So user, tell me why you hate elves

I envy them. Eternally beautiful in an effeminate or androgynous way , live forever or for hundreds of years, artsy, typically wise or intelligent, sometimes charming. It's everything I could ask for, and nothing I have.

I'll never get the fuck them as they aren't real

Shitty reddit post

Let me explain it in these terms:
Imagine every nation as a house in a community. Now, every community has their own rules and such for staying in said community, but each house also has their own set of rules. They also have their own way of doing things and how they treat their neighbors. This is what most house are like. Some people like to have their houses even built different ways. Some people like to have houses made of stone and brick while some might like to have their home made of heavy wood and timbers. Still others might actually live in houses that are underground or have a trailer instead of a house so they can go walk-about when they feel the wanderlust take them.

Now lets look at how most races stand up to this.
Dwarves like to have a house that is steady, stable, and has a lot of basement room. "built upon the rockmass" is one way to sum it up. Usually, this house is going to be made of hard stone or granite, and is pretty inflexible when they want to change or add on to their house. They mostly are hard workers in this house and their house rules make sure that as long as you play nice with them, they'll play nice with you.

Orcs on the other hand are the dangerous rednecks of the neighborhood. Their house is somewhat ramshackle and slapped together over a central component. Usually a family room or living room of some sort. Their grass is overgrown, there's always a BBQ going, and if you start a fight with them, expect to see improvised explosives and large caliber guns of one variety or another. They usually complain about someone spying on them, but as long as you get along with them, they can be... interesting.

1/2

So why do I hate elves you ask after I explained all of this to you?
Because elves are the asshole, snippy, high-and-mighty, bitchy rich white people of the neighborhood. While they live in a beautiful house that is practically immaculate and has all the latest and fashionable things in it, don't you ever DARE step foot into their house if you don't measure up to their standards. Which of course, no one does. They wouldn't lift a damn finger to help someone and if they ever do, its for their own benefit. They will try to lord over everyone just how perfect their lives are and just how much better they are than everyone which is why they should be the leader of the neighborhood committee. If they do, they will try to control how everyone lives their own life and how the grass needs to be 3.3 centimeters Brenda, NOT 3.4!
That, friend, is why I hate elves.

2/2

Fuck off with this unfunny Big Bang theory tumblr shit

t. Maladriel Galadrieth, Hand-Signer of the Ellethelethelwood

because you keep making shitty threads about them

>Implying the orcs aren't the niggers

I dont hate Elves, I do however hate Elve Fanbois & FanGirlz.

There are themes to the Elves that make them great and viable. Rapidly declining culture that once had cultural dominance that is decaying because of their own hubris and apathy. Instead of fighting it they retreated from the world, accepting their decline with a melancholy and longing for ideals that are central to their cultures. Ideals that ironically are the very thing which is preventing them from adapting to an ever changing world.

Now whether they do this by trying to embrace nature (wood elves), or Retreating to a place to try to preserve and recreate the Old Elven ways (High Elves) or fully embrace the destruction and collapse (Drow) the simple truth and theme is that they are a people out of time, too proud and arrogant to change and too accepting of the end they have brought on themselves. This theme can make for some awesome character on roleplay.

However most Fanbois & Fangirlz turn Elves into Mary Sues, progressive, beautiful ubermensch who's long life and culture make them naturally better at everything but not in a way which results in character flaws. It becomes a cringey attempt at roleplaying the perfect ideal and often ends up with the person playing the character, or author, hamfisting their ideals of utopia (usually progressive, libertine ans socialist) to marry it to a "perfect race/society" in order to ignore the flaws of such philosophies whilst unsubtly suggesting that these ideas are the best/perfect.

Elves played by the 1st paragraph I love, as it gives grounding and character to them. Elves in the 2nd I loath because the ideal wankery for Marysue enthusiasts.

This is the line of thinking that leads someone to wonder how there can be 50+ thinking species in a setting. Why haven't they killed each other off? You could make a pretty interesting setting by assuming that the players are in the middle of an apocalyptic free for all that will end with only one race standing, but it's taking generations to play out so they only see pieces of it.

That's pretty much what the Lord of the Rings is, after all.

Your shits all fucked and dumb, but the metaphor holds up:

>Elves are yuppie WASP's
>Orcs are rednecks and nogs
>Dwarves are DIY's with brick houses
>Halflings are apartment dwellers
>Humans are the faceless chaff that's everywhere
>kobolds, goblins, gnomes etc are the tiny maze like ethnic communities with great grocery stores but possibly high crime and they stare at anyone whose not their kind coming in

Because they're a bunch of knife-eared tree-fucking FAGGOTS.

There's really no significant difference between ghetto trash, trailer trash, and rez trash. The former happens to release one decent musician out of ten shitty ones, maybe.

>niggerbop
>"decent music"

Orcs > Halflings > Gnomes > Tieflings > Elves >>>>> Humans > Dragonborn > Dwarves

I hate those racist, intolerant bastards. Elven supremacy is disgusting and the genocidal ways of the knife ears must be stopped. Preferably by torching their precious forests to the ground.
They claim to be the most civilized race, and are yet start the most wars attacking nations far from their homeland often claiming they are defending themselves from their far weaker enemies.

If anything I like Elves.

I like how hating D&D races is basically a way to be racist toward real life races without anyone getting mad

We all know who you mean when you say Orcs and Elves

Compared to trailerbop or the sad individuals who think they can make a name for themselves by bieng "Native" musicians?

Yeah, decent music. At least some niggers know how to make their lyrics flow pleasantly, even if I don't agree with their worldview or experiences. Big is sex to my ears, even if he was a piece-of-shit as a person.

>We all know who you mean when you say Orcs and Elves
You're projecting.

pretty much the second part of this.

You know I'm right though

>pale blonde haired race that has declining birth rates and formerly had large empires is characteristically racist

I mean come on man.

>Yeah, decent music. At least some niggers know how to make their lyrics flow pleasantly, even if I don't agree with their worldview or experiences.
>"flow pleasantly"
Monotone prose set to overly simple beats is not "music", it's lazy pseudo-chanting.

Because they are snooty and uptight. There are two ways that they can go from there: Either they are completely perfect and can back it up (in which case it's unfair and everyone is jealous) or they can't back it up (in which case they are hypocrites),
That's why I hate elves.
Now why do I love elves? Because they have problems and they usually get what's coming to them. Dwarves get greedy and pay for it, Orcs get overly violent and pay for it, Elves get snooty and pay for it. Everything works out. It's only by being numerous and bland that humans survive.

Because elves don't like rap music

>Monotone prose
Prose doesn't rhyme, you dumdum. The laziest rap can be easily described as unconnected doublets, and I'm not even getting into multisyllabic rhyming.

My guess is that Andre Young has taken and passed more English classes than you have.

Ignoring the fact that most niggerbop isn't even written by the rappers, I'm going to concede that I used the wrong word in using prose.
what I meant to imply is that niggerbop is low-tier trash """poetry""" without a single ounce of musical quality to its lyrics (hence the "monotone"), and the beats are the kind of thing you'd have elementary students play on pots and pans in order to introduce them to musical theory.
It's a literally childish genre, and the greatest and most complex examples of it are equivalent to what you'd learn in junior, maybe senior high school English.
There is nothing redeeming about it save for a primal fascination with the modern equivalent of spooky junglemen banging their drums and intoning tribal chants.

How did we get to this point when starting from a thread about Elves?

It just happens from time to time.

Every dwarf knows that trees are evil. That's just a fact. But do you know what lives in trees? Elves.

Q.E.D.

Halflings>humans>elves>>>>>>dwarves>gnomes

Dwarves are too friendly to hate, Orcs are too obvious and the others don't matter.

They all look like twilight effeminate douchebags.

It was a matter of time

Hey, nobody is quoting Hans Landa and instinctual revulsion yet. That's a plus.

People are known for self-loathing

This should be a banner

>Dwarves are too friendly
I have no idea what setting you are talking about.

I usually don't, but I think it's funny if people think I do.
I do dislike when someone does elves, decides to make them arrogant hippy dickwads, and leaves it at that.

Veeky Forums told me to

>That day when the kobold deli owner finally smiles when you walk in

They are the most overdone fantasy race, but that might be okay were it not that they are the most frequently poorly executed one at that.

Because true misanthrope doesn't limit themselves to their own species.

The only race I feel superior to the elves are the gnomes. Gnomes take the best traits of all the core races. They have the hardiness and craftmanship of the dwarves, the small stature and comfy homes of the halflings, the long lives and magic of the elves.

Wrong

Tee Hee Macaroni exists and disproves all you've said by merely existing.

Who

Not so much elves as the players and authors behind the elf.

So he who controls the elves.... controls the white chicks

Don't engage the pasta poster.

Okay, I will concede that they also take the worst traits from all the core races. I just wanted to point out how they're like the unholy-crossbreeding of many disparate races.

The world would be better without them.

They are the whitest fantasy race.

This is the line of thinking that leads to wonder how there can be 50+ nations in a setting. Why haven't they killed each other off?

God damnit this is the same thread from before with the same stock actor. What the fuck

Big genocidal wars are expensive, time consuming and can quickly enter MAD territory when wizards are involved