Field Kit Inspection: Arbor Day Woes Edition

Here we are, gentlemen, Planet Nuecullus; A world covered in so much brush and forestry, that one would think it were Catachan itself. Were it not for the distinct lack of poisonous flora and fauna covered in giant teeth looking to devour you. Just mind the six foot tall Mosquitos, and the lakes of noxious slime, and both you and your equipment should be fine.

Lord General Montague, has dispatched our regiment to the planet's surface, in order to clear out a beachhead for settlers to reach the surface. Plain and simple orders, with no easy way for any of you to screw up.

And to make sure that each of you has been properly equipped with a can of Munitorum approved "Oversized Killer Bugger Spray", I am calling for a mandatory field kit inspection.

Without further ado, present arms and equipment for a Field Kit Inspection!

>Welcome to ''Field Kit Inspection", home of the 'Unknown Regiment". Feel free to join in! Remember though, we tend to use spoilers for OOC chat, while green-texts are typically used for describing a character's actions. D20s are for combat checks, while d100s are for other things you wish to roll, with higher typically being better.

Other urls found in this thread:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=NrI-UBIB8Jk
youtube.com/watch?v=0jut0-_tMN4
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

...

*Steve sounds*

>Michael would slowly walk out, clearly ragged and weary, looking as if he had not slept for days

Yes... very good Matthias.

Indeed...

Ah forest, my favourite place! Also that Bug Spray isn't as effective as you may think. Also Barrington present!

Jefferson present!...ummm colonel sir, do you have any pianos? Also can I not fight, I'm a musician not a fighter

>Michael would be about to release some massive outraged speech about the emperor, but decided he probably didn't have it in him right now

>The Colonel merely nods his head, as he passes by the Bullgyrn.

Very good, Steve...

I figured it wouldn't. But don't let the lads from the Munitorum hear you say that. It'll end badly for everyone involved.

Also, as we're short handed on squad commanders, I've seen fit to promote you to the rank of Sergeant, and I'm giving you command of fourth Company's third squad, Barrington.

The entirety of the squad are barely trained newbies. So I'm hoping your decades of experience might rub off on them, and keep atleast one of them alive long enough to make Corporal.

Dear Emperor, Micheal! What in the Terra's name HAPPENED to you!?

I'll do my best sir!
>Barrington gives a salute

Umm Michael, are you okay? You look like you were reading some forbitten tomes for days without stop

I'm going to guess you asked about why I look so tired because I can't actually hear what you are saying.

I have been mostly deaf since I fought the traitor marines.

I have not slept since that day, spending every waking hour trying to file a request form for a null rod. Over 3000 scribes have died.

What?
Speak up.

>Matthias would face palm out of frustrations.

Bloody hell! Now my regiment is outfitted with a deaf priest... What next, an assassin that can't hold her bowl movements? A tech-priest powered by urine? Or maybe we'll be given a slutty soroitas!? At least SHE could find the time to fire her weapon!
>He would release an audible sigh, before typing something into his Dataslate, and handing it to the man.

>"Very well, Micheal. I'll see what I can do when we get back to the ship."

What was that about a sororitas?

Don't zing it colonel. Also where can we get poor priest some device that'll improve his hearing?

DO YOU NEED ANY HELP!?

NO.
I AM FINE.

STOP SHOUTING!

I AM GOOD AT SHOUTING

As I told the priest, I'll see about looking into it.

In the meantime, keep your eyes open for trouble. I'd rather we not get caught up in a fire fight, if we can handle it.

>He would type once more into his Dataslate, before showing it to Micheal.

"Nothing for you to worry about, Micheal."

I KNOW!
STOP SHOUTING!

AND WHATS WITH THAT GIANT MOSQUITO BEHIND YOU?

Rolled 3 (1d20)

> steve whips around fast enough to give a man whiplash, he shoots the bug

Very good colonel.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>the insect would try and drink the bullgryns blood forcefully

Rolled 27 (1d100)

Of course colonel, I shall start recoinassance this very moment...and try the newbloods too
>Brrington begins to instruct his squad on searching for enemies

Rolled 6 (1d20)

Get OFF
> he attacks the insect

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>the insect would continue drinking the bullgryns blood

Rolled 17 (1d20)

Ow ow ow HELP
> He tries to hit it more

Rolled 19 (1d20)

What, oh goody...keep looking for enemies!
>Barrington draws his revolver and starts shooting at mosquito

>the insect would suddenly super die after drinking a large portion of the bullgrys blood

I feel tired
> he faceplants into the ground

Rolled 75 (1d100)

Well that's done...
>Barrington searches at his squad, who are slacking off
How is it searching!?
>They suddenly begin to search for enemies again

STAND UP MAN, NO TIME FOR SLEEPING!

I have blood loss, do you have blood I can use?
> he falls again

YOU WONT SUCK MY BLOOD VAMPIRE!

HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A HERETICAL THING?

Not your blood, but spare blood

>Grotesque begins to drag him to medicae
Let's hope they have some blood...or fruit

>a group of 4 mosquitos would be over in the distance

Thank...you person man

Rolled 1 (1d20)

Okay chaps, we have mosquitos coming in!
>Barrington would take a shot at them from his sniper rifle

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>the shot would go so badly it would attract another mosquito to the conflict
>the mosquitos would quickly fly over and begin sucking blood from him and his troops

Rolled 16, 4 = 20 (2d20)

Gah, get away
>Barrington would try to swathe them with his sabre
>His squad does the same but with knifes

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>one of the Mosquitos would go down, leaving 4.
>these 4 would try and drain the group of their blood

Rolled 8, 18 = 26 (2d20)

Ugh, blood, now I will have to wash my clothing
>Group would continue their brawl

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>After dragging and leaving Steve at medicae Jeff charges at the mosquitos with his bare fists

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>another bug would fall as the rest renewed their attack

Oh, why are they even this tall
>Squad continues to try to slash the mosquitos

Rolled 10 (1d20)

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>Matthias steadies his trigger finger as he takes aim at one of the abominable mosquitos, through his Hellgun's silver scope.
>Once he believed he had a clear line of sight, he would pull the trigger. Sending a burst of bright red, burning light, towards his target.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>the bugs continue attempting to drain blood from the squad

>a bug would suddenly fall down, dead

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Ah you fickle bastard!
>Barrington would attempt to stab the mosquito

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>the insects would turn to face the new attacker and suck him dry

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>Barrington attempts to shoot some in the back
G-go down you bastards

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>Letting the gun drop to the ground, Matthias pulls forth his powersword, and would attempt to swing it's gently humming blade, against the creature

Rolled 6 (1d20)

>two bugs are struck down in an impressive display of melee proficiency
>one would remain, attempting to kill Barrington and his men

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>Barrington charges to face him with his sabre

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>the bug would charge headfirst, attempting to drain his heart directly

Rolled 4 (1d20)

You are getting nothing more from me you oversized fly!

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>the insect would repeat its prior action, attempting to impale the man and drain his insides

...

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>Re-sheathing his sword, Matthias once more shoulders his Hellgun, and zooms in through the silver scope.
>Once he believed he had a good angle, he would pull the trigger. Sending forth a burning shot of bright crimson light.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

I knew I should've taken my medication
>Barrington makes another clash with his sabre

>the bug finally dies, its insides melted and sheared in two by the carefully placed shot

>the muscular elysian could be seen spraying the bug spray everywhere
Gods, I hate planets like this. Urban combat is 10 times better! Anyways, I got some faint electromagnetic pulses coming from 70 klicks east.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>he takes out his Accatran Mark IV lasgun, and fires a volley at the giant bugger

WHAT?

SPEAK UP MAN!

Yes, that. It is undeniably a...
>he toys around with his detector
an Imperial Aguile-7 Distress Pattern. I suggest an expedition to that site.

Whew, thanks colonel, could've taken him myself though, heheheh
I'll be right back soon, keep practicing shot cadets!
>Barrington takes some pills

WHAT?

SPEAK UP!

I CANT HEAR YOU!

Rolled 68 (1d100)

ooc: forgot to roll

>there would definitely be... something...
>you would have no idea what it was from here however

Well then... Gentlemen, it appears that our coordinates have been set. I suggest an expedition towards that target, we should bring in a strong force just in case.

Okay, let's do that

WHAT?

SPEAK UP!

I agree!
>he turns on his Hearing Aids
There. That should fix it, Michael.

WHAT?
SPEAK UP!

DONT BE SO QUIET!

>Deep inside the ever growing forests. Past the noxious bubbling swamp lakes of Ree-Lune, and past the disease ridden clouds of Mung Flies that surround the Wuijuo Marsh (70 klicks away), would stand a village...
>It's inhabitants would be collected at the village center. Collected around a moss and bug nest encased statue. Many would be beating their hands upon drums, as many others dance, and sing in a ritualistic fasion.
>Video link below, is basically what's being played by the villagers
m.youtube.com/watch?v=NrI-UBIB8Jk
>As a chorus in the background.
>"OGGA CHACKA, OGGA OGGA OGGA CHACKA! OGGA OGGA OGGA OGAA OGGA CHACKA! OGGA OGGA OGAA CHACKA!"
>"AH CANT STOP THIS FEELING~! DEEP INSIDE OF ME~!"
>"OGGA CHACKA, OGGA OGGA OGGA CHACKA! OGGA OGGA OGGA OGAA OGGA CHACKA! OGGA OGGA OGAA CHACKA!"
>"SLANESSH YOU JUST DONT REALISE, WHAT NURGLE DOES TO ME!"
>"OGGA CHACKA, OGGA OGGA OGGA CHACKA! OGGA OGGA OGGA OGAA OGGA CHACKA! OGGA OGGA OGAA CHACKA!"
>"WHEN NURGLE HOLDS ME. IN HIS ARMS SO TIGHT. HE LETS ME KNOW. EVERYTHING'S ALRIGHT!"
>"OGGA CHACKA, OGGA OGGA OGGA CHACKA! OGGA OGGA OGGA OGAA OGGA CHACKA! OGGA OGGA OGAA CHACKA!"
>"AAAAAAAYAAAAAAYEEEAAAAAH! WHAT AM I FEELING! IM HIGH OFF THIS FEELING! OF NURGLES ROT IN ME~!"
>At this point, dark spots would begin to form upon the edges of the statues eyes, which would quickly form into tears of bile and filth. Dark clouds of green vapour forming where the droplets begin to form upon the ground below it.
>"BILE SWEET AS CANDY~ ITS TASTE IS ON OUR MINDS!"
>At this point, the skin of the vast majority of the villagers, would begin to form massive clots of pus and rot away where such pus bubbles refuse to form.
>The villagers however, would continue their ritual, even as the air grows sickly green....
>"NURGLE YOU'VE GOT ME SO THIRSTY~ FOR ANOTHER CUP OF PUS~"

>At this point, hideous laughter can be heard, as the camera quickly zooms away from the scene, and back towards the regiment....

ANYWAY, LETS CONTINUE OUR MISSION!

CLEAR THE BEACHHEAD!

CHARGE MEN!

>the sergeant emerges from his tent, sans coat and stretching, his flak jacket over his scarred chest
T-Tell ya what, they play some *cough* funny songs on the radio r-round here.

>Beep Beep

>Matthias would sigh, as Micheal just charged himself into a pond of slime...

Are you SURE you don't want that promotion?
>His eyes almost have a pleading look to them.

Also, there shouldn't be any radio signal's on this world... The population should be feral...

were getting clear signal sir...
here, listen...
youtube.com/watch?v=0jut0-_tMN4

>the man exits a tent, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and short shorts
I heard beach

... I'm surround by idiots....

>He simply points towards the massive half dead trees all around them, as well as the slime filled lakes and ponds.
>He would then point to the six dead giant mosquitos lying on the ground.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>Michael would be rapidly swatting at the slime with his chainsword, apparently thinking this was what he was supposed to be doing

>he grimaces
Ehh... I dunno, sir. Still *wheeze* chewin' it over.

>his face drops suddenly
Wait, feral? Shit. I knew somethin' was fucky with *cough* that s-signal. We should g-get movin'.

OH SHIT AM I LATE??
>Ricky stumbles out of his sleeping quarters, flak vest dangling half-closed

>As he swings his Eviserator into the slime pond. It would quickly begin getting jammed full of slime, rotting vegetation, and other assorted swamp goodies.
>A few seconds after the engine went out, he would see something bubble up to the surface.
>Is that... Oh God! That's a severed, bloated human head! And an arm! And half a torso! THRONE ABOVE!

WHAT IS THAT DREADFUL RACKET?

YES YOU FUCK!
GET ON!!!
>the squad is loading into the bus, while the hw team sets up on top.

HEY MATTHIAS!

I FOUND A DEAD BODY!

DO YOU WANT TO FLIP A THRONE TO SEE IF ITS A HERETIC?

>Matthias nods his head.
Agreed. Whatever you're picking up on, it shouldn't be here... See if you can't pinpoint it's source.
>He pats the NCO on the shoulder with a smile.

Good work.

Not at all, Private! We're just preparing to move out.

Lets poke it with a stick

Son of a bitch! Let me get my Las, just a second
>he turns around and quickly rifles through the tent
>returns with a backpack dripping with probably booze
Ready for action!
>adjust helmet, board bus

>Michael would poke it with his jammed eviscerator

What are you talking abo-...
>Matthias sighs, as he remembers that Micheal is 95% deaf.

Emperor above, please help me...

Hmmm try giving it a good whack

>Sgt Bustinut
Trooper, where is the rest of your squad?

Uhh... dead? That or hungover. Do not remember sir

Hello colonel, sorry I'm late, was teaching younglings how to navigate the woods!...lost only one to a slimepond, they are definetly carnivarous