/STG/ - Star Trek General

...

Holy fuck.

They actually came up with something below Deviant-Art tier.

Now I have to apologize to every shitty Trek fanfic writer ever, because nothing they excrete can ever be this vile.

Goddamnit Star Trek. Look what you made me do now.

Quick /STG/ !

You must invent a more stupid ship design than that

The fate of known galaxy is at stake

I'm enjoying Discovery non-ironically.

...

No but seriously, context?

A gigantic cat tree shaped ship crewed by Catians with yarn ball controls instead of LCARS panels.

ITS NOT POSSIBLE CAPTAIN! ITS JUST NOT POSSIBLE!

You're just baiting the Constellation shitposter, right?

Don't mind me, Trek 2009 coming through here.

It has a mushroom-based slipstream style super warp drive (seriously, it is based on mushroom spores) that causes the saucer to spin for reasons related to the cavitation of bubbles in soda. Apparently. It makes literal nonsense.

The aztec tiling actually looks nice when it's moving dynamically like that.

Now I'm even more confused!

I know you're not the originator of that word-salad. And I thank you for attempting to distill it for us.

But the mere existence of that garbage stacked together like pancakes made of burning tires and hog bile does kinda make me want to slit your throat for having let such phrases pass your voicey-box.

Dammit Scotty why do you LIE to me like that?

>Nu-Trek, where everything is either blindingly bling-bright, or utterly dark and shadowy

>And above all else, everything must be polished to a mirror-sheen because HOW CAN WE HAVE MORE REFLECTIONS FOR THE LENS FLARES JJ?

Goddamnit. God. Fucking. Damnit.

I would gladly accept either of these in place of OPship Nausea In Space. Those are ugly as FUCK, but at least they're vaaaaaguely still Trek-y.

That episode was hilarious.

>nigga took my bridge bunny
>the same bridge bunny is traumatized by rape gangs
>situation turns into a diplomatic nightmare because of muh vaccine
>woman challenges abducted bunny to mortal kombat for the affections of the leader

Shit's insane

I was just wondering how they managed to broadcast it. People today get mad at this stuff.

As a war ship that actually looks quite good.

>And I thank you for attempting to distill it for us.
You're welcome, I try.

>make me want to slit your throat for having let such phrases pass your voicey-box.
As if I'd give this shit my voice for even a single second. Fuck that, I'd never inflict STD on spoken words.

It's so ridiculous I can't hate it, only pity it. 8 million dollars an episode, so much of which must be going on the effects, and they came up with that.

Like it was some '80s kids toy pushing cartoon and had moving bits cos kids like toys with moving bits, or was some shite out of Doctor Who I could understand but no. I guess those people who said it reminded them of a fidget spinner back when the rings were revealed were not as wrong as we hoped.

Nice trips, but I'm still confused as hell, user. Last time I watched trek was 1999. Haven't really paid attention since. Is this one of the ships from that Prelude to Axanar thing?

And is going on about mushrooms and stuff - good proper technobabble, I can accept, but mushrooms in soda?

Save me user, for I am powerfully lost.

>Prelude to Axanar

No, user. This is a real, actual show, not a fanfic. Even though the CGI somehow is worse than Voyager, and it's more badly designed than anything in JJ's canon.

Fanfic.

Looked.

Better.

This is indefensible. But I can't wait for the STD fags to try.

Eh, it's just eye candy, in the end. The plot's the important thing - new life, new civilizations, the better side of humanity, collaboration, and solving problems with duct tape and not guns.

The weird spinny bits is just stuff to look at between plot points... right?

It's weird if this is supposed to be some sort of Quantum supercavitation thing, because isn't that what the warp drive is?

I'm enjoying it.

But then again, the extent of my Star Trek experience is two episodes of TOS, that one movie with the whales, and the nu-trek series, so i'm not sure i'm in a position to judge.

But I do like how they took Ralph McQuarrie's old concept art and made it look future-futuristic. I mean, past the DS9 era, how do you really make a ship look shiny and new without resorting to spinning bits? How do you show it's even more advanced? I can see this working if they really wanted to emphasize that aspect.

This is where a Vulcan captain operating on Full Logic and the needs of the many being placed above the pride of the few would have been better.

Beam Yar back to the ship, punch holes in shields as needed, beam up the vaccine, beam down the agreed upon price or price appropriate to the local economy and its value in it (maybe a bit more for the inconvenience) and best speed to the planet where already the people are dying whilst all this fucking around was taking place.

Wakanda is not pre-warp, they just went back on a deal, lives are at stake and we haven't the time to be fucking around.

> [I] pity it. 8 million dollars an episode

The real pity is that they could have thrown that money on a DS9 remaster.

Wtf is even happening

>past the DS9 era, how do you really make a ship look shiny and new without resorting to spinning bits?

Discovery is 10 years pre-TOS.

I'm not going to say that TOS (or the rest of Trek) hasn't had some real goofy shit over the years, but the U.S.S. Flippin' Flapjack is just too goddamn retarded.

>using the Ralph McQuarrie design in the first place was a mistake
>three sections in the saucer that remove a ton of internal volume and make it more difficult to move around the ship
>giant spinning sections in the saucer that must take up even MORE internal volume, produce acceleration which probably fucks with the gravity plating, AND makes it even more of a nightmare to get around
>oh, and the ship flips upside down when it makes a super special fungus jump

I can't believe that it has become this bad. Maybe it'll edge into "so bad, it's good" territory.

Did that fucking come out of warp moving ventral side fore? That's not how it works, that's never been how it works, please tell me that was just some Caretaker-like bullshit.

>Discovery is 10 years pre-TOS.
Oh.

Oh dear.

It didn't come out of conventional trek warp. This is super special instantaneous teleportation to anywhere in the galaxy mushroom warp.

Literally "Dropping out of warp, captain!". Literally.

>mushroom-based slipstream style super warp drive
Elachi confirmed?

I honestly can't believe someone didn't already know that, but yeah, canonically, the Enterprise is running around right now under Captain Pike, with Spock as XO. Remember that the USS Mushroom Race is sharing space with the motherfucking OG Enterprise.

>Captain's Log, U.S.S. Fidget-Spinner

>special fungus jump

That's the only thing that TRULY made me mad though. Gotta be on drugs to come up with that shit.

Well it's space. You can move the ship then rotate it so that the ventral section of the ship is aligned with the direction of movement.

The weirder thing is how ships always seem to be level with relation to one another, even with completely unrelated ships that aren't part of any formation. They more or less act like aircraft.

Episode 3 implied that this was Federation homebrew tech and not alien goodies they stole. But who knows anymore. Also they seemingly built the Crossfield Class (U.S.S. Discovery & Glenn) specifically for the "Spore Drive"

And then they conveniently forget that this technology existed and VOY was stranded for seven years.

>I honestly can't believe someone didn't already know that,
I've been out of the loop for a few years. I just stopped by because I saw a weird spinning ship thing.

The aircraft thing is always wrong, as is sound in space, as are a number of other things. But they do it anyway, because it's easier for the audience to relate to, and makes it MUCH easier to set the scene visually when people aren't standing around at all angles.

Just one of those things.

I keep trying to wrap my brain around it. It's possible the creation of a stable warp field by a traditional drive doesn't rape the shit out of spacetime like giving it the mushroom tip. Just given the appearance of how it works, I'd expect it to do a number on the fabric of the universe. That said, cavitation would be a problem at your origin, not your destination -- the whole missing chunk of reality and the remainder of creation rushing in to fill the void, versus the displacement of existing spacetime when you materialize. So why spinny rings post-jump?

Because some fuckhead executive, some dipshit artist, some fanfic-writer-turned-director or some combination of the above got together, realized they couldn't muster three ounces of creativity between them, and decided "Fuck it, let's just do something visually wacky to get the lowest common denominator's attention!"

They seem to be spinning down post jump.

"The spore drive was based on the ideas of two colleagues and friends, Paul Stamets and Straal, who had been working on the concept since 2244. They were eager to get to the "veins and muscles" that held the galaxy together.

Their research was based on the insight that at a quantum level, there was no difference between biology or physics, and specifically that spores were not only the progenitors of panspermia, but also the building blocks of energy across the universe. This allowed Stamets and Straal to approach physics as biology. As such, the equations involved were reminiscent of both quantum astrophysics and biochemistry. (DIS: "Context Is for Kings")"

Did that ship just spin out of existence while leaving several breached warp cores behind to explode in the face of those warbirds?

Please tell meit was not something that retarded.

That's pretty much it yep.

We make a regular Federation starship but the saucer section is made square.

>biology = physics = mushrooms = the best warp drive ever created, so powerful that you can Taliban any planet anywhere at any time if you want but we dont cuz reasons

Fucking what?

>The weirder thing is how ships always seem to be level with relation to one another,

Fuck I'm mad. Physics operates at a completely different level of abstraction compared to biochemistry. Might as well say chemistry is just applied physics as well. Why are you morons studying chemistry when you could have been studying the REAL science that backs up everything?

>biochemistry equations

lel

Handwaved as convention -- orientation is along the planar face of the accretion disc in interplanetary space, up determined by direction of spin such that it is always right-hand motion. Planetary scale replicates this in miniature. Off-axis ships aren't rendered as such on viewscreens for simplicity unless specificity of location is pertinent. Sound is added to reassure species that experience disassociative effects / stress when faced with something that their cognition determines should make noise.

100% the constraints of making a show and making it relatable to 20th century humans.

Recurring character could be a grey haired old klingon fucker of similar age to the ancient captain. He has a small and extremely old civilian survey ship. Archer era vintage repair job type old.

He makes a living by semi-legally running Romulan Ale one way across the neutral zone and bringing Saurian Brandy the other way.

He and the old Vulcan go way back. Both of them were getting ready to kill each other in a war the Orgainians prevented for one thing. He was part of the old order of things and a commoner, he has no real love of the old empire or any for what it's become.

He also smuggles tech, information, refugees, defectors and operatives across the borders for a price.

He and the Cpt. are in a who can live the longest contest now. Its an enmity that's gone all the way around and become a strange friendship.

Cryptic to the rescue!

Holy shit. Is this a fan remake?

Yes.

It's like someone built a spaceship out of mall ninja knives.

For the low, low price of $25, this skin can make your Sovereign class go from decent to full stop fuckugly.

They've already laid the seeds for why this technology was rejected in episode 4.

I didn't even want to watch the first two episodes. I wanted to play PnP RPGs instead. Why would I stick around after that hot garbage.

Is this Kirk? He got an awful lot of cuts last episode despite having precisely zero dialogue.

Reliably navigating with the spore drive requires the torture of an alien creature

memory-alpha.wikia.com/wiki/Milton_Richter

This truly is the worst timeline.

>not torturing aliens everywhere you go
>do you even section 31

I heard you like torturing aliens so I put an alien torture mechanism in your warp drive so you can torture aliens while you warp to torture aliens

>"Hey remember that episode of Voyager where they had to make the other guys obviously sociopathetically evil in order to make Janeway look good? They're the good guys now."

I genuinely cannot tell if this is a joke.

So it's powered by the audience?

It isn't

>pic
Fuck yeah, the Cheyenne class, that ship is great. Like the noble Constellation.

The Cheyenne class is even more retarded than the Constellation because at least the Constellation has a reason to look retarded.

Well-played.

>that shit
>cannibal klingons

The fuck is wrong with these writers?

Here we go again.

You forgot

>borderline retarded vulcan

Burnham looks fucking devastated about it all, and now I'm betting she only mutinied in episode 1 as foreshadowing for how she's going to mutiny against Lorca.

I think this arc, if I'm forseeing it correctly, could have been good had it not been the opening of the show and had instead been like season 3 or something. This show needed at least one season of normalcy before the war to really get us invested in these characters.

>The fuck is wrong with these writers?
They are under the impression that they're making a generic gritty and dark sci-fi show, not Star Trek, which is none of those things.

Fuck you the Cheyenne has a reason to look so good: it's sexy as fuck.

>mutiny

So how common is this shit?

Well. This is a very very poor time you picked to resume being interested.

Like I could not imagine a worse point you could have picked here. Even Enterprise had some redeemable qualities and was only ever THIS retarded in single episodes.

[image related]

Cheyenne is nice. Shame it's not a default buildable ship and is on a random chance of a call-in.

She's heralded as the first ever in Federation history.

>>cannibal klingons

It's only cannibalism if you eat your own species.

>Shame it's not a default buildable ship and is on a random chance of a call-in.
In what game? I know it's a random call-in in Armada 3, in the reserve fleet you can get (it also comes with some of my other favorites, like the Freedom, Niagara, and New Orleans).

Is the saucer rotating

why is it rotating

who thought that would be a good idea

what possible purpose could it serve

seriously, who greenlit that idea?

Well, eating sapient beings that by all rights should be considered people should be on the same level, though maybe a word needs to be invented to cover it. At the very least it's murder.

What about real life? What happens that makes people mutiny?

>they showed like 3 minutes before that they could destroy Klingon ships with like 2 phaser shots.
>"No we must take so much damage that our shields drop to dangerous levels so we can teleport away with our mushroom torture engine and drop explosive things behind us"

Fucking hell STD is just anger fuel.