ITT: nice objects for a low-power party

ring of water walking

>lewd

>The only thing that can enter it is a hand.

>Candle whose flame flickers toward a path that leads you outside

That one's alpha-tier adventuring gear, especially if the definition of "out" shifts.

holding hands is lewd

Well, It's concealed within a bag. So to everyone else it just looks like you're walking around with your hand in a bag.

Instead of having a candle that points outside, it points to safety. Can still be a nuisance rather than help if, say, the quickest way outside or to safety is to climb a 50ft wall.

But can also spook the Heck™ out of your players by having it not light. There is no safety.

>Carving Knife of Plenty
When used to slice cooked meat, if the slice is less than a centimeter thick, causes the slice to expand to a centimeter thick. This doesn't add matter, it just makes the existing meat a tiny bit spongier but also larger in total volume. Will fill stomachs slightly easier than without. Just don't carve the same slice more than once if you don't want weird meat marshmallow fluff.

>Golden sweet tooth
An enchanted gold tooth.
When implanted into a character's gums, gives them an extra sense to detect nearby sweets.
Sensation will detect the sweetest thing within 25 feet, even through walls up to an inch in thickness.
Wearer will claim it's almost like the target object is inaudibly calling for their rescue.

>Hideous Woolen Shirt of Warmth
Knit woolen shirt with an ugly garish pattern of fat little lambs in green fields.
Protects you from cold environments and lessens cold damage(Example:D&D 5e Cold Resistance)
>Book of Smells
A book containing descriptions of various scents both mundane and exotic, delightful and ghastly, when a page is scratched the scent described on it fills a thirty foot radius centered on the book for 1d4 hours, only one scent can be active at a time.
>Bells of Jingling
Small bells that when carried, worn, or attached to a creature give it a penalty to stealth checks, but an equal bonus to tumbling/acrobatics checks.
>Idjit's Monstrous Saddle
A saddle that when strapped properly onto a monster makes it friendly and ridable for 1d12 hours, after which it loses effect and must be removed and strapped on again.

A jar of skub. It's the best thing ever.

I could use one of those right about now.

Forgot to add that Idjit's Monstrous Saddle is for a particular monster type (preferably just inside or barely outside your party's CR range) e.g. "Idjit's Monstrous Saddle of Owlbear Riding" or something.

That is actually a pretty dope item. I think I may just add that to my list if that's cool.

Yeah man, it's cool, I'm thinking about doing a whole line of items by Idjit the Artificer.

Do it. I've got a couple, but they're more mid level items and require some leniency with the rules. Nothing game breaking, simply unorthodox. Such as a jeweled spider that activates on the first person to cast non-invasive magic on it (IE detection magic will not activate it) and will then bite the user and latch on. User goes into a comatose state for 1d4 days and awakens with essentially the ability to Blue Beetle themselves. Though I know that one has been done to death so I never use it.

Faaaaaaagot

When you get it drawn up in full post it to tg so we can take a look at it.

Okay, here goes a few.

>Idjit's Pen of Incomprehensible Cipher
Any message written with this pen will never be decided, by anyone.
At least without...
>Idjit's Spectacles of Incomprehensible Comprehension
Only one pair was ever made, they were buried with Idjit.
Who wasn't dead at the time.
Long story.
>Idjit's Ring of Mortal Rigor
Any creature who wears the ring is put into a death-like sleep where they do not age or require food, water, air or warmth.
... I guess it wasn't that long of a story.
>Idjit's Carpet of Lying
Is actually a rug, very comfortable though.
>Idjit's Lunar Loom
Can weave moonbeams into actual fabric, which evaporates in sunlight.

That's all I have for now.

That was supposed to be "decoded" not "decided", my phone is a fucking idjit.

Yeah sure, if this thread is still up tomorrow I'll try to do a couple dozen more, or maybe I'll start a new thread with a full list.

Idjit's Lunar Loom seems like it would be good for a story component. Hell, a lot of this kind of gives me an idea for a campaign to locate and revive Idjit for some reason or another. Could build up quite a bit of lore with him almost Last Remnant style.

Well, some things to keep in mind if you decide to use Idjit the Artificer as an NPC, from my extensive knowledge of just making him up like two hours ago.

1. Idjit is not actually stupid, just not very practical and prone to not actually thinking things all the way through.
2. He is actually very good at being an Artificer and everything he makes works EXACTLY as intended, the intention is just often stupefying.
3. He's pretty absentminded when not directly engaged in artificing.
E.G. he actually very sensibly wrote a note for his assistant when testing the ring.
Unfortunately he used one of the pens, which he didn't notice because he was wearing the glasses.
So his assistant came back to find her master stone dead with a page full of gibberish pinned to his chest.

user you're amazing and I'm stealing your shit immediately

...

Exactly how I imagined him. Awesome. Love it.

I'm imagining it was made by a sad wizard/artificer who just wanted to hold his recently deceased wife / child's hand one last time...

I'll hold your hand, user. :3

holy shit

>It's a portal to the afterlife that lets you hold your lost loved ones' hands

Awake now, and currently working on a list.
It will probably get pretty weird as I start struggling to fill space.

Jamaican dm here who also plays mtg and the pokemon tcg.
Make some real black friends pls

What about those who don't even have a lost loved one...

It's actually fucking garbage and you should feel bad about yourself.

Work is progressing slower than I'd hoped, here's a bit of what I have so far.

>Idjit's Unerring Guide
A small metallic sphere that fits in the palm of the hand.
When you speak the name of a place a spectral arrow appears pointing at the shortest possible route to the stated destination, regardless of passability or the actual time required. e.g. If you ask the guide to point you to the fabled lost city of Tuktuk on the far side of the world the arrow will point more or less straight down, grab a shovel.

>Idjit's Candle of Invisible Illumination
When lit this candle's flame burns on the ethereal plane, shedding neither light nor heat.
It will however render invisible objects or creatures visible, provided it is used in the dark with no competing light sources.
(So a character without darkvision will ONLY see that which is otherwise invisible)
The candle is consumed at the same rate as a normal candle once lit and is impossible to extinguish by normal means.

>Idjit's Hat of Invisibility
The hat is invisible, it's a large silk top hat, probably pretty stylish at the time it was made, to tell you more I'd need the candle.

>Idjit's Glass Cannon AKA "Idjit's Brittle Bombard" AKA "Idjit's Crystaline Conveyer"
A tiny crystal figurine of a cannon, when placed on the ground and activated by a keyphrase it expands into a transparent cannon with a very large bore and a barrel about fifteen feet in length.
The cannon has no amunition but is large enough for a medium creature to crawl inside and a charge sufficient to launch said creature in a gentle arc about 60' in height and 300' in length, or 100' straight up, depending on elevation.
The charge is harmless to the creature, any other complications encountered as a result of being launched are not part of the cannon's effect and thus not the responsibility of Idjit the Artificer as per the user agreement.
On use hundreds of cracks appear in the cannon which then shatters into pieces, all of which evaporate immediately save one which reforms into the original figurine.
The figurine cannot be used again until the following day.

>Idjit's Polymorphic Menagerie
A box that when opened polymorphs every creature within 60' as per the "polymorph" spell.
The spell functions as if cast by a 16th level character with an 18 in the relevant stat.
All saves apply as normal.
The box works only once.

>Idjit's Twig of Termite Agitation
A small flexibal stick with all the leaves dftly chewed off, when stuck into a termite mound it annoys the plump nutritious residents, causing them to grasp the twig with their mandibles, they can then be extracted and consumed at leisure.

>Idjit's Enjoyable Swing
A rope attached to a wooden hoop padded with cunningly woven banana leaves.

>Idjit's Crown of Willful Ignorance
A circlet that when worn removes all unpleasant or unwanted memories from the past year.

>Idjit's Miraculous Macaw
A mechanical bird with a large powerful beak, it never leaves its perch and occasionally makes a series of loud raucous shrieks.
When handed a nut it will expertly crack it and drop it into a bowl attached to its perch.

>Idjit's Miraculous Macaw Muffler
A soundproof hood that fits over the head of Idjit's Miraculous Macaw.

I'm a fan of seemingly useless stuff, and letting them be creative with it
for example last session
>a statue that screams when touched, and temporally deafens the touchee,
the barbarian tied it to a stick, it's now the hammer of shhhh

Ring of Ignorance:
makes you invisible to people, who you can't see

The Bottle of Blow:
gentle breeze blows in the direction you point the neck of the bottle

Unportable hole:
single use

Arrow of Returning:
duck

boots of sure grip:
++ to climbing

but dose it know morse code?
and can I become a budget necroma... master of post mortem communications

At the end of the first session of what we’re playing now, I set up a Strip Mall across the street for the characters to peruse between sessions. Some of my favorites:
>a wind-up toy that moves forward and makes a distracting amount of noise
>fake moustache to try and de-escalate any situation
>a party-healing frozen pizza (nobody had access to fire-moves or items in the field yet)
>a pretty strong spellbook entirely in French (which none of them speak, but it helped with Charming rolls)
>a glittery weak magic wand that pisses off opponents and makes you look cool around little kids
>an Attack FX badge that makes all your attacks sound silly

Th-thanks

Okay, here's one.
>Glove of Redundancy
>Turns your skin an ashen black upon use
>Incurs a 1d6/day penalty to wisdom, and intelligence when Emberweed is not imbibed
>Gain 1d4 bonus to wisdom and intelligence for 1d4 hours after smoking Emberweed
>Permanent -2 to athletics and a high hunger rate for the rest of the character's life

There. I've shoehorned in your culture with a desire for more black characters while keeping it balanced. Go fuck off elsewhere.

I really don't understand what this post is about.

don't bite /pol/ feeds on scorn

>Triangle of Ting
Smells suspicious.
Summons 1D3 dreadlocked Buffalo Soldiers, who are pacifists, and very hungry.
User gets +2 to JAH (not CHA)

Stop replying on other people's behalf.

An insecure /pol/ack pretending to be me from my post earlier in the chain. I meant for the original post to be a joke and even added a magical item so as not to waste space, but I made the terrible mistake of not stating it was an exaggeration so it attracted a shitposter.

It was just a joke user, no /pol/ triggering intended.

Also
>soup bone of famine
A dry oxtail bone that adds the nutrition of a decent meal to any liquid it's cooked in. Can be reused, but loses its powers after a couple dozen uses. Does not alter the liquid's taste or texture.

>Idjit's Humorous Helicon
I'm gonna be honest, Idjit has a pretty juvenile sense of humor, it's just a tuba that produces various fart noises.

>Idjit's Incandescent Grouse
A chicken-sized mechanical bird that emits a bright light akin to that of a driftglobe, it also follows the user in a similar fashion, occasionally wandering off and pecking at things.

>Idjit's Remarkable Roustabout
A mechanical dwarf who can move up to two tons of material per day, fifty pounds at a time.
Or just follow you all day carrying a fifty pound load.
If you attempt to make it carry more than fifty pounds it will drop the load and walk off, it emits clouds of noxious smoke for fifteen minutes before it will work again.
Its speed is that of a normal dwarf.

>Idjit's Convenient Cupboard of Coldness
A box roughly six feet tall, three feet wide, and three feet deep, the box is very cold inside and will preserve perishable items nearly indefinitely.
However it weighs nearly 400 pounds, so it's not terribly useful for a party attempting to travel light.

An ancestor's, then.

>The party has been adventuring for months
>One of the party members has the bag, sometimes puts his hand into it just because, he's grown used to the hand inside
>Then, one night, his face goes white as he puts his hand in
>This is a new hand
>A small one-- a child's
>Clutches the bag tight and cries for hours

His child died?

>black kid is the fiend
What did he mean by this?

I haven't played this one yet but I have an idea for a labyrinthine library where the players have to find a specific book of incantations in order to find their way out, in the process they have to go through a set number of books that have varying effects if they read more than one page. One of them is called A Kid's Guide to Cool Stuff and Monsters and is written in crayon by a 10 year old, and if they come across the page of the Deck of Lots of Stuff they'll be able to pluck it from the page, which is just like its counterpart except with heavily nerfed effects

>My first ever game (pathfinder) I rolled a halfling bard and asked the GM if my character could have a fancy pipe.
>he tells me I get a magic self-lighting pipe that was given to my character as a gift.
>I grab a 0 spell that lets me create smokescreens out of any flame or spark nearby.
>my pipe becomes a vital tool for the early level encounters.

You have it backwards, the black kid is playing as the asian girl because he's a weeb and the middle school girl is playing as a shirtless edgy dude.

>Compass that points true north
Fuck me that's good.

I don't get it. What's the practical use for a character in a game to have that.

Explain user.
I feel like I'm missing something about 'true north'

Not him, but compasses point Magnetic North, which is slightly off from True North.

Not really useful, but an interesting difference that might have unforeseen implications.

I'm stealing this. such a great way to get fear into your pcs

are you me? this is pretty much the same idea i had for my first campaign. a funny little artificer who was always making crazy shit of dubious usefulness.
i refined him a bit over the years as he's a reoccurring NPC of mine, the pcs seem to enjoy his sillly little inventions better than most of the standard powerful loot that drops. sometimes hes selling things out of a cart other times hes got his own shop in their home town but its always "Aziz's Eclectic Emporium"
some of his inventions are... (please forgive any duplicates already in the thread)

Everstockings, the last socks you'll ever need!
~they're about 4 times mor durrable than regular socks and enchanted to always remain dry and keep the wearers feet at a comfortable temperature.

"never lose your marbles again!"
a small well made leather bag with a drawstring. when opened and the command word spoken all the marbles that originally came with it are attracted to the bag, rolling towards the user at a reasonable speed and into the bag if placed on the floor. very popular with kids.

collapsible cauldron
a three gallon cooking pot that shrinks down to the size of a teapot when rapped with any solid object to the tune of "shave and a haircut". it is also self cleaning.

spoon of seasoning and scouring
uses prestidigitation to season food or clean objects, ten charges a day.

creepers candles
black candles that burn at a normal rate and shed candlelight that only the holder can see. must be held in a bare hand to function properly, includes a wax catcher so you don't burn yourself at no extra charge.

clicker cricket
a small piece of stone carved to resemble a common cricket. when placed and tapped three times it starts letting out intermittent and annoying clicks via a ghost sound effect.

amulet of pest be gone
a simple brass pendant or cloak pen that wards of fine sized vermin like mosquitoes and fleas.

Does the hand exist when your hand is not inside it?
If the bag is destroyed or stabbed, does the hand inside feel pain?

I'm pretty sure I'm not you, not entirely though.
I think I came across the "archetype" if you will the first time in the footnotes of Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, a sort of historical background character named "Bloody Stupid Johnson", a character whose feats I'm not nearly ambitious enough to try to emulate in an NPC.

dune trekkers shades
sunglasses that reshape to fit the wearers face and seal tight to keep sand and other particulates out of the wearers eyes. incidentally also protected creatures with light sensitivity from being dazzled by the sun.

wonder whistle
this small silver whistle emits a tone so high pitched its beyond the range of even beings with keen senses. in fact the only ones who can hear it are others who own these whistles and wear them around there neck. perfect for sending secret messages to your friends! code book not included.

self igniting kindling
small resin soaked pieces of wood that when snapped started heating up at the break till they catch fire. each burns for 30 minutes, plenty of time to coax even wet wood to burn. quite smokey however.

sand strider's salvation
small glass smooth stones that fit easily in ones mouth. when sucked on they release small amounts of water, drawn from nearby sources to the user. the magic is weak so it goes for the nearest water available, including what you're carrying. but when the water runs dry and you're miles from anything but sand these little stones can make the difference between life and death.

great minds must think alike then. love Ijjit, great shit man, just great.

more from Aziz's stockroom

dungion delvers duds
these sturdy garments come in several styles, all of which posses a number of pockets as well as gear loops and lanyards for weapons and tools. they boast an impressive array of enchantments meant to stave of common underground hazards. they are waterproof, self drying (as in yourself), mud and muck slide right off them, all straps and fasteners are keyed to a command word to prevent a tight squeeze or a rough fall from stripping gear off you, simply speak and yank, the rest will stay put. the hat can emit light like a torch once every 8 hours but must recharge for another 8 before use. the gloves and boots grip true on slick surfaces, negating difficult terrain from such sources. once a day the shirt or vest can cast endure elements and will do so if the user becomes dangerously overheated or hypodermic. once a day the wearer can go through their pockets and pack, looking for a small but necessary dungeon delving interments that they either lost or forgot and find a new one that will last for 24 hours. he also sells and upgraded version that replaces the regular pockets with 6, 10lb bags of holding inside the continently located pockets. this model also include the patented "pocked of exactly that thing i was looking for" through which one may access any items stored on their person, in bags of holding they carry or in a backpack just as easily as if they reached into their haversack. sadly however this ability only functions 10 times a day before the magic must recharge. the set includes no metal, all fasteners are mad of sturdy bone, so as not to attract rust monsters. the deluxe model also includes slime protection in the form of resistance to acid 5.

Possibly his child, or maybe a younger sibling depending on his age, or maybe a niece or nephew.

No, his doggo
:( :( :(

>Menlow's Map of Marvels:
An old map that depicts the many marvels, miracles and mysteries of the region, much like a tourist's sightseeing map for adventurers.

>Fulgrim's Firestarters:
Marble-sized lumps of slag iron with glassy red inclusions that you can ignited into a blazing campfire with a touch and a magic word.

>Cornelius' Comfy Compass:
An enchanted compass that does not point north, but instead points toward the nearest inn or other safe, secure shelter in the area.

Yes, but how would that fine precision be useful for adventurers unless they are exploring the far north?

The spirit moves me once again.

>Idjit's Omniscient Orb
The player who holds this orb can ask it any question imaginable.
The dm rolls a d8 to determine the answer.
1. Unlikely
2. Probable
3. Almost Certainly
4. That's a stupid question
5. Avoid Dairy
6. Ask Again Later
7. The DM lies to the player
8. The DM answers honestly
The orb actually does contain an all-knowing spirit, it's just not a particularly helpful one, it might be possible to win it over so it always answers honestly, if vaguely.
Also the table is not finalized yet.

>Idjit's Ornate Ornithopter
A beautiful miniature flying device, completely encrusted in precious gemstones.
It can carry a small message scroll in a special compartment and unerringly seek out a known person within one mile.

>Idjit's Impoverished Ornithopter
Looks and functions exactly like the "Ornate Ornithopter" except all the gems are missing for some reason.
Possibly flaps slightly faster.

>Idjit's Dependable Device of Diplomatic Reacquisition
A hulking twelve foot tall humanoid automaton with glowing red eyes and huge crab-like claws.
If ordered, it will go to a specified location and very politely ask for the objects you wish to have back while also making a deep ominous whirring noise.

In the presence of a strong magnetic anomaly?

Or magical. Your bare bones magnetic compass can be affected by the presence of metals near by. firearms are supposed to be a couple of feet away for an accurate reading. So imagine having to disarm and walk a couple feet away from your party for a accurate reading.
What if your compass that has been enchanted to show true north has the same fault a normal compass has in the presence of magnetic metal, but instead near powerful magic. You could be east of a fishing town youre trying to clean of hags and staring at a wizards tower.
Imagine sailing around the high seas to find a powerful magic item that rests in a sea beasts belly when your new Trunor compass' needle starts frantically twitching and cant make up it's mind before the needle slowly starts to spin around the compass as the wake of a magical beast can be seen circling the ship.

Here's some ideas I've stolen from past threads:

>blowing on the pommel of the sword causes the blade to spark a flame at the tip which is useful for camping and when you need a torch
>a pack which makes the contents feel lighter
>a pot that gets warm when the lid is shut
>a bow which arrows fired from it slowly adjust to be more on target, meaning at close range there is practically no effect but over great distances a bullseye is easy
>dice previously owned by a famous gambler/con man and can tell you the probability of a plan's success(a bet is only a gamble if you don't know the odds)

>Phantom's Whetstone
A strange white stone that glows with a faint light. When used to sharpen a bladed weapon, said weapon inherits a few strange properties. The weapon in question sheds dim light in a 5-foot radius, invisible enemies in this radius of light become revealed to the wielder. The weapon is temporarily considered magical for the purpose of being able to attack ethereal and ghostly opponents. One particularly peculiar effect is that the sharpened blade seems to phase through armor, granting an addition +1 to hit.

The 'enchantment' granted by the whetstone seems to fade after a few hours(1d4), causing the weapon to revert to a normal, sharpened blade. You could also assign 'charges' for the whetstone, limiting how many times it can be used before running out, if you so choose.

Alternatively, this could be in weapon form as Phantom Edge, taking all the stats listed prior, except permanent or active at certain times or places.

Stalwart Candle
>a small, unassuming candle that can easily fit into a lantern or smaller candle stick. The candle, when lit, will never burn down and even the strongest winds can't snuff it out. Whoever possesses the candle can simply blow on the flame to extinguish it.

>The Enterprising Opal
A smooth, polished piece of opal that fits snugly in the palm of the hand. It will allow its owner glimpses into the future to help them achieve their goals, and give them general good luck, but the owner of the opal finds himself losing his focus, going every which way instead of sticking with whatever goal he started with.

Penitent Pick
>an old lockpick that's clearly been well used over the years. The pick grants the user an unnatural talent for opening nonmagical locks, and an unnatural talent for getting caught using it.

>a pocket watch which doesn't tell time but whose hands always point toward sentient life forms within particular distances. The second hand points to the closest sentient life over 5 seconds of travel away. The minute hand points to the closest sentient life over 60 seconds of travel away. The hour hand points to the closest sentient life over 1 hour of travel away. You can tell when a particular hand detects a sentient life form because it starts to moving in such a way that it seems to be struggling to get to the next digit. If watch prioritizes pointing to things in this order: Distance>Number of individuals>Size of individuals

>The Messenger's Tabard
An opulent tabard with a faded crest that would've been worn by someone mean to recite his lord's titles or deliver messages. Gives a slight bonus to speech checks, and makes the wearer immune to missile damage while speaking and take half-damage from missiles otherwise. Otherwise does not count as armor.

>The Dozy Watch
A watch that tells you how long it's been since you've slept. When you wake up, it tells you when you fell asleep. Mainly a curiosity, but is useful for adventurers who fall out of a diurnal rhythm in underground ruins.

>A shield made out of rough wood that will sometimes suddenly flower upon impact, large branches spreading out to either side to protect anyone directly alongside the user, or in a U shape to protect their sides.