XDDD Le ebin high charisma bard fucks le barmaid maymay

And they got branded whores for doing so. Now we're full circle again.

>instead of womanizing, ebin high charisma bard sneaks off to enjoy private time with the local fancy lads
There, better?

You are assuming the bard does this in a town where he lives or visits very often.
Usually the bard fucks the barmaid from some town he is going through and probably doesn't plan to ever visit again and depending on how much of a dick he is he could give the barmaid a fake name so he can't be traced.
Even then, what's stopping him from insisting the child isn't his? It's not like the barmaid can really prove it or send someone to bring him back and force him to marry him and even if she has a bunch of buff brothers or something I doubt they can do anything against your average player party unless the party turns against the bard.
So yeah, it would be a bad situation for the poor barmaid but the bard would probably get away with it just like how people get away with it in the current year.

>the barmaid was a witch who wanted to get a baby born from a hero's seed to make some kind of twisted monster, or just casting pic related on the bard for a laugh

Will my group walk out on me if I do this?

I would like to meet the wizard who came up with that spell.

Despite being verbose, you still don't really rise above the general pretending-to-be-retarded sewer of Veeky Forums bait.

>Middle Ages

More like the Renaissance, but you're still retarded in either case.

>implying maids and wenches are the same thing
>implying pagan cultures have Christian social mores
>implying there are no contraceptives, especially in a setting with magic
>implying that conception occurs 100% of the time
>implying infanticide and abortion aren't easy and common solutions
>implying any respectable family wouldn't just try to sweep it all under the rug

I get it, you're sick of the bard being a retarded man-whore. But there's better ways of dealing with that than poorly thought out pseudo-realism.

But without poorly thought out pseudo realism, how will he feel smugly superior to everyone else?

wow protestant morality is one heck of a drug

people knew how to make condoms out of animal bladders

>honor trumps everything
>no contraceptives
>no means to tell who the father is
>no respectable jobs she can do
>no welfare system

That's a lot of assumptions about the setting. Many of those do not apply to most D&D worlds.

A high charisma bard is gonna be getting almost any pussy/dick that happens to have caught their eye. Not to mention lust tends to drown out everything else, logic included, and that yes, women feel lust as well.

>>no welfare system
>There's no welfare system for anyone in the middle ages (unless you count nobles redistributing resources but i doubt you did), so does that make having any children at all unethical?

That's actually a good point you bring up there. The church and the local lord would probably see to it she was never lacking food, or even the owner of the bar. Seeing how she probably BELONGS to him. The means of social support did exist back then, and no one was really facing the world in their lonesome.

I wanna creampie Marcille even though she's got those funky ears. Reaction faces just turn me on!

Not to mention if a nearby dragon/lich/mad sorcerer was recently slain, she may or may not be carrying the spawn of a mid to high level murderhobo. That's something to keep an eye on.

>protestant cultures are literally the only ones who have ever looked down on sex outside of marriage
boi

>2srs4u
tldr.

>No means of contraception at all
There have been various means of contraception since roman times, including at least one herb so effective that the romans drove it extinct trying to use it for their reckless fucking
>Honor trumps everything
This is a myth. Honor was far more important than it is today, but it was hardly the first thing on everyone's minds. Especially with peasantry, who didn't have much honor to begin with or much use for whatever it got them.
>There's no father to provide for her
She could still find a husband. It would be exponentially more difficult/expensive, but she wouldn't be incredibly out of luck. And her parents would be there regardless, to put the child to work in the fields as soon as he was able. Most likely, any bastard grandchildren would be raised as her mothers brat.
>There's no welfare system
That hardly stops sluts from slutting. Also, the welfare system was your kids, so she has at least one person to provide for her in her old age, assuming she wants to carry the child to term and doesn't die during the birth of it.

This kind of thing happened all over. It sucked for the maid, but it still happened the same way it does now to dumb bitches who can't stop slutting at whatever goes for the local club.

in general it's a "butthurt traditionalists invent new traditions to be extra-butthurt about" thing. honor culture is, well, for the honored and never really applied to the majority until they got their retarded WE WUZ NAYGHTS flavor of liberalism's "you're special too!" thesis.

the barmaid will after a few-month pause continue making money hand-over-fist supplying the comforts of home, what we'd in the modern era call a GFE, to travelers. now she has a helper to rifle through their packs at the same time.

It kinda wasn't.
No one really gave a shit until the underclasses could afford to start dividing their homes into multiple rooms and the general public developed a sense of privacy and personal space.

Even the church handed out novelty fornication themed badges for pilgrims to collect

>tavern in a big city
>tight, social community
Umm
>no contraceptives
Pull out, bitch.
>no respectable jobs will take her
She’s a bar maid, when did she start looking for respectable jobs?

single parent also wasn't as much of a disqualifier in the past. more men died at work and more women died in childbed, so there were a lot more widow(er)s of marriageable age; children were a profit rather than a loss within a few years so you could still have your genetic lineage easily; it was easier to get away with shanking the little buggers if they were intolerable; and in any case you were effectively marrying into the only pension you'd ever see.

Sure, everyone's looked down at whores since time immemorial, but Protestants certainly took it a lot more seriously than the Catholics. And both were more serious than the Romans and the Greeks.

In any case, respectable people often just swept it under the rug to the best of their ability. These things happen regardless of time and place and it's not like the entire community lost their shit every single time. I'd wager that the vast majority of adultery ended in little more gossip and rumors.

TLDR and inaccurate.

Just give the bard maid 100 gp. Probably more money than she's seen in her life but it's pocket change for an adventurer.

>i support when other people don't get to have sex
>i-i'm n-not a virgin guys
>h-hey look, see, i have a fedora picture to prove it

You sad soul.

Get fucked. Literally.

>BBEG uses polymorph to get pregnant with the baby of every man in the kingdom
>wrecks kingdom's economy with alimony payments
Puuurfect...

>I'm not going to question why this stale trope comes up every single time because that's kind of obvious, I'm instead going to question why bards and other "womanizers" are allowed to get away with it.
It's a power fantasy. The fantasy bit makes all logic and reason secondary when it comes to "comedy" segments.

Hell, she could probably get by with 10 GP for a good while.

Use a spell to freeze the bar maid and put her your bag of holding. Got collect them all am I right?

>mentally read that in a villain's voice and included a maniacal laugh

my sides have gone nuclear

>>The barwench slept with a man she doesn't even know
Historically most bar-wenches were prostitutes.

>>In a tight, social community where honor trumps everything
Making some big assumptions there. She's a fucking peasant, honor does not apply to her.

>Good job, everyone in her community has now branded her a whore. But wait, it gets better
They branded her a whore the moment she got a job as a bar-wench. Drop the modern morality.

>>There are no contraceptives
She either gets abortifacient herbs from the local wise woman, or she abandons the kid. Stop projecting modern social mores like the sanctity of childbirth onto the past.

>>Nor reliable means to tell who's the father if she does this more than once
Why would it matter, she's a whore.

>So now she's socially ostracized AND with child. But wait, it gets even fucking better
>>There's no father to provide for her
No, but lots of Johns if she does want to rase the bastard.

>>There's no respectable jobs she can do anymore
She already works as a barwench and a whore

>>There's no welfare system
She dosn't need welfare because she has two jobs

>So now she's socially ostracized AND with child AND impoverished. It's now in the best interests of the barwench to appoint the bard her babydaddy and milk him for every penny he's got. But wait, it gets even motherfucking shitdicking better
Some whores do approach the suspected father if they think they can get rich off of it, this is rarely successful so usually they don't.

>>The bard has done this multiple times
As did many important historical figures. Read a book sometime.

>Do I even want to imagine how many pregnant ladies the average xDDDD womanizer bard has on his ass at any given time?
No, because they either abandon the kid, or raise it as a bastard. Where do you think all those level 1 rogues come from.

>a setting with dragons, magic, wizards, and demons
>condoms are unthinkable

bruv

>barmaid is a low rent wench that fucks vagrants
>gets punished for making dumb decisions
Good. Why should the king use my tax money to pay for bastards and whores?

Because he has his own bastard and whore to use your tax money to pay for L M A O

>ultra conservative backwards victorian thought
>people have 8 kids

>free progressive sexual revolution
>people have 1 kid when they're 40, and a dog

Sell the bar maid into slavery.

what did he mean by this

Make the bard a pimp.

Clearly the moral solution is to murder the barmaid once he is done with her. That solves all the issues you mentioned.

>>There's no welfare system
>So now she's socially ostracized AND with child AND impoverished. It's now in the best interests of the barwench to appoint the bard her babydaddy and milk him for every penny he's got. But wait, it gets even motherfucking shitdicking better
>>The bard has done this multiple times
>Do I even want to imagine how many pregnant ladies the average xDDDD womanizer bard has on his ass at any given time? Maybe that's his motivation for hunting down the BBEG: he needs to loot the Dark Lord's throneroom so he can pay alimony instead of going to jail and/or being executed.
Do you know how much adventurers make? His children will eat like kings. Honestly if you are a male adventurer and you don't have what basically amounts to a harem of side bitches that you regularly impregnate then what are you fucking doing?
It really should be the goal of every adventurer to fuck a dragon though because that way your kids are guaranteed to win the genetic lottery. Super strong, super smart, and lives for hundreds of years? No reason not to try.

Can the bard marry multiple people? Can people eat horse feed? Take the bar maid with you. Use her like a pack mule.

The birthrate in all developed countries is abysmal and the birthrate in almost every country on the planet is dropping, most at a pretty good clip.

It seems to be a resource thing. As farming continues to improve, opening up new land at higher efficiencies, people have access to more food and fewer people need to farm to support the society. Which leads them to other pursuits, like blacksmithing, accounting, fucking anime body-pillows, and artistry.

This causes problems with the old power because it's a lot easier to keep a dispersed, uneducated, dirt-farming population subjugated than it is to keep a urban, modern society quiet. I mean look at the shit we yell at each other about in America! Gay rights? The fact that that's one of our biggest issues is a sign we don't need to give a fuck about anything actually important anymore.

Now if only we could convince people about global warming - if we can survive the next century or century and a half, we'll have cleared the gap into functional indestructibility as a whole.

I hope next time he puts it in park and steps out, the thing rolls just rolls into traffic.

Forgot STDs too. I make my players roll if they fuck a wench. Roll a 1 and you're probably gonna take a permanent -1 to Con, Cha, or Dex depending on the disease.

What if he really likes her and stays with her? Than it's cute?

What if he was just afraid of dying because he was going off to fight the necromancer the next day, so had a fling, and when he survives the fight and is able to return the next day, he's so overcome with a new lease on life that he's immediately asks to marry her and he settles down and lives happily.

What if he loves the idea of a wife and son at home while he's off adventuring, and returning home to them as often as he can brings him more joy than a million treasure filled rooms?

>We'll have cleared the gap into functional indestructibility as a whole.
I think you underestimate how delicate civilization is.

Bar maid becomes camp follower.

Bards are basically touring rock-stars.

If you're this angry about not getting laid, you could just go pay a prostitute. I'd recommend getting a girlfriend, but based on your post, I think it's out of the question.

>My mother is a dragon
"and your father?"
>...was a very brave man

fucking kek

>And both were more serious than the Romans and the Greeks.
Romans took family values rather seriously actually. Like there seems to be a meme where Romans were peak degeneracy but that is rather meme level as they also had this debate where the new romans were disgusting degenerates who forgot the meaning of family values.
social development is not a slope, its a mountain range.

In the next century or so, it's reasonable to expect that we could colonize other solar system bodies to at least a breeding population, if not more. It's actually possible now, it's just super-expensive. I'm not riding Elon Musk's dick, but he does actually have a shot at getting to Mars.

DESU I'd be on the rocket if I had the shot. But I'd also not expect to survive; Musk is pretty ambitious and has a kind of ego. Thankfully, unlike most narcissists, he doesn't feed his ego with meaningless platitudes, but actually tries to do shit to make him feel like he deserves it.

I expect proper colonization of Mars to take place after asteroid mining on NEOs takes place. I'd plate a ship with Iridium if I were making an interplanetary transport. Then the orbital transports can be relatively unshielded and nobody gets cancer and dies horribly.

Use a bard spell to make it look like she killed herself.

I'd characterize it as a ball of gas in deep space. No matter what you do, eventually you're flying out of the ball and devolving into degeneracy. It's just a matter of implementing policies that keep you in the ball longer. Which generally implies contact with other cultures.

Can I have 8 kids AND a Dog?

Yeah man everything fine we're going to space elevator thread. Ray Kurzweil 2070 google glass implants hyperloop to work. free zero point energy power prostate stimjob androids

Yeah. If you're so breaded you can feed 8 kids you can afford a dog.

...I mean, we could just stick around on Earth until entropic forces or the immortal soul of Kim Jong Un kills us all and leaves our remnants a cooling mass on a cold rock in a dead system

Or we could not be pointlessly pessimistic and do some HFY shit like we don't give a fuck.

What benefits does being pessimistic about space provide us?

You've fallen for a Victorian era meme buddy.

Feed the kids to the dog. Infant mortality and all that.

It just seems immature to masturbate over futurism when the seeds of chaos have already taken root and nobody in the political sphere seems interested in addressing them. You seem to be under the impression that we've already basically achieved utopia, and all that's left to do is move into the stars, when in fact the society we live in has a foundation made of sand.

Except no seeds of chaos have actually taken root. We just have better ways of seeing them now.

We live in the most peaceful era in known human history. We may be hyper-aware of things like mass shootings and failures to stomp on MENA local powers, but those are actually less common than they ever were before. Even Africa and the Middle East are becoming more peaceful.

Unless you're talking about some /pol/ Jewish Zeitgiest, led by libruls and globalists, in which case you've fallen victim to fake news and engineered memetics, and would really be quite a bit happier and more productive if you were bluepilled or greenpilled or really any other color of pill.

>they take place in the Middle Ages

Fucking what?

Have you read about Don Juan? The original one, not some anglo fanfic where he's a fag who falls in love. He acts like your bard all the time and since he's important and good at defending himself nobody can't stop him being a manwhore except fucking divine intervention. The statue of a guy he murdered after banging her daughter has to bring him down to hell, while earthly powers are powerless.

>olden times
>kids are a financial boon because they can work (which more than pays for their own food) and will support you in your old age

>modern times
>kids are a financial burden because you have to buy them tons of stuff, child labor is illegal, and they won't pay for your retirement

Ask her to prove it is yours. She is a whore after all.

The tech level is schizophrenic and wriggles mostly between the High Middle Ages and the Late Renaissance.

He can be forgiven for thinking it's a medieval setting. It's the most common misconception after all.

Still, it doesn't take place during any time in real world history.

that kind of hurt to watch
I guess its the point

It's also far more expensive to retire, and it lasts longer. Even if your kids do help with your retirement, if they have to pay for your 30 cases of cancer, they're gonna go broke anyway.

Unfortunately, we have to find a different solution. Social Security is a decent patch, but hardly the be-all solution. All I know is mass production makes things cheaper (and shittier, but we need to get off our convienience horse and start accepting some asceticism anyway) and so that's probably going to be part of the solution. It's why I support welfare initiatives despite being otherwise fairly conservative.

Find an abortion spell.

Look at the signs man. Nobody has any money. Most people have next to nothing in savings. The recovery from the recession has been completely anemic, with full time employment numbers not even recovering half of what was lost. Western governments are running debts not seen since world war 2 just to keep the fucking lights on. They money is already massively inflated. And all of this is fueled by central banks already pulling every money wizard trick in the book, including just handing out hundreds of billions in free money to keep insolvent corporations afloat. Millenials are making 60% of what the Boomers made when they were the same age. Political dysfunction is reaching ever greater heights, with moderate parties being completely impotent and radical wings festering at the edges.

Temporal peace means fuck all, the victorian era was extremely peaceful and it ended with the bloodiest 50 years in human history. The pax Romana looked pretty peaceful too.

We're living in a house of cards my dude. This system cannot be sustained, and the longer it rots the more painful its failure will be felt.

Not with that pic, user. Post a few sparkly renaissance bois and I’ll reconsider.

Civilization is a crop watered by blood and all these problems are merely its way of telling us that it thirsts once more. Soon a new order will come, and like all new orders, it will come in fire.

Fash pls. Utopian collectivism is a recipe for hell on earth

the helghast were more like fascism and communism had some weird authoritarian baby...so East Germany basically.

>fascism and communism
Both are collectivist utopian ideologies

you're a special kind of stupid.

>Civilization is a crop watered by blood
uh, actually, I'd liken it more to a ecosystem - peoples eat/kill other peoples, but when one thing grows too powerful it can throw the whole system out of whack.

>All the current problems are merely it's way of telling us it thirsts once more
okay? Or that feeding it by blood isn't feasible.

>Soon a new order will come, and like all new orders, it will come in fire
You're thinking of Baked Alaska. Baked Alaska is the only order that the waiter brings to you while it's on fire.

It's also a convenient name for the last surviving puddle of humanity after you fuckers get the nuke codes and trigger MAD because you don't into how diplomacy works.

I don't think Democracy is going to go down any time soon. And if it does, it'll be Socialism that replaces it - Fascism just isn't stable, because fascist governments require an other to remain united. The other two governments are at least plausible without an other.

Economic collapse I can see; like I said, we need to adopt some ascetic virtues in the developed world. Our consumption is pretty silly. The bright side is that the advent of the internet is making entertainment push post-scarcity boundaries: You can duplicate a game as many times as you want, and there'll always be people like Tarn Adams who are willing to put stupid amounts of work into a game for people to play for free, which means that so long as we don't pay for information we can consume as much media as we like.

We already produce more food than the human population can actually eat; we just lack the logistics. Fix that issue, and food reaches post-scarcity too. Particularly if Tower-farms come into their own, opening up cities for agriculture.

Land is a big problem. Some people hate living in tight quarters with other humans. It's unfortunate, but we'll need to curb this tendency to work economically and ecologically sustainable housing markets.

...

>And if it does, it'll be Socialism that replaces it - Fascism just isn't stable, because fascist governments require an other to remain united.
Yeah because revolutionary socialism is so stable and doesn't end in millions of people dying or anything.

Why would you do that?

You know, I’d attack it for being a threadbare, poorly-justified cliché offering little in the way of increased character depth, because your average D&D setting isn’t remotely realistic on any axis, but Veeky Forums really loves its realism arguments.

And what else in the way of characterization do bards ever get, anyway? I never hear about bards doing something OTHER than screwing people (or monsters, or inanimate objects...). Perhaps it’s unfair to take that away from them.

Not revolutionary socialism, speedreader, just socialism as a concept.

And the number of people dying would be irrelevant; what really matters is the stability in a mono-ideologic world. Socialism and Democracy/Capitalism are both fairly stable unsupported. Fascism requires an outsider to push out to be stable. Someone who isn't fascist to persecute.

You're right that revolutionary Socialism doesn't work, mostly because revolutionary anything sucks donkey-dick. The U.S. got really lucky Washington was a cool dude and didn't let being the dude in charge get to him, because if he wasn't it would have turned out pretty horrible for whoever Washington decided he hated.

In any case, a measure of capitalism is required in any society. People need incentive to work; in an ideal society, this would be luxuries, but needs can and have been in most real-world cases substituted. Stop trying to paint me as a strawman arguing for a complete Stalinization of the planet, because that's not what's happening here.

People in the middle ages weren't that sexually repressed senpai.
That peaked in the victorian era.

She would definitely become a less desirable candidate for marriage, but her family probably wouldn't abandon them. Maybe a father or brother would even chase after the bard to try to get him to take responsibility.

No socialism isn't sustainable. It either runs on plundering the land of the bourgeois, 'kulaks', and 'counter revolutionaries', or plundering the future earnings of the next generation to pay for all of the spending. Where do you think all of the Western government debt comes from? Hint: It's not muh armee

And why exactly is socialism required for a post-scarcity society exactly? If energy, food, water, etc are so cheap they can be given away why does the government need to play middle man? Couldn't people just buy these things for next to nothing?

Bard is perfect rapist class. Look at his skills and spells.

As several anons have already pointed out... there were whores. And barmaids often were. Hell, they were often barmaids in name only to avoid being put into ahigher tax bracket. Learn to history

I never said Socialism was required for post-scarcity, user.

In fact, it was the other way around. You're speedreading again.

What I said was that in a post-scarcity society, two different systems were stable. A socialist system, where the government uses mass production and economies of scale to provide a baseline lifestyle for its people, and a capitalist system, where hopefully the free market takes care of it.

The problem is that people assume it's one or the other when the two systems work best mixed. Completely restraining the market is just as retarded as letting everything run free - either way, you're going to get one super-powerful douchenozzle who decides what the price to recieve something is and then everyone has to suck his dick because he has a monopoly on the means of production.

As far as the debt goes:
1) Gonna need sauce on the graph, because it doesn't line up at all with what I've seen and I go all over the place media-wise.
2) It's partially the military, partially our refusal to pay appropriate taxes for the shit we recieve. Every president for years has promised lower taxes and more free shit, but that kind of thing just isn't sustainable. We could support our stupidly large, wasteful military pretty easily, but it would mean a small raise in taxes and people would flip the fuck out about "muh money". Either we take it from the rich, who decry it as unfair because they totes earned that 4 billion, or we take it from the poor, who decry it as crushing because they're already living on pennies because we haven't given them the proper resources to realize that maybe spending their whole paycheck on white nikes isn't a great financial idea.

Again. We have two major issues: We consume too much, and we need to survive the global warming impact we already see and do our best to mitigate it by going as green as possible (which will be better for us in the long run anyway, so the only reason not to do it is again, muh money).

...

You could also fuck your stepdaughter.