Goblins

>Goblins
>Little green midgets with bad teeth and flapping ears
>Not hulking hairy tusked behemoths with twin throats, cat eyes, and killer singing voices

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You mean trolls?

Nah mean, THESE are trolls.

We don't want to go to war today, but the lord of the lash says nay nay nay! We're gonna march all day, all day, all day! Where there's a whip there's a way! Left, right!

A crack on the back says we're gonna fight! We're gonna march all day, all night, and more! For we are the slaves of the Dark Lord's war! Left, right, left, right. Where there's a whip there's a way!

Those were orcs, user. The goblins sang about fifteen birds in five fir trees.

You know they're largely the same in lotr, right?

Yeah, but why miss a chance to indulge in some pedantic quibbling?

Why were there so many feline monsters in the old tolkien movies?

>Fifteen Birds in Five Fir Trees

I taught my nephews (ages 6 and 7) that song at a family get together and got them to climb up in a tree while I pretended to be a goblin.

>Our faces when their mom got mad that I was teaching them a gory song.

>Goblin King
>always the loudest, fattest Goblin
>not David Bowie

But that's like the perfect age for stories about fighting evil goblins and shit.

>hulking hairy tusked behemoths with twin throats, cat eyes, and killer singing voices
>not varied deformities, constantly squabbling, and creepy singing voices

People getting high on cats?

Tolkien straight up hated cats, dude. Check out all the stuff related to the Prince of Cats.

>tfw i like cute gobbos and always imagine them as WoW gnomes but with the palette+ears of WoW goblins

i don't even know how to describe this feel
why is my mental image of gobbos so completely off when compared to more traditional depictions?

The Hobbit cartoon is legitimately great. Great art and quite faithful to the book. The only glaring flaw being the awful forest elves, I don't know how they fucked that up.

The Lord of the Rings cartoon though, is pretty lame.

that's a jew

youtube.com/watch?v=ogTDa-vG2MQ

This will explain everything

>David Bowie leading the goblins from LotR
Man, that certainly would have made the movies pretty fuckin' different.

So goblins have a sense a humor whereas orcs don't?

It's called being a weird goober. You weird goober, you.

Too much porn

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh2sWSVRrmo

>Too much porn

Just imagine what could have been

The movies were great. Still better than the live action ones.

I actually like the movie elves better. They were villainous little shits, and looked the part.

I think there's already enough gay Legolas fanfiction without adding David Bowie in tight pants to the equation.

>IT IS THE YEAR 30XX OF OUR LORD, SATAN
>DAVID BOWIE'S REANIMATED HOLOGRAM IS THE STAR OF THE SILMARILLION REMAKE BY KING-DIRECTOR JAK'SUN

I know. I burned up three cassette tapes of the Hobbit by that age. Their mom is one of those "No Fun Allowed" religious types. No video games, no action shows, nothing that a boy should have. Thank goodness me and their other uncle are cool enough to make sure they get to be boys. They weren't even allowed to see the original Star Wars until me and their other uncle let them watch the movies at our respective houses.

A last summer, when they were 8 and 9 I took them to a nearby creek and we explored, caught frogs, a turtle, and a (non-venomous) snake. When I took them home their mom had a conniption fit over it. She was all worried about ticks and shit, even though I had both them slathered in repellent and in a rare case of me really thinking ahead, got them a set of clothes to muck about in so I didn't even "ruin" clothes she bought for them.

Their mother is such a bitch and their dad is so whipped by the harpy he doesn't say anything. At least they know their Uncles D and J will take them on adventures.

Who are these MISERABLE persons?

Not quite OT but good on you user for being one of the more traditional open parental like figures in this day and age. We need more like you and your fellow uncle.

We need more people like you to inspire magic into the youth.

Keep trucking user.

Stop masturbating.

you are the hero that childhood needs

...

Cute and sexy goblins are the only goblins for me. They can be other things too, like vicious or noble, evil buggers or misguided good guys, any number of things or all of them. But they have to also be cute and sexy/

Cancer

At least I'm honest. I like what I like.

You and other uncle are literally the only things preventing those kids from turning into whipped fags themselves. Never stop.

>you are the hero that childhood needs
So much this.

Also, that phrase sounds like the hook for a pretty cool campaign of some sort.

...

something something engine heart toy story campaign maybe?

May your camel never spit, user

10/10

You sound like a very lovely uncle user, please don't go on a trip to Syria.

youtube.com/watch?v=0acFyeCu-po