That DM thread

>Join a D&D game at FLGS
>There's about ten other players, DM is an older man who looks a lot like Gary Gygax
>Party's around level 4
>Given a quest by an old wizard, he wants us to go to an island and find a magical box
>To get there we have to go to an abandoned house and get a swan boat feather token
By the way, there was no buying or making magic items in this campaign. PCs only had the magic items the DM saw fit to give, which were almost all potions and scrolls. Even though we're playing 3.5, where the math assumes PCs will have level-appropriate magical equipment.
>Outside the house we're attacked by two "Cambrians" (I think he meant Cambions)
>Notice that the DM doesn't have any notes, or books, or laptops, or anything. All of the stats for anything are "from memory"
>Someone casts grease, one of the "Cambrians" casts Black Tentacles, DM makes joke about the grappled PC (whose player is like 15) getting hentai raped by greasy tentacles
>Anyway, we defeat the monsters and go inside the house
>It's pitch black, supernatural darkness. We have absolutely nothing that can cut through it
>There's also a whole bunch of will o' wisps, way more than we could be expected to fight even if we weren't blind
>They're also immune to non-magic weapons (we don't have magic weapons)
>But then
>One of the PCs uses an item that casts Dispel Magic
>DM rules that, as creatures of magic, the wisps cease to exist
>it also causes all the scrolls and potions to become useless paper and water
>you know, like Mordenkainen's Disjunction, a 9th level spell, is supposed to do
>not Dispel Magic
>whatever
>we find the feather token, it turns into the boat, we get in and we're off
That was the end of the first session, will continue later if I feel like it

Wait.. the DM started undressing or the NPC? That's a very important distinction to make

>playing a 5e game
>In town, DM describes us encountering four belligerent men in a tavern demanding people go find someone in town for them, "or else."
>We don't attack them, they've technically not done anything illegal
>we go to the NPC they are looking for and hide him just in case, we stay to protect him
>Later that night the four men start smashing shit and acting belligerent
>We stay where we are, saying we are in a big city and the city watch is more than equipped to deal with four drunk assholes
>City guard takes them out easily and arrests them
>"What's your guys' alignments?"
>"Well since you're good and didn't act to stop the bad guys you all take an alignment hit and a negative level."

The DM. The NPC was a stoic elf priest rambling on about how their village was enchanted.

>sitting around in a drafty cold house
>I and my brother were 20s, other gamers are a bunch of 40-50s fags
>playing some totally custom setting
>making characters out of a big ass Character Creation binder
>finally 2 hours later have my character ready
>wait around even more while the current party fucks around in a dungeon, waiting to be introduced
>finally can join the party with my character waking up naked ina prison cell, wow so fun
>the instant I put my token down the DM declare that an enemy archer had a held action and shoots me
>my guy wasn't wearing a "curboillee" because of being a prisoner?
>archer one-shots my guy before I have had even 1 actual turn
>every other old fag gamers think this is hilarious
>we eventually leave after midnight, none of them notice or care

lesson learned, don't play with faggy old grogs who don't give a shit

I'll take things that never happened for $200 Alex

He should have had all of the following bikers roll to skid to a stop under the wire with the ones further away stopping normally.
His baddies get that action movie under a truck moment, makes them seem more intimidating (or awful depending on how many actually make it).
Grenade launcher gets put on the back burner to avoid friendly fire netting the pcs a temporary tactical advantage.

How hard would that have been.

Honestly, the worst "That GM" story I have is with a guy who made an interesting but abnormal High Fantasy cosmology, didn't explain it well, and got annoyed when people were slow in catching on to things.

I don't understand why anyone would play with some of the horror stories stated here.

Why did you play with them on the first place. They clearly wanted you out.

>That Guy of the group wants to run oWoD
>We all hesitate, but allow him to
>He tells us about the world
>Near future
>Post-apocalypse
>Masquerade is down
>Openly Vampire Pope
>Megacorps of varying supernatural levels rule the world
>We figure that this is a beat-em-up campaign
>We build ridiculously overpowered characters
>5th-gen Vampires that have 8 turns a round and 20+ dice to hit
>Mages with multiple five-dot spheres out of character creation (the rest were at three or four)
>Werewolves with basically every gift
>This was done to show him that he was making a mistake giving us all this power
>He gave us more power in return
>Still clutching on to the hope that this would at least be fun in a dumb way
>He has a known problem with railroading and solving his own encounters for us
>We have told him this, he has acknowledged this
>Me and That Guy have the "why your character is with the party" chat
>My character, at his insistence, has been in torpor for a century
>Watched over by the Salubri
>I am a Nosferatu
>I wake up and am immediately told to head to New York
>I ask about New York
>"It's run by the Technocracy."
>The whole city?
>"Yes."
>Why would I ever go there?
>"I am the head of Famous_Family. You will work for me."
>I have been in a coma for a century.
>I have never heard of you or your family.
>You are just some woman, telling a 1920's man to head into a city owned by people I don't like.
>Give me one good reason to listen to you.
>"She reveals herself as Lilith."
>...That Lilith?
>"Yes."

This conversation was in a Denny's a week before the campaign even started.
Our freedom of choice was... limited in that campaign.

Met some kids in school that were going there afterward and we tagged along.

>WoD
>Denny's
Yup.

that's not exactly a typical "that DM" friendo i think your DM was a pervert.

why didn't you then grab the character sheet, edit it to have a "curboillee" and then say it was your last character's identical twin brother.

Wasn't my friend, probably was a pervert, though. Guy who knew him didn't talk about him after that.

You just reminded me of the first time I saw him DM a small scene at that Denny's.
To be fair, he prefaced this with "You're going to hate me."
I was not involved, only a witness.
This was the only part of his campaign I saw (which ended immediately after).

>The character was Level 23 or something in a D&D 3.5 campaign
>Magic-psionic hybrid that crafted their own spells and powers
>Travelling around some flying steampunk city
>Suddenly, BBEG starts beaming messages directly into PC's mind
>PC travels to orphanage to protect children from evil
>Suddenly, magic restraints appear on PC's legs
>"I teleport out of them."
>Nope.
>"Dispel Magic."
>Nope.
>"Psionics to destroy them."
>Nope.
>DM describes BBEG sacrificing orphans
>PC does last-resort spell, crafted by player to destroy entire plane
>Summons Orb of Annihilation in front of self
>Orb starts growing, as per spell
>Orb stops growing, not as per spell
>Orb starts shrinking, exactly opposite to spell
>Second Orb appears behind player, starts growing
>Passes through player
>Grows, destroys entire plane
>Plane is remade exactly as it was
>suspicions_confirmed.bmp
>BBEG owns and controls entire plane
>PC gives up at this point
>BBEG kidnaps PC, removes brain
>Puts brain in anti-magic, anti-psionic Warforged headcase
>Body still alive, controlled by BBEG
>Warforged still controlled by BBEG
>Body still has all magic and psionic powers, memories, etc.

No dice were rolled for this entire scene.
Thankfully, he was one of the few players who didn't have an ongoing campaign.
We would occasionally throw him a bone, and hope he improved.
He didn't.

>a friend convinces me and another friend to sit down to a game
>had a campaign that he had been planning for a year but couldn't find players
>wouldn't tell us anything except we were going to be level 15 in D&D 3.0
>I make a halfling bard
>my friend is playing a monk, and the friend that convinced us to join is playing some four-armed four-sword wielding character with a sidekick under his control
>session starts with "roll initiative!"
>we're fighting a mind flayer, he immediately attempts to mind control me to force me to set myself on fire
>four-arm player reveals he can fly, grapples mind flayer and flies into the sky with him
>mind flayer can fly too, they start going at it dbz style in the sky
>suddenly a purple worm shows up and swallows me
>i use gaseous form to avoid death, ask if i can escape through the massive worms pores or something, anything
>DM says I squeeze through the pores and am crushed to death
>"I'm gas."
>he folds his arms and says that he guesses I'm alive
>worm leaps into the air and also swallows dbz fighters
>the mindflayer dies and the four-armed player immediately goes for the purple worm, kills him in one hit
>the monk was just standing there the whole time, I float down and join him
>"Oh yeah, by the way, there is a massive army surrounding you guys."
>four-armed player asks if he can see how big the army is from his vantage point
>"So big you see no end to them, also they teleported in that's why you didn't notice them before."
>suddenly our magic doesn't work anymore, the DM explains that in his setting there is a giant tree that moves one inch per year and it casts a massive dispel magic field that you can't avoid and it just walked close enough to affect us
>"Well we move an inch farther away."
>"No you can't do that, also the army kills you you're all dead."

The DM later revealed he was punishing us because his initial "roll initiative" was just a joke, and we weren't supposed to roll. We were 20, he was in his 30's.

>The DM later revealed he was punishing us because his initial "roll initiative" was just a joke, and we weren't supposed to roll
what the fuck

He revealed that after we told him we wouldn't come back for another session. I think it was just supposed to be a plea to win us back, somehow.

>>Denny's

Fernando?

>suddenly our magic doesn't work anymore, the DM explains that in his setting there is a giant tree that moves one inch per year and it casts a massive dispel magic field that you can't avoid and it just walked close enough to affect us
>"Well we move an inch farther away."

Hah. Made me laugh

None of this makes sense. Is there something we are missing? Or was this dmed in middle school regardless of the aged stated.

I was confused the whole session. Things kept jumping around and the guy playing the four armed character had clearly been colluding with the DM to make his character super awesome. But yes, the DM had a middle school mentality.

You can still get your combat in, user

Just boot party your way through his bitch empire

how is that a
>that DM
see

He was pretty clearly fucking with them like he said he was (come on, the tree thing is a dead giveaway) but that doesn't justify it.

that's actually retarded

Stereotypes always prove true.

They called the cops? That's a perfect idea for especially low leveled characters

We technically weren't even near the bar where it was occurring. We could just hear commotion outside. One of the players went to look and the guys were already fighting several guardsmen. When he told us what he saw, that's when we said we just stay put.

Even better.

That's still odd that he docked you guys alignment and level. I'm not sure there's a way you could have been more proactive other than leaping in like he wanted and killing the drunks, but that doesn't seem that Good either, since they're drunk. Protecting the guy and letting the guards handle it is fine. More key, single actions don't change your alignment, otherwise any Evil character would shift up whenever they decided to not pickpocket the first person they saw.

I told this one recently, it's an oldie but a goodie.
>3.5 campaign.
>DM loved to have us get attacked in the middle of the night if we slept outside.
>We could literally be in an abandoned cave with no creatures for 50 miles and somehow a creature would sneak up and attack us in the middle of the night.
>Finally get to a town, pay for a room, don't want to take any chances of sleeping outside.
>Go to room and sleep.
>"Make a saving throw"
"Um... Ok?"
>The party gets attacked in this inn by some giant insect for no reason (and somehow got inside quietly?), innkeeper and other residents sleep fine and aren't attacked.
>Go to next town, it's a big town with a fancy 5 story inn.
"I tell the inn keeper to book me the room on the top floor, I'm not taking any chances"
>Pay 15 gold to sleep one night.
>"Make a saving throw"
"What?... Ok..."
>Get attacked in the middle of the night by a wererat.
>This random wererat decided to climb up 5 stories and through my window just to attack me.

I don't even know why we kept getting attacked in the middle of the night, it was only us who ever got attacked (no NPCs were attacked ever) and there was no plot reason behind it.

He was also pissed that we didn't attack them for being threatening in the first place. Which would have been the opposite of good. Later he said that he normally wouldn't have docked us for not helping, but two players were lawful good, so they basically had to help. I don't miss that DM or his games.

Alright, so this is a great batshit DM story, but
>in this setting there is a giant tree that moves on inch per year and it casts a massive dispel magic field
this seems kind of neat, actually

lazy. Can we get some actual story time going?

Sure, but it will only affect things that can't leave the area. That does mean that for many years there will be a section of your world that has to be mundane until the tree moves far enough away, which could be cool, but it would be bullshit for the game user was in.

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I'd also make the field a good deal smaller.
>the Tree's anti-magic aura begins enroaching on the grounds of an arcane research institution
>everybody's working overtime to see if they can't figure out how to divert it, what chopping it down would do to the local/global mana ecosystem, etc
It just feels weird enough to work

You just have a stupid idea cool. Good job user. I like it.

>"crush the gas"
>teleporting protoss army
>magic moving tree

lmfao

^^this

>the elf's village was a magical realm

Back before I became permaDM, we'd rotate dms. Once a player (Chris we shall call him), was killed when his thief charged a guard tower, took two arrow hits and then got his head crushed by a dropped rock as he tried to climb the wall.
This made Chris rage... when it was Chris's turn to dm, his salt level was still very high.

>4 PC's are involved in a bar brawl in an inn.
>As we flee before guards arrive Chris rolls d20s.
>As you guys run out the door, 2 of you are hit by rocks thrown from the third story window, by a guy who was woken up by the noise of the fight.
We say " wtf is a guy doing with rocks up in his room?"
Chris replies " he carries them because he knows how deadly they are when dropped on someone. You each take 18 pts damage."
Later that same night...
>Getting our horses from the stable..
>Dm rolls d20s...
"You all take 12 pts damage, the stable boy is throwing rocks at you because he thought you were thieves"

Final battle of that session...
Kobolds in trees... dropping rocks on us.

>Guy who knew him didn't talk about him after that.
Your bro probably saw some ad on craigslist that was shady as fuck and blindly went with it.

The DMs probably on some other forum complaining about THAT group who showed up for his "special session" and bailed despite clear indications on the ad.

Months later Chris is dming again...
We've given him shit about his rock dropping..

First battle is an ambush...a wizards Raven is dropping fucking rocks on us as we sleep...
Dm: " you take 5 pts damage"
We try to shoot the bird but " it's too high and it's dark". We take cover under a tree, and the wizard casts sleep on us all, he was hidden in the tree...we all fail our saves.
Dm:" the wizard starts dropping rocks on you all, from 36 feet up in the tree."

We said nothing just stared at him till he said, "you know... maybe someone else should run a game?"

can i play with you guys?

Everyone I know my age (mid 20's) just wants to be murderhobos and/or have Really Cool Stuff happen. Nobody tries to play it cool and take their time, they all want to start shit and get to the action.

Nope.

what a fag. most passive aggressive; rocks fall everyone dies

I feel you, user. I kinda feel like most people just want to KILL MORE MONSTERS GET BETTER LOOT! We were only cautious because I made the decision for the party. They usually only want to kill. Earlier in that game, different session, I found a magic artifact. My character was old and knew that the only thing that came from that sort of thing was trouble, so I gathered my fishing gear (which I had purchased during character creation, my guy liked to fish) and told the party I would be out casting. I went to a secluded place, used magic glue to meld a rock to the dangerous weapon, and threw it into the ocean.

The DM stared at his notes, looked up at me and said, "I, uh... Didn't expect you to do that. Let's say the cleric went with you. Cleric, you notice him with a weapon and stop him from doing that."

I'm glad I no longer game with them.

All because his thief charged a tower and died from a dropped rock.

Not sure why it bothered him so much.

>Plot hooks are dangerous, let's cancel the campaign

Sure, the DM could've handled that way better, but by that logic your old dude would've just stayed home and fished instead of risking life and limb.

Your DM must really enjoy early WRPGS (Wizardry/Might and Magic) where towns are full of monsters yet nobody knows seems to care.

Obviously it was a cursed weapon of kill the king. You made the right choice

Thats more lawful alignment rather than not good

>Be DM
>Entire party clears dungeon
>Gets to treasure room
>Statted out cool magic sword for fighter
>Old rogue finds it, doesn't tell anyone else
>Bullshits about "artifacts always being trouble"
>Hasn't even identified it or anything
>Give in, will probably give the fighter weird vibes to find it later
>Next session
>Setting up for next cool encounter
>Rest of the party prepares gear, asks for information about terrain
>Old rogue says he's "going out casting"
>Party looks at him weird, he's not a caster
>Tells me he's taking sword and some other magical shit
>Whatever
>He fucking throws the sword in the ocean
>Fucking what
>Look over notes for session
>Boss is immune to non-magical weapons
>Fighter has no magical weapons
>MFW the rogue just made the front line fighter useless this session

You guys didn't know the DM. It revealed itself to be a talking sword next session that betrayed the party by screaming when we were sneaking through a bandit camp. It got the ranger killed. Thing belonged in the ocean.

Should players be fed "stories" on a platter, sir?

i would normally be that guy but in this case, but all the players where up front with what they wanted so the gm is probably an ass.

I'd hope not.

Most of the issues I see, can be resolved before the game ever starts, simply by the DM and players agreeing on a campaign.

Examples
"We'd like a combat heavy/light game"
"We want to buy a ship"
"We want to set up an adventurers training camp"
"We're not sure what kind of game we want, but we don't enjoy political intrigues"
"We love political intrigues, and hate dungeons"
"We like dungeons and hate any type of water based adventure"

Then, the DM can slap together a "plot", based on the players wants. It's not that difficult.

The wrong way to do it, is to write up 999 pages of info about what Duke Boring on eats, and how Baron Jiggiepuffs likes a finger in his dickhole on Saturdays. Then force that storyline off on a group that just wants to kill goblins.

I knew it was something about getting yall killed. Not exactly kill the king but it did fuck yall up. The GM fucked yall for not taking the risk.

>but all the players where up front with what they wanted
Some players literally don't know what they want in a game, in that case the DM has a lot of leeway.
But ya, when the players want a specific "theme", and the dm says "fuck that, I want you guys to see my magic tree, so we're doing this", that's when the DM should rethink things a bit.
It's a group game. Reaching a group concession about the game, isn't too difficult.

>I think he meant Cambions
He did not.

Did the token not lose it's magic?

so what did anyone blame the cleric or DM

i really hope you got your 15 gold back from the innkeeper because of the vermin

Well, I blamed the DM. Everyone else had been gaming with him a long time and just acted like it was a normal thing to happen. Most of the time they just all shot me down whenever I went contrary to what the DM clearly wanted. It was like some sort of weird railroad where the players were the ones to keep it on track.

Had a GM rape another player with an undead futa dick in an Exalted game.

Attempt to rape him with zombies in a WoD game

Rape everyone with a demon that visited our dreams later on in the same WoD game

I no longer play with this GM

>Had a GM rape another player
Did you call the police?

this, it's a good idea to tell your players what they're in for, because if you don't the next thing you know you have a barbarian in a mundane party, already making bone shivs and ready to fuck up in of that butler who wants the party to work for him

Oh my god, you're so clever and smart and handsome

wouldn't lawful good be exactly what they did? Putting the threatened party under protective custody and allowing the proper authorities to handle the drunkards?

Thanks

>been really missing ttrpgs
>go to the local game shop just to see if I can find something
>flyer advertising for game, in it they seem reluctant to try a stranger but they really feel they need another player
>I go through email correspondence with the GM, he tells me to come to the game next Saturday
>gonna meet at the shop even though they game at home because I'm a stranger
>show up pretty early, just the cashier and one guy looking over magic cards
>go be friendly and chat with them
>guy with magic cards is kind of rude, doesn't want to talk. Cashier is friendly
>cashier and I talk about 5e which was new at the time
>magic card guy says he plays, gonna game today actually
>realize he might be in my game but don't say anything yet because he was really rude and still might want to ditch if I need to
>starts complaining about the game he is in
>all the players are constantly killing each other, but they have extra lives so it's ok
>whenever they roll a 20 they get an extra life in game, it's set in a video game
>killing each other is the whole point of the game actually, the setting is that they are trapped in an arena run by a lich and every session they just fight each other in a gladiator match, whoever kills the others to the point they give up wins
>winner gets gold, booze, and wenches until the next match
>others tortured in great detail for a week
>sounds terrible but nothing like the game described to me in the email so I feel safe revealing I'm here for a game too
>literally the same game
>it was down to two players because everyone quit
>they wanted someone else as magic card guy was tired of always being the one killed
>he said they were gonna make me come in at level one. They're level seven
>turns out the GM was keeping it "secret" because otherwise I might not show
>I told him it didn't sound like it was for me and that I was gonna leave
>he doesn't want me to leave, was gonna use me for a ride home after
>leave anyways without ever meeting the GM

I also realized just now that other than the extra lives thing, it didn't even sound like it had anything to do with being in a video game

Played in an Adventure League game at FLGS

Roll up a noble born OOD warlock, made a pact with Old One because of decadent aristocracy reasons. Have three dudes, on to look after my dog, one to be my manservant, & one to be my herald. When outof town adventuring I wear a pointy hood with cloth tendrils that make me look like a klansman of ctnulhu. My wife makes a woof elf elements monk.
Lower level than the other players as they are several session into LMoP. Join the group as they are travelling. Encounter an ogre, seeing it way out in the distance & angry. The entire party of mostly martials/clerics are about to charge it, when i say that we should all just pull out our bows & shoot him as he comes into range. Wife throws some caltrops infront of the group as well. I sling insults at it to get its attention & by the time it pulls close to us its a pin cushion. Everyone is kind of weirded out because it was so simple. Im pretty sure that was the very first use of tactics they had ever experienced. Later learned just how crappy the DM was when we rescue some peasants from goblins or something & i tell the villagers to grab the goblins weapons & shields & follow us to safety

"Uh, no user, they are peasants, they arent going to grab weapons."

Explain that im not trying to ga,e the system & use them for cannon fodder, i just would want them armed in this situation because its normal to do so when your life is in danger & i just want to make sure they live.
"No, user, they arent going to do that"
Well i tell them to at least grab shields to protect themselves
"No user, they are peasants & arent going to do that either"

Okay fine let me escort this obviously cardboard cut out NPCs to the quest return zone so that i can get my xp & advance to the next generoc quest point. Maybe i can go & gather ten rusty buckets next.

The DM ran the game like a vidya, & the players played it like skyrim. Literally one of them was a dragonborn tempest cleric named Talos.

>he said they were gonna make me come in at level one. They're level seven
>turns out the GM was keeping it "secret" because otherwise I might not show
>I told him it didn't sound like it was for me and that I was gonna leave
>he doesn't want me to leave, was gonna use me for a ride home after

What gigantic assholes.

irl lol

i've been in the same boat thinking about hitting up the game store for D&D openings but now I'm not so sure.

I especially thought it weird he was gone ask me, a complete stranger for a ride home. I was 24 at the time and he looked about 15, but I couldn't be sure.

Don't let me story keep you from finding a game, I joined up with a random group in a similar way later and they were pretty great. Don't game with them anymore but did not regret meeting up with them

It's quite common amongst my group to disrobe once we start playing. My apartment gets to like 40 degrees celsius. Pretty much all of the players know ahead of time to wear comfortable, cool clothing underneath their real clothes in anticipation for my apartment.
Standard is just boxers for males, boy shorts and tank tops for females.

Eventually got in with another group at the FLGS. Play the same character since i didnt get to really RP my warlock much in the vidya vibes campaign. The DM was new & i helped him a lot with details & rulings. I never read the adventure we did but i always tried to goad the plot along where the DM wanted it to go, the DM might be a really good one someday. But man were the players so inexperienced in non-linear thinking. I was the most experienced player by a few years but still they were just so new to anything that wasnt "do the thing, get the reward". An example; Part of a quest had us rescue a dwarven merchant. We do so & my LE cultist tries to push him into giving us money/resources for saving him since he is a wealthy merchant. The rest of the LG, NG, & CG party jump on the band wagon... then the LG cleric of Life starts to bring up torture... I , a LE servant to a mad god, then have to convince them that the merchant can only give us so much right now but maybe he can owe us a "favor" later & OOC remind the dude that torture is definitely not LG & if he meant that. The DM thanked me after the session & i tried to take cues from him on how he wanted things to go after.

>user turns the heat up to 40C before every game

>40 degrees celsius
>doesnt give a measurement in freedom

>Outside the house we're attacked by two "Cambrians
Is he an oxford man, by any chance?

Eh, I'm more thinking, "He worked hard on his setting for a particular type of game, why not give it a try to see what well thought out, prepared, and passionate games are like instead of opting in for the literal baseline, over the counter DnD experience."

Not saying OP's DM did nothing wrong, just saying that the players started with the wrong thing.

To my friends of the south, it's 104. Apparently. I only know weight and length in freedom. Everything else I use surrender monkey measurements

Holy fuck user, open a window. How does Canada get that hot?

>104 degrees
>nothing more than some nerds playing around a table in user's apartment
Be honest, user. How many spontaneous orgies have erupted from your in depth erotic sessions?

It's really humid where I am. Also I'm in an apartment surrounded by old people/meth cooks who constantly run their heat, and because it's hot water heating, we fucking cook.

So far we've had an in game orgy while running reign of winter. And our one friend always encourages irl orgies because she's into the kink community and wants to see our game group being homos. It hasn't happened yet

How have you not? Nerd girls are my fetish. Even the chubby ones.
especially the chubby ones

Doesn't sound that bad. Sounds like Gygaxianboi was using the wrong system. Too many stupid fucking spells, dispel should just dispel magic.