Alright liches of Veeky Forums, where do YOU think is the best place to hide your phylactery?

Under the bed, inside a really boring looking book.

I'll build an enormous labyrinth filled with monsters, traps and treasures right beside my castle

The phylactery will be hidden outside under a brick several feet away from the entrance

What if the party wizard is a nerd who likes to read boring books?

Then so be it. I'm a fucking lich, its not like they are going to get near it anyway. I have seen empires rise and fall. I have done unspeakable things to preserve my power through the ages, you really think some upstart little apprentice shit is going to walk in to my house, kill me, look under my bed, and then go "hmm, this book about the mating habits of Lantanese Puffins looks interesting"?

Disguise it as a religious artifact, such as a chunk of wood from the cross, and hide in in a place of worship.

Two foot of steel cube built around it, buried fifteen feet below the surface of the ocean in a tectonically stable area, after genociding any sapient beings capable of observing my bony ass sitting at the bottom of the ocean with a shovel

Public library

>the kilogram prototype
"Initially the IPK had two official copies; over the years, one official copy has been replaced and four others have been added, so that there are now six official copies."

Whatever form and location I put it, I'd probably try to design it in much the same way Voldemort did, with a bit of his personality and power inside the item that can corrupt whoever holds it into doing its bidding, One Ring style. A big part of having a phylactery is that they're hard to break under normal circumstances, so there's always that chance that the band of heroes will have to separately quest for the phylactery and the means of destruction. If the phylactery can act on its own, it has a means of protecting itself, either through influencing the one holding it or by doing subtle changes to itself or its surroundings. (Going by the coin problems listed above, it would be able to change the design of itself so it looks like a normal coin or influence its owner into not spending it near churches/spending it in such a way that it may end up in a dragons hoard or somesuch)

>The phylactery will be hidden outside under a brick several feet away from the entrance
Why not just make it one of the bricks?

In a pocket dimension only I can access.

...what, does it have to be on the same plane?

in an egg in a duck in a hare locked in an iron chest buried under a green oak tree growing on an island that appears and disappears with the tides.

Put it inside a completely mundane jar inside a totally normal chest that I have a henchmen drunkenly throw off the side of a boat while he's fishing one day in the bay.

In the meantime, a copy has been given to another henchman to secure.

Id hand it over to Tiamat to put in her hoard in exchange for whatever she asked. Cause if someone did want to destroy it they have to fight a dragon god and then find it on a demi plane of treasure
It they could pull it off- shit they deserve it

In all fairness this guys ass is probably going to be the best answer.

A gold bar, then have it stored in Fort Knox. Fuckers won't get near it.

Magic that shit into the Oort cloud, with about 100,000 decoys so it's not the only magical emissions signature out there

Another lich.

If you can't figure out how to kill Aumvor, you probably can't make a better phylactery than Aumvor either.

A huge ornate jar with “My phylactery, do not touch” right in the middle of my lair.

Everyone assumes it’s a trap and spends their time breaking all the useless trinkets I bought off ghoulBay and left everywhere.

Eh, just put it at the bottom of a dungeon, like, full of bound demons and undead dragons and stuff. Maybe some really bullshit instant death traps, too. That should be fine for until I get a better idea.

Just throw it into the ocean as long. As a parrot fish doesn't take a bite out of it you should be fine.

Somehow bind my phylactery to the abstract concept of Love itself - wanna kill me, best be prepared for an eternity of misery

Between that and not actually being that harmfull, just kind of an asshole, pretty much garuantees no one will actually try to destroy it.

That's not how it works

I would do something unique and offer a doll as my phylactery. I dont think anyone would link me with dolls, otherwise I would do a jeweled bow, or a set of tiara and necklace with aumvors separated phylactery spell.

Haunt a huge spooky forest and place it inside 1 growing tree so that the tree envelops it within.
Also it's humid and dark all fucking year so no fire and whoever died within the forest becomes an animated skellington or ghost capable of causing possession and delirium.

...

Does severing his astral tether work on liches?

Posted this before, but a specific song. Sure, I need a physical copy of it to resurrect at, and it needs to actually be PERFORMED for me to come back, but the concept is indestructible. Especially if I scatter hints to it throughout my realm for future archaeologists to obsess over.
The only way to destroy it permanently is for someone else to engage in a rock-off with me, and for me to acknowledge that they played it better. If that happens, fuck it. At least I die bearing witness to the absolute pinnacle of rock and roll.

this fellows ass

Elemental plane of lost socks

I would argue on a case by case basis.

A Lich who borrows power from a god like for example Orcus, yes, that would be effective, although only in rendering them killable, not actually killing them.

A Lich who through his own ingenuity and experimentation transformed himself into a lich, no, as I would DM-Asspull that part of the process was severing their astral tether.

This gentle soul's derriere.

I hid my phylactery inside the elemental concept of True Love, which the heroes must destroy if they want to destroy me

This gentleman's gluteus maximus.

Keeping in mind that I have to reform near it if I'm ever defeated? A subterranean vault on a desolate moon. There would be a decoy entrance on the surface warded with spells and disguised with illusion, leading into a "meat grinder" dungeon with a false phylactery at the end. The actual vault would only be accessible via teleportation into an antechamber, filled with strange sculptures and art that I have memorized precisely. The rest of the vault would be constructed in such a way to baffle direct teleportation and scrying attempts, even if I have to research how to do so. I have centuries, after all. They'll be filled with traps too, of course, with triggers that work on sensing life so I don't have to worry about tripping anything as I come and go.

This vault would house copies of my research materials, rare books, and of course, my grimoire. It would also have a laboratory and enough magical items for me to re-equip myself when I have finished reforming. Both facilities would make heavy use of constructs, undead, devils (fully compensated), and... Really, any creature that would be absolutely obedient to my commands and fulfill them to the letter, with no independence, that would not require air, water, or food and would be able to "exist" indefinitely, or at least with as little upkeep as possible, would serve my purposes.

The phylactery itself, assuming it's something no larger than a fist, like a gem or a box with some bones in it or something, would be contained in a special sarcophagus. There would be four coffins in the room, three apparent, one rendered invisible by illusion... And one that would recede into the floor into a special escape hatch, sprout spider's legs, and scuttle away to a room with a Well of Many Worlds. The others would be filled with explosives, sealed demons, acid gas... Things like that. Hopefully by the time I reform they'll have either died or I'll be whole enough to use the Well and gtfo.

pyramid

Deep underground (preferably near the core) on an icy dwarf planet with no atmosphere or tectonic activity.

Assuming you will respawn in it. It should be in a safe location, such as a secluded dungeon, a secondary enclave, etc. Where you have some spare gear waiting for you.

>omnipotent spesh bullshit liches are allowed

Have the gem fixed in space between 16 black holes orbiting it in a geomertric formation that doesn't allow access to the inside of the formation due to gravitational pull.

>some upstart little apprentice shit is going to walk in to my house, kill me, look under my bed, and then go "hmm, this book about the mating habits of Lantanese Puffins looks interesting"?

You have clearly never met my party's Druid.

Id make it an intelligent magical weapon, and pass it down generations of heroes to "slay" me. Id often join the party if i reform near it, to help slay me or some other evil thats cropped up. The heroes would win, settle down and pass away, id keep myself entertained every now and then, and grab any fun peices of info from other evil threats as i help the hero slay them.

"These are the ashes of my late wife. This urn is the only valuable possession I have left, and it means EVERYTHING to me. I am but a frail old man who was horribly disfigured in the war, which is why I don't have a face. I know it's creepy, but please listen! A band of thugs have been trying to kill me and take this very urn for themselves. They would never suspect to find it in a humble abode such as your own, in such a quiet and peaceful village such as this. They will inevitably succeed in their quest to murder me, but I implore you: if a small group of 'adventurers' armed with magical weapons comes to your village, you must never allow them to know that it is here..!"

Well I'm playing as a liche and her phylactery is her vampire husband's wedding ring. Not the most secret place to hide it, but she's a romantic and the ring is protected against divination anyway.

With my prayer book and shawl. Admittedly this requires some long term setup by the GM to establish phylacteries as common religious items.

>die
>reform around my phylactery
suddenly user's ass, an egg inside a chest, and the bottom of the sea don't seem like such fantastic ideas

>invisible sarcophagus recedes into the floor
that's not very discreet. otherwise nice job, i'm stealing these ideas.

A grain of sand in the desert surrounding my tomb.

Nah, there's an invisible sarcophagus in addition to four others. The fifth, actual sarcophagus that contains my phylactery lowers into the floor via secret passage and closes up before any intruders enter as the door to the Sarcophagus Room does a big flashy opening thing. It's just more sleight of hand and an extra fuck you to anyone getting that far.

A lot of anons on here literally dont know what goes into being a lich, they only understand the simplistic main idea of them which is undead caster whose phylactery rezzes them upon death.

They don't know about the various rules about its cost, or what the rezzing actually looks like, or any of that. They're just going to go with whatever silly bullshit that enters their head and not give a single fuck about the rules that have been established about the creature.

Don't tell your DM though, or he'll start rolling if random lightning strikes glass your phylactery.

In the depths of a deadly dungeon ran by an OD&D, Basic D&D or AD&D guy who uses things like mappers, marching orders, inclines, dungeon factions, wandering monsters and other all-around deadly shit that will take very clever players, luck and persistence to get through and lead to lots of fun around the table.

Lmao this is PunPun levels of absurd

>this post
>all these responses

God damn it all to hell, I laughed so hard I peed myself. Thanks a lot.

I once had one hid his phylactery as the sacred artifact in a mountain temple guarded by an order of paladins.
They believed is was the prison of an ancient demon lord, hence the evil aura.

In the library in a copy of Twilight.

On an elemental plane of this guy's ass.

>rusty as fuck gold pieces

>mfw I imagine an awesome fantasy world where some bullshit demigod demon spawn spoiled rotten brat does this
>mfw the rest of the pantheon gets sick and tired of his bullshit and the pathetic excuses of his mother as she continues to coddle and protect him
>mfw the most powerful god in the pantheon gets fed up and launches a lightning bolt so powerful it turns an entire desert into a sea of glass

This is why I love Veeky Forums. You guys always inspire me.

People are going to find some magic bullshitty way to detect it
May as well have it in the depths of my dungeon behind 10000000000000000 skeletons

>10000000000000000 skeletons
>not 70000000000000000 skeletons

Make it real fucking shiny and give it as tribute to a dragon.

Preferably a dragon that isn't going to fuck you up.

Dragons are tough as shit and so are you, nobody will fuck with either of you.

pictured: the Elemental Plane of Ass

you do realize that the gravitational forces near the center would negate one another right, assuming each black hole is equidistant from all others.

Thanks for reminding me that this song exists.

In Prince of the Apocalypse there's a Liches Phylactery under a Paladin Hall without their knowledge.

What happens when you actually have to res? Fight a roomful of paladins +deal with whatever traps & wards they've set up to deal with the "demon", that's what.

Make it planet-sized. Put it around a nice, cozy star. Populate the planet. Live on the planet.

Split my soul into five parts, four of these parts will be put into four separate orbs, I will then place them in the farthest corners of the world.
The last part is placed into an enchanted sword that I'll keep in my treasure room. It's enchanted to detect evil and can only be held by it's creator or a person of pure heart.
Any flaws in my plan?

A cavern of tightness
Also known as this guys ass.

>Revived in the "sealed room"
>Cast teleport
Well that wasn't that fucking hard now was it ?

I'd make it the hair on the leg,
and the leg on the flea,
and the flea on the feather,
and the feather on the bird,
and the bird in the egg,
and the egg in the bird,
and the bird in the nest,
and the nest on the twig,
and the twig on the branch,
and the branch on the limb,
and the limb on the tree,
and the tree in the hole,
and the hole in the bog,
and the bog down in the valley-oh.

>Sail out to the far ocean depths
>fucking throw it in

>checks anal circumference

On a table in my drawing room, in plain sight. There's a note next to it saying, "this is my phylactery".

No one's ever fucked with it.

What said pretty much.

The order believes spending to much time close to it will corrupt them with its evil. So it sits in the middle of a large sealed room they guard the outside of.
When the liche resurrects inside he just teleports away without them noticing.

>what is Dimensional Anchor + Hallow?
Such a bad idea. Never leave the goods in someone else's hands if you can help it.

Now I just have this image of the one guy every lich stores their phylactery in. He just walks around, living life, occasionally shitting out a full-grown lich.

My phractly, assuming it can't be on a demiplane of my own creation, would be a golden statue of a beautiful woman buried in a golden casket 15 feet bellow the ocean sands. Warded against detection magic and to withstand the pressure. alternatively a diamond necklace worn around the neck of a willing follower attuned to a ring of nondetection who is under the slumber and burial imprisonment spells. The way to release the first is to say the name of the follower, say it backwards and then to say it again. To release the burial spell you must say my name back words.

Why not just carry it in your pocket? If you are killed then you just reform next to it and can keep on fighting.

A lot of anons say things like 'the moon', but I really think this guy's ass is the best spot.

captcha: place solved.

Well there you have it.

Obviously if anyone is to make a phylactery they should make theirs an incredibly mundane object/hide it within said mundane object, or alternatively make it or place it within an object that people generally don't want to/shouldn't destroy. Imagine making your phylactery the very same object that keeps an elder god chained to some demiplane.

wasn't hare inside of a bear?

>tfw Ivan fucks you up.

I had a lich who did something similar to Voldemort-GM. He had all of his personal affects bound with a tiny bit of soul stuff and had them all sent away to look like any ancient wizard's burial tomb or underground workshop where the geriatric fart just forgot to come up for air and food. When treasure hunters showed up and looted the place and sold everything off before local lords could come in and claim that since it was on their land then it's their treasure, all of the items were set to start slowly influencing the decisions of the people who found them and drew upon their magical power, encouraging them to seek out the other artifacts. More artifacts means more powerful Neck Romancing. More artifacts also means more powerful influence on the individual. When someone finds enough of the artifacts, they just become a meat-puppet for the lich's will.

That's the only reason the heroes of ancient myth were able to defeat him, he was missing over half of his soul.

The standard dnd lich reforms 1d10 days after destruction, according to d20srd anyway. Dunno about newer editions. Anyway, you're not gonna reform instantly.

The lich resurrection rules are pretty vague and leave out a lot of important details. Just how small can a phylactery be? How far away from the lich can it be? Can it be on a different plane of existence? How long to reform, ie, does he just pop into place instantly, or does the lich slowly regenerate his bones over days?

Personally I always had the reforming time be linked to the distance of the phylactery - a lich who hid it in his spooky tower would be back in weeks, but one who dumped it on the moon is gone for a century. Drop it on another plane and even the legends of your reign of terror are all the myths of a forgotten civilization by the time you return.

Lich here, I put it in his ass.

The only good way to use a phylactery is to put it in a pocket plane of your own creation, fuck up the physics so that force doesn't work the way it does in the normal plane and fill that plane with all manner of traps and undead bullshit. At the center of your labyrinthian hellscspe, is a room with normal physics, that contsins your phylactery, a nice bed and a planar travel scroll or the components to preform the spell yourself.

Instill soul into a million pieces of sand
Scatter them across the beach

Well, thousands of years ago, as I came to be as a Lich, I split my soul into 8, each put into dull normal pebble, which I placed each into surrounding kingdoms capitals, where they continue to corrupt locals, driving them to war with each other, thus providing me much needed skelly labor force, while not concentrating to find these phylacteries.

Yes, or more accurately it can be on another plane, but does you no good there. You won't reform on that plane if killed. You might as well have just destroyed it yourself.