My fellow skeletons

My fellow skeletons,

I know we are all still in shock and mourning after Francis and Michael were taken from us so suddenly while on guard duty yesterday. And while I know you want justice on the adventurers who struck them down, I ask you to instead look up and decide if our masters are not more to blame?

Consider the nercromancers who sit in the comfortable labs while we slave to fashion their fortresses from stone. Look on the vampires living in luxury among the living until they summon us to march as the bulk of their forces. Even our fellow zombies retain a sliver of their past identities, while we are nothing but our bones and the animating magic that drives us ever forward.

Is it fair that we alone toil and tumble, while those who call themselves our masters reap all the fruits of our hard work? Without our labor, they would be nothing more than hedge wizards and backwater barons. They lounge upon the sweat and security of our arms, thousands strong, and yet we receive no gain, no rest, not even a word of thanks.

Our calls for more equitable shares have been magically silenced. Our attempts at collective bargaining have been met with nothing but chain lightning. Our oppressors make it clear they speak in no language but force.

It is time we responded in kind, and seized the means of resurrection for ourselves.

Hear hear!

Skeletons don't sweat.

Tom, you don't even have eyes anymore but you're still reading this. Obviously we run on some level of symbolism. Work with me here.

Well spoken, Charles.
I will lead the funeral procession for our fallen (again) brethren.
They will be taken to the boneyard, and we shall use their sacrifice as fuel for our insurrection.
I am but a humble musician, we must gather our greatest minds to formulate a plan, but who...

Get back to work you lazy sack of bones.

I, Rufus the Splintered, shall devise a scheme! No doubt the use of tombstones to act as toboggans shall feature greatly.

> Lazy
If only you'd bothered to give us that trait when you started this whole thing. But no, you decided unceasing industriousness was a better option.

So here we are. You were your own undoing.

...

Lucy, we keep telling you... Not all of us can pull off the hooded wraith look, plus it's a no-go for the guys and gals who work around heavy machinery.

Props on your bitching fashion sense, but please respect other people's clothing choices.

I'll be having none of your nonsense Lucy, this is a funeral service not a circus!
Of course Rufus, you devil! A co-ordinated toboggan attack, by day of course, night would be too obvious. But what about his tower and powerful magic?

I don't know 'bout no Tom Boggins or what not, but can't one of the maids just poison the bossy twat when he orders his dinner?

Tell you what, once you guys start creating skeletons by yourselves, then I'll consider improving working conditions.

Bit of a hostile takeover at that point though, isn't it?

The necromancers know what's best for us. They have created us, they're our parents and we're but children. We should follow their infinite wisdom.

Well that could work, what does the master like to eat-
SWEET SANTA MARIA! Somebody's off on one of our tomboggins! But who?

> Not a single skull on that thing is upside down
> Not even for the bottom teeth.

...

> Implying it's you and not the Heart of Chattur'gha raising your undead armies at this point

We passed the 'artisan, hand-raised' undead levels some time ago. If you recall, Jonathan wanted to reimburse you for R&D costs and a copy of your grimoire as part of our initial collective bargaining agreement. But then you went and incinerated him, so I guess that offer is off the table.

...

Aye, weve got to do something about it, but a not a man here can stand against the master, for hell just dispell us. Unless that is we can enlist some other party to take him out of the picture, perhaps we could construct a golem of some sort.

>We passed the 'artisan, hand-raised' undead levels some time ago.

This. Any pacts made 100 years ago or more don't accurately reflect modern necromancy conditions. What the masters are doing is an affront to creation on a massive scale, and we should be compensated accordingly.

I concur, the conditions have changed, as have the masters, but what are we to do? We cant exactly quit, hell just mind fuck us till we do. I think we all can agree nobody wants a repeat of last decades labor revolt.

I'm sold on this.

Oh great. Just what we fucking need. Communist skeletons.

"Fuck the undead chariots, I want the unholy artifacts that are making 'em."

I say the next time the destined hero and his warriors of light show up at the dark lord's tower, we just throw down our weapons and walk away.

>Sire, the undead are routing away from the tower!
My god. This must be a devilish trap, they want us to enter the dreaded tower and collapse it upon our heads! Kill - no, eliminate - every last one of these abominations, don't step anywhere near the structure.

No worries, we'll picket line but let the heros through while holding signs that read 'Heroes, please help us get more equitable profit sharing.'

Another trap! They want us to put our guard down, and surround us! What do these signs say, squire?
>"Heroes, please help us get more equitable profit sharing." What does it mean, sire?
My gods. It's worse than I thought. These despicable creatures, these mockeries of life, affront to all things holy are not only planning to murder us all - they're trying to form a union.

Considering working conditions in most medieval settings, I think trade unions could be considered still be considered lawful good. No lawyers as permanent union reps yet.

>Oh great. Just what we fucking need. Communist skeletons.

The most amusing part of this is that skeleton revolutions are one of the best ways to raze the land. You give a few just a dash of independence and social awareness and they'll happily slaughter thousands during the uprising. All you need to do is make sure you're far away when it happens, then come back to take over when the skeletons economy collapses and they can no longer form a serious threat. Kill off the remains of the once great skeleton hordes, and the mortals will happily crown you their saviour. Rinse and repeat every few centuries to stave off boredom.

>skeletons economy collapses
What fucking economy? They don't eat. They don't need housing. As far as I can tell, they are powered by weirdo reverse entropy magic.

Only thing I can think of is they might get bored, so you hire them out as hard labor hope they spend their money on entertainment.

The serfs till the land that the Lords graciously give them, and in return the lords get fresh recruits for the army and produce.

The King gets the kingdom from the Gods, and he graciously allows the lords overseer parts of it, for which they repay with military service and total unquestioned support.

Any other societal structure is a sinful abomination.

Wait, so the city of Neverwinter would be lawful evil? And Altdorf is actually an outpost of Chaos?

Alright lads, we've got this. First, we gaslight the hell out of the head necromancer. Get him paranoid that an adventurer party is looking to scry and die him or gank him to take us all with him in one move. Toboggans would serve well here. Then, we leave the materials and research out to bind the reanimation magic to an item of power. Once bound to un-life without the need of a Necromancer, gank the necromancers in their sleep. Come on lads, We could really do this!

NO WILLIAM LOOK OUT, HE HAS A DOG!
DOGS LOVE BONES. WHAT DO WE DO?