How do you like your thieves and rogues?

Couldn't agree more.

>"f-f-f-fedora!", he chokes out through tear stained eyes, furiously slamming his keyboard with he each keystroke

here's your (faggot), You.

>"I'm- I'm not mad! My ass doesn't hurt!" he says tenderly clutching his ass, the tears exiting his bloodshot eyes leaving visible streaks down his cheeks

anything but edgy

You can be any range of characters but for me that archetype is about a specific role-playing play style.

I love my rogues to McGuyver their way through problems with wits alone or imperfect spells/tools combined to create the perfect solution, to manipulate battlefields to create favorable conditions for allies and minions or interact with the environment in interesting improvised ways, and lastly to solve some problems through words, stealth, and subterfuge alone as a master of deals, deception, and diplomacy.

I want my rogue to be the Hero of Wits. Not Wisdom, because that implies foresight. Not Intelligence, because that implies recognizing a pre-established solution pattern. But Wits; the ability to improvise and think quickly to make the best of a bad situation and its ever-evolving complexity.

Loveable.
One of the NPC’s in my game is a Bandit who’s also a ‘shopkeeper’ that just HAPPENS to be going the same way as the heroes. Sometimes fake junk ends up getting sold, but after the players warm up to him he’ll offer refunds to his favorite ‘nice guys’.
Once my players help him save enough money to get to a big festival to help ‘business’, he’s waving them down every chance he sees them, giving ‘em free samples and even shares the secret family recipe for cheap Status Ailment healing sweets.
He also sells ‘prop’ items to ‘em to trick dumber theives on principle.

I like rogues being cunning and taking actions with swift guile.

I like rogues swashing buckles amid action and fair discord.

I like rogues with pockets stuffed, haplessly snatching whatever shines bright; lugging about a crowbar if the fit is too tight.

Though they’re cut from varied cloth, I dislike those prone to sloth. Proactive, a rogue should be, even someone clever gauging a for over social tea.

And rightly skilled to the task i would hope, to stealing you of time.

Slipping to un-metered verse and rhyme.

*foe over social tea

...

Flamboyant and/or rakish.

Thots on this album?

Clever.

Dead, only pussies hide in shadows.

Back to /v/, scum.

...Do you know me?

Brutishly strong, but cunning and with a tool stashed away for every occasion.

Oh, and agile of course. Gotta be sneaky, and preferably a fair hand in a fight to capitalize on their strength.

Basically pic related, really, but with less planned contingencies than quick thinking and a very well-stocked toolkit. I assume Batman's utility belt includes a vial or two each of holy water and powerful acids, as well as Masterwork Thieves' Tools.

I like them to be fucking dirtbags: Untrustworthy, drug-addled, booze-bag street hustlers who will do anything for gold/treasure to keep their habit up.

This

Brilliant

flat tomboy/actual boy with sensitive nipples