to do shit for you is handy, and if they can summon demons, you can either use those as footsoldiers or as fuel for whatever grand magicks you seek to cast.

>are they intelligent enough to learn to obey basic commands
yes, but you have to make clear that your basic commands are actually basic commands and not cryptic messages of your vision and will

Does this dragon go by the name of Asmarus while he's acting all big for his scales, by any chance? If so, I wouldn't bother. Guy has built up a reputation for going around from city to city, pulling the exact same stunt, but he's too much of a wyrmlet to keep a handle on any of it.

Let me know if he keeps pestering you, in fact. I may or may not happen to know a few other nobles who've been on the recieving end of his auroch shit and wouldn't say no to a chance for some payback.

game?

why not
What system would we use for all-dragon game? I imagine it'd get a bit clumsy with D&D

You're a man of refined taste, user.

>What system would we use for all-dragon game?
You know, there's a setting called Council of Wyrms for AD&D-

>I imagine it'd get a bit clumsy with D&D
... yeah.

>burn every tree
>air becomes toxic
>die because retarded dragon

The dragon does not know this.
It would be funny seeing him choke to death after he burns my forests, his red throat slowly turning blue and his proud face becoming fearful and desperate.
That'll teach him to stay out of my part of the forest.

>he cant cure poison
what kind of mage cant do that?

STAY OUT OF MY SWAMP

KEEP YOUR SPORES OUT OF MY RUINS

also, i will be taking those corpses you are hoarding there, its so unfair really- you dont even do anything with them

Hello?? HEY!

Ancient dragon god here! STILL sealed down here in the center of the earth by that DICK-ASS human god's Spears of Light!

Why haven't any of you fuckers came to get these damned needles out of my godly flesh yet???
I've been here for 100,000 YEARS!
Still here.
Still sealed.

Waiting. Always. Would be nice to get unsealed, you know. Reeeeeeeaaaally nice.

>adventurers on my mountain
>polymorph to spy on them
>typical stuff, but one great thing caught my eye
>their holy man is a gnome in shiny colors
>a follower of Glittergold
>finally a chance to truly entertain
>pitfall them into my labyrinth
>give them the typical spiel
>make it through and be rewarded handsomely
>they get lost and have a little trouble but make it to the center
>maybe it should be harder
>eh, I'll work on that
>some roc's all prepared
>gnome's all smiles, great jokes and stories are shared
>others are uneasy but get into it
>big party, think I had a fling with the one with the rapiers
>drop some of my blood into the gnome's as thanks
>bring them the head of the cyclops they were her to kill
Sure do hope some more show up. Maybe I'll drop some flyers about big rewards for killing some fake creature down at the nearest city. Any advice for that?

Because you and any other so-called god of dragons is part of an old paradigm we've moved past. At least we should.

I do not doubt your hand in our origins, but for the modern dragon, each of us must be a good unto themselves.

yeah i would but, you know. center of the earth. sounds a bit far to be honest. tell you what i'll see that someone meet you, say, half-way? in about 25'000 years? sounds good?

Besides, we can always threaten everybody we are going to release the old geezer whenever we feel like upping the ante. If we actually did release him (as if we knew how), the world would end and I think most of us are kind of fond of it.

You are such a nerd, I bet even mortals make fun of you.

I want to help you, but I don't think I can survive in the center of the earth yet.
Give me a few more decades please.

Well, not to say I'm Keen on ending the world but that's why you work on contingency planning.

I am a huge nerd. My nerdiness is such that it creates a gravitational pull around me and has bound my mate to me.

How well as grunting and banging rocks gone for getting you laid?

>bound my mate to me.
having kobolds suck your dick doesent mean much

White (Dragon) Power. No force can stand against our white race!

who /humanny/ here?

disgusting

kill yourself

fucking humanfags

elves on the other hand

Well, maybe a little.

Because Bahamut is the only true dragon god, Blasphemer

Who else has a kid?
This little fuck is making me so proud! He killed some cows the other day and during it, he burped out fire. Love this kid.

Which Earth? I don't want to smash one for nothing.

Most storytimes I've seen have been done by players rather than GMs.

And when it comes to long storytimes that span many posts or even threads, I don't think I've ever seen one done by the GM.

Have you guys seen many storytimes done by GMs?

If you believe like I do that most seem to be told by players, why do you think that is?

I think part of it may be that it is easier to tell the events of a game as a story fig you experience it from the perspective of one character at a time instead of The perspective of managing many characters and events going on at once.
(Though for stories that about the conduct of a player instead of the events of the game this is less of an issue)

Another contributing factor is the majority of games have multiple players and only 1 GM so the odds are in favor of a person storytiming something from a game being a player if storytiming does indeed happen.

What do you think?

>55190049
Demon's Souls is the best *Souls game of all time.

OF ALL TIME!!

Would you by chance need a book for that? I do have various religious tomes in my library if you're willing to trade.

I'm pretty comfortable with my current self, thank you.

I have one I've mentioned earlier. She's a fast learner but even being a fraction of even my wife's size she's an amazing handful for a full grown dragon, plus a dwarven architect, a human princess, said princess' mother and sister, and a whole tribe of kobolds.

I won't deny it, I love the little brat to bits.

Hey dragon Veeky Forums. It's me, the halfbreed. I took some advice from the last thread I was in. Been wandering for some time now among the mortals. Loads of them are as obnoxious as ever but I've found quite a few gems hidden away among them all. I've been speaking with them at great lengths, filling their minds with wisdom and tales from ages forgotten or lost from record, stoking a fire in their hearts and bellies. I keep telling myself that I am only doing this to fill that lonesome void inside of me, maybe even find a good dragoness to nest with. Yet after having traveled mountains, valleys, dales, seas, leagues upon leagues after yet more leagues of land, I still feel so distant.

I seem to have acquired a few companions in my journey. A small following that would see what they are convinced to be an old blind storyteller through until the end of his days. I find them watching over me while I rest disguised among them, tending to small needs and one of them has taken to recording my stories. So far I have not caught wind of any potential mates and I am loathe to laying with the humans and elfs that are constantly surrounding me. After all it's hard to enjoy the act with something that is almost as big as my "steel",

Should I keep searching, leading this group onwards to new towns and cities? Should I just give up and vanish without a trace, leaving them behind? I would seek your advice once more.

>Be me, faerie dragon
>Trying to join local flight of dragons
>"No way, pipsqueak"
>Half of them mistake me for a wyrmling or a pseudodragon
>Fucking half-mortals allowed to join but I'm not
Fuck you chromatic, metallic, and gem dicks. I'm just as dragon as anyone.

>fucking fae
go and prance in the meadows or something you faggot

Lately I've been chilling out in the Dwarven mountains. Surprisingly dwarves are pretty cool with draconic overlords provided they behave in a regular and predictable manner and don't just try to steal everything right off the bat, keeps greedier dragons away and such. Anyway, I've been getting carts of gold and gems monthly however one day they requested a month delay in order to provide a treasure that would "sate me for years to come". I was interested and went with it but there was no way I could have been ready for what they made.

They have constructed "For my pleasure and entertainment" a fully functioning, autonomous, gold plated with silver decal, and notably anatomically correct female draconic golem. It's just sitting in my antechamber now. Waiting for orders and looking at me with eyes made of colored glass whenever I walk by.

How am I supposed to feel about this?

Tell them it's an impressive suit of armor, but you can't figure out how to put it on.

The thing came with a fucking manual. Literally a fucking manual. By Tiamat it was bound in unicorn leather and written in some of the most beautiful draconic script I have ever read. There were pictures and diagrams.

So, nothing is connecting with you and the group then? Perhaps that's because you're keeping up so many barriers, I mean, it sounds like they enjoy you a bit.

Perhaps, you should ask them for a story, just learn more about them. You're doing that creepy 'Distant Watcher on the Horizon' thing.

Trying to join a flight of dragons is fruitless unless you want to spend hours dick-waving at one another, and we are quite prone to insularity.

Perhaps find other faerie dragons though if you need companionship, if you want someone to watch your back, try to pick up fey-blooded followers like elves.

I-... I don't think I have advice for this.

To be honest, were I you, I'd feel just a little insulted, really.

I can see what they're trying to do, because dwarves see a well-crafted gift as the pinnacle token of fondness and respect.

But, just the idea of them making a sex toy feels... off-putting.

I sure do love fucking cars. I don't know what it is about those sexy little automobiles that makes me want to stick my BDC into their tight exhaust ports.

>Tfw the Kobolds start decorating the caves with gold

That animation was really impressive for what it was.

You guy's know that some of us fuck gold? What a bunch of fucking weirdos, right?

I'm new to the hobby so please go easy on me. I'm playing 333.5 of Villages and Paladins with some friends. I wanted to play 500e, but my friend's started playing centuries ago and they don't like any of the updated material. I decided to roll a short human (not the mountain ones, but the hairy feet ones) and I'm nervous about playing a character with an alien mindset. How do you play as someone that doesn't think ora act anything like you? I don't want to just play as a really, really stupid dragon that is really, really weak and pretend I'm not just playing a transformed dragon. Any tips? I'm willing to read a tome on humanoids if there's a good introductory one out there.

You meant Zebukiel, right?

Humans are kinda tricky creatures. You treat them well and they may reciprocate, but it depends also on how indispensable they consider you, kind of group... I find them incredibly helpful but if you're not willing to learn how take care of them i wouldn't bother

Why don't you go playing with the other fluttering insects? At least they won't hurt your feefees

Reading some tomes on humanoid conduct and culture will help you out

Just... wait a few hundred years before you ask for a tithe. Trust me when I say this, dwarves are just as stubborn and greedy as us in some cases and with they money they make, I would expect some high ranking adventurers.

live with it for a time. Maybe cover it up with something if it bothers you. By all things draconian, those dwarves are some next level builders if they could make a golem like that.

if they went through so much trouble to make a present like that maybe there's some use for that thing spart from the obvious ones. i guess the instructions could give you an idea of what it can do

Your kobolds must love you, man.

Yeah, that's WAY beyond weird. I mean, I love my gold but that's just...

Spooge tarnishes everything.

>current year
>not fucking frogs

You have to go back.

I care about them too much honestly, but when those cute little guys and gals push in a box of jewelry and coins, I can't help but give them a ring or amulet. The way thier face lights up and they start thanking you, it warms my heart.

It's nice that there's a manual for reference, but come on. Who of us have time to curl up and read something like that? The least those kinky little bipeds can do is tell you how your new toy works.

I know a red who did this with some humans. When she finally went calling to remind her clients to resume their annual tribute, they turned on her. In retaliation, she laid waist to the entire village burning everything that moved to ash. When I asked her how long she waited, she replied that it had been half a century to the day. After a hearty chuckle, I told her that the average human lifespan was only about 40 years, and the humans she killed probably didn't even know who she was.

The moral of the story is twofold. First, establish a date for resumption of your tribute even if it is far into the future. Second, visit your clients periodically. Make sure the younger generations know your visage as both fearsome and propitious.

how do i lure qt adventurers to my lair

Simplest method is go wreck shit. Better yet forget adventurers. Hang out deep in the woods and abduct elves and nymphs. They taste better.

Me too man.
>be me, faerie dragon
>leave my valley, my fellows being too fey for me
>hear about the academy set-up by Turak the Grey-Scaled(I know now that his school is has been world renowned for centuries, but my valley was in bumfucknowherestan, and everyone was either pairing up with or pranking mortals to care about actually interesting stuff)
>set out to a school run by dragons, for dragons
>finally arrive, mortals everywhere
>I find out mortals have been accepted for the past decade, even have mortal faculty(again, I never knew)
>none of them take me seriously, I just want to improve my magic, I'm a dragon dammit
>dragons are even worse, I later find out the only reason I get accepted was a joke to see how long until I quit by Thirix the Verdant, head of Geomancy
>I'm barely passing some of my courses, but doing quite well in others, think I deserve some respect that I'm hacking it
>it's been 18 months and I'm still forced to sit at the familiar's table with the fucking pseudodragons
The only none-asshole I've dealt with was one of the imps I sit by, and that's only because he's too focused on his own misery by being bound an inbred retard of a mortal who can barely cantrip who's daddy summoned him for his drooly of a son.

Fuck you guys, I'm a real dragon too, and I've placed under fucking mortals? The only thing keeping me going is spite at this point.
/endblog

Pic-related, the picture on my school ID, they fucking doodled this instead of the painting I commisioned.

>can't even attach an image right
Why was I born

I really feel for you guys. It just so happens I know some magic. I would love to have you over to my lair for dinner sometime. It's not cannibalism if it's a faerie.

So I'm a fairly young green dragon, trying to get started in life and some human came to me with a proposition
>find town, identify wealthiest families (he'd be doing that since I'm still a bit shit at shape-shifting, I always fuck up the eyes)
>I fly up into town, terrorize the peasants, abduct rich family's beloved daughter/son/prized pig
>he volunteers to save the day and slay the dragon, for a reward
>meets me at a predetermined location
>have a mock-fight in front of the abductee so they can testify that he "vanquished" the beast
>he gets back triumphant, earns love and adoration of the people, gets free food and drink
>we split the reward, move towns, rinse and repeat
>when I get better at shifting, I can come with him to enjoy the victory party
Sounds like a good scam to me, what do you think ?

I find fleecing mortals without utterly destroying them is the best way of having a stable source of income, besides they produce the most when their cities aren't burning