ME BIG CHIEF LONGCOCK

G'day.

He's a chief, right?
Got a tribe an' all that?

Work for a few weeks-months while gathering supplies, then run the fuck away one night

Reject his authority and hope he keeps the word.

Escape.
Get creative in killing / trapping him.
Diplomancy. (Sure, we'll work for you. You need agents to go find more workers, right? We're good agents.)

You're already doing better than Tolkien.

Turn 360 degrees and walk away.
Failing that, and assuming we can't use magic, we stab him. With our swords. Which are also magical.

>mfw the party I GM for would see him as a particularly large and obese brute with a skin condition
>mfw they would leave him with an 8 gauge hole in his brain pan
>mfw the party I play as part of are a recon-in-force platoon in a dieselpunk setting
>mfw we would perforate him with 20mm autocannon fire and blow him up with 50mm and 75mm cannon fire, and then run his body over with an assault gun for good measure

Shoot him in the face. Party kills ogres all the time, one more isn't a big deal.

Particularly if he has low INT.

how well does he hold up to rifles, rockets, railguns and lasers?
If that don't work, how about a MAC strike?

Run. Look at how fucking fat he is.
That's presuming his clan isn't all around us.

My secondary weapon is pic related.

Plus, our halfling knight has developed a technique to deal with such enemies. It's called "buttspearing", he gets between the legs and thrusts up. He said he got the idea from when I commented once that romans did that with war elephants.

>He said he got the idea from when I commented once that romans did that with war elephants.
Certain king died that way. Assassin was hiding in his royal shitter.

I mean...

Geez, user!

Prep this mandigo bull of le course!!!!

He is only 10 ft tall, probably incredibly stupid and has only a wooden club as a weapon, no armour as well.

Easy as fuck. Armoured Knight up the front, jabbing him with a spear to draw his attention. Rogue behind him looking for an opening. Ranger either helping Rogue or Fighter and Bard swapping between inspiring us and distracting Chief Longcock with insults.

Next.

I leave the table, because I'm not going to play in someone's fetish fueled game. Your move, faggot.

we kill him- its a fucking orc/ogre

>Literally a bigger bear carrying a fallen tree.
Shit man I dont have the friends or manpower to deal with that. I work for him now I guess.

polymorph him into a little girl and rape his female anus

we shoot him with guns

maybe get the armored car involved

The fater someone is the less usable cock they tend to have, I'd risk it

>YOU ARE HUGE
>THAT MEANS YOU HAVE HUGE GUTS

Don't

As many others have pointed out, this goon is not even close to a threat for an even slightly well-prepared and experienced party in even a low fantasy setting.

As I'm playing an alchemist, open with ultra-high-concentration aerosol capsaicin to the subject's face to disorient and deter attack; declare dibs on subject's gallbladder; taser slick at subject's feet to limit movement; apply pyrophoric compound to subject's dominant arm, incentivising disarmament; close range, apply muscle relaxant to subject via hypodermic (increase dosage to account for greater body mass); terminate subject via axe blow to the back of the neck, severing the spinal column; dissect subject and retrieve gallbladder.

>probably incredibly stupid
I know it's always assumed with large opponents like that, but I want to see a smart guy who happens to be huge and dangerous - like the original Bane, or less memetasticly Dolph Lundgren (who has a master's degree in Chemical Engineering and got a scholarship to MIT before his acting career)

ITT: in which user fails to make a challenging or interesting situation once again- even after removing the elements he sperged about last time

>broken english
>simplistic use of language
it not even an assumption

What if it's not his native language?

Also everyone assuming he's not a tough fight is expected, but IMO a bit of a reach - you don't get to be a chief without being a good fighter, after all.

I don't know, do most games assume they players are basically capable of beating everything?

It might be new to the language or had little time to talk in it.

>I don't know, do most games assume they players are basically capable of beating everything?
well with some exceptions (hello CoC)- yes, most game systems have the players capable of beating most scenarios

>you dont get to be chief without being a good fighter
"chief" doesent tell us much, the warchief of the horde is different than the chief of some 20 man goblin tribe in the mountains- and his picture isnt exactly screaming (experienced and cunning fighter)

he has no armor, a primitive weapon and is a fat sack of shit

Grenades, bullets (lots of bullets), a couple of litres of ClF3 and if he is still alive after all that a sharpened steel strip applied as garotte.

Boars dont have armor and are fat shits but can shrug off a lot of shit and are still considered dangereous.

Now add a big ol stick and twenty off them, in a room, alone.

I deploy the barbered wire, I have now won.

>considered dangereous.
not to parties of adventurers

The guy is wearing a loincloth and has a big lump of wood as a weapon. He isn't a highly advanced being. Even if English/Common isn't his first language and he has some native paint-with-all-the-colours-of-the-wind smarts it won't help him in a 4 on 1 against experienced and way better equipped adventurers.

He just isn't a challenging foe. IRL a group of 4 people could take him. Obviously not neckbeards on a Myanmar fire-dancing forum but athletic people, yes.

> IRL a group of 4 people could take him

I wouldn't go that far. IRL, men and women are nearly the same size, but men are fight-endingly stronger 95% of the time. Something 10' tall is going end a life with every swing, and it's evidently smart enough to capitalize on this by extending its reach with a club.

He only has to get lucky once to win, any melee attackers have to be perfect and lucky the whole time.

>no way fag

>IRL a group of 4 people could take him
He's 10 foot tall, that's about the height of a good-sized elephant.
He's slightly less heavily built than a gorilla (and yeah, he's a fat git), but those hands and arms are huge

Sure, 4 people with guns could take him, but with hand weapons I don't think 4 men would cut it

>He just isn't a challenging foe
Doesnt that depend on the level of the party and the templates stacked on him, though?

Damage breaks the polymorph and he turns back into an impressively endowed ogre mid-thrust, wat do?

with pikes and an advantageous position maybe- he appears to be unarmored so he has to take care to not get pike'd

going by the picture he doesent have any

and most parties can kill an ogre

If they unarmed then yes he has a chance to win, but if they are properly equipped he is not coming out of that fight alive. And that's not even accounting for modern weapons. Just some halberds, bardiches or spears would be enough to mortally wound him or cut one of his legs (which will kill him pretty soon).

>Demilich Longcock
i am afraid

DC80 escape artist check obviously.

Something that gives say fast healing wouldn't necessarily be visible, and neither are class levels.

>Just some halberds, bardiches or spears
Halbards and Bardiches aren't all that long - the lengths I'm getting from a cursory look are all about 2-2.5 meters or less (most less)

Pikes sure, but they have the least cutting power.

>class levels.
something that has a class and levels in said class wouldnt be using a wooden club and loincloth

>fast healing
true, that could be a troll or something- but theres fire

probably just a bunch of melee seeing as these assholes are always unarmored and have an AC of like 11

>wouldnt be using a wooden club and loincloth
Barbarian?

Having naturally tough skin (think a hippo or something) might make you not bother with armour or clothes, though of course it's no substitute

>goosh goosh

That's more than enough. In semi-realistic world even if he is strong enough to use his club properly it still will have too much inertia to be used precisely and windups before and after the strikes will be really long.

In more fantasy worlds he is just a fat piece of shit.

And with modern weapon he is a target practice.

>barbarian
would still have a weapon and armor

also wouldnt be a fat PoS

In fantasy setting looking like a fatty wouldn't matter, because magic and fantastical elements.

i'll check out his dick.
if it's small enough to take without dying i'll offer myself to work for him as an intellectual ( help him ruling tribe, tax policy, handling logistic and investments) and to satisfy him sexually.

if it's too big and could actually kill me i guess i'll boast my mathematic and litterature skills and hope he uses me to work on a job that isn't too physical.

say what you want, slaves that were educated enough to work as teachers and stuff ended up living a better live than most farmers in the roman empire and it's probably going to be the same in chief longcock's tribe.

Take your magical realm shit and go, user.