Rogue pickpockets

>Rogue pickpockets
>roll 20
>He stole his target's soul

You roll percentile dice to pickpocket, retard.

>Fighter rolls a 20
>He cuts the planet in half
>*laughter all around*
>No, really, he did it; you're all dead from the magma and earthquakes

nat 20 stopped being a funny meme, please stop

>Rogue pickpockets
>Rolls a natural 20
>Steals the targets pocket

>Rogue pickpockets
>rolls 20
>Steals Johnny's stupid comments

>paladin smites evil
>rolls 20
>smites all the evil everywhere, and everywhen, removing all evil that was or will be, ending the campaign in a single smite.

>Attempt to align all my subatomic strings in such a way that my matter passes through the matter of the cell wall
>Natural 20

>He stole his target's soul
I do kind of like that concept for something like the god of thieves. He has moved beyond physical objects and can steal happiness, emotions, and concepts.

>The thief god stole your sense of happiness, you fall into a deep depression and the thief is significantly happier
>The thief god stole your knowledge of magic, you lost all magical knowledge and he gains it all
>The thief god stole the religion you followed, now you see him as the founder of your religion and pray to him

>Player rolls to roll a 20
>Rolls a 20

>Rogue pickpockets the Paladin
>Steals a letter she kept saying was really important.
>Its reads
>You pickpocketed my heart

>Rogue pickpockets roll20
>autists have to socially interact at LGS or over audio discord and the hobby collapses

That's cute

My my, isn't that convenient?

Is Carmen Sandiego simply a PC having the biggest luck streak ever?

I have a real, genuine, disgust for the, "roll 20 something cartoonish happens".

It's basically the symbol for every single entry-level, "doesn't actually play dnd", kind of individual who doesn't know anything about tabletop games beyond the vague notion it's some sort of 'game of calvinball played with dice' and how much they love dorkly-tier-big-bang-theory 'geek' culture.

I acknowledge this is how some people start and enter into the hobby and it becomes a genuine and fleshed out love and awareness, but all of this sort of shit is so vapid and childish and so unhealthy for the actual game, christ. I'm not gonna get up on a gamestore counter and "reee" about it, but boy howdy does it annoy me enough to rant about it on an anonymous mongolian tapestry forum.

My issue is you get people who want to try playing, then they roll a 20 and find out they still fail and lose their shit or act like an ass about it the rest of the (likely) only session they'll ever play.

I have a real, genuine, disgust for the, "call Veeky Forums any unlikely combination of hobby and natinality".

It's basically the symbol for every single entry-level, "doesn't actually lurk Veeky Forums", kind of individual who doesn't know anything about boards beyond the vague notion it's some sort of 'anonimous forum' and how much they love dorkly-tier-meme-of-the-week 'dank' culture.

I acknowledge this is how some people start and enter into the board and it becomes a genuine and fleshed out love and awareness, but all of this sort of shit is so vapid and childish and so unhealthy for the actual forum, christ. I'm not gonna get up on /b/ and "reee" about it, but boy howdy does it annoy me enough to rant about it on Veeky Forums.

Shouldn't you be in another thread complaining about scythe?

...

>failing on 20
why roll then

If they fail on a 20 the gm made a mistake about asking for a roll in the first place. There's no point in rolling if a PC can't possibly succeed, and the player is right to be salty if some shitty gm told him to make an impossible roll instead of just telling him no.

>rolling when you can't succeed
for what purpose?
If you want to avoid railroad accusations, you just played yourself further, because now it looks like you tried and failed covering yourself.

Just explain to them that the action they're taking is fucking retarded. If they can persuade you to take a chance, roll with the punches. If they won't budge, good riddance to them.

Saying "you can't ever do it" makes other players assume they can't do it either. If the Fighter asks if he can pick a lock and picks up the d20, the GM should ask if they have thieve's tools or wish to take the penalty, even if the GM suspects the fighter has no ranks in Disable Device or Toolkit and is never going to open that masterwork lock. Because who knows if the Oracle is going to cast a spell that lets him reroll using the oracle's caster level as their skill ranks or some other batshit...or it might just inspire the rogue to get off his keester and do his job rather than "stay in stealth incase combat happens!"

>then they roll a 20 and find out they still fail

When the outcome is already certain, there is no need to roll dice.

...

>roll 20 to pickpocket
>steal the GM's misconceptions about how skill rolls work

>user posts
>rolls 20 to persuade
>all shitty "LE EPIC NAT TWENTEE XD XD XD" threads disappear forever, even from every archive too
Maximum justice.

"And that's how I defeated the dumbest lich in the world."

>god of thieves. He has moved beyond physical objects and can steal happiness, emotions, and concepts.
This is objectively a better topic than Nat 20 shitposting. So: what can your setting's God of theft/mischief/etc steal, and are they a better thief than Carmen San Diego

>when you pickpocket some else's post

...

>Roll before announcing my character's action or intent
>NATURAL 20
>point at the table with the cry of triumph
>HAHA DM LOOK, I ROLLED A 20, I DO [a thing]

Natural 20s happen too often to treat them as Herculean feats.

d100 minimum

The fighter just needs to use the heavier lockpick

Got, the god of thieves has steals everything that's lost or forgotten. Your left sock, the pen you JUST put down, Atlantis, the reason you walked into the kitchen.

Because if it's for Got, then why shouldn't Got take it?

>Bard rolls seduction.
>Natural 20.
>Learns to love himself.

This. The idea of having a 1/20 chance of talking the king into abdicating in favour of you is absurd for example.

...

>Fighter rolls for attack
>natural 20
>does maximum damage

>not rolling for damage twice

Maybe you should find a more obscure hobby to gatekeep? Tapestry-weaving might actually work

Because the GM gets sexually aroused by that.

>OP makes this thread
>Roll 20
>It still fucking sucks

Because if you just say they no then many players will shit themselves and start screaming and crying about railroading. For some reason if you let them roll and they fail on a 20 that doesn't happen, just some minor bitching.

>many players will shit themselves and start screaming and crying
Not the ones I've experienced.

My GM was upfront and communicated well, outside of game sessions, about the new approach regarding die rolls and why it makes sense. We talked through the circumstances under which he is not likely to not call for die rolls, made the case for it in a coherent manner, and he made sure to have our understanding and buy-in.

But if you just start springing "no you can't you're retarded" or "no you autofail" on them with no warning, dialogue, or takebacks mid-session after years of doing things another way, then of course you're going to have hurt feelings. You basically changed the rules on them midstream without telling them beforehand.

I have a real, genuine, disgust for the, "I have a real, genuine, disgust posts".
It's basically the symbol for every single entry-level, "I will attempt to be witty and humorous", kind of individual who doesn't know anything about making fun of something beyond the vague notion it's some sort of 'surprising incongruence' and how much they love dorkly-tier-I-will-now-revisit-the-punchline-I-did-half-an-hour-ago 'standup' culture.
I acknowledge this is how some people start and enter into being funny and it becomes a genuine and fleshed out love and awareness, but all of this sort of shit is so vapid and childish and so unhealthy for actual merriment, christ. I'm not gonna get in front of an open mic and "reee" about it, but boy howdy does it annoy me enough to rant about it on Veeky Forums.

It's a roll-under system you faggot

>these effects can only be channeled by his priests
>full casters win yet again

>rollplaying

Not for 17 years now. Nearly half the total lifespan of D&D.