The local noblewoman decides to cut the middleman and kidnap your character for a lovely night

Unrelated question: did noblewomen in Europe use that much make-up/eye-liner/eye-shadow during the middle ages?

I try to carefully explain that while the society can probably withstand the shock of a human-dwarf marriage, human-dwarf lesbian marriage is just a step too far.

As a loyal servant of the Omnissiah, he's prepared to consider any non-heretekal means of increasing the influence of the Cult Mechanicus. Just give him a few minutes to attach the appropriate cybernetics...

Escape, duh

>What do you do?
Remind her that kidnapping is wrong and unnecessary before spending the evening fucking a child into her.
>Bonus question: She wants to marry your character.
Agree, as long as I can continue improving my fortunes through adventuring.
Then I continue fucking a child into her.

She just wants pure love mixed with the lewdness of an Elf user, you can't blame her for that.

W-what

>Yen
>Play gwent
Yen doesn't do anything fun. There's why you should fuck the red heads

>she wants to marry a war robot
Politely ask what the fuck is wrong with her and attempt to leave. If she persists, her and/or her guards get shown the door.

By which I mean the dragonbone-reinforced door my character uses for a shield/makeshift bludgeoning weapon. Quite forcefully.

She wants to bone.

by local do you mean abyssal because that's where we are at the moment

Gamewise, Triss was just too young for Geralt. I don't mean pure age, I meant in life experience. He's getting ready to settle down at his vineyard and her career is just ramping up in !Norway.

My character tries to argue politely that she doesn't swing that way, is much older than her, technically dead and already happily married anyway. If the lady still can't be reasoned with, she's getting poisoned and raised as a ghoul so as not to arouse suspicions too fast. But she was already crazy to begin with if she wanted to marry a lich, so I suppose the people wouldn't notice too fast.

yen best girl

>fancy lady wants orking
>ork fancy lady good
>fancy lady no want let me leave
>ork fancy lady harder
>fancy lady sleep now
>need leave to friends now
>guards won't let leave yet
>ork fancy lady in front of them
>they no like
>WAAAAAAAAAAAGH
>oh no
>blood everywhere
>need go
>why fancy lady want ork while covered in blood
>must jump window
>broke arm in fall
>forgot armor
>guards don't like me saying sorry
>i thought saying sorry was supposed to help
>keep running
>orksorrywebannefromtownagain.jpg

That's new. It's usually the other way around.

Lady, I am His Wrath made manifest, please unhand me.

>Such pheromone-driven human responses never cease to decrease the charge in my capacitors and make me wish I could press a blaster pistol to my behavior core and pull the trigger

you are the test subject to a new breed of hyperweapon

Yes

Marry, poison, leave/get money.

Being an assassin is e z

>Be a commoner cook/not magical surgeon/healer

Is this legal? Won't nobles look down on her?

I enjoy a pleasant dinner with her and then I start figuring out the ins and outs of her country's marriage and succession laws so I can ensure that I achieve a higher station than her and can gradually influence the courtiers of other counts/earls nearby to support my claim to the duchy.

Crusader Kings is a hell of a drug.

Very little, he's a lizardman and mating season just ended.

Like, he could try, but unless she knows how to induce heat, the best he can do is make her a gourmet meal.

this

What kind of noblewoman would find herself attracted to a half elf female witch hunter that by all respects resembles a cocaine addict?

>Aggressive older lesbian with money and social status

I'm 100% okay with this. I hope my new wife lets me raid and pillage her rivals, or at least challenge them to duels.

Triss is a backstabbing petulant cunt.

>the local noblewoman wants the horribly disfigured feral world grotesquely muscle bound mutant whose only form of social skill is intimidate

He's down with it.

>How old is she?

Bang her, steal her shit and gtfo.

>Character is a Changeling Gravewalker-witch with a death fetish-doll familiar.
Calmly and politely explain that I'm pretty sure most people would avoid blatantly marrying a necromancer

This is for you

Gentleman doesn't ask such a questions.
She wouldn't mind if you call her mom though.

Are we talking 2000's street-crazy or Freud high society cocaine addict?

It varied from region to region and time to time. Everything from "Zero makeup" to "Literally hiring a professional painter to literally paint a different face over yours."

Damn the witcher was just waifu bait everywhere. Shit wasn't fair.
I was firmly on team yen untill I cucked her the first time. "I guess you got your wish." Diamonds.
Then you pick the fight with her over throwing the bed out the window and she comes off as petulant because she's still in love with Geralt. I can only fap so hard.

you are a bad person and deserve bad end

>flamboyantly homosexual anthro fox thief
GM thinks it's his magical realm versus mine, but it's actually his badly made NPCs versus my ability to steal everything and abscond.

Something along these lines.

Officially, witch hunters within the setting are not too dissimilar from Witchers, in that they've been subject to dangerous alchemical experiments. The end result is an IC explanation for higher-than-average ability scores (compared to a normal civilian) but ultimately ravages their physical appearance.

WTF does "thot" even mean?

Them/those hos over/out there.

That
Ho
Over
There

Nobles are degenerate like this

SWIPER NO SWIPPING!!!

Wow, this explains a lot. Thanks fellow anons.

Fuck.

Orcish for undesirable whore

You could have saved a lot of time if you just asked

I guess, he would agree, as long as she isn't into some weird shit, on that point, he is rather shy, but to be fair, since the last time he got laid, he woke up in a Cult that wanted to bring the End Times, not without suspicion. Marrying would be far more complicated, since he is the son of a high noble. To be fair, in his own homecountry, they guys are bit more shilled about love marriage than in other places, but it could still be problem. Also, she would get into rivalvry with a overprotective bodyguard maid wielding a giant flail and a young werewolf that he has some gay vibes with, but this is more a running gag between me and the player of the character.

This is now canon in my setting, thank you user.

There is a lot of thirst in that image.

youtube.com/watch?v=q8pN8kroNUI

I certainly wouldn't say no to Anna Henrietta

>i wish vesemir was here
Me too, man. Me too

>That's new

Get with the times old man, asking that is totally not lit.

>Personality center activation. Sub-awareness logs indicate 1,217 years have passed from previous activation.

>Repair systems report internal reaction mass exhausted 899 years prior, solar collection mesh spread across 3.4 acres. Efficiency reduced 19% by presence of local plant growth.Repairs from internal and locally available resources have restored 28.7% combat functionally.

>Reason for activation determined: human speaking to right optical cluster and claimed ownership of unit.

>Human female approximately 1.52 meters in velvet dress. 25% probability the dress is a decedent of Concordant Officer's dress uniform (female variant 2). She is standing in rain.

>Adjust VLS hatch seventeen to 46 degrees to provide rain shelter. Human female is attempting to give commands. Stated command: To provide a social escort for the night.

>Heuristics suggest 89% chance this mission will result in no combat. Human female shows no sign of leavening without a response. Additional data: Human female claims responsibility for the light organic ropes tied across this unit.

>Hyper-heuristic mode engaged for 2.75 seconds, an very, very long time to consider a choice. Decision reached. Personnel hatch four open, ramp extended.

"BOLO 31/B-0095-DVE 'DAVID' OF THE DIACHROME BRIGADE ONLINE. WELCOME COMMANDER. PLEASE EXCUSE THE DUST"

...

"MARRIAGE PROPOSAL ACCEPTED"

Ask the one question any self respecting dwarf would ask

>IS THERE BOOZE INVOLVED?

>Kidnapping a pious mercenary of the god of senseless destruction

This... ain't gunna end well.

How the minty-fresh FUCK did she even notice him?
No, seriously. He sacrificed the ENTIRE. UNIVERSE knowing he EXISTS in a pact with an incredibly powerful dragon.
The GM better have some damn good reason for this bullshit, and I won't accept "lolshe'sasecretJurgandagent".
But assuming the impossible has somehow happened, she's probably still not noticed his yandere fairy familiar who has a habit of disappearing those who so much as slightly hinder my character, usually with him finding this out after the fact.
This is going to end badly. Pic related, it's how the fairy familiar do.

>Welcome to the BONE ZONE

My fat manticore riding hobbit would happily indulge the woman, and marry her.

He undresses with a vacant expression and remains standing and motionless while the french-speaking awakened giant centipede living in his abdominal cavity services her ladyship.

>She wants the fist

>COME AND FIST ME ROGAL

my bard is the 19th in a series of lorekeeper bards to take this specific title and mask and can't have intimate relationships at the risk of not training an apprentice before retiring.

Part of the job is maintaining the appearance of being the same person as the former owner of the title and mask so that the title itself is a legend.

tl;dr CG bard with a TN life quest that would be overcomplicated by intimacy

This is why you don't play a charisma orc

The kidnapping for duplicitous and often sexual means? That happens probably once a week. Perks of having 6 INT, a trusting disposition, and abs for days.

The marriage on the other hand might be a problem, considering he's technically the crown princess of a castle he's never been to, and also a kobold mafia heir. Convincing the royal family that this isn't some kind of diabolic plot by the rest of the party might be a problem.

Kidnap my character?
Is she trying to commit suicide?

>not kidnapping drow thief ladies

Kidnapping drow/orc chicks would be my favorite hobby if I were a nobleman in whatever fantasy setting we are talking about.

I'd rather be kidnapped by them

Sounds like niggerspeak to me

Probably because it is

And yet I only ever hear it here

Because it became a meme and white people started using it so they probably had to come up with something else.

Anna wasn't even the best girl in her own damn dlc. It's fucking ridiculous

Underrated.

because only ghetto niggers speak it as well as white trash/wanna be gangster

best response.

Oh yeah! European noblewomen used to overkill on the makeup. Fake moles, excessive blush, and bright red lipstick (this varied from place to place as lipstick was synonymous with being a harlot or a prostitute in some countries). Eye shadow wasn't really a thing yet but covering your entire face in white face powder was. Best part was this powder was usually lead based and cause rashes to appear on the skin. And so they'd put more on to cover up the rashes and then oops they're dead from lead poisoning.

"Fucking nobles"

This actually raises a question. Are the Iron Fists one of the chapters that allows their marines to have families back home or are they one of the chapters with asexual human killing machines in their ranks?

Aaaaaaaaaand we have found my magical realm!

Consider it stolen.

They post among us.

Wait, who is in your opinion? Because every other choice seems like shit. And don't say Regis.

>/ss/

>Implying Regis isn't best girl
>Orianna
>Syanna
>Vivienne

As a nigger from Compton, only dudes in open say this and only because they have no idea what else to do.

My guy would have a lot of explaining to do...

He's in a committed relationship with an overbearing women who gets mad anytime he talks with a women outside of the party. No it's not a PC, it's an NPC.

He loves her despite this and is trying to make her more trusting