That guy

What is it with lolsorandum xD players and playing gnomes or halflings?

> my goth-loli necromancer who treats the undead like her dollies is cute/original

>that guy who insists all his medieval chatacters know how to read

I have only seen edgelord halflings

>That guy who forces the DM to make a mermaid species for Rogue Trader

>that guy who insists all npcs love him

>wanting to stilt a campaign by having players who can't read
>being this pissy

That guy who keeps insisting his character is a huge part of the setting and gets mad when npcs treat his character like the nobody he is.

characters*

>That guy whom we're not inviting back and just asked the GM to come back so he can kill another PC and will metagame to find a reason to kill them. Dude went on a long rant to the GM and turns out he's pissed over something that happened 2 years ago

Gnomes were known to be tricksters and play pranks on people, but of course that gets bastardized into being the meme race.

>"Well that's just your interpretation of it"
And even if they were right, Rule 0

Read the actual rhymes.

Bonus points if it's somehow steampunk

Partially kender

> "honorable" rogue
That's just a swashbuckler. I fail to see a problem.

>that one guy who plays a villain in a hero game without warning anybody

So it's a rogue that doesn't murder random people or try to steal from party members? I don't see how that's a problem.

He doesn't even steal. Or if he does then only from the "evil bourgeoisie!"

rogue
rōɡ
noun
1.
a dishonest or unprincipled man.
"you are a rogue and an embezzler"
synonyms: scoundrel, villain, miscreant, reprobate, rascal, good-for-nothing, ne'er-do-well, wretch
>b-b-but muh stealing from muh group?!
>#notmyrogue
Only a fucking retard steals from the group.

So he's a paladin of the proletariat?
Well, that's a nice rogue!

>murder random people
That's what most adventurers do, though.

>that one guy who plays an "lg" 40k-tier "purge!!" paladin
>pretends ooc that he believes his character is serious and in the right
>blames the dm for putting him in situations where he gets himself killed

My paladin doesn't worship gods, only ideals
>hurr dur, me do "good" things cuz me want too
And he btches for more moral ambiguity in our runs.

>that guy who pretends the murderhobo meme has any hold in reality outside of contrived genre deconstructions

>genre deconstructions
No one actually does this, right?

Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! user's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

This, with some know-how and ambientative coherence, might actually have SOME sense - for ex. A Navigator family whose mutation is the __original__ Navigator style, that is the Dune Spacing Guild pilots. I would accept that and include it in my campaign as a well-placed reference.

That's exactly what a paladin is though. They worship ideals.

>My character is a chef who wants to taste all the flavors of the world and become the best cook
That's not a character, that's a character trait. It's flat, boring, and doesn't make much sense without a whole bunch of other characterization.
That's actually hilarious
But not after 6 years straight jesus christ

TBF, most of the people I group with hate it when I play a dickbag rogue, so honorable is really the best step in the opposite direction

I'm pretty sure the joke is directly on you after 6 years, m8.

It was changed to accommodate all the fedora tippers

No, that's how it always has been. 3.5 changed it to the stupid version.

Move on, user. He's posted this before with the exact same image. There's no arguing with a man who hates Beta Ray Bill.

Fucking quads confirm

>Hating on based Thorse
Scum of the Earth.

I can almost swear all of you in this thread have autism.

Fuck you, OP.

>the one guy who tries to show you phisically how his character fights because he wants to show off

That sounds like a group of shitty pirates, though. What kind of pirate doesn't commit piracy?

This Maccaroni is pasta.

The kind that steals your heart.

>That one guy who plays a "character"

They represent the everyday reality of manlets only being able to distinguish themselves through being groups clown.

One of my constant players turned into That Guy last night. We've had a long-ass campaign running for the past two and a half years, with me as the GM. Yesterday, one of the guys stepped up and asked to run an adventure to try his hand behind the screen. I happily obliged and we set about baking up some characters.

It all went well until the adventure introduction. This guy, who has always been perfectly on the up-and-up during our main campaign, started sending notes back and forth between himself and the GM. Back and forth, back and forth, for over 15 minutes, peppered with bits and pieces of spoken arguments. This was right after he'd revealed that he'd be playing a "sneaky and secretive rogue, badass but with a good streak" and the rest of us began feeling some degree of apprehension.

When it was all finally worked out, our characters boarded a ship as part of an invasion fleet and the campaign began in earnest.

And so, the very first thing that happens after we land on the enemy beach is that the fighter character gets to make a saving throw and then takes damage out of nowhere. The fighter's player turns to Rogue Boy with this accusatory look, and Rogue Boy bursts out how the GM fucked him over by taking so long to respond to his questions that the rest of us got suspicious.

So, turns out that the rogue had poisoned the fighter's food on the way over, and his plan was to secretly murder the entire party one by one, in a whodunnit fashion. With no other motivation than "that's my character, and this was supposed to just be a short adventure, right?"

Needless to say, my friend will have to wait until next time to run his adventure.

This was my blog. Thanks for your time.

I play with that guy
Within twenty minutes of the first session he set the inn on fire. As a distraction. While we were inside it.

They're not stealing (i.e. removing the original item) any property, though, they're merely copying it.

>That guy who carries around a greatsword and talks about how great it is
>Gets disarmed
>Shrugs
>Unleashes a bullshit feat chain that lets him throw a Superman punch for 4d6 points of damage

why

why did he bother with the sword if he could do that

But user, that's how it is in WFRP and that game is great.

This is Veeky Forums and Veeky Forums I'm pretty sure everyone but me has autism. I have anti-social personality disorder and auditory schizophrenia instead which means the only ones that will slightly put up with my shit is you Autistic faggots, hence I tabletop.

The sword was actually his power limiter.

Probably inspired by stuff like Order of the Stick.

For that kind of reaction, you simpleton.

>that guy who plays a barbarian who learns to read and learns that he has a mind for math and business so he leaves the party and retires from adventuring to open a general store

And that's why you never fuck with the store's owner.

He's big. He's bulky. He's the blood-brother of everyone in town.

Uthgar smashes prices as well as he smashes thieves' hands.

I'll take honorable rogues over "be careful or I might stab you in your sleep because that's what my character would do" rogue players usually are if evil aligned.

>A rogue is a vagrant person who wanders from place to place. Like a drifter, a rogue is an independent person who rejects conventional rules of society in favor of following their own personal goals and values. In modern English language, the term rogue is used pejoratively to describe a dishonest or unprincipled person whose behavior one disapproves of, but who is nonetheless likeable and/or attractive.

no different from most adventurers to be honest

No, it's the opposite. 3.5 is what enabled Paladins and clerics of ideals.

it was allowed since 2e at least, take a look at the paladin and priest handbooks

(sad yarrr)

>That one guy who writes "a honor" instead of "an honor".

I don't mind that, what annoys me is the "lolsorandum" rogue who steals everything.
>Visiting a shop
>Rogue tries to steal stuff

>Sleeping at an inn
>Rogue goes out at night to break into and rob a store

>Party member carrying magical mcguffin
>Rogue steals it

>Walking down the street
>Rogue pick pocketing everyone

What's worse is that when he gets caught the DM never punishes him, just has people yell at him and take their stuff back.

>wanting to stilt a campaign by having players who can't read
Don't rely on written messages if you are a DM or have like one party member who can read. What bugs me far more is how in DnD everyone speaks at least two languages and being quaglingual from character creation isn't hard and doesn't require much specialization.

>that guy who has absolutely no concept of weight, distance or size
That guy is me.
How the fuck do you learn to intuit reasonable distances and sizes?
How big is a wagon?
What's a reasonable distance between sides of a river?
How far does can someone throw reasonably accurately?
>haha silly DM an archer can't hit someone from 100 feet away
Fuck you nigger how am I supposed to know that? It's literally in the stat block that a bow has that range. Fucking cunts.

I know that feel, user.

isn't "the rogue with a heart of gold" a really big trope in fiction?

I know your pain. Gave up DMing because my spatial cognition is fucked to shit too.

>Not downloading the plans for the space navy's new battleship, cracking the DRM, and 3d printing it in your hab's shipyards and escaping with a pirated ship before the authorities know what happened.

Space piracy best piracy.

>Pirates that steal the original item, leaving a lesser quality copy behind

>Thinks its weird that someone would know multiple languages to speak, but not necessarily read
Sup north america bro?Its okay,
I only know English too

I know that feel user. I just look everything up before I say anything now, like when they asked how long a boat would take I looked up the historical times for roman and greek voyages.

>Player said warlocks can be good and are male version of witches

I once knew a truck driver who could speak six languages.

Private investigator
Detective for the local guard
Government agent/spy
Bounty hunter
Professional adventurer with skill at disarming traps/exploring areas undetected/skillfully traversing the dangerous area

All of those occupations can very easily be adapted as a rogue class/background, without having to be a douchebag thief from the getgo

>as opposed to that one guy who always plays a rogue that goes against the campaign or parties interest by engaging in pointless crimes /"PvP"

Who is this girl? I want to protect her from the dangerous the wilderness

[spoilers] It's also an anime, so you're player is too shit to come up with a character. [/spoilers]

are you a druid

>It's flat, boring, and doesn't make much sense without a whole bunch of other characterization.
Just like the series it's ripped off from!

a druid would only protect her if she was chewing tobacco leaves

Nay.

A warlock that sold his soul to Mother Nature for the power to turn into a WICKED AWESOME BEAR, MAN!

>five smokes
>five

There are five smokes, Picard.

I hate this shit.
>party talking to important NPC
>rogue tries to steal the ring he's wearing

Because that's way cooler.
>The sword was merely a power limiter

> That guy who types out a novella for their brand new adventurer. Even if they had done anything worth of a dozen pages prior to starting adventuring, I don't want to read through a short story's worth of mediocre fantasy fiction.

> That guy who creates his character in total isolation with consideration for the setting or other players on how to integrate best into the setting.

> That guy who tries to hide information and intent from the DM, tries to use some creative (i.e. wrong) interpretation of the rules, and then gets mad when it gets shot down.

> That guy who agrees to play a module and immediately fucks off somewhere else.

> That guy who is on his electronics at the table.

I've been DMing for 16 years and I've minimized these pain points by using a one strike rule and being willing to give players the boot regardless who they are or whose friend they are. But when I was younger and didn't have a spine these things were my biggest annoyances.

>>Player said warlocks can be good
They can though. You can say your own setting is different of course, but there's nothing in the published rules saying a warlock can't be good.

Knowing at least two languages and a smattering of vocab in more (or at least enough to get you a woman, beer, and a hostel room) is pretty much the standard everywhere in the world. Knowing only a single language is very much an English and American thing.

>I've been DMing for 16 years and I've minimized these pain points by using a one strike rule and being willing to give players the boot

This, GM's are rare, they will always be able to find players, better players. If we condone and allow this behavior, it will only spread and ruin more games, burn out more GMs and ultimately damage the hobby.