Good day and welcome to Veeky Forums, the board where everything's made up and the experience points don't matter, that's right! The experience is pointless because we only get participation awards these days...
Today we'll be playing a game called Scenes from a Hat: Veeky Forums Edition! We carefully collected and randomized suggestions from fellow elegan/tg/entlemen them in this hat.
What the wizard is actually thinking.
>Look at all these non-caster plebs.
>The fighter is so loud.
>The bard's fucking is so noisy again.
>Can't concentrate on writing my spells
>I hate this party.
>I wish I was in my tower right now...
I just wanted to make a communist government that wouldnt lead to starvation
Forgot
>my feet hurt
Inappropriate uses of Paladin class features.
>That's NOT what laying on hands is
>Trust me when I use my lay on hands I must touch you there miss.
Not allowed to shut down the brothel by smiting evil with your cock.
LOOK AT ALL THIS SIN, IM GONNA NEED A LOT MORE SMITE EVILS, TIME TO CALL IN BACK UP (im a fan of buddy cop paladins)
"Detect Thot" is not an ability you have.
Failed drafts to the BBEG's monologue.
AND I GARLAND SHALL KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN
ayy bb u wan sum fuk?
"You foolish fools!"
The lich's secret hobby.
Training a dance troupe to recreate thriller for every visitor
"An thou hast browned thy diced unicorn, and the chopped onions art just beginning to caramelise"
pic related
SO FOOLISH ADVENTURERS, YOU HAVE ARRIVED. BEFORE ASCENDING TO MY LAIR AND DOING BATTLE, YOU WILL NOTICE A CAKE ON THE TABLE.
YES, I, NETHISMET THE WICKED, HAVE PREPARED THE FINEST OF CAKES, UTILIZING ALL I HAVE LEARNED IN MY THOUSAND YEARS OF UNLIFE. IT A CAKE THAT HAS NO EQUAL, AND WILL NEVER AGAIN.
ENJOY IT, FOR IT IS THE LAST CAKE YOU WILL EVER ENJOY, HAHAHAHA.
Drinking wine in front of adventurers and pretending not to know the wine is all over the floor.
After the first 500 years, immortality got boring so he enjoys a few gags before he murders the party.
Necromatic Xylophone Construction
Killing his most trusted henchmen because they fucked up a single time.
Unconventional tavern names.
The Reliable Cliche
Twelve Shadowy Corners
The Soggy Twat
The Khum Reit Inn
Playing match maker for adventuring parties
Being the party's bard
The Round Cornerclub
Ye Olde Trivago.com Flophouse
Not a Tavern
Now playing at a theater in Grayhawk near you.
The Calling of the Knight
Bolgri and the long day of squashing.
If the party's tragic backstories included product placement.
The Knight and the Succubus
The party was traumatized by Pathfinder.
Cast Rolling of Eyes. Natural 20.
...
And my life would have been normal, had my village not come under attack by a vicious Manticore™, obtained at Monster Manuel's Monster Emporium©.
Curse you Monster Manuel, with your wide selection of vicious monsters for any occasion, your convenient location at the edge of the Blasted Lands™, and your low low prices with no interest rates, and your money back guarantees!
...
Embarrassing pet names for the party barbarian.
Sicc em Mr Fluffikens
Mr. Screamykill
Missy.
Gary
Onan
Darkchild
The Save Pint
"And this big fella here we call Baby Dick—betcha don't have to stare at his loincloth to guess why."
That Guy is at it again.
Beware Kathulaxe the chewer of words
'St-st-stop it g-guys. D-do-ddo it again and I'm lea-lea-leave....I'll go!
>I set it on fire
>I roll to attack the King
"This is bullshit! I rolled a 20, how come he's still alive!?"
I urinate on the floor of the throne room.
>Hey I'm close to leveling up, can I just go and kill several people to get that experience?
What do you mean katanas don't get bonus damage?
What's their anal circumference
>That Guy is at it again.
>I wake up in the middle of the night and steal John's gold cause I'm a rogue.
>Alright, a pillar is falling towards you
>Roll Wisdom to see if you know to dodge the pillar
>[This thought is protected by Mind Blank.]
>"No, Dan, you can't use detect evil to see who took the last mountain dew from the fridge."
>"...and if all else fails you know what they say - if you can't beat em, join em!"
>disguise himself as a living human, adventures as a bard with low level heroes, is the "life" of the party heh heh.
>the sloppy wetness
>Good Paladin, Bad Blackguard
>"And when the orcs came, I tried calling for help, but only misfortune came to me on the at&t network that day, that is why I have switched my patron cellphone carrier to Verizon."
>Conan the Cybersexer
>paladin detects an NPC is evil, but isn't actively doing anything bad
>rogue guts him instantly
>"What? He was evil. How much xp do we get for the plot?"