Meanwhile in elven Veeky Forums

Tell me what is it with the "appeal" of fucking and even waifuing and husbandoing humans???

And it's not just "Human Slave, wat do?", as in having a legit romantic relationship and marraige with them.. It boggles me because one: Humans don't live long enough to be with you. They gonna die the moment you reach one-hundred and ten or more. The hairless apes live for only a century, and you're gonna get all sad and depressed when your human husbando or waifu passes away.

Second: they are not as well versed, intelligent or wise as us elves. And you can pretty much see it with the way they talk, the way they act, the way they think, them being materialistic. And most of all just look at those childish "memes" they spew about as part of their culture.

And third, they are complete plebs in magic and the arcane arts in general. And O'm not gonna go into that much detail since well... Just look at 'em again, a human needs five or ten years. FIVE OR TEN FUCKING YEARS, just to fully master simple basic level spells.

Why is waifuing and husbandoing humans such a thing? Explain this fetish to me.

Remember: most human x elf smut is written by humans themselves. It's their way to destroy the foundations of our society. Get a beautiful elven wife and not one of these apes.

Humans learn magic faster than elves, check mate. We could churn out hundreds of casters with anywhere between modest to excellent talent in a couple of years.

This is why you start with free cantrips regardless of class, right?

Sounds like over-estimating goblin-turds to me. Oh and I definitely can tell you're human. Sure you can crash-course magic lessons through maximum overdrive mode. But do you have years? Lots and lots of years to live, hmmm???

>Humans don't live long enough to be with you.

Bingo. Thats it exactly, OP. You are looking at this all wrong, so let me explain.

I fall in love with an elf man, and we care for each other deeply. But only for a time, yes? If our love is the stuff of legend, it will be 800 years or so before we finally grow bored of each other and move on to other interests. Maybe we have children in that time, maybe not. But the good years we spend together inevitably end with decades to centuries of tedium and boredom as we have exhausted every possible conversation with each other.

But a human? They are doomed to wither and die while our love is still in its honeymoon. I will always mourn them, for I never had the time to fall out of love with them. I will always regret the conversations we did not have a chance to have, the things we could not do. All of the best parts of a romance, but leaving me wanting more instead of being tainted by the inevitable stains of spending too much time together.

tldr: Humans have the grace to die before the relationship sours, and lets me get super melancholic about the whole thing for years after, which really helps me with my plays and poetry.

Also, half elf babies are cute.

> tldr: Humans have the grace to die before the relationship sours, and lets me get super melancholic about the whole thing for years after, which really helps me with my plays and poetry.

I've read Errant Story. That doesn't turn out well.

Because elvens are like humans, but more gay and can be easily replaced by normal humans.

Humans claim mastery in magic faster than elves do, yes. But that is largely because humans think they know a lot more than they really do.

A human thinks that being able to cast a fireball is enough to call yourself a wizard. I know BLACKSMITHS that can summon more fire than that. Real wizards don't get to don their mantle until they create a new landscape from pure thought, manifest it into reality, and have it pass inspection by the three councils to have it added to expand the borders of our realm.

Of course, to humans, that land will have always been there. Which just goes to show how limited their magic really is.

Guilty as charged. But you have to admit, that's some prime half-elf lore to steal.

>magic initiate feat
Yeah if they wanted to they could have two cantrips and a spell regardless of class. Point is humans are better at whatever they want to try at than any other race

Oh what special snowflakes you are.

It's okay to be upset elf. Your race is dying out and all your accomplishments will be forgotten in the wake of human innovation

Are you actually masturbating while role-playing like this? Are you self-conscious about this? Just asking.

>Your race is dying out

Nice meme human, coming from someone who's race as witnessed a 10% drop in birthrates thanks to new diseases introduced by pollution caused by your kind. Oh and elven kind has gained 20% increase on birthrates.

> Human "innovation"

Oh, like how you invented tools?

Or weapons?

Architecture, then? Or artistry?

Surely magic. You must have invented magic, right? No?

Gee, its ALMOST as if literally everything humans use are what charitable Elves taught you because we liked you, and your culture and technology hasnt meaningfully advanced since!

People like you are why I am glad we made it taboo to use Guns where humans might find them. You wont be ready for those for a long time.

It's rather too bad they have to relear everything about being civilized every couple of generations. If they could be civilized for more than 20-30 years at a time, they might actually achieve something useful - and long lasting.

Its not all bad. I've been selling tge same book of poems to humans for going on 500 years now. Every time I go back they think its new!

That just means that your poems are that shite, so they don't see any reason to keep and circulate them.

No skin off my back. I didnt write them, I just get money off the humans for them.

Someday all of the humans will be dead, and tokens like these gold coins are going to be valuable reminders of their noble lost civilization. Just you wait.

More of a non-RP response here. But context of the pic please? I know the sauce is already there, but what exactly is this pic supposed to be? Is that pic honestly really an typical lovey-dovey elfxhuman romance pic?

Don't forget how submissive elves are when introduced to slavery

Non-RP response here. Are you retarded?

Fuck you hairless apes.

Sometimes I don't know if HFY/Pelinal-spammers or anime fags are the greatest bane of elf threads.

I'm going to be entirely transparent here, I don't even know what it's from. I swiped it from some thread months ago and forgot I even had it.

user of ...And uhh guys, I think you all must be thinking of the pic i used for my post. No I was talking about OP's pic. That's what I was talking and asking about.

What's the context, and where specifically is it from asides from the DA mark.

...

Got that right, pro-create with elf girls. Disregard human wenches.

It never fails to make me laugh that retards use an image for 'high intelligence' that is from an infomercial dramatization of a brain undergoing a seizure.

You are flobbing around like a fish as your brain misfires. Wow, so smart!

Isn't this, as are so many things, just a case of 'depends on the setting'?

Why don't you ask your grandma?

Please tell us more or at least post more of it/the whole thing human. I'm morbidly curious.

Hello there fellow elves! I'm also an elf and I'm definetly not a human slaver...so yeah what are WE elfs good at if we became servants?...I mean we will never become ones but what if?
...I'am an elf...

I built one of those in my basement

>All this shit talking about humans, especially elf-on-human relationships and the romantic ones/types being all bad

Gee, I wonder who's behind this thread???

Begone shitposting dwarf! No one makes derogatory statements and shitposts against elves just as much as dwarves do.

You mean this thing? We kinda already have them...

'SUP MOTHER FUCKERS. HOP Y'ALL ARE READY TO KILL SOME BASTARDS 'CAUSE IT'S QUARTER PAST 'ELVEN RAMPAGE' O'CLOCK, AND I LOVE TO BE FASHIONABLY LATE.
NOW GRAB YOUR BOWS AND HORSES, WE GOT LESSER RACES TO SHAME

Nah I prefer just manipulating them into fighting each other
Fighting them is too much of a bother if you ask me

You see this is why humans lash out, you go giving them the biggest inferiority complex through the inseason bullying and you just breed new generations of assholes with something to prove

This!

Now this guy has the right idea, always send a little support to the side you want to win, gives you a nice little buffer and maybe a trading partner in peace times, and it makes you look good to the other lesser races, a few "mentorships" later and you have some pedegree humans and such for the next show, all well groomed and trained.

>He doesn't want to show up in the nick of time to save the round-ear's villages from demons and such, driving their men mad with jealousy and their women directly onto his finely toned lap
Malekith get out of your stupid fucking tower you virgin. Your whore Mother riding that firepit you call a face doesn't count as finding a woman.

>Elves
>Honestly believing they have the monopoly on longevity
>MFW

Oh, I seem to have misinterpreted your meaning, I was this guy

Shhh, it lets them feel special and fleshed out, fellow user.
Just let them have this feeling.

We don't have to lose our souls to do it, we do die eventually bit at least we still get an afterlife you dumb fuck

Undead, pls go and stay go

But undeath literally is the afterlife you pointy eared dingbat.

I did not come to this thread to be bitched at by self deluded skeletons who think they can't be unmade

Sure thing Tyrion, tell me how's your daughter?
Still missing?Still dead?

HAHAHA! Holy shit, what is that?

Is that even a gun? You have to reload it after every shot! And... gods above, are you shooting BALLS out of this thing? Do you have any idea how innaccurate that is? Holy shit, I think you actually have to light the fuse for it every time.

I take it back. Humans can invent things after all. You must have made this yourselves, because if you had copied this from an elvish design it wouldnt be so fucking bad.

Why do you faggot gotta go bringing up the old hatreds. The rest of us got over it, get with the program gramps

And souls can be unmade, what's your point? Tat things can be unmade? Congrats you discovered the big secret of the world.
Unlike your definition of afterlife, we actually get to do things and continue on with our goals.

Well we are working on upgrading it, but these things take time...
And we can always use massed volleys

I've come to terms with that. Meanwhile, you're still a burnt piece of meat who's only ever slept with his mother, and even that was out of pity for you rather than love. I bet she enjoyed being mounted by a Squig more than having you in bed.

Dorf here, and honestly I've seen worse, and he came up with that in half the time I've seen elven techs come up with their guns, like seriously, you dithered away until you had fucking ARs and shit, these guys don't get that luxary so they gotta plonk out what they can make in the space of a life time.

Also Dwarven coilguns will be wrecken all ya'll

>Losing your soul
>What is a phylactery

I know exactly where my soul is. It's safe and sound, locked up and guarded by my loyal, unwavering minions, and some fucking nasty traps.

I mean, if you ever want to try and take it, the actual site is easy enough to find. Just ask the local peasants about the "Tomb of horrors", they can direct you, and I'm always in need of new muscle.

Uhgg I'll take a thousand HFY hijacks over a fucking Lich Hijack

Baring related images have my granny

Dorf again, we got our orbital cameras already on that shit, got some nice surprises for your if you think you can start causing a fuss

...

>Implying we need to go into your stupid Tomb to destroy that Phylactery

No one believes you, man. Everyone knows the dwarves went extinct when their space program tried to launch their first rocket from underground. Burnt everything in those tunnels to a crisp.

I had friends in those tunnels.

>Elf posting pictures of humans doing magic
Literally fucking cucked

>burning skeletons

You do know we just play along, right? ...Right?

Besides, whaddya suppose happens when that big ol' explosion collides with a Sphere of Annihilation?

Look at the helmets, idiot. Thats 8th Reign Elvish style.

All because you cant see the ears doesnt automatically make it a human. You people are so desperate for something to call your own, youll take credit for anything...

You do know that I'm married to all sorceresses of Nagaroth, right?
Ah well I couldn't expect you to be educated, after all that's what your cripple of a brother is for, to do thinking for you

Of course the Human's doing magic. We're back in our palace sipping wine and telling jokes while the strippers gjve us back massages.
You're not the only one with minions, you twat.
They don't need to burn the skeletons, just burn far enough down to roast that Phylactery and make the rest disperse. And if it does hit the Sphere, then that just means we don't have to pay those idiots some fancy baubles when they're done.

user that's from a warcraft book and an image relating to how eves taught humans magic and then humans promptly BTFO elves in the use of magic in war by decimating the Amani trolll empire.
I know you elfcucks are very desperate in trying to better yourselves but you should at least try! Try elf, try!

I counter with Anti-Magic

>You do know that I'm married to all sorceresses of Nagaroth, right?
Yes, and they all prefer being boned by Khornate Daemons than you. Good luck finding a virgin in that whore house of a city.

Bruh don't do this I'm already in the hot tub. Diruvial got fucking Drow strippers for us and they'll be here in a few minutes. Just make the humans think they killed you, they'll die off soon enough.

Genetics, brother.

The child of a human/elf pairing will always be the species of the mother, but will retain some traits from their father. In other words, a 'half-elf' with an elf mother is just an elf with somewhat better constitution, whereas a 'half-elf' with human mother is a human with abnormally sharp senses and a longer-than-average lifespan.

Obviously, this means that elvish men have little reason to bother with human females, as their offspring will be strictly inferior to themselves. Elvish women, however, can add useful traits to to their genepool by bearing the children of a human father. This is why humans are primarily a female fantasy.

Also, they're disposable.

You raise an excellent point

>t. Arwen

Drow Stripper Quads. Best kind of Quads.

ready for that drow tiddy

Sure thing, sure thing, now go and swing your sword at your problems until they go away, I have a kingdom to rule

>Every generation a new lich rises up and threatens the land
>It's actually just a single lich that nobody can find the actual Phylactery for, and he just resurfaces with a new name when nobody who can recognize him is left

...

>this thread
>MFW

WHAT I had no idea that such a thing exists.

Well, apparently an elf thread is a free for all where you can butt in as whatever you want and shitpost away. Now I see no reason to hold back whenever you try to have fun.

>implying anyone respects Elves
>Implying elves were being homogenous and decent
>implying OP didn't bring this upon himself with superiority shitposting

I think you have the wrong idea about these round ears.

Bought a bunch of human slaves to work in my kitchen, and now there's constant yelling day-in and day-out, and my house feels like a warzone.
3/10 still better than dwarven slaves

...

>>implying OP didn't bring this upon himself with superiority shitposting
And then you do the same thing with skeletons that you can't even play in traditional games yourself.

We have constantly threads where the OP implies that his topic race is the greatest for the sake of the thread and everyone participating that are interested in the topic. But no fun allowed in elf threads. But shitposting and derailing, that is okay!

Being fair, I'd probably go and post in those two, but I'm not as much of a regular as I should be on Veeky Forums, and this thread seemed like it was just gonna be race banter. I mean, if I legitimately misread the tone, my apologies. I just thought we were all pretending to be retarded. I mean, it's Veeky Forums.

Apology accepted. Let me just say that usually the same style of thread but with "let's pretend we are dwarves/orcs/necromancers" tend to be much slower and more civil. Nothing against some banter as long as it's not shitposting. Though the same style of thread with elves instead is usually ten times faster. Not because there are more genuine elf fans around here, but everyone else feels the need to shitpost in it. And this is how you create cynic elf-fags on Veeky Forums.

If it makes you feel better, I'm actually playing an elf character in a 5th Ed game. GM is doing things a little differently, and aiming for a more story driven game, rather than stat heavy, and so is trying to keep direct rolling to a minimum.

I'm quite enjoying this character, he's a Thief (I refuse to call him "Rogue, this isn't WoW) that I'm playing as a total rake. He's completely confident in his own charm and wit, even to the point of being purposefully tongue-in-cheek about it. Come level 2, I'm going to start taking levels in Bard, and developing him further as a sort of entertainer meets trickster.

That sounds nice user, have fun! Often playing the race yourself makes you appreciate them in some way, since you will try to have fun in your style.

Yeah, I've never really given the bard thing a go before, but I've kinda been struck with the inspiration stick. The whole getting access to cantrips has been interesting, and I'm finding ways to use Prestidigitation, and eventually things like Minor Illusion, as an extension of my character, rather than a fix all tool.

5th Edition Elves, I see kinda like Fae. They use magic like we breath, and whether they develop these talents or not, it's going to touch upon pretty much everything they're involved in.

So, as an example, I used Prestidigitation to fake the taste and smell of spices I'd sadly lacked whilst making a dinner for the party, I've explained out of character that part of the reason my character is so good at stealth is because he's using Prestidigitation to create something of a Camo effect across his armor and skin (Pic related, was inspiration). But I'm not looking to use this to cheese extra points or rewards, so much as to fluff out the character, how he covers his flaws, or why he's skilled at things.

That's just what the damn dwarves want you to think, it's a conspiracy I tell ya

yeah...

we lied elfanon, the space program was a complete success and we really don't care about coming back

our Dwarven Citadels fly through space mining asteroid fields and charting new worlds

and we're not sorry, you were a dick who told dwarf jokes, never split the bill when we went out to eat and never used a coaster on my antique table during game night so fuck you

Yo my boyz, hop in the Wild Hunt and let's spirit away some humans for like 3 seconds just to return them as fucking mummies

Also
>Muh human waifus
Fuck off with that weak shit m8, real elves date fairys

Heard one half-elf soldier managed to nab him self a human waifu once.

Where to commander?

Let's see here... have you heard of uuuh... By Akhelbhen how do you pronounce this? Gër-many?!

So we got artificial elven substitutes engineered by my colleague in the wizardly school of crimes against nature on my home plane, but peeking around in my extraplanar scrying crystal I see that other planes have them evolved naturally, which just seems bizarre to me. So tell me, what are REAL elves like?