Did you ever have a party pet who you would protect from all the bad things in the world?

Did you ever have a party pet who you would protect from all the bad things in the world?

The DMs ex-GF whom the whole party is nailing while he pathetically flirts with her.

>Inviting women to the table
>Women you've had a relationship on top of that
The cuck had it coming.

What, and wern't enough shitposting for you? Stop making these topics.

The best thing is tha he continues to flirt with her despite knowing she's an active Slut that slept with every guy in the dorm.

I guess his magical realm includes STDs.

My centaur barbarian adopted an 8 year old human girl who has no combat ability. He values her safety over all else and only rages when she is in danger. It's cool cause all of my other party members have also started being extra nice to her and make sure she's safe whenever shit goes down.

...

My Dhampir monk adopted a terrier and found out he had a babby daughter.

he turned into Jackie Chan.

I've had personal slaves who I would defend from dangers because who else is going to wash my ass, wash my junk, clean my stuff, take care of my mount, purchase supplies, and help me put on my armour? And yes I had two slaves whose sole jobs were cleaning my ass crack and cleaning my junk respectively. They seemed to enjoy those jobs because they only had like 30 minutes of actual work per day.

Once upon a time when me and the lads were playing "no edge limit" evil group for fun I made an evil wizard that had a loli slave. She was practically a maid and my spellbook (tattooed on her back, DM allowed it and bent the rules to make it work).

That's the only time I personally had an NPC pet.

Yes. Its name is Dillian, it's a fighter, and it thinks it's a party member. Very cute.

30 minutes?
That's a deep ass scrubbing, user.

In my upcoming L5R game, my character has a pet monkey that look like pic related. He took in said pet when he was alone and starving, and that same night his monkey killed a viper that managed to get inside the house while they were sleeping. He's also a bit stuck-up, and will mess with people that mistreat or make fun of him. Because of all that, the running joke/theory in the family is that he was a proud samurai in a past life who was reborn as a monkey to teach him humility. It doesn't exactly help that my character trained him to ignore anyone other than himself who calls his name but doesn't use an honorific.

My goal for this campaign is to have a moment where I can insult someone by pointing to my monkey and comparing them in a way that makes the monkey look like a better samurai than them.

do you sex it?

Sometimes.

Yes. He was a possum named Red and I heroically threw him at every enemy with my mighty ranger arms.

Our "pets" are cannonfodder.
It's starting to make me feel guilty because our DM lets us have the most exotic pets, chained up goblins, owlbears and soon even a dragon and we keep letting them get killed.

My party has a guy who basically made an Insect Glaive user from Monster Hunter. He and the DM kinda share roleplaying the not!kinsect that likes to try to steal food from the cook and then throws chittering little claw-stamping tantrums when it gets bopped with a ladle after getting found out.

It also counts as a bow for the purpose of combat.

Yeah, the party's 12 year-old white mage

Not really. My character got engaged to a chick he knocked up so he's trying his best to keep party shit out of her life but we're kinda freeloading at her house so...we're doing a piss poor job of it.

I adopted a feral mutt in a random village in my current campaign. Thanks to some good handle animal checks he's become somewhat of a blood hound and a passive perception alarm should bad guys come a calling. I named him Barky Marky

Yes, a bandit captain who we initially captured so we could take him to the baron and have him hanged, but due to circumstances beyond our control we didn't return home for months, instead stuck working for asshole wizards and clearing dungeons for them.
We found out that the bandit isn't so bad - he's funny, for starters, and the only non-asshole NPC in 100 miles - so we grew to like him. When we returned to the baron eventually, we petitioned to have him pardoned.

At first I was going to say that you were being a little sexist, but then I thought about it. And as a general rule, you're right.

With a few exceptions inviting women to the table has more negatives than good. Even if you're not doing it as a way to pursue a romantic relationship, other players might and that could create drama. Especially considering the type of people we are. Which is a shame, because I'm sure there are many good female roleplayers that can bring a lot to their table.

>Jackie Chan
>his new movie is what happens when Jackie gets the trouble he doesn't want

that's nice

Nope. Though I had a personal pet that I protected from all the bad things in the world. But mostly the party. In Black Crusade.

Sadly no.

We had a psychic hunting dog.
It got it's arms cut off and eyes cut out, becoming a blind quadruple amputee with peglegs that saw through psychic powers.
And then the DM violently killed him while I was absent.
RIP Woods, a good dog.

"The Muscle Hamster"
A young human girl who we rescued from a horrific house fire and some anti-mage nuts.
The Half-Orc Paladin(Marcellus Wallace) and Barbarian(Rokk Lesnar) decided to teach the girl the true religion of PRAISE THE SUN and SICK GAINS, respectively.
Rokk(my character), especially, took a shine to the kid, and taught her not only about GAINS, but about subtle trolling.
Discovering she had some latent magic - most likely culprit was Red Draconic Bloodline - Rokk became hell-bent on turning her into a Bloodrager.
But if any nasty combats came up, he made sure she was safely elsewhere.
Rokk even told the Baba Yaga to go fuck herself when she asked us to fork the kid over so she could "teach" her, and damn-near slew the party's Witch for even considering it.
Shame the campaign fell apart, that was fun.

Only problem: Aforementioned magical aptitude manifested itself in her being able to burn things. We learned - after one or two accidents at posh gatherings when we couldn't bring her along - that she COULD NOT be left alone, else wherever she was cooped up was liable to be burning merrily before long.

you would protect a whore from all the bad things in the world? wew

Our mage has his familiar.
The rest of us have our mage.

My orc barbarian took in an NPC kobold feeling a slight bit of sympathy in his cold, rage filled heart. The kobold actually is good with sewing and made a dragon costume for himself. My character's sole objective is to him him get swole af and find him a tribe of kobolds that he can command with his massive pecs.

>Go into battle with a dirty asshole
>When you take off your armour at the end of the day your underwear is skidmarked to hell