Can we please have a That Guy/Gal/GM thread?

Can we please have a That Guy/Gal/GM thread?

I'll start, though I admit my examples aren't the best.

>I'm playing a half-elf rogue with a DEX of 19
>another player is playing a necromancer of some sort with a DEX of 4 and a skeletal sauropod he rides around on
>I'm in a tree when we're camping, and it's time to set off, so I hoist my bag on my shoulder and slide on my feet Flintstones-style down its back (I roll well on top of my good DEX score to do so)
>he decides to try
>DM has him roll as well and he rolls a 6 total, falling on his face and suffering 1 pt. of damage
>he starts whining and drags the game to a halt
>later, he tries to kill a ship's captain for making him pay extra to board his giant skeletal dinosaur
>another player in this same game wants to murder a small child for stealing bread from him, and insists adamantly that doing so is a true neutral act with no moral meaning whatsoever

>a few years later, playing with a new group
>DM makes us basically beg for anything resembling an adventure hook or anything interesting
>we go to this graveyard and, after dicking around for 15-20 minutes IRL, uncover a weird portal beneath a tombstone
>go inside the adjacent temple and meet a gorgeous female paladin whose breasts the DM spends at least three sentences describing, then she sends us away while she "gathers resources for the excursion"
>next day in-game we come back and there's another paladin, epic level, who he stops to tell us is an old character of his
>he describes them eye-fucking
>the two of them basically escort us through the "Elemental Plane of Evil," slaying demons and devils and such left and right
>after the game when everyone else has left, he tells me that since I'm dating a guy, even though I say I'm bisexual, as far as he's concerned I'm gay unless he sees me kiss a woman
>proceeds to try to pressure me into letting him watch me make out with someone besides the person I'm dating to "prove my sexuality" to him

>asks for a certain type of campaign
>try to slowly steer campaign toward that
>finally reach the part he wanted
>he leaves to go play video games
Or
>sneaks ahead invisible
>finds high-level demon
>decides to attack it while 300 feet from the party
>gets hit with blasphemy and paralyzed
>gets angry that he didn't get a "surprise round" on top of already attacking once
Neither of those really annoyed me much, though. It is really hard to annoy me as a GM. And I guess they aren't really annoying but they're the best I have without making stuff up.

Why always is this board whining? Share cool stories about your DM/players being really cool, or having nice experiences.

>Play a campaign with 3 people for whom this is the first TTRPG
>Last session as I am moving away
>Hard fought last fight and we are down to our last lives
>There is a chest in the room and before I even noticed what was going on, our team greediest characters opens it
>mimic.png
>This calls back to our first ever session, where an undead fiend was animated because the same character was grabbing the treasures around its grave
>Three of us get knocked out and the last player (wizard) was out of spells.
>Bonus movement allows him to run around the room (large room, lots of obstacles), slinging pebbles at the mimic until it finally dies
>Adventurers decide to put down their swords and become farmers.

I rember this pasta.
Wasn't funny then and it isn't now, but i see you added some details.

>Why always is this board whining?
That Guy stories are often funny, and they make people feel better about their own experiences and groups even when they don't go great.

It's all in good fun.

It's not a pasta. I've just posted the same story more than once. I wasn't really trying to be funny, either.

Someone else might have posted something similar, though, I guess.

I knew a guy that constantly interrupted the DM and demanded that time be rewound so he could finish up retardedly mundane tasks in the scenes for no apparent reason.

What. Examples?

So, a while back, I mentioned we had this one minor problem player, who thinks "roleplaying" is describing how his character takes a dump in the middle of dungeon floors because he once heard a story online about how a GM rewarded XP for that, and wants to get in on that.

So he tries it, pretty much every session. It really came to a head though, when a captured assassin revealed that he and his ilk have been following the "trail of unburied turds" that Sir Shitsalot left. This led to a loud and whining complaint about how the GM was punishing him for roleplaying his character.

Anyway, the cancer has since metastasized. Sir Shitsalot decided to procure a Heward's Handy Haversack to leave his brown nuggets of glory in, and to his credit, our GM spaced out ambusher encounters afterwards. However, four NPCs who met his ire (apparently because he thought that our GM wanted us to like them for some reason or another) got shit from the haversack either dumped on them or thrown at them. This of course has created predictable reactions, and after the 4th such incident, the rest of us decided to murder the fuck out of his character, where he gives this smug, shit-eating grin and says

>I was wondering how long it would take you guys to react that way. So, for my next character idea, I've got (X).
We, however, decided that the next character in the group would have another player running him or her.

Like for example. We are planning a heist and finish the plans, so the DM moves the scene along. Suddenly this guy who hasn't been doing anything for the past five minutes demands that he be allowed to "finish." And he needs to calculate the weight tolerance of the material we are buying to swap out for the actual loot. We all just stare at him and tell that isn't relevant. We don't go into specific numbers because the system has no rules for it anyway and the DM is more focused on the difficulties of the plan, expense, opponents we might face, etc. It's literally some shit you would hand wave or not even think about, but this guy did shit like this constantly.

Maybe it was demanding that he be allowed to finish unloading his car. Or maybe his boat. Regardless, it was an action that no consequence and could simply stated or assumed at a later point. It was pure nonsense. The only reason we didn't kick him out of the group was because he didn't seem to be doing it antagonistically, and he didn't do it all the time. It was just fucking bizzare.

Op is a faggot

>I've just posted the same story more than once

Soooooo copypasta?

I would have a monster track him down and eat his intestinal track. Then bury his character in some latrine somewhere. Then, I would tell him to stop being a retard and play the game seriously or fuck off.

You kicked him from the group? Good for you.

We also have This Guy stories, although less frequently. Maybe they're not as popular because many feel too intensely envious of the experience of gaming with a good player or GM.

He might've had a bad experience with a group that would cut him off as he was explaining a mundane yet still crucial task, then the DM ruled that he didn't finish what he was doing and blamed him for it. I know it happened to me, but I'd at least pick up on a group that wasn't so anal then adapt appropriately. He might be frustrated about something else, I don't know.

>after the game when everyone else has left, he tells me that since I'm dating a guy, even though I say I'm bisexual, as far as he's concerned I'm gay unless he sees me kiss a woman
>proceeds to try to pressure me into letting him watch me make out with someone besides the person I'm dating to "prove my sexuality" to him

lol I feel bad for you

To be honest my DM was never bad or anything so I got nothing

Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! user's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

I'm not sure if I'd be laughing along or I'm only laughing because I'm not forced to experience it over and over again, but MY SIDES.

agreed

You idiots know this is a pasta from a long while back, right? This isn't something that happened.

Even if its a fictional story (like all D&D campaigns) I still think its funny and you go right ahead and fuck off matie

Copy-Pasta implies it isn't his own story. That he copied it from a other and pasted it as his own.
OP claims this is his own story, told multiple times because not every person on Veeky Forums is here for all threads and he wanted to share/start a fun thread.

Stop encouraging him, he's posting it in every thread.

Only That Guy and variants.

Tee hee hee.

Almost made it twenty posts before the Teehee Maccaroni story got re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-posted.

That's a pretty good run.

just a question, I am that guy if I am annoyed that my party members RP stupid suggestion when the some thing are pretty clear

like we find a blue magically warded door that does lighting damage through arcane check,

another player see a red door and as to check what the door does even though we are told it has similar runes on it

"Why is this board always whining", he whined.

My GM runs a fucking meatgrinder of a homebrew campaign. Basically modern dark fantasy with humans only and the only magic in the setting appears in the form of gear that you fucking need in order to survive the fast as fuck hundred foot horrors that one shot most characters alongside a point and click tier grudge-like ghost of a pc's love interest that bursts randomly out of openings like ovens and closets or any other place you could imagine someone hiding and she does ridiculous damage if you fail your reaction. That's another thing, enjoy losing every npc you care about unless you specifically go out of your way to keep them alive because god damn it unless you know for a fact that a character is better geared and capable than your own they're not going to last. The aformentioned ghost was a very well-liked developed npc that had been with the party for almost a year but as soon as she had any reason to seperate from the party the world practically ate her and that's just one example of many others.

GM also has a hardon for status ailments. He writes up new ones all the time.

currently in the middle of this 5e campaign, have a fairly standard party, our "that guy" is a dragonborn wildmagic sorc named.. Alduin. Gm just stared at him for a moment and shook his head but let the guy play since it was his first time.
>Sorc has a tendency to run off on his own so the party appoints the half orc fighter to keep an eye on him make sure he doesen't get arrested again ( the sorc has been arrested/kicked out of every town we have visited so far)
>Orc gets distracted buying cookies from a bakery and loses the sorc
>Sorc jumps in the bay and climbs onto a boat
>spotted by the crew he pauses a moment then rolls to persuade them he's part of the crew
> nat 20
> they take him to the captain, he rolls to convince the captain that he hadn't been paid yet... again nat 20
> decides he doesn't want to join the crew so he swan dives off the side of the boat ( at this point it had traveled several miles out to sea)
> starts swimming back to shore only to be dragged under by merfolk
> convinces the merfolk hes their long lost savior and bumbles his way through meeting the king accepting the role and raising their city from the bottom of the sea.
> they herald him as the return of their savior and prepare for war against the surface dwellers
> at this point party was wondering where he had gone just in time for the mer city to break the surface and hundreds of boats filled with warriors to pour out of the mer city laying siege to the human city.. led by our dragonborn sorc

>Nat 20
>Chaotic randumb leading army
>Any of this actually happening