Player character does something extremely retarded

>Dickass thief was not only a dickass, but was a meta dickass as well

Wow, that's strong.

>Player character doesn't help in a fight against a monster
>"Why would I hurt an innocent old hag, that just tried to eat a party member, and killed almost entire town"
I don't like PvP but goddamn I was tempted there

I bet he's an elf

i bet your mother is a elf

Fuck you
>Want to play my character
>Optimal play necessitates acting in a boring efficient manner
>GM doesn't even reward roleplaying anyways
The worst part is the GM isn't even bad, it's the players who don't give any fucks about roleplaying and he has to accommodate them.
Fucking adventure league.

That would have been my call too

> Have player logically punished for acting like a brain-dead moron where all he can do is blame himself

>Player character does something extremely retarded
>"My character is religious"

>players making retarded characters
>GM okaying retarded characters
Reap what you sow.

Plenty of players act like a 8-9 INT character should act like a sub 70 IQ retard. I can understand some DMs not expecting such a thing out of a player.

>i bet your mother
Take her

>Player does something extremly clever
>In Fiasco
>"I'm just playing my character!"

>Give them a black die anyway.
Solves itself.

You're not even wrong. Damn, I knew I should've done a Maid example.

>Player character does something extremely retarded
>"I'm just playing my character."
>GM makes him suffer the consequences of his retarded actions
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

>Player rolls shitty
>Asks for a reroll after every bad roll

goddamn i miss banana wine

My fucking DM even acts like having 8 Intelligence makes you as intelligent as a toddler, so I can't blame some of my party members for intentionally making shitty decisions.

Isn't the old rule of thumb that INT x 10 = IQ?

>6 or below is legally retarded
the problem there is that IQ is graded on a bell curve. If you use this formula than somebody who with INT 8 is much stupider than somebody who is INT 9, as compared to the difference between INT 9 compared to 10.

>Player character attempts something extremely retarded.
>Rest of party or even the GM tries to talk them out of it
>They still don't see what is wrong with the idea

Depends on if they're actually playing as their character or they're just playing themselves.

I played a game a while ago where my character was a sort of demon-summoning problem solver. Not a very nice person, but in all my experience with demons and mortals, I learned to cherish one simple rule: Do not. Betray. Your word. For my character it's not just good courtesy, it's a survival strategy, because the forces I reckoned with could literally tear me apart if I betrayed them. Didn't mean I had to be nice and honest all the time, but if I was going to stab you in the back, I would never tell you I wouldn't.

So we're all hanging out at a tavern when a group of assassins jumps us. Slap slap, punch punch, all of them are dead except for one. We tie him up and try to press him for information, but he's not budging. I have the best Diplomacy, so I work on him myself. Using my underworld knowledge, I recognize his signet ring as belonging to an order of honorable
mercenaries, and explain to him that he was mostly likely set-up by the bbeg that we're after. I give him my WORD that if he tells us about his employer, I'd let him go free--after all if we're right and his order is being manipulated, he might be the only person who can stop it.

So he does, we gain a few more plot details and my character goes to bed content with having made a new friend in low places. As soon as I'm asleep the warrior of the group chops the assassin's head off because, "He spilled my beer! I liked that beer!"

That group did not last very long, but I did at least get the satisfaction of kneeling over the warrior as he was dying, intentionally fumbling every first aid check until he was dead. I told him earlier that I would take care of him, and I kept my word just the way I intended to.

>party member tries to torture rando NPC with a party of good characters next to him
>"it's what my character would do!"
>I stop him
>"it's what my character would do."
>he gets mad at me as I shrug back.

If you are in a party of good characters, don't be blatantly evil. It's not that hard.

But do you have context?

>Character does something extremely retarded
>It's just me being the typical retarded low IQ loser that I am.
It sucks to be me. I usualy try my best, but people think I'm a retard anyway

This is why I play the "pragmatic evil character" in a party of good PCs. I work with them because the goal is noble, but I don't like their unwillingness to do the hard less tasteful things, such as heavy handed interrogation, unlawful use of explosives, smuggling, thieving and generally pragmatic things the Do-Gooder will abstain from doing because of their willingness to keep a good reputation. I'm ready to tear fingernails to get answers out of people as long as it gets me answers, but torturing for the sake of self gratification is not what I would do.

That's how I do Lawful Evil

>Have my character do something "retarded" when I know the actual answer.
>Group flips out like I have completely ignored their minmaxing talk by pure stupidity and not just roleplaying integrity.
>Really its just my character that suffers
The most unfun people to play with are those that cannot stop themselves from metagaming.

Sadly, the guy I was playing with was torturing someone for information after he told us what we wanted to know, in an adventure path. If he was playing smart, like you (I assume) then he would have told the GM separately and done it without us knowing. He was just being lolrandumb ebin ebil.

Technically, if you're rolling for stats, the results of 3d6 or 4d6-drop-lowest are also a bell curve.

Evil campaigns only last about as long as it takes for the GM allows it to, which is why most Evil campaigns rarely lasts longer than 3-5 weeks at best.

It's arguably one of the most on-rails campaigns you could ever be a part of, why? Because eventually the party is going to escalate the situation so that we move from small town guards to militias to mercenaries to assassins to full-blown armies mobilizing to kill them and I don't care how high your level is, action economy will still murder you even if you can swat away these people like bugs.

>Players imply that they want to do anything
>DM reminds them that deviating from their orders would result in their somehow nigh omnipotent, nigh omniscient superior being severely displeased with them

>If player character dies, the player will do IRL

One of my players (who houses me and the other two dudes in our 4-8 hour session) was suffering through some tough shit. She is great and all but damn she is unstable.

She was eagerly waiting for her elf to die. At the end of last week session, she pulled out gun saying that she will roll the dice if it wasnt a nat 20, she will shoot herself .

she rolled 3 fucking times and all of them were 20s , she dropped the gun and started to cry.

????

And the DM? Albert Einstein.

why would you make up something this retarded and then share it here? do you think this sounds cool or interesting or something? please stop

Is this a fucking 「Chick Tracts」reference?

ELFSTAR, NO

...

>The most unfun people to play with are those that cannot stop themselves from metagaming
Indeed...
>Play an Ice Sorcerer
>Encounter some obscure monster I as a player hadn't even heard of
>Some guy says it is immune to ice damage OOC.
>We all roll, no one rolled well enough to know anything about it.
>I go first, cast ray of frost
>my signature spell at this point, something I pretty much always start off with unless circumstances gives me a better option.
>Guy who revealed the immunity information OOC, starts yelling at me, calling me retarded and stupid, and asking the GM to let me redo my turn.
I wasn't even mad, just disappointed.

The other players backed him up too, but the GM was steadfast.

Still ended up leaving after that session. I was the only person trying to roleplay, and people were already giving me shit about being unoptimosed. This just put the nail in the coffin.

Playing a homebrew modern fantasy setting
>While the rest of us run around getting hurt, trying to figure out a way to get out of our current situation, he's standing in a bar being a DJ.
>While the rest of our party's been split with one half being in government custody guarded by the military and the other is trying to get the first out, he's standing in a bar being a DJ.

He literally did nothing the entire campaign but stand around DJing and then had the nerve to point out that while we were getting shot up or what have you, HE was staying out of trouble.

...what was his reasoning to making his character effectively a background NPC? Like, why he did even bother to show up for sessions?

I haven't the slightest of ideas, I don't think he ever gave one. He spent most of his time napping in his seat, barely bothering to engage himself in anything

Playing Dark Heresy there was one player who would have every character he made hate psykers, when they had no real reason or backstory in place to reconcile it. Thank fuck he eventually stopped that shit.

>Player character does something extremely retarded
>"Someone please stop my character, he's acting like a moron."

>Player character is doing something retarded
>I try to stop him in character
>"dude stop, I'm roleplaying"

That's a pretty common belief in the Imperium, though. It's a wonder he COULDN'T justify it.

I love players like you because you don't succumb to min-maxing, will you marry me?

>party does something extremely stupid and almost wipes on a sleeping ogre
>ogre wakes up
>player asks to describe the ogre
>roll for stats and cahracteristics
>rolls get me to describe a female ogre
>player was playing a human and tries to seduce the ogre
>he succeeds
>ogre now his wife and team mule
I'm pretty sure he did this because I'm pretty anal about carrying items and backpack capacity.

>playing AL and expecting any sort of roleplaying opportunities or rewards

I think that's your problem there bud.

A+ roleplaying

>being unoptimized
The fuck does that even mean in DnD. I play a Tabaxi Vengeance Paladin and another guy a Variant Human Divination Wizard with Lucky as starting feat in our current campaign but that's not a problem. You need to not play with assholes.

underrated double-entendre.

yeah nothing wrong with this, in fact, I would def. run a solo campaign with a player like the barbarian. Loads more interesting than murderhobo-evil-campaign 101.

Solo evil games > evil party

I'm playing a solo game as a gestalt druid/barbarian who just goes around razing villages and fighting gimmicky heroes, and I'm having a blast

>the characters I usually play.txt
>GMs look worried when they see "evil" on the page
>they ask me to pick a different alignment

Why is every GM traumatized from psychopathic evil characters in their games? Why is this that big of a trope?

I'd leave too. Not really a fan of playing with minmaxers unless they can curb their desires to roleplay properly.

That story will get every wench in future taverns hot and bothered I bet, even if he isn't well-endowed. It's just the rumors that would spread.

Because most of us have seen evil characters as an excuse to act like a murderhoboing psychopath, the sort that isn't evil, just random and stupid. I've GMed on and off for almost 30 years, and I can count the number of actually functional Evil characters on both hands.

Actually hating the witch is common sense in DH. And it's the typical thing they teach you at Sunday Mass. Even ferals know that spirit talking is bad juju.

Yeah I know it's common, but I'm more referring to the underlying reason. Purely philosophical.

Why do people make such a character in the first place?

I guess so.
They should make Half-Ogre a playable race in my opinion since we already have things like bugbears, Hobgoblins and Orcs.
I'm pretty sure this guy would like to play as his character's son.

That's an awesome idea. I'd definitely homebrew that to a playable race desu.

Because it is the ultimate low energy form of entertainment, as long as you don't mind being a bastard. You have a number of people, most of whom are presumably invested in making the game work, and with one disruptive enough murderhobo, you can knock it all over.

If you derive enjoyment from disrupting the fun of others, you can do it easily. And especially among the immature, you'll get people who have that idea of "fun".

All the best evil games that I've been a part of never started out as Evil games. We just rolled some morally grey characters and did some morally questionable actions until things went from there, and then we stop and realize "Wait shit guys, I think we're evil."

My last one I did roll an evil character(Lawful Evil Bard), but more the "Uses his good public image to get away with underhanded shit on the down low" type of evil, and his goals were self-serving but not in a way that would mean dicking other people over.
He eventually wanted to amass enough influence and power to take down the biggest evil in the setting. Not for fame, power, or anything like that, but because it was be amazing publicity for his concerts. Also because he has a mountain lair that would be the perfect location for the greatest Rock House ever.

>One player character suggests something completely retarded, such as say, trying to frame a bad guy NPC for a murder by walking up to a guy in a deserted alleyway, stabbing the shit out of him, and then telling everyone that Baron Relk did it, they totally saw it!
>Other players think it's a great idea
>They do this.
>Are surprised, confused, and ultimately angered when it doesn't work.

I know a guy who seems to have it as his standard that there's always an ex-wife who took all his money in a divorce. Even in a game that was basically a borderline Star Trek-level utopia with a citizen wage, he somehow had an ex-wife making him poor and miserable.

I think he's non-subtly trying to say something.

>user posts something extremely retarded
>I'm just shitposting

Heh heh, nice my main man

>player's character is technically a legal combination of in-game options but still comes across as incredibly wish fulfillment
>player plays their character's motivations very deliberately and doesn't violate anyone else's characters, yet still feels really indulgent
>as DM I want the player to have fun but always feel dirty like I helped them wank off after a game

I just wish people would make normal ass characters who can have a normal adventure, why does everything have to be about soul-draining people.

Timmy's First OC syndrome is a real GM hellscape.

I once had a party with a pair of evil characters who kept expecting boosts for sacrificing enemies to their evil god. They got away with it for a while because they mostly did it versus the normal assortment of slimes, vamps, and other dungeon fodder rather then anything important.

They were shocked when their evil god betrayed them because they kept sending junkfood.

what if the character their playing is legitimately like, 4 int retarded though

>They were shocked when their evil god betrayed them because they kept sending junkfood.
Wonder how well it would work if their god sent them a vision saying something along the lines of
>I am expected to eat everything you kill, and the junk you sent my way has angered me
>If you want your way back into my good books, serve me a member of royalty. Do well and I may even reward you.
>But if you kill anything less delicious than royalty for any reason, even indirectly, I will fucking eat your soul on the spot.

That way they get to feel like acting sane is edgy.

It's still no excuse to be dick.

I occasionally run a crazy cowboy campaign for my group that we play usually when someone's absent. Is it bad that I have plans for them to come across a pair of German gentlemen on vacation, named Alfred von Tirpitz and Otto von Bismarck?

>alignment

Irredeemable gamey grognard mechanic with no upsides and which directly leads to shitty settings with faux moral choices ("Should I slaughter the orc kid? He pings as badwrong on my radar!").

whew lad, that group is sniffing Pathfinder panties by now

So are you complaining that the warrior killed the guy or just telling a story

>not creating your own army and counter-assassins
Boy you sound intellectually bankrupt.

That's canon in Abramverse Star Trek, McCoy joined starfleet after his bitch of an ex-wife cleaned him out.

Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! user's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

>I know a guy who seems to have it as his standard that there's always an ex-wife who took all his money in a divorce. Even in a game that was basically a borderline Star Trek-level utopia with a citizen wage, he somehow had an ex-wife making him poor and miserable.
100% of nothing is still 100%, user.

Abramverse Star Trek is retarded.

That sounds like a group of actual retards who are sick as fuck, but if they all enjoy it and you're the odd man out, then you're the one that should leave to find another group and let them have their fucked up fun. If I were in your position, I would do so quickly.

"Hey DM, I noticed that one of your NPCs is named after that one boat, that's really clever!"

This should be a copypasta, if it isn't already.

It is. It's been making the rounds for some time now.

Well don't I look like a fool.

"Do you take me for a fool?"

"Well it would be a fair trade."

It is. It appears in any thread about players or gms without question