Rant about retarded Shadowrun Players

A friend of mine offered me a spot in a shadowrun campaign, he knew i really like playing Technos or Decker, and i accepted. The campaign is supposed to be "the blackest of black trenchcoats", with super serious missions and little to no random shit happening, just i liked it. My GM decides that it would be good to do a meeting to create characters together and get to know each other.

After 4 hours of thinkering: the Snowflake Faggot team.

A dwarf named Durri Stormhammer, with only an axe and heavy combat armor, his gear consists in 4 R6 Medkits, a Survival Kit and 50 meters of rope. His character's backstory says he's a dwarf that was disowned from his rightful place as the head of a very important megacorporation, so he is trying to go reclaim it.

A face that has a lot of SURGE traits, with no disguise that is heavily specialized in sniper rifles which he says will be hidden under his coat, with no other combat skill, He spent tons of points in performance but impersonation, disguise and con are off limits as he will always tell the truth if asked, because he believes in a truthful world.

A Mage girl who has 1 on every body attribute but buttloads of INT and LOG, with WILL and CHAR at 2 because she's playing a shy 18 years old girl with social problems. Her plan is to use her magic to costantly alter her image with anime shit such as neko ears and the likes.

And last but not least, an infiltrator/assassin that is supposed to be the spawn of an unnamed god, carrying his will that even the GM doesn't know, as said player is the only one that can communicate with him. His Cha is super high but AGI and STR low, doesn't have locksmith and B&E tools.

Most of the 4 hours were revolved around me gently telling them that those characters might have been a tad suboptimal for the setting and the general expectations of the game. In the end they did what they want, and my words had no effect on them.

Is it just me that sees problems in those characters?

They're shite. Abandon attempts at trying to nudge them in the right direction; that won't help. If they get offended or won't change when you lay it out straight for them, ditch the team and try elsewhere.

More out of curiousity than anything, I have to ask: Does your GM have an opinion on this?

>The campaign is supposed to be "the blackest of black trenchcoats", with super serious missions and little to no random shit happening
Protip, your friend lied.

Assuming this happened, which I'm kinda dubious about, but I recall a couple of shadowrun games where the party has been fucked up so this may be a rare case of things actually happening.

Assuming it happened though, you're the odd one out, the contrarian, and the one who should probably remove himself unless it becomes clear that a significant portion of the party (i.e.: not you) aren't having fun due to their builds.

Sounds cool. My character would try to get the team killed ASAP.

He's kind of fine with those characters, and mostly want to make these players feel """""included"""""" and shit like that. From my understanding the dwarf and the face are his cousins, the mage girl is the gf of one of them. I've got no clue of why the infiltrator guy is there.

tldr all of them are mostly "family" for the GM so he cannot say outright no.

I should have, but i'm probably more retarded than those players because i didn't leave the group since the GM needed me to complete the group, and i tought "what could go wrong?"

>tldr all of them are mostly "family" for the GM so he cannot say outright no.
You can. Just pull out. No game is better than bad game.

For Pink Mohawk game?
It would be fine
For normal down-to-earth game?
No. Will fail
For your Black Trenchcoat game?
The first session should be the GM telling you how your group can not find a job for months as no one would hire clowns when proffesionals are available.
The Dwarf would play like its D&D and try to kill in loot everything
The Face would make sure you fail every job, loose you money and wont do any of the functions of an actual face
The Mage could be fine but would probably end being the most obnoxious shit ever
The Assassin would be the one to get least kills and act like chaotic idiot while inserting plot only he knows about in the game and putting himself in the spotlight
user, run.

the game is in, like, 3 hours, the meeting happened yesterday night, and the DM assured me at the end that he would have tried to make them reason, but i'm sure those characters are gonna stay the same.

And i'll be the retard that accepted even though i knew where i was getting myself into

Listen post story of the session in /srg/ should be fun read

Run. Run like hell and don't look back.

What's your character like?

/shrug
So what are you expecting from us, beyond, "Dance, monkey, dance."?

This.

Sounds like 3 or 4 out of 5 have serious delusional issues. Mage girl might not technically be delusional. Technically.
Giving you guys a job would be a fixer's hooding for the month. Assuming the job doesn't involve interacting with anyone or getting into any kind of confrontation whatsoever. Literal milk runs, maybe?

Didn't expect anything, i guess i just wanted to see someone making fun of them.

Idk how the GM will make a black trenchcoat run happen with this team, it'll be interesting to see how he'll bend the rules, settings and everything else to please those Special Snowflakes

Standard Sleaze Human Techno, high Int Log and Will and decent Edge, my skills are mostly hacking stuff but i managed to get at least 4 dies on Con, Etiquette and Sneaking, with 8 dies on Automatics, First Aid and Perception.

My GM allowed me to buy a Commlink and use the non-common form factor to make it look like a Cyberdeck, since making other characters aware that i'm a Techno is a bad thing.

I'm shit at back stories so my characters was raised in the Barrens by two lowlifes, he discovered he could hack stuff with his mind and started doing crimes for money.

>needed me to complete the group
You never need deckers/technomancers.
They are there entirely for the decker/technomancer's sake.

he says that for his campaign a matrix character is needed, he didn't really explain me why, but i just rolled with it.

The dwarf and mage seem fine. Horrendously slanted characters who are somewhat insane are natural for shadowrunning, even in the most serious campaigns. It's a game about criminal masterminds, they're not excellent people.
"lmao demigod" and "I have no idea what my job is" are bad juju though.

OP, have you pissed your GM off recently? Committed a minor slight at the chance he's a vindictive fuck? Or does he have a slightly retarded scene of humor and is attempted to remake this greentext?
Either way, assuming you're not a massive faggot making this up for the sweet (You)s, suffer through this autism and give us stories. Take one for the team.

What an enormous lie.

The dwarf and the mage sound like they MIGHT be salvageable. They're not good designs, but they could technically work. Maybe. Probably not though. The other two are going to be trouble. The face doesn't seem to get that being a Shadowrunner means that he's going to NEED to lie if he wants to survive. If he wants to be Robin Hood, he'll need to adapt. The infiltrator/assassin is going to be a pain in the ass. At best he'll be bad at his job and try to betray you all the first chance he gets. The GM absolutely needs to put their foot down and talk to these players and remove their heads from their asses.

While I'm tempted to tell you to stick around and see how this train wreck turns out, this is probably not going to work out as it is and you'll have more fun if you can find another group.

I so wanna see how this pans out. keep us posted!

>Is it just me that sees problems in those characters?
Yes, they all apparently have some grasp of the game's mechanics, which makes me think you're bullshitting.

> Durri Stormhammer
Clearly born in the wrong system

> Facey "I cannot tell a lie" McSurgeFace
Not the worst I've seen. Just keep him from talking too much.

> Mage "Please be patient, I move at 2 meters per round" Girl
Get her an Ares Segway

> Ezio? Altair? Desmond Miles?
Possible Headcase.

>Mage "Please be patient, I move at 2 meters per round" Girl
>Get her an Ares Segway

I think you can still make this work, if the GM knows what he's doing. What he should do is tell the players that it took a long time to get their job, because they were new and people didn't really take them as seriously as the professionals. They get a really simple, easy job (also good since they're new players). But something goes wrong in a way that they couldn't predict or prevent, and while they do their best and still get some degree of success, their employer is still pissed (even though they had no control over what happened) and fires them. They then have a terribly bad reputation.

After this, as they continue to look for missions, give NPCs reasons to doubt the skills of the players. Constantly remind them of the failure that they couldn't do anything about. I think if you do this right, you could put a chip on their shoulder and encourage them to work harder to prove their characters competent, which will also encourage them to be in the mindset to build and play their characters a little better.

how would you play without one?

>the gm is a filthy liar
Why do people do this?

Buy matrix support.

>how would you play without one?
Have an agreement with your GM to ignore the hacking rules.

Or employ the services of NPC hackers so your GM can either suffer in silence or low-key ignore the rules.

Or play with one of the mods which simplifies the hacking rules.

How much would a gang of runners have to dosh out per run?- I've never seen this done myself. I'm currently stuck with playing a decker cause I've the most experience with the system out of our largely newbie party, but I'd much rather play something else because of how overly cluttered the matrix rules feel.

How do the mods fix the issue, also?

>How do the mods fix the issue, also?
People have written houserules to treat hacking like all the other skills; rolling against thresholds. I've only had a glance at some, but the idea is to circumvent the clusterfuck of SR5's hacking minigame.