So this happens

Rolling to seduce isn't an actual thing in the system and even if it were nat 20s auto succeeding hasn't been a thing in literally over two decades.

>What are you rolling for?
>I want to seduce the lich! Oh yeah, natural 20!
>Remember that part where *I*, the GM, call for a roll? And that bit about calling for a check only when a success is possible? Guess why I haven't asked you to roll anything...

What the fucking would come out of that relation?

Nightmares user, pure nightmares and death

I'd rule that the Lich is seduced by your looks/proposal. The Lich then proceeds to kill the rest of the party so they can't interfere anymore and freezes the player in stasis to keep him forever youthful as a coveted prize for the Lich to fawn over for the rest of eternity.

they bone

...

Nothing. A lich may have painstakingly preserved his junk, but without blood it won't be much use. Meanwhile, part of becoming a mummy is to have a bunch of organs removed and put in vases, including the gonads.
They would likely just adopt a Tiefling or something if they're that desperate.

Fucking Carlos!

This. Just to fuck with whatever lolrandum that somehow made it into my party

The lich bones your player before killing him.

CARLOS YOU FUCKIN SHIT

You beat me to it.

Vecna and Nerull rage quit the server.

More realistically, undead Jesus. Like King Midas but with death touch

>What happens next?
Skills don't crit, BUT the player has probably rolled well enough that he or she may talk the lich into letting the party run away without a fight.

I like how this started with pointing out the obvious "skills don't crit", which for some reason some DMs still do for fantastic effect and then goes into boner puns.

I kick that player out of the game.

You only roll when you're attempting something that has a possibility of 2 or more distinct outcomes that need to be selected. (Or, very rarely, when there aren't but I am trying to instill that illusion for some reason)
This is not the case when rolling to seduce a lich, there is only one outcome, failure to make an impression. Clearly, the player decided to roll anyway and will try to argue they deserve to succeed because lawl 20. That sort of player is not welcome at my table.

...

Nah man, you know they be trying to create some kind of new undead abomination to call son.

They get boned. The lich removes their flesh and spends eternity with them, I guess? Nothing really changes beyond that.

A nat 20 for skill checks (at my table) works as if you somehow rolled a 30, which is helpful for certain DCs but not for this.

You puritans have no imagination, if a player characters wants to fuck a lich, they get to fuck a lich in my game.

And thus the Dry Lich was born.

Lich promises to reanimate PC into his personal skelly slut / undead meathole after he is done with them.

I agree.

Dice don't run the fucking game; people do. And if the people wanting the die rolled don't include the DM, that's a full-stop incompatibility issue that's only getting fixed by the incompatible minority finding a new group.

It's not inherently more imaginative to imagine that this particular lich is interested in sex because a player threw a die at the table and barked "nat 20 to seduce the lich!" than it is to imagine that this particular lich has any other reaction to the character's seduction attempts.

In fact, I'd actually say it's LESS imaginative on your part to let the player dictate what happens than to think over that and other possibilities and go with the one you think fits the scenario best (that's using their imagination, not yours).

Sure, if the game is about lich fucking or social relationships with the undead in general, let's be generous in the first place.
In which case, it ain't gonna be solved by a single roll.

And this is why the vast majority of the answers here are "this is retarded" instead of "depends on the setting".
Because this is retarded no matter what.

I don't think OP was being serious at all of course. This sounds just like the "I roll to seduce the dragon" joke about bards.

They become an object of obsession of the Lich. They will do whatever they can to keep you for themselves, including killing your party, and putting you in a preserved stasis.

The lich likes them so they'll turn their corpse into a bed.

you're taking it too literally

She gets off on Mr. Bones Wild Ride?

The Liche laughs and destroys the party due to having neither the emotions or faculties to be affected.

Yes

But

You are now the Lichs love slave, enjoy your eternity of sadistic sadomasochistic torment.

is the lich a monstergirl?

>You are dming a game, your party faces a lich either as an enemy or npc.
>One of your players rolls to seduce the lich and gets a nat 20.
>What happens next?
Player gets kickbanned from the channel.

I assume this is an online game because none of my real friends are retarded enough to do something like this.

Ignoring the misuse of rolls, I would enjoy a scenario where romancing a lich is a viable goal for a character. There is a subcategory of undead called a Philolich, where a person the lich loved in life remains important to them and agree to become a weaker, subservient lich. If a love can endure the onset of undeath, in spite of their supposed inability to feel emotion, then a new love could be felt in a lich's lack of a heart, too.

As for boning, it's honestly ludicrous to believe an immortal wizard of considerable power wouldn't be able to recreate genitals and connect them to his responses. Mage Hand is a cantrip. Mage Cock wouldn't even have to be complicated.

The Lich wants the party face as a minion/betrothed/fuckbuddy/buttmonkey. Forever.

so every time you see a joke like in this pic you throw a fit?

I'm going to post some of these to let people know not take OP literally and throw a fit over how it's not how DnD works.

gdi how hard is it to replace "dragon" with "lich" here?

Get the point first.

have you considered that the majority of people who play pen and paper RPGs happen to be over the age of 18 unlike yourself and would not like to have their time wasted with unfunny and trite image macro bullshit like this and would prefer to never have to play with your quirky memespouting ass

inb4 "you must be fun at parties", "who pissed in your cheerios?" or some other canned reddit comeback from this 12 y/o

I guess tg shouldn't exist then.

> "I WANT TO SEDUCE HIM XDDDDD KEKEKEKEK"
>"I'm not sure this is a good idea..."
> "STOP RAILROADING ME YOU SHIT GM"
> "Ok then, roll *sigh*"
> "OMGGGGGG LE EPIC NATURAL 20 XDDDD HE SUX MAH DIK LOL PICKLE RIIIIICK"
> "Congratulations, now the lich loves you and want to turn you into his eternal love-slave and he will keep trying to do this until one of you dies."
> "U WOT M8 ??!!!!11§1§1?"
> "You wanted him to love you right ?"
> "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

not for you it shouldn't

So I'm reading this thread and wondering if "I roll to seduce X" is an ancient meme that has been buried and is declared stupid here, but not in reddit or tumblr. Right?

it seems stupider than that, on the level of something every 7th grader disposed towards nerdy hobbies and being the "funny" one in their friend group has come up with independently

i don't think it's original or unique enough to claim some kind of traceable meme etymology

It's still seen on Tumblr D&D blogs. But that's Tumblr for you.

Lich is hostile so he needs a DC 40 to even do shit, and taking into account you have a -20 to try to use diplomacy in less than a minute he won't accomplish shit.

What if liche is not hostile?

You never roll for impossible things, and players should not be rolling unprompted.

It's a variant on an old meme, of course it violates the rules.

>I roll to seduce the lich
You what?
>I roll-
No.
>Huh?
We're playing Dungeon World. You don't tell me what you want to roll, you tell me what you want to *do*. If a roll is needed, I'll let you know.
>Uh, ok. I want to seduce the lich.
How do you do that?
>...I strike a sexy pose and say "Hey, sexy. Do you have a room in this tower that's a little more... private?"
The Lich seems amused. It says "Oh sweetie, that's cute, but the living aren't really my type. But I must admit, you have very good... bone structure. How would you like to become an eternal thrall in my service?"
What do you do?
>This offer is tempting, but I don't really want to be eternally tied to a single lover. Could we negotiate some kind of Persephone deal where I spend 3 months of every year in the Lich's service?
What's your leverage in that negotiation?
>My sexy bone structure.
Alright, roll a Parley move.
>I rolled an 8
The Lich agrees: "3 months of each year as my thrall... yes, that is acceptable. On one condition: your first 3 months of service begin immediately."
The Lich conjures a golden platter holding a small dark seed. He beckons you to come and take it.

>It's a variant on an old meme
it's also perhaps the most common rule misinterpretation

in memes you have to shorten things and get to the point, so I think OP should have altered things to get the context across better rather than copypasta the meme's basic structure. Even with it changed to "so your player wants to try to seduce the lich, what do you do?" it's still a variant of the same meme in spirit but leaves enough vagueness to get around obvious rule violations.

Clearly we each have a different interpretation of the OP's basic premise. You seem to see the root in "I roll to seduce", while for me it's obvious case of "nat20 bullshit happens".
Despite that, I think we can agree that OP should be sodomized by a cactus.

Not really, then again it seems half of the people in this thread behave as if in the process of being sodomized by a cactus.

Next campaign I'm running, I'm going to have the lich keep a chest full of these in a back room.

The chest will be clearly labeled "cocks" and hold nothing but copies of the spell on scrolls.

Good.

/thread

>What ho! Undead wizard, might you cast us a spell.
>But of course young adventurer...
>I CAST COCK!

The Lich takes a liking to his body, and resolves to raise his corpse as a sex-slave.

please let this thread die

...

Have you considered that you're a joyless cunt?

...

...

Honestly that's the realest struggle I've ever seen in an anime.

...

>What happens next?

The Lich kills the party, but saves the players body in question to taxidermy, so that he might place it within his study in an aesthetically pleasing pose -while wearing period appropriate clothing- and gaze upon it during his leisure time while smoking his pipe and reading a book.

At level 5 i have a +16 to my roll. By 10, it will be 21. From a realist perspective, a 40 is enough to jump a hostile creature three bands, from hostile to friendly.

Your move. RAW, I have made the lich no longer an enemy.

Nat 20's don't crit for skills, but depending on bonuses, that might be enough for the lich to take a personal liking to that particular player's character, especially woth good roleplay and pre-established interactions. The encounter would continue, but the lich, instead of killing the party, will attempt to take the seducer hostage and otherwise spare the party. The underlying motive would be to spend eternity with some companionship, but if it doean't work out... its a lich. They're detached from their feelings, so they'd probably resort to a "if I cant have you, no one will," and will attempt to kill their newfound love.

Nats don't work on skill rolls and the PC can't beat the lich's disposition modifier

>Hero's Journey reference
Damn, how did I miss it the first time?

Serious game: undead are immune to seduction. We're using d100 roll under so it's not even a critical success. He thinks it's cute but nothing more.
Not serious game: you gave him a huge BONE-er !

It's worth arguing that the DC of that could be made higher considering that they're undead and arguably cannot be seduced due to a lack of functioning genitals. Adjusting DCs because of the specific conditions of a situation is a perfectly just thing to do and stops this kind of meta argument from enforcing stupid stuff like that.

On the other hand, a liches version of friendship may not be something you want anyway. He'd probably consider killing and raising doing a favour. God knows what one would bring into the bedroom.

spbp

Actually, no, you've made the lich friendly to yourself. It doesn't mind control it. It doesn't change its motivations, which it has spent a very very long time developing, it just makes it friendly to you, RAW.

It might be pained to kill you, but it's still evil and it's still a lich. Definitely some room in there for wiggling if you've a lenient DM, but don't expect mind control.

What the fuck kind of a check is "roll to seduce" anyway?

If a PC has gone out of their way to earn the trust, affection and favour of an NPC (you know, what seduction actually is) then yes, a successful charisma check would very likely have them go and join the lich.

But realistically unless it's obviously a social situation simple flirtation wouldn't get you very far.

"I flirt with the undead warlord at this ball/social gathering" -> Success -> "OK they invite you somewhere private and apparently let their guard down, and you get what you think is useful information from them"

The lic h kills the rest of the party and prteserves the seducer for all time by turning him/her into a beautiful marble statue.

Skills can't Nat20.
But if the roll succeeded, the lich would hardly abandon its goals. Best-case scenario, the lich tries to kill the seducer for the specific purpose of raising them as an intelligent undead...
To have eternally long conversations by moonlight with!

The lich is laughing so damn hard he decides not to glass you in the surprise round.

First, He/She thinks you're mocking them, per their generic stereotypical megalomaniacal personality prior to the transformation which wracked their bodies with unimaginable pain, burning them inside out and rendering them into unfeeling pure machines of logical thought, discourse, and frighteningly inhuman intelligence, and the Negative Energy's affluent Influence on perverting their original selves would take hold in the form of impulsive anger that lasts far longer than it should.

-Unless the Lich in question is a worshiper of Fat Fuck Orcus- who's followers fall into many categories, but the whole "Fucked up hedonistic child-eating member of the elite" is literally canonically a requirement for entering his fold as a thrall, so Necrophillia is a grade A guarantee, in which case, they may be sick enough to consider your advances, with gross implication to the likeness of hardcore guro murder ritualistic sex of the worse morally comprehensible kind "Enough to call a kingdom to war" kind of act fit only for listing in a page of the Book of Vile Darkness. Believe me, there's some fucked up stuff Fat Fuck Orcus's lot are behind in this area.

Or-
The Lich is a worshiper of Morning Glory, the goddess of "It's okay for the undead to love and marry and use undeath to continue their vows, despite the whole horrific cosmic crimes committed in doing so." and we have no idea or excuse as to how this woman had as many worshippers as she does to even justify being a fucking power, except for the existence of Kazerabet from the 2e Necromancer's Handbook and Heroes of Horror, who is a legit Lich Queen who ran a functional Undead Empire with her consort until I think- boredom hit or something.

Actually It probably is that Asian Lich-girl.

Now then, Liches have access to a neat selection of Lich-only goodies that only they get, Lich Artefacts, Salient abilities, personal one to one sessions with the indomitable 'will' of the Plane of Negative energy itself, and a shitload of other stuff, but there's this item called the Staff of Flesh, which literally is a Staff a Lich can craft to use to literally fucking Skinwalk- yep, exactly what you think, you steal someone's flesh and wear it for a day, and no one but Liches can use this item- So THERE's your answer to Lich-fucking-

The other- way involves a Morhg's parasite Tongue, and necromantic grafts, or the Lich being relatively 'fresh' from creation.

Now then, there are two STD's you can get from the Undead, a Tomb-Tainted soul, which can reverse your Negative/Postive energy polarity, meaning, like the practice of Mortibunds, you thrive on Death energies opposed to life-giving ones.

The other is Lichloved. Your skin becomes closer to a dried up corpse, and Unintelligent undead hold a mutual understanding of you and will not attack unless you break the rules of engagement.

There is also the like of Passive Negative energy corruption, Vile Darkness, as Vecna himself wrote, template stacking of various undead-like and negative energy plane overexposure conditions, and, depending on what you do- earning yourself a powers check, and also stacking Taint.

Quite a bit for a romp with a vampire, but that's what you get for literally fucking the spawn of the multiverses first Half-elf.

Lastly, please be aware that Vecna is partially, full of shit, on account of being an insane Manchild you an hero'ed ahead of his time just to show a bunch of a nobles how fucking angry he was at them, who proceeded to write a book so awful it corrupted people, increases encounter rates exponentially, and states that having sex with Dragons is Bestiality and this is enough to attract a lesser influential force that affects your behaviours appearance, and standing with the objective forces of alignment which govern the universe.

Also again, Vecna shittalks Dragonfucking, and is the one solely responsible for 3.5.
Fuck that guy.

a thread died for this

I am currently DMing a Curse of Strahd game and this is where one of my players seems to be going.

I'm not going to say were, but there is a non-hostile lich NPC, and we've just met him. This NPC lich is in a weakened state and can only cast cantrips, one of the party members did cast greater restoration on him but he still can't walk but has his memories back. At the end of last session, one of the PCs starts being very friendly to him, like really friendly and charming, and I don't know how to continue because its so ridiculous. Now the player is discussing with me the possibility of the pc going as far as giving him a massage and getting him to spill out some information. Maybe even talking him into revealing the location of his phylactery.

This is Veeky Forums you realize that right?