Cursed Items for Dick-Ass Thieves

I've just had a player in character steal a precious ring from a powerful wizard, and it was cursed.

The curse was; if this item is stolen, then every other item that you steal from this point on will be cursed.

Yes, I'm being passive-aggressive. No, I'm not going to stop. This guy is being a dick, and I'm going to put him through the wringer until he stops stealing items or gives up on playing dick-ass thieves.

The second curse that hit him is that when in town, all his coins will every twenty minutes grow to melting temperatures and melt through his coinpurse.

What else can I use?

>player is a thief
>steals shit
>how can I fuck him up
You must be very fun to play with

If he managed to steal it, he probably earned it.

Why would a wizard wear a cursed ring anyway?

Why do you have a dick on your team?

You must be quite an asshat to play against.

He stole it from the dangerous section of wizard's lab, when the wizard was giving the party the loot for helping rescue the town's cattle from goblins.

The rogue didn't even help with the actual rescue, he was looting the bodies while the others actually were fighting.

It's a cursed warding bond ring, and he now is lifelinked with whatever creature stole the other ring. (probably a goblin)

Neither party can take off the ring.

Oh, that's a good one.

It'll also give you a nice foil to add to the party. If you want to make sure he's not too squishy, buff him a little bit.

I did this to my party, and they ended up locking their lifelink in a closet with a food supply. In return, the lifelink bullywog escaped, realized the advantage of having a warding bond buddy, and joined an underground fight club.

The lifelinked PC just had to take damage at random moments in times after that.

Make a motor-mouth, sarcastic pirate parrot follow the player character at all times, never shutting up.

Fpbp

Day one: an overenthusiastic brony that only he can hear reads him erotic fanfiction.
Day two: an orc reads him the Windows server 2008 manual.
Day three: his body becomes responsible for the passing of a dragon's poor diet choices.
Day four: everything the thief has ever stolen falls out of his pockets covered in spaghetti.
Day five: you tell him not to play like this anymore because it is annoying. If he can't handle that then kick him from the group.

Have the cursed ring he stole be a secret scrying sensor. As in, the wizard can and does check in on the thief from afar.

The curses that keep being lumped on the theif are not random, the wizard is actively toying with the theif for catharsis. After all, the jerk earned it.

Embarasing curses, meanspirited ironic punishments. Just tge wizard straight up using the thief as a plaything.

Whats great is this gives you a secret plot hook where, if the party is involved in something actually important, the wizard will know about it and might intervene for his own benefit, at which point he has to explain how he knew...

Oh, that's genius. I'll use that as the basis of the curses.

Sounds like the perfect rogue stop being a no fun asshat

Sounds like you just hate the person. As a DM, why would you care if he helped fight or not?

I expected the players to be heroic, good folks, and for the most part they are, except the rogue who keeps trying to split off from the party to steal stuff from everyone is really getting me down.

The guy had chaotic good on his character sheet and his backstory was him being brought up by a poor family that always taught him to do the right thing to help folk out so I thought it'd be OK, but the player has done nothing but try to steal and be self serving. It's the fourth session and I'm sick of him using my game about. The party's already lost the cleric already because of the above fight and the other players are starting to lose interest because the characters that they wanted to play are dying.

Go for the basic

Try arrow magnet, vulnerability to X damage, disadvantage on X skill

Or Allergy to X, Change of appearance or gender, Bright and odorous Blood, etc

give him a "power bottom cape"

curse: you cant unequip this cape

the power bottom cape is a cape with very explicit instructions embroidered on the reverse

you can use your action on your turn to jump 30 feet high, only if you get a "power bottom" in the last 10 minutes.

to unequip this cape, you have to pay 500,000 gold coins to any man for a power bottom

Why haven't you just fucking talked to the guy? What compels you to be a passive-aggressive dick back to this guy? Just fucking talk to him like an adult and tell him to cut that shit out.

Players that do that kind of thing generally have the video game mindset too deeply ingrained to ever truly escape it. However, I think it would help a lot if you told him this. Maybe he could just chill a little bit. Sure, he might still hoard items and loot everything he sees, but at least he might be less of a cunt about it. Try it at least.
If that doesn't work, I'd recommend the Ring of Three Washes. It appears identical to the Ring of Three Wishes, but instead of granting wishes, it randomly dumps buckets of water on you at inopportune times, such as when he tries to steal something.

And have you told this player/the group of your expectations? If you haven't told them, then tell them so everyone knows what to expect. If you have told them, then talk to this player, tell him that the way he playing isn't working out for the best, and that it's not what you or the group sign up for. If this does not work out, then you might just have kick him out of the group, but at least everyone will know why that is. I know this sounds a bit cliche but the important bit is that you articulate your problems/frustrations, ignorance and passive-aggressive bullshit helps no-one.

TL,DR: Talk with your players and articulate your problems/frustrations.

I've mentioned it to the group, but the guy just laughs it off and he's the brother of the cleric player and drops him off, so if I boot him the cleric vanishes too, and he's actually a good friend of mine who roleplays well.

I'm probably a bit pissed off, I admit. Just can't see a good way out of this without losing good players with bad.

>Ring of Three Washes
Ok, yes, that's just the sort of thing I'd be looking for. A bit of humour is fine.

Ya know guys I also have been having the same and other similar issues with my group. They are all dick heads so help me ruin their gameplay so they stop being dumb.

The thief won't stop stealing for some reason.

The fighter cannot stop murder boning.

The wizard cannot get his nose out of the spell rules books.

Lastly the plaidin is always crying about morals.

Help me shit all over their fun so when the next game comes around they are either mud less fun less drones for MY entertainment or never want to play any TG again.

You are the DM dude, you can chose not to run the next session if they don't listen to you. Also, stop being an asshat. We play these games for FUN not just your fun. Learn to deal with player bull shit or stop running games.

Why are you doing this?

Kek

Every time rouge sneezes, he changes gender.

>The ring is a bomb, stuck to their finger, and will explode when near too much magic.
My DM did this to me, because I found shit out I shouldn't have yet.

A curse that gives him the value of the item in money, and every time he tries to spend money, he keeps getting money. If he gambles, he wins the maximum amount of money. If he keeps stealing shit, he will eventually die by his own greed, since he will be buried in money. Also, he cannot give the money away.

Amazing chapter desu.

His dick randomly changes shape to that of beasts or is it really random, see

At first it might seem awesome when the rogue goes for a piddle and finds himself with a literal horse cock but then when he tries to test his new tool out with the tavern wench it has somehow turned into a mouse dick (however those look like). Then when he might have to do some acrobatic feat, oh what luck, your dick is now that of an owlbear, you're now encumbered.

removing it removes the cock. entirely.