Terrible GM/DM/ST stories?

>secretly plant an explosive on a PC
You were That Guy.

Pretty sure he did that on purpose

This is how I act with female players, too. In fact, my entire group does this.

Best way to get rid of them
play on their woman-insecurities

Well, of course he did it on purpose. That was kind of the point of the story.

And I really hope you don't act like that towards women that try to play with you. That is not playing off insecurities, that's just being spiteful. If your whole group does this kinda stuff too then I have to think you guys are kind of shitty people.

>why am I so alone?

Nah I do it as well. Quick and efficient way to get rid of asian sluts.
Also the fact you didn't even stand up for your "chubby" (read: fat) chink is pretty funny. For that reason, I enjoyed your story.

One thing that always gets to me is the GM's favorite player thing. Be it his gf or best friend if that person is getting shit on you bet a god tier npc is gonna show up and save them or some other bullshit
>playing vtm dark ages
>gf of gm is in trouble and everyone else is either ashes or in torpor.
>the moment the npc goes to kill the gf her sire shows up.
>without knowing the characters background, yeah it could happen.
>except her character is a fucking thinblood catiff that was randomly embraced
>turns out shes not a thinblood
>turns out her sire can just one shot a zulo formed Tzimisce

The rest just gets worse but it's not directly the gm doing stuff at that point. I might just have to find some online community I've probably just been unlucky with groups but I've only been in one that worked perfectly until the gm got a job.

Ah you're just trolling, ok. Really should have picked that up last post. Carry on.

>he hurt my feewings :*(
>i guess ill just assume he was a samefag twoll so i dont have to deal with my insecuwities
Poor baby.

>Keeps trolling
>Why do you think I'm a troll?!?!

Ok

>keeps replying
>still thinks anyone believes that he isn't taking my serious posts seriously
You can call me a troll all you want, kid, but you obviously are taking what I've said to heart.

You shit on every woman's friend so that you can get her for yourself?

Or you do something else that is only tangentially related because it has a female in the story?

>word salad
I see.

I think what he meant was he does things like that to get the woman to leave the group, which is actually a good idea and I've done it myself.

I'm confused, you intentionally invite girls you like to your gaming sessions that have boyfriends and then act immature to drive her away? And you're proud of this?

...Then why do you invite women to your games?

Where do you think we are?

To waste their time and hurt their feelings

He was saying he's the fat neckbeard from the story and is still mad he didn't get to bang out the girlfriend.

Name's probably MATT. Short for DOORMATT.

Really sounds like it's wasting your time way more than it is theirs.

It really doesn't take any extra time on my part. I just send an invite. They have to get their shit together, make an application, write up a character, etc.

>Implying you could even find multiple women to play D&D with you

Yes I'm sure there are PLENTY of women who respond to anonymous D&D groups they've never met before. After all this is bizarro-world.

This story seriously gets more unbelievable every post, keep going. I bet they all wanna suck your dick but you tell then no huh?

When did I say multiple? I've only done it once.

Your original post:

"This is how I act with female players, too. In fact, my entire group does this.

Best way to get rid of them
play on their woman-insecurities"

So by "female players" you just meant one person, the one time?

That wasn't my post. My original post was

>people responding seriously to an obvious troll
Well, there's another thread ruined.

>if somebody does something i dont like he must be a troll
Haha, classic!

A "regular" DM for my group never learns his material, insists on only running CoC 7, dnd 3.5, or d20 modern. None of his games are fun but the ones who are his friends in our rpg group get him to run games and never show up themselves.

I was bamboozled by a player that only sporadically joined our games to play with the players acquaintance.
>Trash everywhere
>Everything was covered in a sheet of dust
>He was as you can imagine, obese, greasy and autistic
>He have never read up on any system despite owning a dozen books
>He uses his own
>All rolls are contended against the GM
>You don't add your stats to the roll
>The stats are never used
>Sometimes getting the higher roll means I lose
>He have prepared a campaign and characters
>It's a medieval setting with not fantasy
>Mrskeletonwildride.jpg
>We aren't allowed to choose characters
>Our characters are knights who have some influence in the army during a war
>"You are having a meeting with the opposing side's general"
>"I wait until the general have left the room and tell my general about info I have"
>"The opposing general laughs that you have told him about your plans"
>"..What? I said I waited until he left?!"
>"Yeah, but he went back when you were talking"
>"I would've stopped! I made a point of not telling him"
>"done is done"
>The friend that introduced us is playing some mary sue character
>Suddenly dragons
>we take a break and he begs for a cigarette
>He coughs and sucks his teeth loudly enough to scare animals as he smokes
>He reassures us that this is how real smokers smoke
>We continue
>I get pissed that nothing I do makes any impact
>I try to increase the morale
>Successful roll, he says my roleplaying is good
>They aren't encouraged.
>The session ends, everyone except the mary sue character is dead due to bullshit
>"Your character was the incarnation of love and hope"
>My friend is crying because "it's so beautiful"
>They casually drop that they have played this campaign five times and have gotten the exact same ending every time.
>He is proud
>He is literally proud that he railroads every session so hard that the players aren't needed
>We never talked to the friend that introduced us again

I guess I'll get us away from the obvious troll with an account of my own.

>Our friend (I'll call her Sam) wants to run a D&D game, she's really looking forward to it
>Finally we agree and she runs a game that weekend, with about 4 notebooks full of notes.
>Everything is going fine for the first two hours or so, world is homebrew and decently interesting, we're all roleplaying and having fun
>Suddenly after one combat we meet a young princess named... Samantha. We all find it a bit suspicious since she's named after the GM but figure it might be a coincidence
>Not long after we're forced to deliver Princess Samantha to the neighboring kingdom to meet the husband she's promised to.
>The next four hours of the game becomes a complete slog, as Sam basically starts roleplaying with herself. She acts as Samantha and the Prince as well, and basically begins flirting with herself. We're just glorified bodyguards.
>The last straw came after nearly fifteen minutes of her talking to herself. One of the PCs sighs because he hasn't got to do anything in a half hour, and Sam angrily asks him to leave if he's gonna be like that.

Last game we played with her.

Hey my name's Matt and I'm nothing like that guy. Man don't lump me in with that faggot.

I already have a cute asian gf anyway.

To be fair, the whole group was being edgy space lords and my character, being female, wanted to win the dick contest.

It ended up being useful tho!

He was grabbed up by a titan and was about to be eaten. I alerted him about the explosive and to put it in the beast's mouth. The monster swallowed it and I detonated it. Pretty cool but I hurt the player and had the party checking for more for a few sessions.

Me too, user. The more women we lure in and drive out of the hobby by acting as repulsive as possible, the less pandering to women we'll have to see in RPG products. Especially, since women form a huge fraction of the casual market, we'll see less and less of these dumbed-down rules-light games sold for the same price as a real set of rules. Rules-lite games are fun but they are NOT for charging full price for, especially when they take not even ten percent the effort to create.

>then why do you invite women to your games?
Usually women come to RPG games along with a boyfriend. That is the case 99% of the time. Even the real hardcore female players who actually learn the rules (the bar is pretty low for the weaker sex, as it is in other aspects of life) are usually brought in by their boyfriends. So, usually they are not being invited in particular, they are just tagging along with their significant other.
As for why to drive them away, giving a female player a bad first experience is likely to prevent her from coming back to the hobby at all; and, in fact, might result in her warning other potential players, male or female, not to participate in the hobby. As a result, we become able to weed out undesirables with extreme effectiveness. The group I play with has singlehandedly been able to drive an 70-30 gender ratio among the local TTRPG community (well, D&D mostly, cause let's face it most of these faggots play D&D) down to something like 95-5 through what we call our "lure and cure" method.

...

Shut the fuck up, Matt.

This is between Matt and I.

Since when are haunted houses an exclusive anime thing? And meme war? What anime is this?

Worst I've ever dealt with is a kinda Mary Sue GMPC in a one shot about breaking out of supervillain jail.

>Had this one guy GM a session for our Fallout PnP game, that went straight into Japanese cartoon land, complete with a haunted house and a kawaii car driving chick and a meme war between three factions that canonically couldn't and shouldn't exist that had no reason to fight and ended anti-climatically.
All of these sound like things that could be in Fallout 2.

The only really awkward night of gaming we had was when our DM asked if we wanted to take a break from our (admittedly not very serious) game to play a more mature, adult one shot. We agreed and made low leveled characters in a low magic campaign.

Long story short, the adventure we went on was to discover who had been kidnapping young women from town. It was some Dark Elves, who had been raping and murdering them as sacrifices to their dark god. He was really way too descriptive about how the ladies died and what happened to their bodies, and it was clearly killing the mood. Then we finally slay all the Dark Elves except their leader, a hot elf chick, who we had managed to capture alive. The creepiest part of the night was when the DM grinned at us all and leaned across the table, asking if we wanted to take some 'revenge' out on the elf. We were a bit confused at first until he noted how large her breasts were, and how her robes were torn and about to fall off. I remember my friend looking really unhappy as he told the guy "we're not raping anyone. Can this just be over already?"

Thankfully our DM apologized later that week, saying he realized how much of a weirdo he'd acted. We went back to our regular game and that was a blast.

>ask question about literally anything in the game when out of session
>dm responds with "mwa hah hah hah" and a shit eating grin

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY THE LIVING ROOM HAD A DRESSER

That sounds pretty cringe. At least it didn't ruin the group. What was your other game like?

Listen Matt, I appreciate your wanting to go mano y mano with Matt over this, but you can't just ignore the other Matts when speaking on issues that concern all of Mattkind.

sounds like a classic class of
>dare you enter my magical realm dot jay peg

I have some wierd fetishes, rape being including but surely he should have known it translates weird to table top roleplay.50% of all college girls are into that fantasy as well don't judge me

It was you, wasn't it?

Am going to start doing this for the shits and giggles now.

Oh and what gives you the right play peacekeeper Matt? you are not the only Matt with social skills you autist

This isn't really a terrible DM story because he's normally great at it but I don't want to make a thread for this, since it's related just enough.
>long story short, my character moves to stealth abduct a guy before combat starts so we can interrogate him
>we are trying to prove that one part of the police force is corrupt to another part of the police force, in an effort to gain some kind of favor in return for the deed. we have footage of the corrupt cops picking up a dead drop of drugs, as well as a sample of what they picked up still containing said drugs
>the point of capturing the guy - specifically marked to be wearing the same gang colors and in the company of high-ranking cultists/gangbangers - is to make him testify that they are making illegal deals with the corrupt cops and learning
>DM makes me pass several challenging rolls to abduct this guy, all of them using skills i don't have trained, but i still manage to pass them and quietly slip the guy away from the scene and imprison him on our ship
>DM wants to know how i go about interrogating him between sessions
>DM has shared he's felt sad that people don't seem very engaged with the setting and player freedom, so i hit him with the fucking book because I've loved the campaign so far
>i give him an in-depth rundown of what my character wants to know and why, the reasons for believing he might know what he does, writing everything down in an actual notebook and connecting context clues as potential avenues to learn other leads
>next session
>"you didn't really learn anything from him", immediately moves on to the next topic and reminds us several times that we can set our own goals to accomplish our main mission

It took all of the wind out of my sails. All of the excitement I had to contribute and take the campaign seriously fell right out of me. I let him know that I felt extremely let down by my efforts being reduced to a four-second power point, but his final word was that it meant nothing.

That is a fucking great way to fuck with a player so long as they will explain in the session.

Not so much terrible as just creepy.

First time playing, not only with a new group, but ever. Star Wars RP. Had a Twi-Lek jedi.

DM decides to introduce my character as being undercover as a dancer in a popular bar when the rest of the group meet her.

He gets me to describe the character, and then prods me to describe what she looks like completely naked, because "she is".

"Are you a troll?"

"What? Me? Pfftt. How stupid of you to get hurt and not me to be salty about my failed troll attempt."

"Well are you a troll?"

"..."

There was a slight bit more context to it I guess, since in that game we were hardened mercenaries and stuff but yeah it was weird. Really uncomfortable and weird.

Well our other game was basically D&D mixed with Sliders. Due to wacky circumstances we jumped worlds from our dimension to a different D&D setting. We went to Forgotten Realms, Spelljammer, a bunch of worlds trying to get home. It was cheesy at times but it was a lot of fun.

>GM claims it will be evil campaign
>Proceeds to cringe hard at any attempt by the PCs to be evil
>No you can't trade in slaves
>No you can't slaughter a village of kobolds
>No you can't be drug dealers
>Turn out to be anti-heroes who are really just assholes for hire
>Vetos legit, non-third-party content because he thinks its too OP when it just fucks with his railroading
>Bitches about us being power gamers when we're acting in character and kill a guy who is fucking with us when we have him chained up and have already killed his whole crew
Now he takes weeks to come up with three hours of content forcing me to run
>Bitches non stop about how I run while the other players love it and I have to talk to them to get them to stop talking about my game on the days he runs his game
>MFW no one wants him to run anymore and I'm stuck GM'ing for a second group since no one else can do it well

The haunted house was, how you say, not the traditional haunted house. It was most definitely not something you would find in a game produced outside of Japan

no explaining at all. just brushes it off like that. sometimes i call him out on it and he just tilts his head, gives that fucking grin again and says "come on man".

>No you can't trade in slaves
>No you can't slaughter a village of kobolds
>No you can't be drug dealers

What's the point then?

What the fuck is a run on sentence, user?

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

Tell it once more for this old grognard who has never heard the tale.

No point at all user
A non-evil evil campaign
GM pussy'd out clearly

>that image.

I sort of feel bad for the creator of Pepe. His meme really was taken from him.

Really happened.

Our group's old DM was a guy we now jokingly refers to "Darkest Marcus." He was an alright player who stepped up and tried to run a "gritty" campaign that veered so wildly outside the realm of reason, it crashed straight through the bounds of tastefulness, and looped back around to become self-parody.

Even though we were supposed to be working towards stopping a terrible plague, the harder task was finding a single living human being who was sympathetic enough to want to save. Every nobleman was corrupt and oozed with disdain for the commoners and every commoner was a superstitious wife-beater who would blame the party's elf for spreading the plague and run us out of town at the drop of the hat. Every time we did meet a person with a shred of decency, it was so they could send us on a quest and then turn up dead when we came back from the quest.

Our questgivers turning up dead was one of the myriad of ways Darkest Marcus liked making sure we never enjoyed any victory. Sometimes, the entire village would be razed to the ground by bandits in our absence and we would get great descriptions of babies with their heads stomped in. Other wonderful highlights included going on a quest to petition the gods and learning they had all been eaten by Cthulhu monsters from space, delivering a coded message with a spelling error that prompted the church to start an elf genocide, and somehow causing the plague to mutate into a strain that made plague rats hyper intelligent and able to infect nonhumans by casting "cure disease."

At one point a bunch of intelligent rats raped a twelve year old elf girl and we saw a rat king burst out of her pregnant stomach chestburster style. That was around the point we decided enough was enough.

Never go full grimdark.

It's easier just to link to an archive than tell it all again, to be honest.

archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/35462504/#35476664

>Our group's old DM
Was he kicked out the last scene? It was pretty funny until that. Hard to make rape funny I think.

>At one point a bunch of intelligent rats raped a twelve year old elf girl and we saw a rat king burst out of her pregnant stomach chestburster style. That was around the point we decided enough was enough.
This Victim Girls/Drainage City crossover game has gotten out of hand.

>was he kicked out?
Nothing quite so dramatic, we sat him down and explained we weren't having a lot of fun with his campaign and he agreed to step down and go back to being a player, but dropped out before the next campaign actually started up and we don't see him around much anymore.

>Pathfinder DM
>fedora
>open-collared hawaiian shirts only
>practiced karate whenever no one was looking
>only watched that tiny horse show and would drop it into every campaign
>literally, every one
>didn't watch Star Wars, just read one of the rogue squad books
>insists it's his childhood and no one else can run it
>ends every dungeon with a god-mode NPC "saving" us from the boss
>bans two-handed weapons
>won't warn you ahead of time there are no gods in-setting when you play cleric or paladin
>every NPC, every single goddamn one of them, is a snobbish English aristocrat with at least 5th level spell slots no matter their occupation
>outright lies about campaigns
>said we were doing a high level war-campaign
>dropped us into fucking tiny horse and hung out with the main characters
>refuses to let players change characters
>says it's because "then you'd play more characters than I have"

They will never find the body.

>and somehow causing the plague to mutate into a strain that made plague rats hyper intelligent and able to infect nonhumans by casting "cure disease."
wat

DM ruled that whenever someone tried to use magic to cure the disease, the disease mutated into a new, worse strain.

"Technically," he would claim with the sort of smugness that only a person who thinks they're being clever can, "They're cured of the disease you cast Remove Disease on. Now they have a different, WORSE disease. Want to try it again?"

>be me in high school with a group of 10ish friends
>within our group one of the people I'll call S decides he wants to run a DND 5e game with all of us
>idea was originally that we'd be inhabitants of a town and explore around the area and encounter the campaign
>play as DB paladin of tyr others include 2 druids, 2 rogues, ranger, barbarian, wizard, cant remember anyone else
>first red flag pop us when a dorf wizard named "bodyguard" essentially kidnaps us from our homes with magic
>Tells us flat out that there's a lich somewhere that will destroy his town if we don't stop it
>since town is surrounded by mountain range we can't leave
>all the merchants are robot constructs we can't barter with because S openly admits he doesn't like social encounters
>1st mission, clear out a cave of gobos
>Go into cave and fight like 20 gobos, an orge, and a banshee
>near tpk by the end
>ask if we get to lvl 2 and S says "nah you haven't done anything noteworthy yet"
>what.jpg
>everyone bitches and says that we'll get levels "soon"
>after this, decide to split group in half so that it's more manageable
>get stuck with 2 druids, rogue, and wizard
>decide to stick for a second session just to see if S will change his shit now that everyone bitched to him
>next session get assigned to clear another cave full of zombies
>go into cave and get attacked by zombie kobolds
>but these fuckers have a trick because S is an ass
>when they die they get a free attack on the nearest enemy
>wizard gets idea that if he kills with firebolts then the kobolds will just fall apart and cant get attacks off
>nope.jpg
>not only do they still get the attack but they dash towards us and add on a d4 of fire damage
>fucking wizards
>time goes on run into a group of like 10 zombies
>nearly die
>open huge double doors to a room with a zombie orge
>nope.jpg
>close dat shit
>ogre smashes them back open
Out of room, cont?

Go on.

Now this is shitposting
I want to believe, pls be real

Were you playing with Virt by any chance?

Casting it over and over until you create a world destroying plague is the only acceptable response

W Y R D

i remember your story, that was fucked up

never really had bad GMs, had bad games but can't fault them
i'm the shit gm and they don't know better

2/2
>this ogre, this fucking ogre would not die no matter how much shit we threw at it
>didn't help that we were all lvl 1 and druids used their spells to keep everyone alive
>basically just boiled down to letting me try to tank the damn thing while rogue tried (and failed) to sneak attack it
>once we thought it was over NOPE it had a massive AOE that shot bones everywhere and got back up as a giant skeleton
>areyoufuckingkiddingme.jpg
>druids shove the last of the goodberries down my throat and i hop back into action
>attempt to use my frost breath weapon (cuz silver DB) to try to hurt it
>get told it does nothing cuz apparently it's immune to cold damage
>about ready to beat the shit out of S but begrudgingly stay cuz I at least wanted to end this session
>finally kill it and go into a throne room with a bunch of chests
>most chests are filled with garbage magic items he made up except a deck of illusions
>final chest is in corner of room
>rogue opens it up
>it's a fucking mimic
>go in to attack with my greatsword
>nat 1
>tells me that the mimic eats my sword whole
>I am fucking livid at this point
>kill the fucker by beating it to death with another chest
>get told that I cant retrieve my sword even if i gut the fucking mimic
>get super salty not only because bullshit but also cuz in my backstory the sword was given to me by my father and it's all i have left to remember him
>go to town smith and throw gold at the robot to buy a new sword
>goes into back room and given a shitty rusted greatsword that does less damage than a normal one
>ask to have a normal one that isn't a piece of shit
>say bodyguard wanted me to have it and it has an enchantment that can only be unlocked by "proving my worth" or whatever
>run out of store, go up to bodyguard and attempt to stab him with the sword
>25 after mods to hit
>says it misses
>knocks me out
>after this we all agree S can never DM again
moral is: don't kidnap adventurers to do shit for you

>High School
>D&D 5e
I feel old, but please continue.

It was a murder mystery kawaii pop haunted house that stopped the flow of gameplay and had us do corpse party style shit to de-haunt it, along with some weird shot about getting high and fighting the ghost of the dude who invented the Winchester repeater. Sounds kind of fun but it was poorly executed, railroaded us through that shot, and was not what we were expecting out of a Post Apocalyptic Fallout setting featuring characters that up until this point hadn't encountered anything supernatural.

god damn my middle school dm was better than this

Unfortunately I only discovered DND in high school I wish I could've discovered it earlier

Fuck I wish I had you guys as my PCs. My players wanted to do an evil campaign, so I start a campaign where they are remnants of an Orc Tribe that they get together, conquer other orc tribes before going to war on human, elves and Dwarved in area, try and set it up a bit like Kingmaker. They end up trying to turn the Orcs good, and build a non-evil orc civilazation (aka World of Warcraft, literally asked if I could bring in Minotaurs for them to ally with). I spitefully had them betrayed by a til then friendly orc NPC and had them either killed or tortured to death. I was a dick but I was pissed off as I had put a lot of effort and time in, including using Campagin Cartographer to make maps of towns, camps and campaign map and felt they weren't taking shit seriously.

I still want to know more about this haunted house. What is a "kawaii pop haunted house" exactly?

>stone door to lich's ancient trove of artifacts
>scrawled with abyssal runes for numbers 1-9
>Makes a big deal of the numbers' layout
>each number triggers some sort of trap
>we inspect it in every way possible
>nothing works
>touch every rune, hear a click
>DM says the door is now locked and is impossible to open
>After session he says the way to open it was to touch the side (???)
The lich guarded his most valuable possessions with an unlocked door

Most people aren't really up to being evil, even if they think they are. Why didn't you just roll with it?

Due to the two new players to the group who were friends of one of my regulars after he explained to them I was going to run an evil campign, they were part of another group he played with. They constantly rules lawyered, and were the ones responsible for the "We need Minotaur Allies", would sabotage other players when they didn't go along with what they wanted, and would start conversation or arguments mid play regarding politics (nothing Tumblr or /pol/ tiered just Australian stuff) despite my rule being no politics discussed at game table. It was a case of the tension had built over four weeks and I was pissed off something I had put a lot of time into was not being taken seriously. I did have a word to the two players concerned & their friend to tone shit down, and even offered to play another adventure, but they insisted on continuing the adventure and continuing what they had been doing so I ended it, as brutally as possible. I've only ever done this type of DM move twice, and it's always been after numerous attempts, both in game and out of game, to regulate bad behavior (like rules lawyering, breaking table code of conduct, and sabotaging adventure for other PCs and DM). I'm not a complete dick (and I'd love to run that campaign again) but I think I'd need the right players.

Those two players still game with me however, and have really honed in the shit, and I enjoy DM for them now (and figure they do aswell as they haven't fucked off). I'm running a campaign now where the characters all started out as street urchins involved in a war between different thieve groups, before moving on up slowly into the city guard, then minor nobility through adventuring, it's been a good time. I think in hindsight they were used to these types of things with their other DM and weren't used to the heavier, more serious style of tone and play I like to run. It's a lesson I suppose that everyone needs to be on the same page if something is going to work.

When your GM spends an entire session acting smug because the group hasn't figured who the baddie is, when in reality they're politely not metagaming.

I find the secret to getting players to go along with an evil campaign is to sell it as something else. My brother played a 'anarchy-ruled barbarian city' campaign, where he had a 9-foot radius sphere of adipose fat and muscle with a ring of jumping +10, and his PC bro-for-life was a 7-foot half-dragon.

These two were the stars of the campaign, and frequently did things like liquefy people by punching them and restored health by eating the survivors, toppling the houses of nobles by literally jumping through them, accidentally decapitating randoms during interrogation and killing small armies of invisible assassins by tossing innocent bystanders around until they hit someone.

The worst i ever had was just a guy with bad speaking skills and not enough descriptive ability for what he was trying to do.

Just ended up feeling bad for him but he's a good player.

I had a DM who ran several groups in the area. Showed up at his place with the other players in my group and he was sitting there nearly naked with some rather suggestive miniatures out on the table. he got the ERP session he ran mixed up with ours.
>he was a pretty good GM though otherwise, but we never forgot about that.

What were the three factions?

>Game advertised as political fiction fantasy campaign - sure why not this is what I usually run - will see how I compare.
>4 pick up players. 1 of them is a qt with large tits and a nice smile.
>GM is out for pussy - pushes alpha shit on the team while being beta cuck to the girl.
>I'm playing a bard - start to make witfull remarks subtlely commenting GM shit
>Girl is amused GM gets autistic
>GM kills me after a joke and girl says her character is trying to revive me with a kiss.
>GM says it doesn't work
>Girl grabs my head and sticks the tongue in me we kiss for about 5 seconds. GM howls. Everyone laughs.
> Girl ask if that did worked. GM cries.
> We leave session and go home to fuck each other brains out
>And this kids is how I meet your mother
True story bros