ITT: Useless magical items

Cornish Paste is useful though. Wagon stuck in mud? Apply to wheels for extra traction.

Or, y'know, dild supplement.

It's not the user who gets stabbed though.

>Band of Iron
A ring of solid iron. When worn, any instrument that you play will sound distinctively as if playing heavy metal music. The voice of the wearer will also be reduced to an almost incomprehensible growl.

I don't say that either. Presumably, neither do the people who correctly responded to the thread. Your 'we' sounds pretty gay desu.

...

Would pay good money for this. Put it on in a shop or someone else's car when they've got bullshit music on

I mean if the dagger lets you squeeze in one question and get it answered before they croak, it swings back into really useful territory.

>Whip of Friendship
Anyone you lash knows you want to be his friend

This would be pretty useful to a certain subset of people.

>Sword of Hostility
Anyone you slash knows you are hostile

Much better.

That's every sword tho

>Goggles of Far Sight
Allows the wearer to see beyond the horizon, but makes their vision too blurry to make anything out accurately

>tent of insect repelling
Keeps all spiders, mosquitoes, etc away from you while you sleep inside it

the catch is it's reversible, and if you do it inside out (indistinguishable from rightways out), all nearby bugs are tunnelled inside with you. And you can't know which way is in or out, since it only activates when you sleep and the tent is resistant to marking.

A 1d4+1 magic axe that ignores armor.

Apparently for my players at least.

Puedes dar salsa, por favor?

>Capris Pants

Coffee of Unenergizingness.

So decaf?

>Pen of scribbling
>Only writes in the corner of the page in scribbles

Your players are a bunch of asshats, then.

>The Scholar's Blindfold
Whoever wears this blindfold can read any language written with ink or similar liquids, and on vellum or similar surfaces (paper, leather, papyrus,etc.). Doesn't work on humanoid creatures with two or more eyes or with unusual anatomy.

>Spider's ring
Who wears this ring gains the agility and reflexes of a spider. Only spiders can use it. It's a pretty ring, though.

>Augmentation Box
Anything that is placed inside this small box will grow four times its original size, but only while inside the box.

...

>Crossbow of bolt removal
When this crossbow is fired, remove a bolt from your inventory

Cloak of Invisibility

This cloak is completely invisible, you can't even tell someone is wearing it!

Stone Dagger

An enchanted dagger made out of stone. It's also a durable as stone, and has been chipped and dulled down to a small roundish nub.

Barkskin Potion

Anyone who drinks this potion will have their skin turned into treebark. The effect wears off after an hour, and is exceedingly painful.

Ring of Rejuvenation

Anyone who wears this ring will have their life force slowly sapped by the ring, which is sentient and will comment on how much better it feels now.

>Goggles of Far Sight

>Pen of scribbling

>Ring of Rejuvenation

Here, have my keks.

>Trombone of Unseen Treading
The carrier does not make any sound while moving when rolling Stealth, and gains a +4 to any rolls to remain hidden, but only while playing the trombone.

>Choker of Bird Talking
Who wears the choker can be understood by birds when talking to them, but won't understand a thing he/she's saying, nor what the birds answer.

>Cap of the flying rhino
The wearer gains the power of flight as if he was a rhino.

The trombone might be useful for distracting or creeping out people. You'd just have to hide somewhere within earshot but out of sight and be good enough to sneak away to another hiding place either with or without the bonus from playing. Seeing enemies become paranoid after hearing about such occurrences might be pretty rewarding.

Infinite shortswords is pretty nice

Kings.
Or rather, former kings.

So where's the rest
Don't leave me hanging here

both hands on the keyboard, please

>Magick Ring
Put it on a construct and suddenly its spell casting fails to compile.

here it is amigos
imgur.com/gallery/Tz8wE

A magical sphere that, when placed on a surface, tells you whether and in which direction that surface is sloped.

> Augmentation Box

Works well as a magnifying glass, or for doing extremely fine-detail work on small items. I might use this at some point.

One of my players wants to play a bard - I might snag that trombone and change it into a bagpipe.

Not to accuse anybody of being unoriginal but it's been done
>Bagpipe of Stealth
>Grants the user invisibility as long as it is being played.
I mean, it's on 1d4 chan so you know it's old

I don't think it works that way.

Oh, I will still modify it, I want to have sneaky crocodiles with bagpipes going around causing trouble.

Isn't this the canonical power Assassins have in Assassins' Creed?

Source:
trashknight.tumblr.com/

Base abilities cannot go under zero...

I once read that today there is a something like 1 in 3 chance of surviving being stabbed in the heart if you get to a hospital fucking quick.

Modifiers can... they apply to rolls made using a base ability...
also stop using ellipses on Veeky Forums... faggot...

>the joke
>over your head
...mongoloid

If you put it inside out and then you and all your friends sleep outside it will they all be protected since all the nearby insects will be inside the tent?
And can you then squash if flat to get lots of delicious protein-rich insect meat?
And then if you squash

>it works at base like a pocket dimension
>taking it apart breaks the magic
>Instantly attacked by the combined might of every insect in the forest upon breaking it
I see no way this can go wrong

Oh and I forgot, causes bleeding on half damage.

They sold it for a pittance because they just told the guy buying it was just a normal axe. Then they got mad a hour later when they didn't have enough money for a boat ride.

Damn, hadn't thought about that. I guess it can be kind of useful.

Ok, I'll rephrase that; only works as long as the box is closed.

Maybe I've read that before, but I can't remember. I was just thinking of loud musical instruments and stealth.
Also I just realized Trombone of Unheard Treading sounds better, I think.

Dagger of magic

A completely normal dagger, save that attempts to identify it's magic identify it as a +1 magic dagger. It confers no otherbenefits, and does not deal magic damage.

thank you

I'd take it, takes a long time to die from a stomach wound.

Ugh, how old are you?
Not that guy but seriously only niggers and rebbit use ellipses like that.

Negroid-

>Muh memes are high brow

thank you

Assuming that putting the enchantment on it costs less than making it an actual +1 dagger, could be useful for scamming people with.

>Moondial
A mystical Sundial-like device that functions surprisingly well under the light of the full moon. Functions significantly worse as the moon wanes, however.

>Twin Arrowheads
A pair of arrowheads, magically bonded such that when one is fired it will always fly to the other arrowhead. Which is somewhat inconvenient when you'd rather hit a target that isn't your quiver.

>Weightless Coin
This coin never lands when flipped.

depends on the size of the knife. Most knives used in stabbings are pretty thin, and most people doing the stabbing aren't exactly good at it. You'd be fucking amazed reading ER reports about stabbing victims. Apparently most knife fights are basically just two people stabbing eachother over and over again until one of them passes out and doesn't wake up and the other guy drags himself to a hospital. As long as there's not ripping and tearing, most injured organs will basically just keep going, even the heart can handle having a hole in it for at least a little while.

anatomy is weird. stuff like damage and injury isn't as simple as "if stabbed it stops working" and is really more about "what mechanically would stop it's actions" and holes, while bad, aren't enough to instantly stop most of your organs.

...

WE

not the Tsunderapier

>The sword of the obstinate
The sword acts like a painless blade until used to harm another, in which the wound completely heals back up, no less or no more than was inflicted by the blade.

>Boots of the adder
Whoever wears the boots die from a snake bite, however if one would use it in intentions of harming another the boot will transform into a adder and bite them.

>Salt shaker of the sensitive king
A salt (or pepper) shaker that will make anything you put in it be completely tasteless. It will not remove the effects of it and anyone who holds it will know in basics what it is in it.

Serves them right.

>Wand of ant resurrection.
Contains 50 charges. Only works on regular ants.

...

>>Wand of ant resurrection.
>Contains 50 charges. Only works on regular ants.
You know it was just some wizard dad who tried to help his apprentice kid when his ant farm died out.

I'm pretty sure it does

>>Weightless Coin
>This coin never lands when flipped.
Careful user, this is how you get perpetual motion generators

Nah it just stops in place.
Its not an immovable rod or anything, you can pick it up pretty safely too.

It just wont land.

m8 if it breaks the laws of physics an engineer WILL find some way to exploit it

First thing that springs to mind is flying machines

How would you do it then? Genuinely interested.

Yeah but it doesn't actually carry anything. It simply doesn't land, if you put it inside a plane without anything else all you're gonna have is a coin sliding around, occasionally bouncing and staying in the air.

>>Dagger of Heartfelt Truth
>Can make anyone tell the truth, as long as the dagger is piercing the heart of that person.
That sounds incredibly useful, actually.

I think in AC1 it was just plot dumps because the "real" Altair did have those conversations but it'd be awkward to have them in normal gameplay so the bumbling around that desmond-altair does is literally him playing video games and being bad at them.

It's also why the first game had "Synchronization" instead of straight up health; presumably, what you experience in playing the game isn't precisely what actually happened, and there are bits left out because they're unimportant or boring or whatever. The time skips after completing assassinations are explicitly some lab tech pushing "fast forward" on the video game.

Thought of something at the spur of the moment but it may have been thought of already. Something like this.
>Jar of Screams
People think this container is likely to contain souls inside or something equally diabolical. However, this seemingly useless container makes a high-pitched screaming sound if as much as two coins are placed inside it.

The description of the effect seems to imply that it supports the weight of the structure, and the structure alone, and allows the interaction of outside forces. This means that effectively, if you applied this enchantment to a thing, you would negate it's weight completely - so if say, you wanted a flying castle, you then would only need some means of supporting the weight of the things inside that aren't a part of the castle itself - people, siege weapons, furniture, etc. This is a hell of a lot simpler than supporting the weight of said castle.

I'd build an airship, applying the enchantment to the structure of the ship itself. From there it's just a matter of supporting the weight of the crew and weapons, which is far less than the ship. This is actually the only way something like a Final Fantasy-esque airship would work and is a decent explanation for one

>It simply doesn't land
I can't think of a way to translate this into good motion but you could very easily make some sick ass hover craft out of this.

Simply put it on the bottom of something, as many as you need to get good balance from a similar wheeled vehicle, and you have a cart you can push around just as easily as you would a boat. (and there's a reason sea travel used to be so popular, and why digging a canal would be just as reasonable as building a railroad; pushing/towing a boat is very, VERY easy.)

The distance between the coin and whatever is below it would probably approach zero, so it'd be unsuitable for airships or whatever, but that it's not actually touching the ground means that the only friction forces you have on whatever the coin supports is air friction. You could basically get four of these, stick em to a pallet, and be able to cart around anything to anywhere with way less effort than normal. It'd revolutionize freight and travel.

Well I mean problem is that its completely immobile and it needs to be flipped.

>Magnifying Glass of Ant Speak
This magic magnifying glass can only be seen through while under the light of the sun. While looking through it you can cast the spell Speak With Animals, but only on ants.

more thoughts in a bit running late

Only if you buy an infinite number of them.

...but they're on sale now for half price! That means that with the savings from buying one, you can afford another! If you keep buying them, the INFINITE SAVINGS will let you buy INFINITE SHORTSWORDS!*

*while supplies last, supply may not actually be infinite.

>Asmodeus, Bane of the Holy
This arming sword is highly unbalanced, and when swung, causes all those with faith to lose their footing.

So, a necklace that makes girls act like drunk, horny guys.

What's the downside again?

There's nothing special about "weightlessness", which in this case just means it has the same weight as the atmosphere around it, you could achieve the same effect with a balloon filled with just enough helium to reach equilibrium.

So "M8", it doesn't break the laws of physics in any meaningful way, and you are obviously nothing even close to an engineer, stop trying so hard.

>Portrait of a wizard
A crayon drawing of two stick figures, one tall with a beard and a robe(?), and a small girl(?). The owner of this parchment perceives it as the greatest portrait they have ever seen, and feels compelled to comment on the creators talents. To everyone else, it appears as normal. Once someone else takes it into their posession, the effect is transferred to them, as well as altering memory to make them think it was always a masterpiece. The last owner is also cleared of the effect.

Sooner or later, you'll have to take a seat right over there.

>Ring of Impalpability
Makes the wearer impossible to recognize by touch.

>Scroll of Kindling
Can be used to light a normal fire, with the aid of flint and steel.

do we actually have to know how to light a fire with flint and steel or are they just catalysts to the ritual?
because that can be kinda useful for a hikikomori neet mage

So long as you dont pull the object out, then yes, there is a good chance.

Pull it out and bleed to death in a matter of seconds/minutes like steve irwin.

none of that dumb shit makes any sense with how the original item was presented, nor does it mesh correctly with normal mechanics

Ring of Impalpability actually seems like it could be a really cool solution to a specific puzzle, like having to get past a blind guard or something.

>Useless
It doesn't even specify how deep/where in the stomach I have to stab them

In a world of HP and healing magic, infinite charm would be super useful.

Underrated post

>Insert dagger
>Raise zombie
>Bind soul

Get all the questions I need answered from that person. Being a necromancer has its perks.