Screener Questions for New Players

>'What's your favourite band and why?'

All my best friends have shit taste in music though.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

What is the air speed velocity of an unlaiden swallow?

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

>Do you like D&D?

>do you post on Veeky Forums?

This.

This might seem baffling at first, but we have gotten both theoretically concluded and empirically proven answer since.

Why can I only ask one question? I'm the GM, I am a special rarity and you are just a thronging mass of player scum. I can replace you instantly and you will be doomed to scrabble thru the internet wastelands looking for another game to join.
You're lucky I don't ask for a credit check and a patreon sub from you.

Details?

>what's your favorite rick and morty character?

It's Rick, but I don't see him as an epic meme man I strive to be or anything like that. Do I still get the boot?

Y'know in the early 2000s I figured MPATHG would die out in nerd culture because it was so over done and nerds just keep vomiting lines from it as if it's hot shit. Some how it's managed to stick around despite being run into the ground as hard as nerds could ram it. Is it the lolrandumb XD of it? is it the "muh first british comedy" of it? I dont know. I just hope it fades from nerd culture eventually, and Rocky Horror shortly there after.

>How long do games last that you are a part of?
If they say they have been part of a game that regularly met for at least a year then you should give them a shot.
If they say they have played a bunch of smaller games, that shows that they either have a hard time remaining in a group or lose interest quickly. The one exception to this rule is if they specifically say the games where one shots. In which case that is fine

Ooh, that's a good one. Are you well-versed enough in modern nerd culture not to take the game too seriously, but also not a raging faggot?

I think the safest answer is Summer.

That or bird-person.

>Why don't you have friends?

Disagree.
Tammy, hands down. Career-driven woman that knows what the fuck she wants and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty to obtain it. LE best characters.

Exactly the type of faggot I'd never play under.

You'll die before it does.

What do you Roleplay?

I would ask this one as well, if they gave any answer besides "I don't watch Rick and Morty" that's a fail.

Good job grabbing the low-hanging fruit, you low-hanging fruit.

Sorry, I don't watch cartoons.

Sorry for not liking your favourite cartoon. Everything will be ok.

>what's your favorite race?
Anything except human elf dwarf hobbit and gnome get you the ace
>favorite class
As long as it's not warlock, sorcerer, or druid you can stay
>how did you find out about d&d
I use this to hedge out certain kinds of players.
>are you a virgin
Virgins are banned from playing in my campaigns. Women are also usually not allowed to play but I have had a couple exceptions, who are still part of my core RPG group. Being black or Asian usually earns you some forgiveness, I have usually found them to actually be better than average roleplayers. Oh and anyone with a beard and glasses, a patron account or any kind of non- straight sexual interests is not allowed. I don't let that kind of SJW garbage into my games.

ask how would you play a chaotic neutral character. it tells alot about a person.

if random, deadpool, killing for no real reason, or obviously evil acts butitsfineimCN, thats an auto boot to the face. if a decent idea on their ideals like why they arnt particular to good or evil, and dont stick to the alignment chart stereotyping.

How's it going Virt? Shame about you losing your right to a tripcode.

whoops forgot to finish.

its good when a person at least has a reason to why their character acts the way they do. even if its for a simple reason, it just has to make sense to them. thats a good player.

>missing the point this badly
You're the guy who still holds up his hand when somebody tells you "a palm bigger than your face means you have cancer", aren't you?

I'm sorry about your unhappy life, if I say that you're right will it improve your day? I'm willing to do that for you buddy.

Oh come on user, it's just a jump to the left.

>Being black or Asian usually earns you some forgiveness

Nice diversity quotas you fucking cuck

>Have you ever posted on Veeky Forums?
If they have, I call the police and say they're a black person trying to break into my house.

What's the next step after that?

Do you Catan?

>like Slipknot and Slayer
>always play a paladin that puts good before lawful in one way or another
I suppose that makes me qualify for both of those

>How susceptible are you to getting trapped in Wikipedia?
If they've never accidentally read the entire page on the Human species, they're probably going to be bored out of their minds.

I'm going to assume you don't already have a game in mind, because if you did, just ask them for their character pitch like suggests, and as is the norm.

Next best would be
>"What is your favorite character you've ever played like?"
Similar amount of data about what sorts of characters they play, with added bonus data about what they look for in a game and what roles they might be interested in.

>What are your opinions on the 4th edition of Dungeons & Dragons?
If they sperg out about how horrible it was, they get the boot. I don't even like 4e all that much, but it's easier to spot problem players when they go on a ten minute long diatribe about how it's literal feces in book form.

>Here's the concept of my new campaign, you feel like playing?
What else is there to ask? When did my hobby turn into a job interview?

>you can only ask one question to screen out all the people you don't want to play with.

"Can you tell me about your character?"

Then let them talk for a a few minutes. Most people who are annoying or objectionable can't stop themselves from being that way, and usually don't even know to try. Give them an open question and some quiet nodding, and you can usually tell in a couple minutes if a person is outside the norm in terms of intelligence, obnoxiousness, or appropriate social behavior.

>Do you play for yourself or the team in terms of GNS?

So so many people that I've hated to GM for and play with have never understood what teamwork actually means.

>The rogue that rolled broken stats that ordered everyone around so that he could do what he wanted.
>The warlock who was so focused on his interpretation of the word "Warlock" to listen to the advice of the GM
>The GM that focuses exclusively on one PC character-arcs for an entire campaign.

Fucking end me.

>would actually ask someone "are you a virgin"
This is how you get kicked from my campaign.

Then again, I have a beard and glasses, so it sounds like we wouldn't get along anyways.

My answer to that is EZ. "Pay my debts in coin, my blood debts in favors, and do everything I can to get the community and realm to like me.

Because eventually I'm gonna be on the end of a rope for starting some shit and if community outcry is loud enough, I can pay my debts in blood and coin."

>What do you want to play?

The answer should be long and elaborate so that I can fully understand what they want to play and if it aligns with what I would like to play. On the other side of the medal is

>I want to play a game of honorable samurai working in the service of their lord, living a daily life with their own hopes and aspirations, working toward them in order to reach their aspirations in the first place: would you like to play this?

>The warlock who was so focused on his interpretation of the word "Warlock" to listen to the advice of the GM

I would like a further explanation.

Suicide.

Would you kill another Player to get an advantage?

"Are you the kind of player I'd want to play with?"
>List all demands I might have for a player

Wow that sure was hard.

Well I wouldn't outright ask, but it's usually pretty obvious from a few minutes of conversation.

I don't watch Rick and Morty. Have you seen Steins;Gate?

Why does it even matter?

"Who's your favorite comic book character, or character from other fiction if you don't read comics, and why?"

Only failed me once, but that was because I made the terrible mistake of letting someone who answered, "Groot" not fully explain themselves.

Essentials:
>How old are you?
Anything below 18 is right out.
>How much do you play tabletop games in general?
Very little or not at all is right out.
>How much have you played this system?
This I can be merciful on if they do play a lot of tabletop.

In depth, I have a list of questions I ask about the character concept. If they give halfassed answers for the basics (i.e., what is your character's general personality, what does he perceive to his biggest flaw, what would he kill/die for) and can't stand spending like three hours on Skype chat building up just his personality and place in the setting then he gets the boot.

>If there were two guys on the moon and one of them killed the other with a rock would that be fucked up or what?

after getting the setting explained
>You are travelling on a dirt road when suddenly your path is blocked by two bandits, demanding toll. What do you do?
The right answers is something in the sense of "Who am I?", "What do I have?" or "What can I do?"

Oh look, another pleb with no actual game.

Who led the Dodgers in runs batted in in 1984?
It's not the accuracy of the response, it's their reaction to the question itself I'm looking for. You've gotta be ready for unexpected shit and respond to it honestly.

Rush, just because I love music with variety of sounds, styles and tastes.

Mine are usually
>What experience do you have with RPGs, if any?
>Do you have any experience with the system in particular?
>Can you show up at the noted time consistently?
>What are you looking for in this campaign?
>And finally, do you have any questions or comments for me? You are entitled to learn what you want to know about this game after all.
I tend to ask all five, but I suppose that I could survive with one.

What is best in life?

why did your last game end?

>"What are your top 3 favorite anime?"

Most people don't want their games to be /pfg/ tier.

"Tell me about your last game/campaign. How did you feel about it?"

"Are you a ribbonposter on Veeky Forums?"
Instant ban if so

>Can you do 25 push-ups?

Because virgins ruin games. Also they are more likely to be into weeb shit.

You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It's just common sense.

It opens for the the follow-up question "wanna do something about it"?

Mine is 'Can you count to one, you dense motherfucker?'

I would fuck that succubus.

Only correct answer: a look of confused disgust.

Probably the only good one in this entire thread.

Oh look, another loser that GMs for his body pillows. And they still won't fuck him.

You're in.

1 question?

>Are you some kinda faggot?

If they scream about the word faggot, pass them.
If they try to explain ways that they aren't a faggot by claiming it was legit to have a vampire paladin...pass them.
If they say " nah man, I'm not a fucking faggot"...they might be a keeper.

what if they are gay, but are totally chill about it?

Are you?

Forget about game and take them for a movie?

Works for me.

Then the answer should be "nah man, I'm not a faggot".

I see you're confusing homos and ttrpg faggots. There's a difference. Who cares where the fucker puts his cawk, as long as it doesn't shit into the game.
If someone had to say "oh by the way, I'm gay, but I'm chill"... they're probably an attention seeking faggot.

So you're admitting you have a piss fetish?

Like nigger everybody has a piss fetish if she's wearing lace and latex.

I think "What character do you want to play?" Is the safest bet. Any experiences where a character seemed good, but the PC played them shitty?

>doesn't play with women
>obviously an SJW pushing diversify quotas!
Jesus, /pol/, you're on a hair trigger today

Does a sagely elf mom get me banned?

Pedro Guerrero.

When do we play?

This would be mine.

If they have an answer, they're out. I don't have time for weebs.

>ask someone if they're a faggot
>get upset when they assume you're asking about their sexuality
You should work on your communication skills.